Name: Tim Walz The Funnel Cake Dad | The Tim Dillon Show #404
Uploaded: 2024-08-10T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Walz The Funnel Cake Dad | The Tim Dillon Show #404' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Walz The Funnel Cake Dad | The Tim Dillon Show #404' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-10. Transcript available.

Tim Walz The Funnel Cake Dad | The Tim Dillon Show #404

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Thank you for tuning in again.
I was at the Variety Young Hollywood Power Impact Summit last night.
Hollywood Young Power Players honoring the Young Hollywood
Impact list of power.
I don't know what it was.
One of my really good buddies was getting honored there.
And it was at the proper hotel in Santa Monica.
I don't ever go to these things.
And there was a couple of people there that noticed me.
They came over to me.
They're like, wow, you're here.
And I'm not really invited to these things.
It's like TikTokers and usually I could get invited if I wanted to.
I could get invited, but it's not.
I'm being honored at the Young Power Summit at Mor-a-Lago next week,
the Young Power Impact Awards.
But I was there and look, Addison Rae was there.
My co-star in Thanksgiving with the Madonna top.
I saw her.
I was there and Sabrina Carpenter is this massive pop star,
which I'm aware of her name, but I didn't know too much about the music.
But I know that every time I'm in an Uber, I ask someone, who is this?
And it's always her, invariably.
It's Sabrina Carpenter.
And his song's always kind of like...
It's very kind of relaxed and, you know.
And she looks like she was 3D printed to be a pop star.
I mean, she's beautiful.
And she's honored she gets the first award.
And again, I'm unaware of what these awards signify.
Apparently, just...
If she didn't know things were going well with 30 million Instagram followers,
they're reminding her.
The people at Variety are reminding Sabrina Carpenter that things are going
well.
And she gets up and she goes,
Hi.
She's like, hi.
She's like, um, thank you to everyone.
And, like, she thanks or, you know, whatever.
And then she's like, thank my team for working hard.
And then she goes, and thank me for working hard.
And then she goes, everybody, follow your dreams.
And then gets off the stage.
This was being hosted by Matt Friend, the Impressionist.
Who I used to hate.
But we don't, I don't hate him anymore.
We're, I gave him a hug.
We had, like, a misunderstanding.
And we didn't, you know, we didn't like each other.
But, you know, as I get older, I can only hate a few people at a time.
I used to be able to hate so many people.
And I'm disappointed by now that I don't have it in me.
I don't have the energy.
It's like, you know, people say about Trump, they're like, he's getting older.
He's kind of, he's off message.
He doesn't have, you know, he's not doing as many rallies as he used to.
It's like, give him a break.
I mean, the guy is, he's been, I mean, how old is Trump?
74?
No, I think he's older than that.
I think he might be.
76?
Probably.
78.
78.
Give this guy a break.
He's out there.
He's doing it.
I mean, love him or hate him at 78.
I'm 39.
And my, my ability to hate people in large quantities is not there anymore.
I used to take time out of my day to hate people.
I would, I would, I would make it a, a point to sit somewhere at a bar and eat
lunch and
hate someone for 45 minutes and think about what a terrible person that is.
And, and, and imagine scenarios of horrible things happening to them.
I can't do it anymore.
I just can't do it.
I'm weak.
I'm weak.
So I saw Matt Friend who I had a misunderstanding with.
The impressionist Matt Friend, who's an old comedian as well.
I'm not saying that in a negative way.
I'm not trying to start a feud again.
And we didn't have a feud.
It was just, we didn't like each other, but he was a nice kid.
He hosted it.
He had a rough set.
It was rough.
There's no way to win in that room, but he lost.
And it was because, again, it's not his fault.
Kind of, maybe a little bit of it was, but there, it was just rough there.
It's TikTokers and aspiring TikTokers.
So imagine that.
Imagine that group of people, people that haven't quite yet found their footing
on the TikTok app.
People who are trying that out.
You know what TikTok is with the dance.
They do that.
People that are trying to figure that out.
And there were some young actors there.
Everybody's very attractive.
It's LA.
It's on a rooftop and he's up there and it's just, it's, he's going down hard.
It's going, it's rough.
It's tough.
Sabrina Carpenter goes, who hired him?
I was standing in the back, but it's not his fault really, because I mean, who
would want that gig?
I mean, if I had that gig, it would have been, it would have been bad in a more
entertaining way, but it would have not been good.
But I've seen, you see, is the thing that comedians do, they want these people
to like them.
You will lose.
Great comedians, they take these gigs, they host these award shows and stuff,
because they want these people to like them.
And the only one I've ever seen, two of them, Chris Rock, Letterman, they both
killed.
But Ricky Gervais, because he didn't give a fuck and he was just totally free.
But it's hard because you, it's hard.
These people, for the most part, do not need any comedy.
They're 21, they're hot, they're millionaires.
There is not any comedy that these people need.
There is not one moment in their life that is not fantastic.
Every moment of every day is fantastic.
Maybe they get a little sad occasionally from time to time thinking about a
past relationship or an aunt they like who died in a car accident.
But it's so short-lived, none of them need comedy.
So there's all these hot, young people standing on a roof.
Some of them are millionaires.
A lot of them aren't.
A lot of them are not, but they think they are.
So it doesn't matter.
They think they are because they're standing next to millionaires.
So even though they have no business and no money, they're near people that do.
They also don't need comedy.
And then you're up there.
And Matt's an unreal talent in terms of impressions.
He can do anyone, right?
But he's up there and he's trying to entertain these people.
