Name: Matt Gaetz & The Non-Binary Capitalist | The Tim Dillon Show #418
Uploaded: 2024-11-23T23:52:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Matt Gaetz & The Non-Binary Capitalist | The Tim Dillon Show #418' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Matt Gaetz & The Non-Binary Capitalist | The Tim Dillon Show #418' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-23. Transcript available.

Matt Gaetz & The Non-Binary Capitalist | The Tim Dillon Show #418

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
I'm getting over laryngitis, but the voice is strong.
Matt Gaetz had sex with a child.
I just think of all the women who thought that they were going to get a respite
from this for one week.
And their boyfriend is playing this.
And, you know, they're in the kitchen making a Jell-O no-bake or whatever women
do.
I don't know what they do.
But they're in the kitchen making a stir-fry or something.
And then they just hear, Matt Gaetz.
But Matt Gaetz, friend of the show, like our friend Diddy, friend of the show,
withdrew his nomination for attorney general.
And I believe, am I correct about this?
He's now on Cameo.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I believe I saw that.
This has been the worst 48 hours of this man's life.
Can you imagine going from thinking you were going to be the attorney general
and then you're on Cameo wishing people a happy birthday?
Is this really true?
Is he really on Cameo?
He's charging $500 to make bespoke fan videos on the Cameo.
If you don't know what Cameo is, Cameo, and no shade to anyone who's on Cameo,
by the way,
but Cameo is not ideal.
It's not the ideal career setup is to be on Cameo getting random requests for
birthday messages and then having to fulfill them for money.
Now there's a lot of talented people on it and blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever
disclaimer you want, I will never do it.
I don't care how desperate I am.
I will never do it.
I will first, I will defect to a foreign country.
I will do anything but Cameo.
Why didn't he just go back to driving to minors over to state lines?
Why are you on Cameo?
Have you no dignity?
I mean, say what you want.
Can you imagine, say what you want about Jislaine.
Do you think Jislaine Maxwell would want to be out of jail right now so that
that bitch could be like,
hello, hi, Teresa, happy birthday.
It's Jislaine Maxwell.
Your friend Lauren sent in a request here on Cameo,
and she wants you to know that you're gorgeous, darling.
You don't look a day over 38.
Happy 40th.
Like, no, do your time.
Do your time.
Sit in the cell.
So Matt Gaetz, he has problems, this person,
because here's the thing about Matt Gaetz.
He's on Cameo.
Is this real?
Is life real?
Is this all real?
Yes.
I served in Congress.
This is his Cameo bio.
It says, I served in Congress.
Trump nominated me to be U.S. Attorney General.
That didn't work out once I fired the House Speaker.
That was a reference to events in October of last year when Gaetz triggered the
historic removal of Kevin McCarthy,
a fellow Republican, the first speaker ever ejected by his own party.
So now, Matt Gaetz, the issue here is that Matt Gaetz has been accused of sex
with an underage woman.
Trafficking.
Yes.
Trafficking.
Trafficking and having parties with women.
Sex parties.
Yes.
And then some of them are underage.
One of them was 17, apparently.
And they've testified against him in a closed-door session.
Correct.
And there is an ethics report that Speaker Mike Johnson got them to not release.
But there is bad stuff happening.
And I've heard from inside sources.
I have many sources, folks.
This is why you watch this program.
Because I provide you, not only with commentary, but with inside information
that's important.
And I have inside sources that say, this guy's a little bit of a creep.
That is insider.
You never would have got that without me.
You never would have been able to get it.
You would have never been able to ascertain that without me.
I have inside sources at the highest level.
Saying this guy might be a little bit of a creep.
That's what they're saying at the highest levels.
But does he deserve this?
Does he deserve cameo?
I'm asking, even as a human trafficking pedophile, perhaps.
I don't know.
Allegedly, whatever.
Does he deserve to be on cameo?
There's nothing worse than being on cameo.
It is really, really bad.
And again, no shade to cameo or anyone who's on it.
But take your life first.
There's other ways.
Kill yourself.
And I don't mean that.
I mean, unalive yourself.
Go to the bridge.
Go to the thing.
Go into the woods.
There's a gun in my mouth.
Don't do cameo.
Now, are we going to play his cameos right now?
I think we should see one of them.
This is unreal.
This man, and I don't know anything about this.
I know very little about him, really.
We're going to move on soon to talk about Biden's trying to kill everyone now.
He's trying to kill everyone.
But before we move on to that, the only person looking forward to a nuclear war
with Russia
is Matt Gaetz, because then he can get off cameo.
Play one of these, please.
Hara, Hara.
Hey, Toby.
What is hot?
Is this real?
Hey, Toby.
Matt Gaetz here.
Let's stop this for once.
Let me just say one thing.
Trump transition team, of which I know some of the people.
We've had the vice president on the show.
You know, many people in the comedy community have been super chill about it.
But I know some of you listen to the show.
This can't be what, this can't be what, this can't be, it's not going great
with that, right?
Going smoothly.
Like, I just hope, my hope is, my goal is, because I want the country to
succeed.
Even if Kamala or anyone were to win, I would still be giving them advice.
I gave them advice.
I gave the Democrats advice.
They don't listen.
They don't listen.
The Republicans listened to my advice, which is why they won.
Truly.
In the beginning, they were like, Kamala's a communist.
It didn't work.
And I'm like, no, no, no.
She believes in nothing.
And she doesn't know anything.
And then they switched.
And then they won.
Am I saying it's me?
No.
But it was good advice because she's not a communist.
She has no integrity in calling some, I know a lot of communists and they have
integrity.
They're wrong, but they believe in things.
She believes in nothing.
