Name: Tech People & Celebrating Nothing | The Tim Dillon Show #423
Uploaded: 2024-12-28T17:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tech People & Celebrating Nothing | The Tim Dillon Show #423' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tech People & Celebrating Nothing | The Tim Dillon Show #423' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-28. Transcript available.

Tech People & Celebrating Nothing | The Tim Dillon Show #423

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Did it feel like Christmas this year?
Did it feel like it?
It didn't really feel like it.
And I am talking to people with large families
and beautiful homes.
This is not one of those, like, being a bitter guy things.
This is taking the temperature
of many different demographics of people.
And across the board, I would say people
were kind of feeling the same thing,
that it just felt less like Christmas than it had.
And a friend of mine had a theory about that,
and she might be right.
She's not alone in this thought,
that we put so much energy and emotion
into the election that the holidays this year
felt kind of like a hangover
because the election was such a big, emotional,
momentous event for people
that once we got to the holidays,
it's kind of like, who cares?
It's kind of become a big ball of who cares?
It's a lot of people in pajamas,
and there's being lazy.
People are ordering in.
There's all kinds of articles about
that people just don't want the formality
of the holidays.
I mean, if you look at your Instagram feed,
people are just, you know,
they're in pajamas,
and it's very cash.
The whole thing's very casual.
And maybe that's good.
Maybe we should all just live in pajamas.
But it's a very casual holiday now.
And it seems like that seems to be
what's been decided by people
that it's going to be a casual holiday,
and it's not going to feel formal.
It's just okay.
I don't know if that's good or bad.
I just know that people seem to be
giving up on everything
across the board.
I mean, it seems like it.
The food, how they look,
the house, the gifts.
It seems like people across the board
are kind of giving up on these events,
and their attitude seems to be,
so what?
So what?
That's their attitude.
Give the kids some garbage,
and then sit in your house
in a onesie
and watch Torched on Netflix
to roast to 2024,
which no one's watching.
I'm just kidding.
Maybe they are.
I'm asking if people are watching.
Remember,
let me be very clear.
If you invite me to do your thing,
and even the smallest part of me
doesn't like it,
I'm going to publicly destroy it
and make your life a living hell.
Ask the producers at Joker.
Ask these people.
If even a small part of me,
for whatever reason,
doesn't even have to be a good reason,
finds that my time has been wasted,
okay,
my very valuable time
I could spend
driving around
or looking at houses
I have no intention of buying
or all the things
I spend my time doing,
if I feel even for a second
that my time was wasted,
I will go on a
scorched earth campaign
against whatever you have spent
years working on.
I have no respect
for whatever you've done.
I will publicly drag
your name through the mud
and the name of your family.
Your children will get
attacked at school
and they will come home
bleeding
and you will go,
what happened?
The guy,
Tim Dillon said
you made a shit movie
and I got jumped.
I will direct
the anger
of this country
at you.
All the uncertainty
about the drones
and whatever,
food insecurity
or poverty,
income inequality,
I will direct it all
at you
and whatever you've done
and wasted my time with.
Be careful.
I hope this doesn't
dissuade you
from hiring me.
I really hope that
because it puts
a good amount
of pressure on you
but I will be very clear
I will be a problem.
I will turn the people
in the production
against you
one by one.
I will start
a whisper campaign
about things
you may or may not
have done
to an intern
in a green room.
I will never stop
if I feel
even slightly
that I'm not
being taken care of
that I have been
paid unfairly
that my time
has been wasted
or if I just
slightly have
creative differences
with you.
If I have even
the smallest
creative difference
with you
I will attack
the production
using sock puppet
dummy accounts
across the internet
I will hire people
in foreign countries
to spam
every corner
of the internet
until the consensus
has been reached
that you
and your project
are a failure
and should never
work again.