And they're just not, okay, we don't have to, please.
But they're just, it's tough.
I felt for him because I have been in similar situations.
They would never, they would never, they would never, never, never have me host
something like this.
It's not at all something that I would ever be.
But I've hosted corporate events before and I've been in situations where it's
not good.
This is like James Charles is there and it's that crowd.
It's the like YouTube crowd and then like young actors and their
representatives and like a lot of like LA kind of plastic people.
And then you're trying to make them laugh.
And my friend Marcelo is a really funny comedian, got honored and it was nice.
He brought his parents and his father, we're talking about Maduro because they're,
you know, Hispanic.
And I don't know how I feel about Maduro.
Everyone keeps, you know, I don't know.
Maybe he lost, but he seems to want the job.
There's something about him.
I know he's a dictator, but there's something about him that I find charming.
I like the ring.
I find him a little charming.
And I, I'm just saying that.
And I'm, I know that people will get angry with me for whatever reason.
But I'm saying that there's something, shouldn't we find the good in people?
That's the question, really?
Yes, it's a coup and he's refusing to leave and the military is killing
everyone.
I get it.
I get it.
I've read the news.
But shouldn't we find the good?
What about a message of positivity?
That's what all the TikTokers are always putting out there into the world.
That's what all these social media people are always putting out there into the
world.
A message of positivity.
And this, these, Marcello's family, they were talking to me and they're right,
you know,
behind the scenes, I think the U.S. is kind of cool with him.
Publicly, they're like, this is an outrage.
But I think behind the scenes, I think they're like texting Maduro, like,
whatever.
You know what I mean?
They don't care.
They're just like stability, oil, whatever, money.
Like, I think outwardly, they're like, you're a thief.
But behind the scenes, they're like, hey, we've worked with worse.
We'll work with you.
It's fine.
And he's not leaving, right?
He's got the military.
Correct.
This is the country of Venezuela, if you aren't aware, people out there that
are listening to this show.
But I imagine they are aware because everyone who listens to this show is a
fucking genius.
Speaking of politics, we have a new entrance into the race for the White House.
And I'm not talking about Doug Emhoff.
I'm sorry.
Kamala Harris.
I was going to say Connelly's arise.
Kamala Harris's husband who they lock up in a house in Brentwood.
And he struggles to get reservations at L.A. restaurants and calls the White
House probably to try to get him in.
This is my guess.
I don't know.
But Doug Emhoff is this, you know, this kind of, you know, nothing guy who is
married.
And we'll spend the next four years, if she wins, going, I'm the president's
husband.
And then, like, you know, a hostess will go, yeah, okay, man, relax.
We don't have anything.
I told you that.
I mean, look at this guy, Doug Emhoff.
He's a lawyer.
Can you, like, kind of, perhaps?
I'm not talking about him.
I'm talking about Funnel Cake Dad.
Funnel Cake Dad, the king of the Great Lakes.
Tim Walsh, the Minnesota folksy funnel cake dad who's here to finally get
everybody from America out on the lake for a nice day of grilling and fucking
communism.
No, Tim Walsh is, and I am, by the way, I'm going to disclose all my biases.
I hate Minnesota.
I hate lakes.
I don't like fresh water, because you, the brain-eating amoeba, but other
things.
I don't like the Great Lakes culture.
I don't like how frozen and cold it gets.
I don't like how radical they are, even though they're boring.
They're incredibly boring people that sit at diner counters, but when you talk
to them, they're radical psychopaths.
And I've always found that dichotomy disturbing.
Tim Walsh, they wanted Kamala to pick Josh Shapiro, and she didn't because he's
a big Jew, and they couldn't have it.
We know, and he also did cover up a murder, one of his donors.
It doesn't matter.
I don't care.
I don't care.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
They all do it.
They all do it.
They all do it.
If Ivanka had killed someone, Trump would have covered it up, too, probably,
right?
I mean, this is what people do.
What are you going to do?
Someone kills someone, you're not going to help them?
That's the measure of a man, is if your friend kills someone or your donor
kills someone, will you prosecute it as Josh Shapiro?
That's the measure of a man.
So, Shapiro is a big Jew, which I have no problem with, but the Democratic rank
and file hates.
They don't like them.
And the Democratic Party is a collection of interest groups, so, you know, that
all kind of hate each other.
So, they're trying to win Michigan, and if they have this big, you know, Josh
Shapiro comes out, he's a Zionist, and he's like, Israel, Israel!
What happens, you know, the people in Michigan start getting angry, they put
the shawarma down, and they start going nuts.
So, Kamala Harris has a real problem trying to balance the Muslims and the Jews,
okay?
So, Josh Shapiro, everybody in Hollywood, get a picture of Josh Shapiro.
Josh Shapiro looks like a 3D-printed Jew, which, again, I have no problem with,
but he is a very sharp, put-together, like, his brother's a big showrunner in
Hollywood.
This is the guy.
He's the real deal.
He's not like me being gay or Candace Owens being black.
This guy's legitimately Jewish.
Like, Zionist, real deal, out in front.
What's good for Israel is good for us, and you better like it.
Bibi Netanyahu needs another trillion?
Put it on a truck.
Like, Jay Shapiro is out there in front, and Kamala's got to, she's got to twerk
around the issue of this.
It's a big issue for the Democrats, the Israel, the Palestine, the Gaza, which
no one's talking about anymore,
but it is terrible and getting worse and all of those things, and I mean, you
know, I don't talk about it every episode,
but we talked about it a lot.
We talked about it const