Name: The Joker 2 & Kamala Harris | The Tim Dillon Show #412
Uploaded: 2024-10-12T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Joker 2 & Kamala Harris | The Tim Dillon Show #412' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Joker 2 & Kamala Harris | The Tim Dillon Show #412' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-12. Transcript available.

The Joker 2 & Kamala Harris | The Tim Dillon Show #412

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
A little disappointed at the people in the Apple Store in the World Trade
Center
who refused and kind of very disrespectfully refused to allow me to jump the
line
with a cracked phone screen after I told them that my phone was damaged in
October 7th.
And I had requested to not wait behind a line of confused Asian people
because, again, my phone was damaged in October 7th trying to save the people
there.
So, and, well, it doesn't matter why I waited a year to get it fixed.
It doesn't matter.
But I'm getting it fixed.
And my phone was damaged in October 7th when I was saving people in Israel with
Governor Tim Walsh.
And we were there at the Nova Music Festival.
I mean, when I was on set at Joker, it's rare that you know how bad something's
going to be.
And I would talk with the other actors and we'd go, we don't get it.
Because you'd sit there and then every now and then you would see Joaquin
Phoenix,
who's one of the greatest actors of our time, singing or doing like jazz hands.
And you'd go, I, man, I don't know how this is going to, I don't know how this
is going to play.
And, but you go, don't question the guy.
He's a legend, the filmmaker, whatever that means anymore.
Whatever anything means, by the way.
No offense to anyone.
I love everyone.
And I'm grateful.
That's the thing about me.
I'm grateful.
A lot of people aren't grateful in this business.
But I'm grateful.
I'm grateful.
You watched This Is Your Country.
We were in the top 10 for two days.
Hey, watch it again.
Get us back in that.
Thank you.
But I'm grateful.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend three months sitting in a trailer in
makeup while my face broke out.
And I had, you know, probably irreversible damage to my skin.
I'm grateful to have sat in a trailer for three months and been a small part of
probably the worst film ever made.
Arguably the worst film ever on a screen.
Where people are walking out of this film.
I saw it in Laguna Beach.
I was in California with COVID.
And I went to go see it.
And that's how you should see it.
If you can see it with COVID.
And I was watching it.
And people were walking out of the theater confused.
Befuddled.
Angry.
Why?
Why did you do this?
The reason the first one was so good is that it captured kind of the nihilism
and anger rising in the culture.
Whether it was or wasn't a ripoff of Taxi Driver is not important at this point.
It doesn't matter.
Okay?
And I'm not taking cheap shots here.
People think I am.
I'm not.
I'm actually talking about life.
What was good about the first one is that it captured a sentiment that was
coursing through the culture.
Okay?
This one is such a mess.
Such a joyless slug.
Whatever else they called it.
You know?
I mean, I don't even want to go through.
I don't even want to read the reviews.
I posted them on my Instagram.
The most common word being associated with this film is disaster.
Lady Gaga is not a good actress, and I say it as she's a colleague of mine, and
I'm going to say it.
I'm sorry.
My fans expect me to be honest now.
I'm going to be honest now.
And this may damage me in the business.
I might not be in the second to worst film.
I was in the worst film ever made.
So, the CIA may call me and go, don't you want to be in the second worst film
ever made?
We got a great idea.
Todd Phillips is making October 7th the musical.
You want to do a line in that?
That makes more sense.
At least there was music at October 7th.
There's more of a link.
You see how that works, buddy?
You also overpaid for your home.
Here's the point.
Doesn't matter.
I'm grateful.
The thing about me is I've always been grateful.
I'm a grateful person.
And this is what people don't understand, but they see me out, and they see me
beaming, and they go, you seem like you're full of gratitude.
And I say, well, I am, actually.
I am.
I am.
It was a blessing to be in this movie.
Lady Gaga has no business being on a movie screen, by the way.
It's all Chapel Rhone now.
None of it's Gaga.
She's the new gay trans icon.
So what?
She endorsed Trump.
I'm kidding.
She didn't, but she refused to endorse Kamala because she thought she was going
to make, like, a nuanced point about politics.
Hey, baby cakes, that's what I do.
Get on stage and dress like a frog and sing.
Going to make a nuanced point about politics?
You're 12.
The hell do you know?
You were serving, didn't she work at Wendy's?
And now she's a musician?
Your fans want Mamala.
Serve them what they want, which is Mamala.
Baby, you're in the hive.
Oh, you don't, you're trying to find a nuanced take on the Middle East?
I'm a pink pony girl and I'm voting for Trump.
Oh, baby.
I'd respect that.
Ha, da, da.
Every single day.
Venezuelans stealing phones and things are getting gray.
But Gaga's irrelevant.
The woman is irrelevant.
And I think she's very talented in the music end of the thing.
That's her game.
She's irrelevant now.
Okay?
Star is born, we get it.
When was that?
Long time ago.
Yeah.
Right?
At least 10 years, yeah.
I'm on the deep end.
I ruined a movie.
Everyone loses money.
Six years ago.
Six years, whatever.
Six years is an eternity now.
So they got her in this, ruining it.
They got Joaquin who's doing, you know, he's a brilliant actor, but he's, you
know, they
got him trying to be Fred Astaire.
It's a big mistake.
And on set, I would turn to my friend Jimmy, who was one of the guards, and I'd
go,
what is happening?
And he'd go, this is not going to be good.
And we'd have great lunches every day because it's a $300 million budget.
The lunches were, I mean, we all went into this thinking this was going to be
great because
we got there, we showed up.
We'd never, I'd never done a film like this.
I did Thanksgiving.
You know, they lobbed off my head.
Great.
Now we got to this.
I'm on the Universal lot.
Even though it's a Warner Brothers movie, they've rented a bunch of lots on the
Universal
lot.