If I even feel
for a second
that you were
mean to me
at the coffee truck
while I was
getting my coffee
if you were
dismissive of me
at the coffee truck
I will begin
a nightmarish
campaign against you
it will be like
nothing you've ever
seen
CIA level
manipulation
and again
don't
I don't want you
to not hire me
because of that
I want you
to involve me
in what you're doing
just make it good
and treat me nice
and that's why
I will say
Torched was very
lovely
I have no problem
with the people
at Torched
is it the greatest
thing ever
hey you decide
you decide
but it was fun
to play that
dead guy
who got shot
and I like
Netflix for doing
that and thank you
so I have nothing
bad to say
about them
but that's
no indication
that the next
thing I am
asked to do
will not result
in a full
it's the last
episode of the
year
so that's
I'm just
putting it
I'm laying my
cards on the
table
okay
you know
much like
Amy Schumer
did when she
found out
Nikki Glaser
was hosting
the Golden
Globes
she ordered
this drone
attack
this is
what's
happening
right now
this is
the actual
reason
for the
drones
Amy's
got the
drones
over the
Beverly
whatever
that's
called
the Beverly
where did
Whitney
not Whitney
Whitney
Houston
where did
she check
out in
the tub
that's
where they
have the
Golden
Globes
isn't it
where Whitney
Houston
drowned in
the tub
the Beverly
Wilshire
the Beverly
Hilton
the Hilton
family owns
it and then
yeah
the Beverly
Hilton
where Whitney
Houston
drowned in
the tub
is where
they have
the Golden
Globes
I hope
they do
like a
memorial
to her
they bring
out the
tub
the Golden
Tub
what if
someone sings
from Whitney
Houston's
tub
is that
how
Nikki
should
start
the
Golden
Globes
in
Whitney
Houston's
tub
that
you
drown
in
and say
hello
everybody
I've been
watching Nikki
do her jokes
and she's crushing
all over town
she's one of
those comics
I really love
to watch
I think
she's a
just amazing
and we
wish her
great luck
and I think
she's gonna
murder it
there
and I will
be hosting
the Golden
Corral
Awards
where we
reward
homeless people
for their
level of
creativity
and ingenuity
during this
time
that's what
it is
there's the
rift
happening right
now on the
right
and it
involves
tech
and it
involves
immigration
Elon Musk
who just came
out in
favor of
Ozempic
and Wegovy
because he's
gotten to be
a little bit
of a
fatty
boom
batty
and he's
saying
weight loss
drugs are
good
and we
know who
isn't
don't we
so
we're
seeing
infighting
now there's
no one left
to fight
with
you gotta
realize
the Trump
people like
to fight
the whole
things about
fighting
the entire
ethos
of the
thing
Trump is
a brawler
he's a
masterful
politician
but he's
amazing on
the ropes
he punches
he's
great
he's
you know
he's a
fighter
who you
cannot
count out
he keeps
coming back
but also
that
also
it spreads
throughout
the organization
and all
of the
people
are trying
to curry
favor
with
Trump
or
emulate
Trump
by also
being
very
aggressive
and
so here's
what's
happened
the Democrats
now
obviously
have lost
and
they seem
pretty
incapable
of mounting
any type
of
you know
reasonable
resistance
whatever you
call it
whatever you
want to
call
the
you know
the people
that are
in opposition
to things
that Trump
wants to
do
the Democratic
Party
hasn't figured
out how to
do it
because they
need to
as I
talked about
a few
weeks ago
burn the
witches
a lot
of these
media types
that are
not really
good
at
putting out
this message
it's this
weird circular
firing squad
where every
podcast
is like
how did
this happen
how did
this happen
who's to
blame
and they
just fight
about
how it
happened
and
they are
how it
happened
you are
how it
happened
the
people
talking
about
how it
happened
you're
how it
happened
you were
the guardians
of the
message
you were
to bring
that
you were
the media
surrogates
you failed
you did
a terrible
job
you're
not good
at what
you do
you need
to fall
on the
sword
this is a
very Japanese
a beautiful
Japanese
custom
which looks
at
you know
we have a
very negative
attitude
