Name: TikTok Ban Is The Government's Way To Control The Information #390
Uploaded: 2024-05-02T14:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'TikTok Ban Is The Government's Way To Control The Information #390' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'TikTok Ban Is The Government's Way To Control The Information #390' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-02. Transcript available.

I get it.
It has.
They're all trans.
They're all fat.
The f*** files in this country don't even know what to do.
They're d***y boombannies and fatty boombannies.
They're all 400-pound communists
who don't know what genitals they have
and which ones they want to cut off and chop off.
I get it.
And they're also asking very uncomfortable questions
about why we seem to be all over the world
killing people all the time.
Our Bean, like other young people contacted for this story,
wonders if the TikTok ban is an effort
to control the information that young people are receiving.
I hate to say it, and it sounds like a conspiracy theory,
but I do feel as though the U.S. government
is trying to snuff the people and their voice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got it.
You got it.
They don't want the questions.
They don't want these questions.
Because you have to have these long conversations with your children.
You know, sit down.
Honey, sit down.
You know how much me and your father love you.
You know how much we love you.
And we want to make sure that you understand everything.
Okay?
Now, you came downstairs in tears,
asking us,
why did that baby get shot in its face?
Honey, sometimes there are questions we don't have the answers to.
We don't have the answers to.
You ever just look out at the moon and the stars?
I don't know why the sun rises every day, but it does.
And we bask in its warm glow.
We bask in its warm glow.
We don't know why that beautiful moon comes out every night and enchants our
yard with moonlight.
And we certainly don't know why that baby had to get shot in its face.
But all we can hope is that if we shoot enough babies in the face, listen to me.
Listen to your mother.
Listen to your mother.
Listen to your mother who loves you.
Listen to mommy.
Mommy wants your attention.
If we shoot enough babies in the face,
then eventually babies won't have to worry about getting shot in the face.
Do you understand that?
We're going to shoot enough babies so that eventually no babies will get shot.
Do you get that?
Not really.
Oh, you're so young.
You're so young and innocent.
I'm a cold old whore.
Your mother's a cold old whore.
I am not even attracted to your father anymore.
When he climbs on top of me and puts his half-hard penis in my old cobweb-filled
vagina,
I just close my eyes and wait for it to end.
The only happiness I have is when I take three or four glasses of Pinot Grigio
to the head
and I get away with driving home drunk and I masturbate thinking of women.
But I'll tell you this right now.
I have learned to not ask questions like you.
And you will too.
When you're my age and you're in a relationship with a man you don't love,
and you, when he climbs on top of you with his stinking breath,
and he inserts his penis into your vagina, you know,
and you're just laying on that bed,
praying that one day you have the strength to kill him or yourself or both,
you will understand why far away a baby has to get shot in the face.
That's what, that's really what it's coming down to.