Name: The Presidential Debate & Eating Cats | The Tim Dillon Show #409
Uploaded: 2024-09-14T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Presidential Debate & Eating Cats | The Tim Dillon Show #409' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Presidential Debate & Eating Cats | The Tim Dillon Show #409' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-14. Transcript available.

The Presidential Debate & Eating Cats | The Tim Dillon Show #409

I love 9-11, it's the best day of the year.
I love 9-11.
We gotta get positive about 9-11.
We're recording today on Wednesday, September the 11th.
It gets better every year, that's what I think.
Because a lot of people, now we're, now it's like, are you still sad about it?
Who's still sad about it?
I get it, the first few years, but now, isn't everyone kind of just like,
it's a nice somber day to kind of just take a minute for yourself?
Isn't it good to just take a minute for yourself on 9-11?
To just take some time.
The bitch at the office won't fuck with you if you just stare out the window a
little bit.
I need to take an hour today, it's 9-11.
I need to take a, I'm sorry I was late today, it's 9-11.
It's about really taking some time for yourself on 9-11, breathing, appreciating
the time
that we have with each other.
It's so short.
Kamala Harris, Donald Trump faced off in a debate last night.
Seemingly, the polls say she has won it.
I don't know where they get these polls.
I would also agree that she won, but not because she did great.
Trump was a little unfocused, a little angry, a little, you know, he was kind
of rage-filled,
which is fine.
But he missed some layups where he could have gone after her, and I think he
missed some
of those layups.
I think what happens is when you get angry, you're not thinking strategically.
And I think he could have hit her on a few things.
I don't know whether migrants are eating cats and dogs, but I do know that
there are immigrants
that roasted guinea pigs in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
I saw that, and I didn't care about it, because a guinea pig is sort of like a,
you know, like
a fat little rodent.
It's probably tasty.
It's got a lot of meat.
And I don't care.
I don't care that people's cats and dogs are being stolen, you know?
That's not what I think we need a border.
Right.
Show them grilling the guinea pig.
Jackson Heights, they eat anything over there.
And, you know, I'm for that, though.
I'm not really against that.
I just, I don't really want to get hit in the head with a bike lock.
That's my issue with some of the people coming over.
My friend, guy I hadn't seen in a long time, there was a migrant breaking into
a car.
He said, don't do that or get out of there.
And then the migrant attacked him.
And my friend was in the hospital.
The migrant had been caught and released six times.
He'd been in the country a year.
And now they're finally charging him with attempted murder.
But I think that's the stuff you want to go at.
Not the dogs and the cats being eaten.
You want to kind of say, this is creating a very big problem for law-abiding
citizens.
A group that should matter in the country.
As people that live here are citizens, pay taxes and follow the law.
Those people don't seem to matter as much as they should.
And Donald Trump needs to make the election about those people and not so much.
But let's see.
Let's see.
This is a fun clip here from the debate.
In Springfield, they're eating the dogs.
The people that came in, they're eating the cats.
They're eating the pets of the people that live there.
And this is what's happening in our country.
And it's a shame.
As far as rallies are concerned, as far as the reason they go is they like what
I say.
They want to bring our country back.
They want to make America great again.
It's a very simple phrase.
Make America great again.
She's destroying this country.
And if she becomes president, this country doesn't have a chance of success.
Not only success, we'll end up being Venezuela on steroids.
I just want to clarify here, you bring up Springfield, Ohio.
And ABC News did reach out to the city manager there.
He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being
harmed,
injured, or abused by individuals within the immigrant community.
Well, I've seen people on television.
Let me just say here.
The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.
So maybe he said that.
And maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.
I'm not taking this from television.
But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went
there.
Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.
There are.
I mean, let's be honest here.
In other countries, people do eat different things.
I mean, let's be very clear.
Let's be honest about it.
You go to Scotland, they have haggis.
Haggis is like a sheep's stomach.
And the sheep's stomach is, they make a casserole out of it.
They stuff the sheep's stomach with, like, oats and herbs.
And it's kind of gross.
It's not good.
But my point is that, is this a guy complaining that his dog and his cat were
taken?
This is a Springfield, Ohio resident talking about...
Well, let's hear him out.
He's alleging what David Muir says.
Well, let's...
Yeah.
Well, David Muir is full of shit.
And David Muir is in love with himself.
And I would be, too, if I looked like David Muir.
He's like this fucking hot guy who just wants attention.
He didn't let that other bitch speak.
That other bitch...
Evan was like, it's a big deal.
It's a big night for Lindsay, whatever her name is.
And he didn't let her speak.
She said one thing.
He shot her a look.
So David Muir spoke the whole time.
Let's hear this guy.
Because here's the thing.
People do roast guinea pigs in the parks in New York.
And some people get offended by that.
I don't really care.
But that's the thing.
I understand if you have a cat or a dog and someone kidnaps it.
But I just watched Selling Sunset.
And this dog was dying.
And I laughed at it.
Because I hate...
I hate the idea that animals have replaced children.
In the country, it's kind of sick.
You should have dogs and cats and love them.
They should not be your children.
And there's something really disgusting about pushing a dog or a cat around in
a stroller.
And thinking that this is your children.
And you're a fur...
Oh, these are my fur babies.
