Name: Everyone Is Exhausted With Israel #389
Uploaded: 2024-04-24T16:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everyone Is Exhausted With Israel #389' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everyone Is Exhausted With Israel #389' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-24. Transcript available.

Israel has exhausted everybody, everybody at the State Department.
I speak to a lot of people.
I'm not saying I know things you don't, but I do.
I don't know a lot of things you don't, but I know I speak to maybe certain
people that
you don't speak to who go, everybody is exhausted right now with Israel at the
State Department.
Most people are exhausted.
Everybody's kind of at the end of their rope.
They're at the end of their rope.
They're going like, hey, hey, girl.
Hey, girl.
I mean, you know what it is?
It's the friend who just won't stop with the photos.
Line up over there.
Line up.
Everyone line up.
It's my day.
Hey, hey.
Sasha, come here.
Come here.
Listen, your parents are getting tired.
Your mother is a cancer survivor.
She just wants to sit down.
Line up.
It's my day.
We're doing photos.
It's a bridezilla.
It's too much.
It's just not, you know?
And I know the anti-Semitism is bad, but talking about it will make it worse.
Please pipe down about it a little bit because it makes it worse to keep
running your mouth about it.
The anti-Semitism.
Yes, yes, yes.
There are people in the world that do not like Jews.
Okay?
Several continents.
That's not ideal.
That's not ideal.
But talking about endlessly bringing it up.
It's not helping.
Ignore it.
Pretend they like you.
Pretend they like you.
Because they kind of like you.
Saudi Arabia kind of likes you a little.
Not their people, but their leaders do.
Qatar, you know.
Jordan and Egypt are kind of like.
Like, you don't need, like this whole, like, everyone in the world is against
me.
They're against me.
It's like, we got to change that.
Because it's exhausting.
Everybody's tired of it.
It's tiring.
You'd hate it.
You'd hate it if it never ended.
So, my advice is to everybody, again, let's take it down.
Let's take, let's take, we got the Olympics come.
Hey, idiots.
We got the Olympics coming up.
Everybody better get the Olympics.
The Olympics are coming.
Let's be nice.
You're telling me, the opening ceremony of the Olympics.
If you, I'm telling you right now.
Is this the Winter Olympics or the Summer?
I really don't know what's happening.
Yeah, right.
It's good.
Summer.
The Summer Olympics.
I was going to say something about figure skating, but that's not going to work
now.
So, I have to find something.
Synchronized swimming.
If Israel and Palestine do a synchronized swimming at the Olympics in Paris,
and everybody is in, because everybody is, we let beauty win.
We let beauty win.
We let beauty win.
We get a bunch of hot Israelis and hot Palestinians, the ones that are left,
and we get them, you know, good-looking tan, not with the huge noses.
I don't love that, but enough of a nose to know where they're from, right?
We get them.
They're hot, and we make them practice together,
and they do a beautiful synchronized swimming event at the Paris.
Because the Paris Olympics, by the way,
they might scale down the opening ceremonies because everybody is trying to
blow it up.
Get that article up.
Emmanuel Macron.
Emmanuel Macron, the leader of Paris, who everyone keeps saying his wife's a
man,
but I don't think she is.
She's just an unfortunate-looking woman.
Now, this guy keeps going, hey, we're trying to do the Olympics here,
and everybody is trying to blow it up.
And this is what I say to Israel.
I go, guys, can we have a f***ing Olympic Games without you being nuts?
Please.
How about the hostages are returned at the Olympics?
Bring them at the Olympic Games.
Hamas comes out with the hostages.
At the Olympics.
There's no imagination anymore in this f***ing world.
That's why nothing can ever get done.
Because nobody has any theatrical imagination.
Nobody understands the power of an image.
And the image of the, imagine this, the Olympic torch, right?
The hostages come out with it.
Hamas brings out the hostages.
And they have the torches.
And they light, and they light the Olympic torch.
And it's over.
And it's over.
And it's a century of peace.
Can we get, can someone try to make that happen?
Can some, is that not?
And not, if I worked at the State Department, I would say,
can we do this at the Olympics?
Let's do it at the Olympics.
Get those tunnels open.
We're here at the Olympics.
You know?
We do an Edith Piaf, that song.
You know?
La Vie and Rose or whatever.
They come out at the Olympics.
The hostages are eating baguettes.
Because it's fun.
Because it's France.
They come out, they have croissants.
They have croissants.
They, you know, they look tough.
They've been in the tunnel for a while.
But we get them, dress them up.
We have the top makeup people.
Top people, right?
But of course, the Palestinian people are also, have to be there.
You know?
They have to be involved.
And, um, you're telling me it's not a powerful moment?
These two countries, that up until a week ago, were literally, all they wanted
was the other one to be dead.
Now, these Israeli hostages are out.
And they, they would, in Ohio, somewhere in Ohio, you would hear the, you would
hear, you, I always do the southern accent.
It's not Ohio, but, you know, honey, you're not going to believe this.
Get in here.
What?
Come here.
I don't like the Olympics.
I'm watching my psychic program.
Come in here now.
Fine.
They got the Israeli hostages, they're at, they're at the Olympics.
What?
Remember the hostages that were in the tunnel?
They're at the Olympics.
What's in their hands?
Baguettes.
Why?
Because it's f***ing pants.
This is f***ing pants.
All right.
Anything else?
No.
People around the country would believe in magic again.