Name: Eurovision & Jerry Seinfeld's Pop-Tart Movie | The Tim Dillon Show #392
Uploaded: 2024-05-16T16:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Eurovision & Jerry Seinfeld's Pop-Tart Movie | The Tim Dillon Show #392' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Eurovision & Jerry Seinfeld's Pop-Tart Movie | The Tim Dillon Show #392' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

Eurovision & Jerry Seinfeld's Pop-Tart Movie | The Tim Dillon Show #392

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
We are sorry we missed last week.
I was at the Kill Tony show at the Forum in L.A.
What an epic night of comedy.
I believe you can still purchase that for the Netflix is a joke festival.
I appreciate that.
I was in the elevator with the CEO of Netflix.
And I, you know, was very, he shook my hand.
He said, people say nice things about you.
And I said, thank you.
And I was in the car, in the elevator with my agent.
And I was just telepathically saying my agent just don't say anything.
And he didn't.
Well, the CEO was a very nice guy.
You know, we have a lot of fun with people on the show.
And you never know who's upset or not.
We don't know.
We'll revisit that later.
Because we've got to talk about a few things I don't want to talk about.
We've got to talk about this new Seinfeld film.
And I don't want to do it.
This is not the part of the job I really enjoy doing, to be quite honest with
you.
Because I love and respect many people in that film.
I do have to discuss it, though.
I actually have to talk about it.
It's happening.
It's something that is happening in the culture.
That film, Unfrosted, the story of the Pop-Tart.
I have to discuss it.
And I think he gave a great commencement speech at Duke.
And there was only a few young kids that walked out.
And the media acted like everybody walked out.
Like, the entire crowd got up and, you know, jeered at Jerry Seinfeld.
And then, you know, stormed out of the graduation.
But that's not what happened.
There was a few kids that were, you know, protesting him, I guess, for being
Jewish.
Because it's not like he was doing a commencement speech going, kill them all.
You know?
That's not what he was doing.
He wasn't up there being like, they shouldn't even get aid.
Like, that's not what he was doing.
Why would they get aid?
Humanitarian aid.
I can't really even.
But the point is, he's not doing that.
He's just talking about, you know, political correctness or whatever he's on
now.
And I think he made a lot of good points about, you're going to need your sense
of humor.
You're going to need your sense of humor.
And a couple of people laughed and they got mad.
But I thought he did a great job.
But we got to discuss that movie.
Because, I mean, the scenes I've seen, here's what I would say.
In Gaza right now, I have seen some of the most horrible things that I have
ever seen on my phone.
You look at your phone and you see children crushed by rubble, bleeding.
I mean, any moral person cannot look at these images and not be affected.
This Pop-Tart thing, worse, worse, somehow, more disturbing.
It's actually more disturbing than the Gaza images.
And they are bad.
I just said that.
I just said that.
So don't come at me and yell at me now.
I just told you, these images are, I've never seen anything and they're all
over the place and they're on your phone.
This would have changed the way people felt about the Iraq war.
If you were in the grocery store and there was a live feed from Abu Ghraib
prison where they were, you know, torturing people.
And you were at the deli counter in the grocery store and you were going, I
have pound of cracked pepper turkey.
You know, then you got to stand there while they do it.
And you can't look too impatient because you have to go, well, you know, I'm a
lucky guy that I don't do this.
Right.
That's a whole game at the deli counter.
You can't look too impatient.
You have to take stock of the choices you've made and went, well, you know,
that's right.
You know, everybody will, they'll come out of this.
They'll come out of this deli counter life and they'll go somewhere else, I'm
sure.
But you know, that's not happening, but you just got to stand there anyway and
kind of go, I have pound.
And then you can't yell the next one until they finish, you know, because they
give you a look.
If you're like, and some ham, no, you just, no, no, no, I'll get it.
Well, well, no worries.
Don't worry.
And then there's someone next to you and you're all holding numbers.
You're like, did they go?
It's a whole thing.
But if in that, during that process, when you were trying to figure out how
quickly can I yell the next meet at this, you know, probably now person with
Down syndrome now that's working.
How quickly can I yell the next meet at this, this thing behind the counter so
that I don't look bad, you know, sometimes you go and you yell three meets and
the person with Down syndrome is just like, damn.
And I go, yeah, that's right.
You're right.
I'm wrong.
It's true.
If during that time you pulled out your phone, let's say it's 2004 and you were
just, you know, or 2003, 4, 5, whatever, and you pull out your phone and you
just saw a live feed of torture from Abu Ghraib.
Just these naked guys that were shivering and pissing and shitting themselves
and being beaten by guards and being woken up in the middle of the night and
screaming and having night terrors and then being stacked up on top of each
other.
All the while you were waiting at the deli counter for a cracked pepper turkey,
maybe a honey turkey, a boar's head ham, a black forest ham, whatever the case
may be, a pound of macaroni salad, pound of potato salad.
If you were waiting at the deli counter and you were just watching people being,
I mean, you hear screams.
If you take your phone out now on any app, by the way, I don't even, I'm not
even on TikTok like that.
I'm usually, I'll go on Instagram and just, you know, post a link to a show
like I have at the Ryman in Nashville in June.
That's what they call integration.
And I will just take it out.
And then, you know, you know, you get a few cooking videos, you know, and then,
and it's people running and fleeing this onslaught of bombing.
And you just have to close it pretty quickly or every now and then someone will
catch you watching people screaming and fleeing.
