Name: Secret Service Sloped Roof Party | The Tim Dillon Show #401
Uploaded: 2024-07-20T16:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Secret Service Sloped Roof Party | The Tim Dillon Show #401' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Secret Service Sloped Roof Party | The Tim Dillon Show #401' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-20. Transcript available.

Secret Service Sloped Roof Party | The Tim Dillon Show #401

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
My president has COVID.
My president has COVID.
My strong leader has COVID.
He's sick.
He's sick.
He's sick.
He's sick.
What are you going to do about it?
We wish him well.
Langley is trying to get rid of everybody.
Langley is trying to wipe the slate clean.
The darlings at Langley want everybody out.
They want everybody out.
They're trying to just fucking clean house.
Biden now has COVID.
Who coughed on him?
Which billionaire sent someone to cough on Biden?
He has COVID.
How would you even tell that he has COVID, by the way?
How would he tell?
He definitely did not report his symptoms.
He has no idea what's going on.
There's no way he woke up and knew he had any symptoms.
Is this a video of him?
This is him, I think, like, the day or the day before that the COVID diagnosis
came out.
And he just word salad.
If you were to have continue to run and be officially nominated, what happens
if you have another episode like we saw during the debate?
What happens if you have another performance on that level?
I don't plan on having another performance on that level.
Yeah.
You get it.
Get it.
It's Scranton Joe.
It's Scranton Joe.
Now the Secret Service is out there saying that they didn't put anybody on that
roof because it was sloped.
The head of the Secret Service, Kim Cheadle, I believe her name is, is out
there saying we didn't put anybody on the roof because it was sloped.
You can get that up.
That insane reasoning.
And the slope of that roof, by the way, it's the slightest pitch.
You easily would have gone on that roof to smoke weed as a teenager.
It would not have stopped you.
The slope of that roof would have stopped no one.
If you were getting a blowjob on that roof, you would have been on the roof.
If somebody had weed on the roof, you would have been on the roof.
That is not a sloped roof.
By the way, there are secret surfers.
There are secret surfers everywhere.
There are Secret Service snipers on a sloped roof.
They're lying to people now like it's like Dr. Seuss, where it's like a nursery
rhyme.
You know?
They're like, we were going to put someone on the roof, but they said nope
because the roof was sloped.
So we couldn't do anything at all because the Secret Service agents might fall.
It's nursery rhymes.
They're not even trying anymore.
This is literally one of the most offensive lies I've ever heard that the roof
sloping was the reason that they did not clear the roof.
They also came out and blamed the local cops.
They tried to throw them under the bus.
They're like, well, we're the Secret Service, but we still need the local cops,
the local bumpkin cops.
Those guys, it's their fault.
It's the local bumpkin cops, which would have done a better job than the Secret
Service
because we would imagine and hope that the local cops weren't like the Secret
Service in on the plot.
They were in on it.
They might not have known, not all of them, but if you follow the things,
it's very hard to dismiss the idea or the notion that this was somehow in some
way allowed to happen.
This is a massive security breach, failure by the Secret Service.
And they are, the reasons that they are giving for this are an insult to your
intelligence.
And I don't even care how dumb you are.
And there's a lot of people out there that are incredibly dumb.
Let's watch this woman, who, by the way, if we can, can we, can we convict by
look and facial expression
and cadence and tone?
Judge, we are submitting into evidence, look, facial expression, cadence and
tone.
Here is Kim Cheadle, who is giving the very plausible explanation for why the
Secret Service allowed a guy to climb on a roof
and then shoot at the president.
By the way, 30 minutes earlier, they were told of this guy.
We'll go into all of that, but let's watch this very guilty woman first.
That building in particular has a sloped roof at its highest point.
And so, you know, there's a safety factor that would be considered there,
that we wouldn't want to put somebody up on a sloped roof.
And so, you know, the decision was made to secure the building from inside.
What?
There was a safety reason that we didn't want to put somebody on the sloped
roof?
Because they fall.
If someone's on a sloped roof, they fall, they hurt their knee.
That's not even a building that falling off, it would kill you.
You might not even break your leg.
This is the craziest thing.
Here's a, what is this, a TikTok?
There's a TikTok of an hour before the shooting.
This guy, Matthew David Crooks, is just walking around, I don't know,
this building, like dancing with a gun or something.
Let's just see what he was doing.
What is going on?
What is going on?
You can see he, like a scarecrow, like something out of a fucking A24 movie.
He's a zombie walking around the outskirts of the building.
Look at this guy.
This is crazy.
Are you telling me that's not suspicious?
That's the most suspicious thing I've ever seen in my life.
If everybody is engaged in this rally and we're all looking one way, okay?
And they're doing whatever they're doing, you know, you know, make America
great again.
They're doing the chant.
They're getting down.
They're doing the dance.
They're doing the call and response.
Whatever is going on.
And then one guy is wandering around the perimeter looking at his feet.
What the, this guy, now I'm going to get in trouble for saying this.
Now.
Because people are going to think I've lost my mind or I'm out of control.
I want you to play this again.
Does this guy seem like he's in his right mind?
Does he, is this guy under the influence of a, some type of mind control or
something?
What's going on here?
What's happening?
I'm not trying to say that he's some MKUltra mind control victim, although many
of our shooters have been.
I'm just saying it looks odd.
