Name: Europe Doesn't Want Our Waffle House Fights #390
Uploaded: 2024-05-03T16:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Europe Doesn't Want Our Waffle House Fights #390' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Europe Doesn't Want Our Waffle House Fights #390' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-03. Transcript available.

You're starting to notice certain American things are creeping into Europe,
like people eating really late.
And, you know, Europe is always kind of late, like it's later than America.
Like a lot of restaurants in France open at 7 p.m. and people eat till 11.
OK, but America, we all know, food is available, you know, usually throughout
the night, throughout the night.
And Milan poised to ban ice cream pizza and more after midnight, after new
proposed law.
Because really what they're noticing and what they're saying to themselves is
people will behave badly if given the opportunity.
Covering 12 districts, the proposal would ban all takeaway food, including
pizza and drink after midnight in an effort to clamp down on noisy groups crowding
on the streets of the Italian city, keeping local residents up.
So what's happening is, is a bunch of drunk people are gathering in the streets
and they're getting a kebab or a scoop of ice cream.
And the people in Italy are like, I'm trying to just go to bed and remember the
good old days when this country was run by Mussolini and we had a future.
But now 25 to 30 percent of our young people are unemployed.
They live with their families forever.
There's nothing going on.
OK, and so they're out there getting drunk and eating ice cream instead of
joining the war.
They need a world.
By the way, all these European countries, they're like they are chomping at the
bit.
A lot of them need a little bit of a world war.
And so do we.
The proposal would be effective until mid-May and last until November because
the summers get wild.
A lot of tourists come into these places.
And they start showing the Italians how it's done.
Here's how it's done.
America, the amount of fighting that goes on at these late night food places is
amazing.
I mean, it's famous to watch these Denny's fights, these Waffle House fights.
People go out to diners late at night.
They're on the boardwalk in Atlantic City and they're all lining up to eat.
And they decide something runs, something rubs them the wrong way.
And they start killing each other.
And Italy watches that and goes, we don't want that.
We don't want a bunch of people throwing hash browns at each other at 3 a.m.
How do we stop it?
Can we stop people from getting on the table and throwing hash browns at each
other?
Is there a law that we can introduce so that we can, because they know what's
coming.
Sure, it's a couple of scoops of gelato at midnight.
That's fine.
But they know what's coming later on, which is full wars in our restaurants at
2 or 3 in the morning.
Wars.
I mean, people trying to kill each other late at night.
And they know it.
They see it.
People in Italy watch people at Denny's beat the living s*** out of each other.
They watch brawl after brawl.
People are getting choked out and put to sleep on the floor of a Perkins.
And Italy is going, is this our future?
People are picking up those Waffle House metal chairs and bludgeoning other
people with it.
And Italy goes, you know what?
Let's stop this.
Let's cut this out.
Let's stop this now.
And I get it.
I get it.
I mean, it's easy to say, well, what about freedom?
But this is freedom.
Freedom is the freedom to crack someone over the head with a napkin holder at 2
to 3 a.m.
You really believe in freedom when you're young.
And as you get older, you start to realize there's some pitfalls.
There's some negatives to it, to be honest.
One of the negatives of freedom is that people will use it to take a chair at
their local Waffle House and skull somebody with it at 1 in the morning because
they're unhappy for whatever reason.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Why aren't these people happy?
They're eating pancakes at 3 a.m.
You'd think they'd be happy.
But you add drugs.
You add poverty.
You add other things that are, you know, people, perhaps social media gets
added to the mix.
People pop and s*** about each other.
And Italy's looking at all this, and it's just really an exclusively American
phenomenon.
Most people in other countries aren't really killing each other at breakfast
restaurants.
There's not many, you can't really point to, like, a ton of brawls in Swedish
pancake, you know what I mean?
Like, there's just not a lot of them.
But here in America, we are famous for a brawl.
And a brawl with breakfast food is, for whatever reason, is more disturbing.
Like, people that are eating pancakes and decide to kill each other, it's
somehow more disturbing.
I went with Sam Talent to a nice little spot in Sweden for Swedish meatballs
and pancakes.
And we sat, we ate, and we left.
At no point did I or Sam or any of the residents in the restaurant decide to
pick up a chair,
a napkin holder, a drink, a fork, and try to kill someone.
But in America, this is a pretty common occurrence.
I've never been around for something like this that happened live.
But this happens quite a lot.
And I think Italy's starting to go, well, can we stop this before it starts?
Can we stop this before people start losing their mind?
I don't know.