They've recreated the Arkham Asylum.
I am sitting there.
We have a lot of different prison guards.
We're all talking to each other.
We are having lunches.
We have a pasta bar.
We have lobster tails.
We have fish, tuna, salmon being grilled and served to us for the first few
days.
The lunches went downhill as the thing continued.
They got cheaper.
The craft service table was amazing.
Okay.
We're looking at Joaquin.
Gaga's not there.
We're looking at Joaquin.
We're going, we're in it.
We're in Joker 2.
This is legendary.
Okay.
The worst thing anyone has ever seen.
I mean, ever, ever, ever.
Every time it looked like something may kind of be good happen.
They would start with that shit.
Like, you know, for once in my life, I have someone who needs me.
Someone who needs me.
And they're doing the dance.
And I'm like, God, what is this?
It's, it was heinous to use a word I use way too much.
And I, we, we knew it.
I had a nice little scene.
It was quick.
In fact, I missed my scene.
I was talking.
I was texting on the phone about how bad this movie is.
There you go.
Show the people.
I was texting on the phone about how atrocious the film is.
I missed my scene.
I didn't even see it.
And I just walked out and looked at the beach.
It was that bad.
And, um, but it's changed my life in many ways.
You know, being in the worst film ever made.
Being in the death of a popular, what, franchise?
Technically, yeah.
It's the biggest Hollywood bomb of the year.
That's not nothing.
That's not nothing.
Timmy Boy is in the biggest Hollywood bomb of the year.
Let's be honest.
That is not nothing.
A lot of people fail quietly.
This is a massive, big budget, blowout failure.
And I am involved.
And I'm proud of that.
Here's how bad this film is.
I cannot show this to anyone ever.
I can never say I was in a movie and then show it to someone.
That's how bad it is.
If I said I was in a movie and I showed this to someone years from now,
they would go, are you pranking me when I put this on?
And you heard Lady Gaga be like, I'm the Joker.
There's always a Joker in the pack.
There's always a Joker.
It's like, what the fuck is going on?
Who did this?
Who's this?
Who's the studio?
Wasn't it Universal?
I don't know.
No, it was not.
Oh, it's Warner Brothers because it's a comic book movie.
DC Comics.
So, da, da, da, da, da.
I'm kidding.
It's a good movie.
I'm actually joking.
I'm doing a bit right now.
Warner Bros.
I'm doing a bit.
That's how good I am as a comedian.
It's good.
If you need a movie to have a plot, you're a loser.
Truly.
If you need a film to have a plot, you're a fucking loser.
And if you don't like musicals, you hate gay people and you hate women.
And you hate trans people and you probably hate black people because they're
very musical.
And you hate, you are in the KKK.
You don't like this, Mr. KKK?
There's always a joker in the pack.
I don't understand how this happened, but I'll tell you it's one word, hubris.
Hubris.
I had a lot of suggestions on that set and nobody listened to me because I was
an unimportant nobody.
But you know what?
Sometimes you listen to the nobody.
I said immediately, fire Lady Gaga.
Fire her.
Fire her right now.
You're paying her a lot of money and what I'm seeing ain't working.
Get her out of here.
Get her out of here.
I said that at the pasta truck a lot of times.
Get her out of here, I would say.
Get her out of here.
The red sauce.
Get her out of here.
She's not working.
Get her out.
Cut her mic.
I would yell.
They wouldn't hear me.
I'd say it.
I'd say, cut her mic.
What do I care?
What am I going to, you know?
What do I care?
This whole thing is fake.
This whole thing is fake.
This whole business I'm in is a pretend business.
Do you understand that?
Anyone listening out there?
In your minivan with your kids going to fucking, I don't know, the, what is it?
The thing that people go, the escape room or, I don't know, what do you go to
with the kids?
Rock climbing?
Not with kids, right?
What do you, what's the thing where you jump in the foam pit?
Like Chuck E. Cheese or Dave and Buster's?
Whatever it is.
Whatever the hell you're doing out there.
I'll tell you this.
The business I'm in is fake.
It's not real.
300 million in this horse shit that's on the screen.
It's a month of my life.
Do you know that when my agents called me to put me in this, they told me it
was going
to be a big deal for me?
Oh, it's going to be a big deal.
It's going to open up doors for you.
It's going to open up doors.
The only door it opened up is the door in the Laguna Beach movie theater when
everybody
walked the fuck out.
That's the door it opened up.
And people, I was hiding a few people.
I don't get recognized all the time, but every now and then somebody will
recognize me.
I was hiding like Diddy in that theater trying to get out.
Somebody went, Tim Dillon, you were in that.
You were good.
And I went, it was terrible.
They went, it was terrible.
And I just ran to my car.
Not ran.
Quickly walked.
The point is, this is going to be a big deal for you.
You're in Joker too.
Everyone gets on the call.
When you have an agency, you have seven or eight people that will call you when
something
good happens.
And none of them have names.
None of them should have names.
They're all Joshes and Jonas and Jacobs.
And none of them are actually a person.
It's just, you know, the gremlin when you get them wet and they all just, they
all become,
and they're all on the phone.
People you don't even know are on the phone.
They're like, hello.
They're like, we have Josh and Jacob and Jonah and Justin and Josh and Josh and
Josh and Justin
and Jacob and Jonah and Jocelyn and Janet.
And you go, okay, hi, hi.
And you're always desperate when they call.
You're like, hi.
Is everything okay?
Is everything okay?
And they're like, we have such good news.
And you're like, hi, where's, hi, hi, hi, hi, Tim.
I don't know if we've ever spoken, but I just want to call and say that we're
really excited
to bring you this news.
You're going to be in Joker 2.
And then everyone's like, oh my God, it's such a big deal.
It