And I'm a cat mom or whatever.
You know, that's just...
It's unhealthy.
And J.D. Vance is kind of right about this.
Go to my story.
Go to my story.
And can I play my own story?
Or will YouTube come and...
You can play it, yeah.
Play my story.
Play my story.
And here's my point about that.
Because I know that seems heartless.
What I am saying by laughing like that, there's something really wrong.
All the people on this Selling Sunset show, okay?
They either have...
They will not have children or...
And I'm not kidding.
The only ones who have children is all by Nick Cannon.
Nick Cannon has impregnated like three of the women on this show.
So, these people don't have children.
And they are self-involved narcissists and live in Los Angeles.
Which is completely fine.
Completely fine.
Completely okay.
Some people would say, I fit that description.
And that's fine.
But when you see them crying over this little chihuahua.
And I'm sure this is very sad that the thing is going away.
But when you see...
But that's what's happening.
When you see them crying over this chihuahua and bawling their eyes out.
There's something really wrong.
And I'm not saying J.D. Vance is always...
He doesn't have the right pitch when he speaks all the time about this issue.
It's not...
He doesn't nail it.
You know?
But he's also, I guess...
You know, he's trying to please all different parties.
I'm saying that there's something deeply unhealthy.
And it's actually uncomfortable to watch.
It's uncomfortable to watch a woman and a guy who are unmarried.
But sharing custody of a chihuahua who is dying.
Ball their eyes out on the couch about the chihuahua.
There's something wrong with it.
And there's something about it that is disturbing.
I'm sorry.
I respect this show.
I respect those two midgets.
And the whores that pretend to be real estate agents.
I think it's good.
I watch it.
The midgets and these whores do a decent job of pretending to sell real estate
in one of the worst cities in America.
But my point is, there's something eerily disconcerting about watching these
adults, unmarried adults with no children,
bawl their eyes out about this chihuahua who doesn't care anymore.
The chihuahua wants to go.
This is the way I feel.
This is the way I feel.
And I'm just, so my point is that, that doesn't mean that a migrant should eat
him.
If that's what's happening, I don't know if it is.
It doesn't mean that if a, but I will tell you this, if a migrant from
Venezuela ate the chihuahua from selling sunset, I would, I would watch the
show every day.
Nico, they get tattooed.
Now, I believe they do a funeral episode for the dog.
I'm not sure, but they do, right?
They do a whole funeral for the dog.
These people are sick, but they tattooed the dog and they think, and this is
what happens, by the way.
As you get older, I'm 39 now.
Look, look at this.
Go up there.
Go up.
Selling sunset fans left in tears over a funeral held for Jason Oppenheim and
Mary Fitzgerald's dog, Nico.
It's like losing a child.
They should be in jail.
I don't know what else to say about these people other than that they should be
in jail.
I mean, this is a funeral.
Make that so people can see it.
This is a funeral for this chihuahua that these two losers are having.
I mean, what, how great would it have been if a Venezuelan migrant grabbed that
chihuahua and barbecued it and ate it in front of these two narcissists who are
addicted to themselves?
Play this, gentlemen.
Let's see what's going on here at this Springfield, Ohio city council meeting.
I don't know what's happening.
And I don't even want to, like, seem like I'm coming down on the immigrants
because it's the people that's bringing them down here.
Because wherever they're at, that's what they're used to, bro.
They're in the park grabbing up ducks by their neck and cutting their head off
and walking off with them and eating them.
Like, y'all get the highway state patrol down here every week and then y'all
get, like, a task force for the highway state patrol.
And they look for guns and they look for dope and this and that and the forth.
That same people that y'all got riding up and down limestone doing U-turns,
pulling people over for blinkers and pulling people over for, like, going left
to center and, like, a couple miles over.
Like, y'all can take them same people, the highway state patrol, and you can
take them.
And every single one of their silver charges and dodge Durangos, and y'all can
take them to Sunset, and y'all can park them right over there, and y'all can
teach people how to drive.
Since the highway state patrol knows so much about traffic laws and know what
to do in traffic, they need to, y'all pay them.
They can go over there and teach these Haitians how to drive because it's
getting, bro, I'm getting thousands of views on these.
And it's going to get bigger, and it's only going to get worse, and y'all
sitting up there in these chairs, all y'all need to get out here and do
something.
Y'all making hundreds of thousands of dollars, y'all need to put on a T-shirt
and some Crocs, and then y'all need to come out here in these streets, and y'all
need to go out here.
I'm out here before the police is.
Okay.
Well, that is a gentleman claiming that he has firsthand knowledge of the
immigrant community in Springfield, Ohio, grabbing ducks by the neck and then
cooking them in the park.
And this is what is disturbing him.
And, you know, listen, I get it.
I get it.
Whose fault is that?
I mean, I don't know what to say.
I'll say this.
Trump looked, he was a bit off his game.
I think there will be another debate.
I don't think she really hit him on abortion.
I think if swing voters are largely female, and I think abortion will hurt them,
hurt Trump in the general.
However, he did not do as good of a job as he could of nailing her on the
border because that's her biggest vulnerability.
I don't believe it's the economy.
I, you know, I know everybody's like, it's the economy, stupid.
But I'll tell you this.
I don't believe the biggest issue in the world right now is the e