about
unaliving
here in
America
but in
certain
cultures
they believe
it is
you know
somewhat
necessary
and actually
a way
to kind
of atone
there was
a Japanese
guy who
fucked up
a plane
the whole
plane
went down
and then
he said
buku
out
you know
because it
was great
shame
we're off
on a tangent
but the
point is
the point
is that
what I'm
saying
I'm not
saying
everyone
in the
media
should
take
their
own
life
I'm
saying
you
turn
the
mirror
on
oneself
yes
might
be
good
stop
well
how
did
it
happen
well
it's
disinformation
no it's
you
you
suck
and we
hate
you
everyone
hates
you
no one
can
no one
believes
that anymore
that people
can hate
them and be
right
people
might
hate
you
and be
correct
there's
a real
theater kid
energy that
got unleashed
in this
country
and it's
infected
every part
of it
as somebody
who was
a genuine
theater kid
meaning
I was
in real
things
not like
my high
school
theater
I was
an actor
as a
child
acting
theater
it's a
brutal
blood sport
and it's
supposed to
be mean
and the
people who
make it
have to
suffer
through the
indignities
of failure
to get
good
that's
why
they're
good
the
theater
kid
energy
that
got
unleashed
I don't
know if
it was
glee
I don't
know what
to blame
it on
but it
happened
around the
2010s
what started
to happen
was
everything in
this country
became a
recital
everything became
about you
it's about
me
it's about
me
and you
were
cheered
on
no matter
how
big
your
how big
the chasm
was between
the talent
you thought
you had
and the
talent
you actually
had
we had
to cheer
you on
we had
to clap
and say
good job
good for
you
and then
you know
just showing
up is
90%
of that
no it's
not
no it is
not that
what is
that quote
it's 90%
it's nothing
showing up
is almost
nothing
stay home
and what
happened was
it is
infected
everybody
it's not
only
the
hordes
of
talentless
garbage
people
that were
forced to
endure
in
entertainment
and media
it's
a political
consultant
it's just
a celebration
of mediocrity
and how dare
you suggest
anyone is
bad at
their job
how dare
you suggest
anyone is
terrible at
their job
that job
means so
much to
them
they work
so hard
they didn't
they didn't
but it's
the theater
kid energy
it's this
idea of
like I
am here
to be
you know
and it's
like you
suck
some of
you are
terrible
and need
to stop
and no one
will tell
you it's
an act
of love
it is an
act
when your
child gets
off that
stage
it is an
act of
love to
sit them
down and
go honey
this ain't
for you
it is an
act of
love and
parents will
no longer
do it
I know
the biggest
losers in
the world
thank you
lord
somehow I
do
biggest
losers in
the world
thank you
Jesus
I know
a lot of
the biggest
losers in
the world
and they're
all united
by the fact
that their
parents heap
praise on
them for
nothing
oh you
got a
flight to
San Diego
good for
you
good for
you
we
celebrate
the
mediocrity
and it's
people's
sit your
children down
and tell
them no
tell them
no
you are
not good
at this
the other
people in
the thing
were better
than you
in the
play
they were
better
than you
I don't
know why
you're bad
at it
maybe it's
your innate
ability
or maybe
you don't
take anything
seriously
you're
a goofball
but you're
not good
at this
and if
you keep
doing this
you're
going to
live a
lie
I want
you to
tell them
this
I don't
care if
they're
nine
do you
want to
live a
lie
look at
me
look at
me
right
now
do you
want to
live a
lie
because
you're
lying
on that
stage
to
everyone
you're
telling
them
you should
be
there
and
you
shouldn't
be
there
so
all
these
Democrat
surrogates
who are
terrible
at what
the Democrats
even more
because of
them
and they
will not
exit
stage left
none of
these people
will leave
they will
not go
they will
not go
find
honest
work
go find
honest
work
Panera's
a great
honest
job
you should
have
many of
you
that are
that are
out there
in the
Democrat
media
space
you're
terrible
you work
at Panera
you love
to work
in class
so much
go make
French onion
soup with
them
because you
suck
you're
bad
and now
so the
Democrats