And you just have to kind of look at them and shake your head.
You have to go, you have to go like this.
You have to go.
Not good.
And if you could, because it is a thing now, how much of the war can you
consume and how much of it can you consume publicly?
It's a new thing.
It's a new, this is a new episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that never came out
because they ended the show.
But it would be like Larry in a cafe watching the Gaza War and it would be very
loud and it would just be like, ah!
And then people would be like, well, you, can you please put your phone on
silent?
But it's terrible.
This is terrible, this thing that we're all watching unfold and there's mass
starvation and the mass.
And this Pop-Tart film is worse than this in ways I can't explain.
It's actually worse in ways where you go, I'm watching babies get made into
soup with my money.
And I didn't say yes.
I did not co-sign any of it.
And still, I would not switch over to this fucking Pop-Tart thing.
Because it's, it's terrible.
And I love many of the people in it.
I went to Barry Weiss's wife's book party the other night.
I was there.
Many other luminaries.
Lloyd Blankfein, the head of Goldman Sachs.
Graydon Carter, the head of Vanity Fair.
Arianna Huffington, myself.
Members of the New York media elite were there.
Barry Weiss's wife, Nellie Balls, has written a new book.
Let's get it up.
It's called Morning After the Revolution, Dispatches from the Wrong Side of
History, Nellie Balls.
Now, let me explain to you what this book is about.
It's not a political book.
I thought it was more politics.
Here's what it is.
Barry Weiss's wife, Nellie, was shipwrecked in the Indian Ocean when she was a
young reporter
and survived for 30 days, literally, on a piece of floating scrap metal.
And she survived by eating her own pussy.
For 30 days.
That's the only nutrition she got was eating her own pussy.
That's what this book is about.
That's what this is about.
So if you're interested in that, and I am.
That's why I read it.
It's crazy.
Who would think to do it?
But apparently, if you're floating on a piece of scrap metal in the Indian
Ocean,
you just start eating your own pussy for sustenance.
That's the whole thing.
And it's good.
It's a good book.
It's a little repetitive towards the end when she goes,
and I, while eating my pussy again.
But it's true.
I wanted to talk about this young guy who died at Goldman Sachs because,
was it Goldman Sachs?
Maybe it wasn't.
It was a Wall Street firm.
He was 35 years old and he died because,
I believe he was also a Green Beret.
Yeah, he was a Green Beret.
Bank of America.
Bank of America.
And this guy died.
This is sad.
He was 35 years old.
And he died.
And no one, you know, he had a cardiac thing.
Right?
Yeah, cardiac event.
Just something from two weeks, two weeks after he completed a big deal.
Right, so now nobody knows if, you know, but here's the deal.
His death came after he had allegedly been working some 100 hours a week for
several weeks in a row.
So he had an acute coronary artery thrombus.
I'm not a doctor.
And, you know, now everybody's going, should these investment banking guys work
100 hours a week and die?
Yes.
Yes, this is part of the thing.
I defended this and I read, I actually wrote something.
If you go to timdillantalks.tumblr.com.
This is something that I wrote years ago when this happened.
One of the Goldman Sachs interns jumped out of a window.
And this was a debate.
Again, they always, every now and then they have these debates in the finance
world.
Should we be as hardcore as we are?
And the answer always is yes.
And this is something I wrote about this at the time.
Again, I'm disgusted.
Goldman Sachs has banned the all-nighter and ordered interns to leave at
midnight because one died in the shower.
And another jumped out of his window because he was, quote, worked to death.
Boo, hoo, hoo.
If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Finance is a culture about pushing yourself to the extreme.
And the all-nighter is a rite of passage for many young finance guys.
If these guys wanted to be pussies, they could have been teachers.
The reward is extreme wealth.
If you make it through this grueling process, people should die.
And everyone should pour out some Dom Perignon and move the fuck on.
We never heard about this during the 80s when Wall Street was dominated by
cocaine-snorting alpha males.
Now we've got a bunch of Adderall eating nerds raised on Degrassi and bullying
seminars.
So yeah, some of these tulips are going to jump out of windows.
These people are soldiers in the war of wealth.
We've criminalized success in this country.
We love failures and sob stories.
We cater to weakness.
We've become an after-school special.
We've bought into the idea that people don't earn their money.
It's put under their pillow at night.
This idea helps all the nothings sleep at night.
So let's bring back the all-nighter.
I want these kids worked to the brink of insanity.
I want them jumping out of windows.
I want them dropping dead of exhaustion.
I want them tough.
China's coming after all.
Every litter has a runt.
The problem with this country now is that everybody's a runt.
Every no-good town employee union stude should be worked to death.
What a glorious way to die.
What happened to Bob?
He was worked to death.
People get into finance because they don't want to end up janitors cleaning up
some kids' puke in the cafeteria.
They have more to offer the world.
But sometimes they're wrong.
Sometimes they're the janitor all along, but they can't face that.
I don't blame them.
So they decide that the manly thing to do is remove themselves from the
equation altogether.
They're correct.
So they try to fly from their window, but they end up splattered on the
concrete.
Jumping out of your luxury apartment window is better than never having a
luxury apartment in the first place.
Don't let anyone tell you different.
That's something that I wrote in, I don't know, I believe 2015, 2016.
What I'm saying is this is not new.
This is not new.
None of this is new.
None of these debates are new.
All of these f