Name: Fame Means Nothing... Unless You're Selling a Product #393
Uploaded: 2024-05-31T18:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fame Means Nothing... Unless You're Selling a Product #393' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fame Means Nothing... Unless You're Selling a Product #393' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-31. Transcript available.

Why are they going at these celebrities and their products?
Celebrities work very hard.
Listen up, people out there.
Celebrities work very hard on their products.
They work very, very hard.
It's incredibly difficult to get into consumer goods.
And you are attacking a man's product.
This is worse than attacking someone's family.
Because a family can defend itself to some degree.
A product cannot.
You're attacking a product.
There is almost no reason to be famous anymore unless you are selling a product.
There's almost no reason.
Everyone is famous.
Anywhere you go, someone under the age of 30 will point someone out that you've
never heard of.
And you don't know.
And they'll go, that's the guy that catches golf balls in his mouth on the
thing.
And you go, really?
And people will be taking photos with him.
There's zero reason to be famous.
As a concept, it's degenerated to a point where it's almost meaningless now.
That's the guy.
He catches stuff.
It's almost meaningless.
Money is meaningless.
Cate Blanchett.
Get the video up.
She's right.
Cate Blanchett at the Cannes Film Festival.
People got really angry with her because she dared to tell the truth.
That she has, she's, she said she was, let's watch what she said.
And people got angry because she told the truth.
And when you tell the truth, it's a revolutionary act.
I don't know who said that.
I think, Netanyahu, this is Cate Blanchett.
I'm white.
I'm privileged.
I'm middle class.
Correct.
And I think, you know, one can be accused of having a bit of a white savior
complex.
But to be perfectly honest, my interaction with refugees in the film, in the
field, and also in resettled environments has totally changed my perspective on
the world.
Because now she's, now what's her net?
85 sticks?
85 million?
95.
95 sticks.
She is middle class.
You don't want to hear this.
Many of you, because you subsist on a diet of McGriddles and fentanyl, I
understand.
You're watching van life videos aspirationally going, wouldn't it be nice?
Wouldn't it be nice to live in a van?
You know, people now in America, they watch van life videos, but it's aspirational.
They go, honey, if we get it together, one day we can live in a van somewhere
by the Pacific Ocean.
And we could sing songs and play acoustic guitars as we sing ourselves to sleep.
Van life videos have become aspirational.
People want that.
So, to the people out there that are upset by me telling you, no one is
impressed.
By the way, tell me you've got 95 million at lunch.
I'm not impressed.
I'm not impressed.
Anything under 100 million, if you're not a centimillionaire, and really if you're
not a billionaire,
yeah, it's nice to have 95.
It's a lot of money to a guy like me, to some carnival barker like myself.
I'd love 95 million.
I'll probably never get it, because you people aren't as generous as you should
be.
I'll probably never get that kind of money.
But to Cate Blanchett, one of the greatest actresses of our time, she's rubbing
shoulders
with royalty, the tech CEOs with sultans, with whoever, 95 million ain't much.
And she said, I'm middle class and people are mad about it.
So my point is that if fame is nothing, and money is barely anything anymore,
unless you
have gobs of it, unless you're the sultan of Brunei, unless you have, then what
is left?
Consumer goods, to have a product, to have a product, to be a box, to be in a
store, to
be on a shelf, to have a can, to put your life's work into a can or a box.
Like, remember the Stubbs barbecue sauce where he goes, my whole life is in
this bottle.
Well, Logan Paul's whole life is in this thing, a prime, and people are getting
mad.
I don't know, because there's paint thinner or something in it, but the kids
are fine.
It's got caffeine, and he's in this war with Ryan Garcia, who's accused him of
poisoning all
the children.
Now, we like Logan Paul.
He's a very nice guy.
He's very nice to me.
I mean, I don't know anything about this prime.
I'm not a food scientist.
I'm not a food scientist.
I don't know.
People are saying it's got too much caffeine for children.
This is what I've read.
The kids are drinking it.
It's not good for their little hearts.
