Name: The DNC Chick & Sunken Superyachts | The Tim Dillon Show #406
Uploaded: 2024-08-24T16:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The DNC Chick & Sunken Superyachts | The Tim Dillon Show #406' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The DNC Chick & Sunken Superyachts | The Tim Dillon Show #406' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-24. Transcript available.

The DNC Chick & Sunken Superyachts | The Tim Dillon Show #406

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Thank you for listening.
We are here in studio.
Just finished a shoot with Netflix for something coming out on October 1st.
Very excited about that.
I'm not going to say too much about it other than we did shows on,
it's not a comedy special, we did shows on Saturday and Sunday.
And all I will say is that we are resurrecting a genre of television
that I feel should come back.
We did everything that we could do.
When you do something and you have a vision,
it's now up to people whether they like it or not.
It's not up to me anymore.
We did the thing we came to do.
You know, we brought all of these different elements together
and now it's up to the people out there if they like it or not.
I think it's a genre of television that should come back.
And I almost wonder, I wonder why it hasn't.
But it was, we did this in under two months.
In under two months, we put together this kind of insane spectacle,
this circus, and we shot it.
And it's in editing now.
And the turnaround is going to be very quick.
And it'll be on Netflix, we believe, October 1st.
So we're not going, I'm not going to promote that ad nauseum for the next month
because there's a lot going on.
But I am just saying that and we will get, we will talk more about it.
The working title right now is Tim Dillon, the Holocaust, another look.
And just because I think, and that's just the working title.
I want to say a few things about the DNC before we move on to whether a
billionaire
was killed on his yacht by other billionaires who control the weather.
And I don't want, and again, I don't want people to be nervous about the
content on this program.
And some people tell me they're nervous about, you know, I bump into people
and they say to me, you know, I would love to get involved here,
but I feel like I'm nervous about the content on the program.
I go, I don't get it.
And so this is one of those stories about, you know, potentially people
controlling the weather
and sinking this yacht that a billionaire was on.
People get really, people in suits with mortgages who have children in prep
schools
who secretly listen to the show, who work places, who want to give me money,
who should be giving me money, get nervous.
When I start talking about the potential, I didn't say it happened.
I'm talking about the potential that people are out there, maybe controlling
the weather.
Because I'm just saying it's a very strange thing that happened with this
billionaire and this yacht.
And I'm trying to figure it out and put the pieces together in a responsible
way.
I want to be responsible.
But I will say a little bit about the DNC.
They're doing a very good job.
Political conventions are not about genuine political facts.
They're not about reality.
They're not about policy.
They're not about a plan of attack.
They're not about governing.
They're not about what will happen when someone's elected.
They are a spectacle.
They are a show.
They are a circus.
They are something that should entertain people, that should capture people's
interest.
Show a little bit of this.
You might get what I mean here.
We are here tonight to officially nominate Kamala Harris for president.
I mean, this seems fun.
Five, get loud, another round of shots.
DNC, turn out for what?
Yeah.
This is fun.
I mean, it's fun.
It's a concert.
It's a concert.
It's fun.
The Democrats have done a great job, basically, like, the Democratic Party
right now is the
crazy chick who's, like, seems really normal when you bump into her.
You know what I mean?
She's like the chick who's, like, a full-on psycho.
You know she's not.
Everyone knows she's nuts.
She's been to jail.
But, like, you bump into her, and she's in Starbucks, and she sits down, and
she's like,
how's your family?
And you're like, the last time I saw you, you were, somebody was holding your
head.
You were vomiting in the toilet, and you were, like, screaming, and you had to
be removed
from a party by EMTs.
That's the last time we spoke.
And she's like, I know.
I had some wild times, but I'm really focused right now.
And it's like, that's what the Democratic Party has done.
Somehow, some way, they've been able to, kind of quite convincingly, and kind
of impressing,
it's kind of impressive.
Watch these speeches.
They're not going hard on race.
They're not really going hard on gender.
They're kind of leaving it alone.
They didn't do a roll call of all the genders to start the thing.
They have kind of marginalized the real crazy elements of the party, and they're
not putting
them front and center.
And you have, like, Michelle, and Barack, and all these people, and even
Hillary did a
good job, and there you have Bill.
See, now, you know, the Democrats are looking like the Republicans of 2016.
The Republicans, when they elected Donald Trump, were very focused.
They were on message, and they all, it was a big tent.
There was no infighting.
Now, the Democrats are doing, now, you wouldn't know this.
There are protesters outside the DNC screaming about Gaza, but you would not
know it, because
the Democrats have done a great job kind of marginalizing the fringe.
They are the crazy chick that you know from the sorority who has had, like, 18
abortions, who's
overdosed multiple times.
She's been to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
She's fucked everybody.
She showed up outside people's houses.
She's burned their clothes.
She's done all this crazy shit.
And you bump into her in Starbucks, she looks really good.
And you go, what happened?
And she's like, yeah, well, I just spent some time getting myself together, and
you really
learn what's important.
You know, my mom got sick, or something.
You know, it's one of those things, right?
You ever bump into a psychopath who feels and looks really normal, and then you
start going,
was I overly judgmental?
Was I maybe?
