Name: Is Justin Timberlake Haunted by His Past? #396
Uploaded: 2024-06-28T17:30:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Justin Timberlake Haunted by His Past? #396' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Justin Timberlake Haunted by His Past? #396' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-28. Transcript available.

Justin Timberlake, sad.
He's in the Hamptons.
It's a place I know and love.
He's drunk.
He gets pulled over.
His tour wasn't selling.
Can everyone leave him alone?
Can we get the news vans out of Sag Harbor?
People are trying to have,
people work really, really hard
and they have a lot of money
and they don't care about this.
And we need to not,
we need to get the press out of the Hamptons.
This isn't, no offense,
a low-income area
where people are excited to see the news.
In low-income areas,
people like when the news comes in
because it's fun.
It is.
Low-income areas,
when the news van comes in,
people get excited.
The kids start clapping and everything.
We don't need that out there.
Get the news out.
Rich people don't really like
when the press shows up.
It's never for a good reason.
A few tables away,
Stuart Levine,
the former chef executive
of Dale Carnegie and Associates,
split $45 crab cakes
with his wife, Harriet Levine.
You won't be getting
your Pulitzer price for this,
he said to a reporter.
Great.
Stu, get him.
Go get him, Stu.
This is why you need Jews.
The Jews will chase him off.
You need them.
It's true.
It's true.
The wasps would just let it be overrun.
The wasps don't do confrontation.
They don't.
That's why all the food
in waspy restaurants sucks
because they just don't even want
to look the waiter in the eye.
The wasps just want to be served.
They want to drink things out of
pewter,
mason,
weird like
George Washington type of cutlery
and these weird pewter cups
and all that stuff
and mason jars
and they just want to eat
in like a barn environment
and then leave
and not have once made eye contact
with the waiter.
The Jews,
which is why they are
big time needed,
like my mother
who wasn't Jewish
but was learned culturally
from Jews
how to complain.
Complaining is essential.
It keeps things good.
You have to complain.
Italians do it to a degree.
Jews kind of do it the best
and my mother learned
from a lot of Jews
how to complain
and
that's why the restaurants
in Long Island
are really good
or they go out of business
and that's why hopefully
they get the press
out of Sag Harbor
and Justin Timberlake,
don't get in the car drunk.
Don't get in the car drunk.
You're rich.
If you are rich
and you get a Dewey,
you are so f***ing lazy.
Get a driver.
Get a f***ing driver, dude.
After Justin Timberlake
threw Janet Jackson
under the bus,
I never really had
a ton of respect for him.
I think he's haunted
by that.
I think he's haunted
by that to a degree.
You know?
He looks like
a haunted person there.
Get him out.
Get the news vans
out of my town.
I don't live in Sag Harbor.
I live in Southampton,
but still.
Get him out.
I don't want to deal with it.
I will,
I will,
you will get in here.
By the way,
I wish I was there this week.
I'm not.
I'm in LA.
But I wish I was there
because I would give them
an interview.
Oh,
I go,
I saw him.
I was drinking with him.
I was getting f***ed up with him.
Yeah,
we were out drinking.
I told him.
I said,
Justin,
don't get in that car.
And you know what he said to me?
He goes,
I don't respect the laws
of this country.
He goes,
because there are no laws.
He goes,
you know how many people
cross illegally
over the southern border
every day?
I said,
no,
Justin,
I don't.
He goes,
thousands,
tens of thousands of people
cross right into our country
over the southern border
every day.
We don't know who they are,
where they're coming from.
I go,
interesting.
I go,
so that's your rationale?
He goes,
yeah,
I'm just one guy
driving drunk.
We've got hordes
of people coming,
armies.
I go,
interesting.
They go,
all right,
cut,
cut the interview.
I go,
no,
but I was drinking with him.
This is what he said.
By the way,
talking about VIP,
Mexican cartels offering
VIP packages
for migrants.
I'm not against
VIP migrants
coming in.
I think we have to
soften our approach
if we're talking about
people that have paid money.
I do respect
people that pay
for the experience.
And there's a lot of migrants
right now
that are paying
for a better experience.
The tunnel is dark and narrow.
Toxic gases rise
from the dank water.