So, what I'm saying now is that I just don't want a situation where three or
four of the people
that have been nominated are on Cameo.
Please, God.
Can we not have three or four of the nominees end up on Cameo?
Please, God, I don't want to see RFK and Tulsi on Cameo, who I think are both
very qualified
and should be in.
I just don't want to see Pete Hegseth on Cameo.
The goal of this administration cannot be to deliver nominees directly to Cameo.
That can't be it.
Cameo is salivating.
At the slate of people that are up there now.
This can't be the way it's supposed to work out.
Now, whatever Gates has done, and I imagine it's not great.
You imagine Gates has problems because he's not going back to Congress.
He's out.
I don't know what he's going to do.
I don't know what he's going to do, but here he is, and we're going to watch
his Cameo.
And I mean, this is...
So this Hey Toby one is a pep talk one, but this holiday one just dropped while
we were taping this one.
Play the holiday one.
It's a holiday episode.
What's up, Deb and Terry?
This is Matt Gates.
I wanted to wish you a very special happy Thanksgiving.
You've got a terrific son-in-law, Eric, and I know your daughter, Kelly, is
very happy, along with Eric, to be there enjoying your terrific cooking in Utah.
Thanks for being in the fight.
Thanks for backing President Trump and all of our efforts to save the country.
It's a time of Thanksgiving, but I'm giving thanks to all the opportunities we
have ahead for our country to get our trade policies right, to stop the
invasion at our southern border, to get the economy humming.
And I have not gotten over the shock and excitement from this election.
I thought we were going to win, but I had no idea.
By the way, this is crazier than Armie Hammer.
This guy's, this is 48 hours after, this is, he was nominated to be the
Attorney General.
He's out because of human trafficking, and he's smiling going, I haven't gotten
over the excitement of the election.
You're in a room in Florida doing cameos.
You thought you were going to be in the administration.
This is the craziest, I'm telling you.
Can you, if you send him money, will he make one right now?
We can see if he's online, yeah.
See if he's online.
If you send him money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What would you want the cameo to say?
Hi, Tim Dillon.
I'm a big fan.
Thank you for having J.D. Vance on your show.
You are the king of fake business.
And your show at the Ridgefield Playhouse in Connecticut has been moved to
January 23rd because of laryngitis.
And your show at the Ridgefield Playhouse in Connecticut has been moved to
January 23rd because of laryngitis.
Feel better king.
And what do we give him for that?
Five hunch?
Five twenty-five.
Five twenty-five.
I wish there was a message that you could send saying, we'll give you a G if
you do it right now.
Yeah.
Maybe we can give him a tip.
Do you want it public on his profile if he does it?
Oh, absolutely.
Okay.
Oh, absolutely I want it public on his profile.
Are you nuts?
We're doing things in the shadows here?
I absolutely want it public on his profile.
Yes or yes?
I'm telling you right now, nothing's cheap out there.
Whatever he's going to be involved in paying people off or whatever,
entertainment, whatever he's doing, it ain't cheap.
Take the money.
He might not do it.
He might not do it because he might think that we're mocking him.
But what does he care at this point?
He wants the money.
He needs money.
I mean, this is like terrible what's happened to him.
Now, obviously, he's probably a bad person.
I don't know.
I'm judging him from afar.
But I'm hearing from high-level sources, not great.
Not ideal.
Not great.
We're going to move on here, but I'm hoping you interrupt me.
I'm praying that you interrupt me with a Matt Gaetz cameo.
This is my prayer.
This is all I want with life right now is to get a Matt Gaetz cameo.
He was going to be our attorney general, and now he's announcing that I've
changed my date
at the Ridgefield Playhouse to January 23rd.
Joseph, no, no, no.
Oh, hold on.
It's 262 if we want it within 24 hours.
Do it.
Okay.
Get it.
Get it.
I want it now.
I want it now.
He was going to be the attorney general of the United States.
Folks, let that sink in.
He has had a rough couple.
Whatever you think about Matt Gaetz, and there's a lot to think, he's had a
rough couple
because he was sitting there going, I have one.
I am going to be, because a lot of people hated him and preyed on his downfall,
and perhaps
for good reason.
And he was like, fuck all of them.
I'm going to be the attorney general.
And instead of that, he is doing cameos on the internet.
Matt Gaetz has received our request for a cameo, folks.
All we can do in this world is enjoy ourselves.
And I'm enjoying this.
I mean, this is fun for me, and fun maybe for him.
Joe Biden's now trying to kill everyone.
Joe Biden is trying to kill everyone on Earth right now, right before the inauguration
of
the next president.
Joe Biden has allowed the Ukraine to use long-range missiles to strike deep
within the heart of Russia.
Biden, Joe Biden's Ukraine move is a gift for Trump.
This is what a retired general is saying.
Here's what I think people misunderstand about this whole thing.
Putin is in a box.
Remember how it worked when Trump was in a box, Democrats, when you said, hey,
we're going
to try to put you in jail unless you win an election.
How did that work?
Did that work well?
You've now put Putin in a box where you're saying to Vladimir Putin, you look
like a total
bitch if you don't use a nuclear weapon against either the Ukraine or a NATO
installation or whatever.
I'm not saying Putin will do it, but you're putting him in a position where he
looks like
a bitch in front of the oligarchs in his country.
The military in his country, many people have died in this war.
The citizenry of Russia, he looks like he's getting smacked around by the
United States.
This is no longer a war where we are funding or arming the Ukraine.
We are now in direct conflict with Russia.
It's quickly becoming a war more than a proxy war.
And this was always kind of the goal.
And this is what I wanted to avoid many years ago.
This war, like all wars, will end wit