That's what the Democratic Party has done.
This is a party that, you know, was encouraging the wholesale destruction of
property for months.
This was a party that was celebrating violence against their political
opponents.
This was a party that believes that, you know, young children, children, by the
way,
prepubescent children can consent to permanent, life-altering medical
procedures,
and they experimented on a good amount of them.
This is a party that, for many, many years, has promoted the idea that America
is, in and of itself,
only a white supremacist nightmare for anyone that isn't a white, straight male,
and that is an absolute hell to live there.
That's what they've been doing.
But they, rightly, and very impressively, have calmed that down.
This is the party of cancellations, and the party of infighting, and the party
of purity tests,
and the party of, you know, we know better than you know, and, you know, all of
that.
And they have, brilliantly, all of that is kind of gone.
And it, the thing about America is people do not have a long memory, and nobody
wants to hear about 2020.
I mean, again, it's the party of, you know, get this vaccine, or you're being
fired.
But nobody is going to talk about it, because it's in the past, and nobody
really, it's one of the reasons the Trump campaign is not doing that well,
is they seem too focused on the past.
And they're hitting the Democrats for things that are actually people find
impressive.
They're like, you pulled a coup.
You kicked Biden out and put in her.
But people are going, yeah, so they got something done.
They did something.
So what?
They took this old guy out and put this bitch in.
It's, it makes the Democrats seem ruthless and competent.
It does not.
It's not an egg.
It's really not a negative.
The Republicans should be the ones going, no, we're ruthless, and we're
competent, and we're going to make things happen.
But instead, it's kind of a very, this stance to have is very whiny, right?
Well, we weren't even supposed to be running against her.
It's like, guys, guys, please.
I loathe victimhood.
I loathe it.
It's my least favorite thing about anybody.
The idea that people want to present themselves as a victim, or that somehow
they are perpetually aggrieved,
and they cannot make anything happen.
This, to me, is the least interesting way to look at life.
It's self-defeating.
I don't mind cynics.
That's different.
Being a cynic, as I am, is healthy, can keep you alive, and is good.
Cynics don't get disappointed as often.
Cynics live in reality.
Cynics are always pleasantly surprised.
Victims are constantly getting rolled.
They're constantly, you know, letting the waves smash them into the beach.
They like it.
They have a fetish for it.
They become, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the thing that the Republicans need not do is appear like victims.
That they are sad, and they feel like they've been treated unfairly.
No one wants to hear that you've been treated unfairly.
No one cares.
And Funnel Cake Dad, who, again, I loathe the people of the lakes.
I do not like them.
They are boring.
And I don't agree with a lot of what Funnel Cake Dad believes.
But he did a good job.
Show some of the protesters, by the way.
Are there any videos of the protesters?
Oh, yeah.
From the 20th was the big day of protesting.
And his son crying.
People like that.
People want it.
I'm telling you.
Republicans making snide comments about the kid crying because he's proud of
his father.
That's not the direction.
I mean, I don't know who's running that campaign over there.
Is Susie Wiles drunk?
Are they drunk over there?
I'm genuinely asking.
I know some of them listen.
But, like, is everyone on drugs?
I don't understand.
I'm curious.
You know?
I'm truly curious as to, like, what?
There's no message discipline.
They should be, God, the Democrats.
I mean, it's crazy.
It is the crazy bitch.
You go, you, you tried to give yourself an abortion.
I watched it.
You punched yourself in the stomach.
And she looks at you and she's like, yeah, but that was before I found God.
I started reading a lot about God and it's actually very interesting.
And I realized that I should respect myself.
And you're like, wow.
I mean, I'm telling you, it's what it is.
And now you can only celebrate when the crazy bitch becomes a woman?
Dare I say a lady?
Whether it's true or not, it is an appearance.
And you can only actually be kind of, you can congratulate her.
You could go, wow, you really, you used to suck, you sucked off like five guys
one night.
I know, but that was a time when I like wasn't respecting myself.
And I realized that I was doing that just because I wanted like the, I wanted
people to like, like me.
I just didn't have any value as a human being.
And you're like, God, you're making so much sense.
This is, no, it doesn't matter if it's true.
There's people listening to this right now going, yeah, but when they get an
office, they're going, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It doesn't matter.
We're talking about a political campaign.
It's not going to happen.
None of it's going to happen, what they're saying.
Kamala Harris is running on, this is, I mean, her platform, I'm not even
kidding, is the word joy.
Joy.
Be happy.
It has nothing to do with health care.
It has nothing to do, she said, we're going to stop the food from being
expensive, fatty.
You're going to be able to eat for less.
That is what Kamala's platform is.
She wants to put price controls on the food.
Her platform right now, the only policy we know about is essentially a sign in
a Vegas restaurant, eat for less.
That's all she said, that she's going to let these fatty boon battes into the
grocery store.
Kamala's policy is supermarket sweep.
Get up supermarket sweep, please, and play a little bit of supermarket sweep.
That is Kamala Harris's main policy, is just, you should be able to run through
a supermarket.
And throw things in your wagon, or whatever you call it, basket.
What do they call that?
Cart.
Cart, cart.
I knew I had it.
Get someone running through, get someone running through the thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got to find someone rig