Insects scurry
along the sides.
Rattlesnakes wait,
coiled.
Rodents lurk
along the water's edge
like Jeremy Allen White.
No.
Yet this drainage network
that reaches
from Ciudad Juarez
into El Paso, Texas
is one of the most
sought after routes
for patrons
of a VIP
migration package
offered by Mexican cartels
to those with the money
to pay for it.
The tunnel route
costs at least $6,000
according to interviews
with top Mexican state authorities,
federal law enforcement officials
from both sides
of the border
and migrants
waiting to cross
in encampments
along the Rio Grande.
Ricardo,
a migrant smuggler,
said he has charged
as much as $15,000.
Everything in this
underground world
functions by a code
that cartels
give their VIP customers.
Often delivered
by cell phone
that identifies
which cartel travel agency
a migrant is working with
so everyone
from local police
to rival criminal syndicates
knows not to harass them.
Heightened U.S. security
along the 2,000-mile border
with Mexico
and fewer legal pathways
to come north
have been an economic boon
for Mexican criminal organizations.
Instead of fixing
a broken immigration system,
the U.S. government
is outsourcing migration policy
to criminal groups,
some experts say.
Increasing practices
of corruption
of the migrant,
says Blanca Navarrete,
director of the
Migrant Advocacy
nonprofit
is the one
to pay the price
for that lack of action.
A joint investigation
by Mexican
and U.S. authorities
have discovered
that one Juarez-based cartel
has been smuggling
at least 1,000 migrants
through tunnels
into El Paso
every month.
They're switching
from drug trafficking
to human trafficking.
I feel better
about the migrants
who have come in
through this
kind of VIP process.
To be honest,
I do.
If you have enough money
to pay for a luxury
smuggling operation,
I feel
slightly better
overall
about your chances
to assimilate
into America.
You're doing
a very American thing
and I kind of like it.
You're paying criminals
to make your life
easier.
This is what I do
every time I hire
a realtor
or a lawyer.
So,
the idea that
they've already
kind of embraced
this idea
that you've got
to pay to play,
I don't hate that.
I don't.
60% to 70%
of the focus
of these cartels
now is migrant
smuggling.
A kilo of cocaine
might bring in 1,500
but that risk
is very high.
The cost benefit
of trafficking
a person
is 10,000,
12,000,
15,000.
So,
this is a booming
business for the cartels.
The cartels are really
figuring out.
And you think about
is it
like the United
Polaris
or the Delta One
or the JetBlue Mint?
What are you getting?
What are you getting?
What do you get?
And we should
have migrants
on here
if they would come on
and we'd even
black out their faces
to just compare
the different
smuggling experiences.
What are the different
cartels doing
to compete
with each other
to win the business
of migrants?
Are there different tunnels?
Do you think a cartel
tries to get the rats
and snakes
out of one of the tunnels?
And you think
when people talk
to each other
they go,
that's tunnels
and there's no snakes.
That's why we use them.
There's actually no snakes
and no rodents.
They get all the rodents
and the snakes
out of that tunnel.
That's why it's nice.
They give you a breakfast.
Do you think anybody
gets a breakfast
once they get to El Paso?
I don't understand
but I'm sure
that there are
different ways
ways
that these different
VIP
cartels
are using
you know,
the little
bonus perks
they give people.
I'm wondering
exactly what they are
and that would be
and we probably
only know
if we spoke
to actual migrants
who I imagine
don't speak English
but
I feel better
about it.
I feel better
about it.
Can we
make an
immigration
policy
that
we only
allow
cartel
smuggled
VIPs
in
and is that
okay
or will people
get up in arms
about that
because they've
proven they got
12-15 grand
so right away
I know you're
not destitute
you got 12-15
you got 12 or 15 grand
and you're willing
to pay for it
so your family
has a better
experience
it's a Disney
fast pass
you don't wait
on the lines
I'm all for it
it makes me
feel better
because the panic
about immigration
is you bring in
a bunch of people
and it's just
you know
they don't have
the means
to support themselves
somebody coming
in with 15
12-15 thou
giving it to the cartel
the cartel
doing what they need
to do
to get them
across safely
you know
that to me
makes me
feel better about this whole thing.