And the idea that they come out and go, well, it was on a sloped roof and we
couldn't do anything because we wouldn't want any of our agents to, what, slide
down the sloped roof and fall?
It's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Also, they were told about this guy like 20 to 30 minutes before the shooting.
They were given an indication that this guy was around.
And he's got no social media.
And the only things people say about him are that he was lonely and he was
bullied.
And he tried to get into a gun club, but he couldn't because he wasn't a good
shot at his school.
Oh, here he is.
Is this him?
Yeah, this is him talking to kids in class a couple years ago saying he's got a
10 inch penis.
Okay, let's see this.
Six foot four.
I go to Stanford University.
I have a 10 inch penis.
And six foot four.
I go to Stanford University.
I have a 10 inch penis.
So, by the way, they're looking at his phones now and they're trying to get all
the info and, you know, there's all these terabytes of data they're breaking
down to try to discern a motive.
They don't have any motive why this guy tried to shoot the president, shot the
president, right?
He shot his ear.
And they're saying now that they just, you know, are trying to put some stuff
together.
But they said, like, preliminary reports are coming out and they're saying that,
like, well, he was interested in high profile people, regardless of politics
and stuff like that, which is kind of everybody.
Everybody's interested in high profile people.
That's literally everyone on the Internet reads stories about high profile
people.
So, again, it's a weird thing.
Thomas Matthew Crook's parents were licensed social workers.
By the way, I'm telling you right now, every social worker I know is a sick
person who has a God complex and has a fetish who is really, really sick.
Everyone I know.
And I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm saying that every social worker I know,
it does not help anyone and barely tries to.
They are, they like tragedy.
They hunt it down.
They find it.
They want to be in it.
They love it.
They love going into a dirty house where kids are getting beat and not helping
those kids.
That's every social worker I know.
They are lazy people that enjoy chaos and hell.
And that's what they do.
And I know that people are going to hate that.
And they're going to go, no, they do a lot of good work, actually, you fat fuck.
They do a lot of good work.
Do they?
Do they?
Do they?
No, they don't.
Most of them don't.
Most of them literally show up to a house with a clipboard and go, what's up?
Did they beat you again yesterday?
Yep.
All right.
Make a little note of it.
And then they leave.
And then they walk out.
They do nothing.
And those are the people we want to replace the cops with.
Oh, yeah.
What did they do?
They raped you and beat you?
I'm sorry.
Oh, sorry.
I put it in the file.
Raped and beaten on Wednesday at 2 o'clock.
Do you think it was 2 o'clock?
Was the rape at 2?
And the beating was throughout the rape.
And then after.
Beating after rape and throughout rape.
And they just lack.
They can't do anything to help anyone.
And I'm not saying they're bad people.
Many of them, I don't know, might be.
But I'm saying they can't do anything.
So there's something about a job where all you do is witness horror and you're
powerless
to help it.
That concerns me.
That people even like doing it.
It's very weird.
They're powerless to help.
And they keep showing up to see the horror.
It's straight.
It's like if doctors couldn't operate on anyone.
And they just wanted to hang out around the hospital just to hang out with sick
people.
So Matthew Thomas Crooks.
Thomas Matthews Crooks.
Parents were social workers.
They were licensed social workers.
Among the swirling unanswered questions about what drove a 20-year-old
Pennsylvania man to
very nearly kill the former president.
By the way, how about what drove the Secret Service to not be on the roof?
Like, why don't we focus?
And I know that there's a bunch of articles about that.
But you can see this narrative emerging where they're like, what was this kid?
How have we failed him as a society?
How have we failed him?
What did we?
And it's like, guys, I'm really much more concerned with why the Secret Service
wouldn't
put a guy on a slightly pitched roof.
Why that they didn't do anything about this guy having been, people have
pointed this guy
out to them.
They didn't do anything about it.
Matthew Brian Crooks and Mary Elizabeth Crooks, residents of Bethel Park,
Pennsylvania,
hold active licenses as professional social workers.
Records from the Pennsylvania Licensing Verification Service indicate that both
have been licensed
in 2002.
These people are not talking to the press.
Yeah, they're not talking to the press.
Interesting.
Nobody's coming out and there's a few of his classmates that are saying stuff.
A few of his classmates are coming out and being like, yeah, man.
He sucked.
Let's look at it.
Let's watch it.
Oh, here they are.
Let's watch some of his classmates.
In what way can you explain?
I mean, he would sit alone at lunch.
I mean, he was just an outcast and you know how kids are nowadays.
So they're going to see someone like that and they're going to target him
because they think
it's funny or whatever.
So it's the best way I can describe it.
And it's honestly kind of sad.
Like, I don't want to say this is what provoked it, but you never know.
By the way, they just handed him that index card.
They're like, and perfect.
Thank you very much.
They're like, and can we go to the next kid?
The next kid's like, well, I didn't know him that well, but it's a shame the
availability
of guns in this country.
I'm not saying that's what provoked it, but the Secret Service is very brave.
And I'm happy to have them.
By the way, that thing, I mean, I don't want to go full fucking Sandy Hook here,
but like
this is odd.
Like, this just is odd where this guy's like, he was a lonely kid.
That's sad.
I'm not saying that's what provoked it, but it's like, what is this?
You're all outcasts.
You're all outcasts.
Look at you.
Yeah.
I want to say he was a loner more because he was just,
he was quiet, but l