What are the energy ingredients?
Let's go.
Let's see what we got.
Filtered water.
Cool.
Coconut water.
Cool.
Ingredient three.
Caffeine.
Flavoring agents.
All right.
Electrolytes.
Ooh.
Potassium, B12, magnesium.
Prime energy also contains sucralose, an artificial sweetener that in some
studies have linked
DNA damage and leaky gut.
Okay.
I have leaky gut sometimes.
It just means you get tired.
Because prime energy contains coconut water.
People with tree nut allergies may wish to admit.
Each can of prime energy contains 200 milligrams of caffeine.
Caffeine is a stimulant drug that can improve physical performance, but it can
also include
like, you know, undesirable side effects.
Now, in a regular cup of coffee, you have about 95 milligrams of caffeine.
There's about 95 milligrams of caffeine in it.
So basically, it's the kids are having two cups of coffee in an energy drink,
right?
Now, so what?
I mean, to be honest, and I'm not shilling for Logan Paul, but is this such a
big deal?
They also say there's forever chemicals in it.
Chemicals that once you ingest them, they never leave.
Now, I don't know what those are, and maybe there are forever chemicals in it.
I'm just saying there's a lot of caffeinated beverages out there that children
consume.
It's probably not great for kids that they're hopped up on caffeine.
And it might dehydrate them.
What should you do if prime makes you sick?
Well, call poison control.
Do they have that on it?
Is that on every energy drink, by the way?
Is that everywhere to call poison control if that's not ideal, is it?
Call poison control.
Two influencers, KSI and Logan Paul, they're probably the two biggest
influencers in the world,
have an energy drink where people are drinking, it's a lot of caffeine in it.
So what?
I've never tried a prime.
I don't know what it tastes like.
I'm not an energy drink person.
But apparently, no one's died from this yet, right?
It's not like that Panera lemonade where a couple of people's hearts exploded.
If kids start dropping dead from this, dad claims son eight nearly died after
consuming prime drink.
He couldn't breathe.
Well, then don't let him drink it at eight.
But what if you're eight and you want to be a champion?
What if you're an eight-year-old that wants to be a champion?
Look at this family.
Get a nice close-up on that family from the UK.
Look at that family from the UK.
Logan Paul almost killed one of those children.
Luanne Tusha, pictured with his family in London,
Sun Luanne Tusha claimed his son, Fabian, nearly died from consuming a prime
energy drink.
He couldn't breathe, Tusha told the son about his son's experience.
He started to pull his hair and his cheeks.
My wife got a cool towel and put it on his forehead to try to calm him down.
After calling emergency services, paramedics discovered his blood pressure was
very high
and monitored him until he became stable.
Huh.
Well, they've just banned it.
Prime Energy banned in Australia.
So Australia's not f***ing with this.
In Australia, you can literally have a drink at breakfast and it's encouraged
and no one cares.
So just to give you an idea, they swim with sharks.
There's so many things in Australia that can kill you.
So for them to go, hey, not good.
School kids are running out and taking these things and that kid was pulling
his face apart.
Imagine that.
You have a kid.
He drinks a prime and he starts pulling, trying to pull his face off.
He's trying to pull the skin off his face just so he can breathe.
He looks like a fish.
He's ripping his skin off his face like he has gills.
He's like, get the, let me get oxygen.
Daddy!
And he's pulling his hair.
He's in a total meltdown.
But this is inevitable.
This is what's going to happen.
Celebrities now just want to have products.
This is all they want.
It's, if you're not a mogul in our society, it's meaningless.
It's meaningless.
Cate Blanchett wants to be a mogul.
She's middle class.
She's got $95 million.
She's just a middle class white lady.
If she is not a mogul, like Jessica Alba, the honest company.
If she's not slinging Casamigos, Clooney, Ryan Reynolds, gin.
If you do not have a product, a brand, if you are not on stores, on shelves in
stores, what the f*** is the point?
And if a few eight-year-olds have to pull the skin off their faces, so be it.