Name: Bad Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #425
Uploaded: 2025-01-11T17:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #425' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #425' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-11. Transcript available.

Bad Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #425

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, the host of the Bad Friends podcast.
Thank you for coming.
I can't see because of all the fog.
I know.
I mean, it's too, it's too, it's steamed up and fogged up.
Optimus Prime sunglasses.
Well, I got these in Las Vegas.
People said they were good.
Which people?
The guy at the store, the black guy in the booth.
You said, no, he's an Asian.
There was an Asian in the store.
Let me tell you something about Asians.
Yes.
Okay?
Let me tell you something about Asians.
He knows a lot about Asians.
Yeah.
But I'm going to tell you something about it because I am one.
Yeah.
If you don't know, my friend.
I do.
Okay.
It depends on what kind.
That's right.
That's right.
Which kind told you?
What kind of Asian told you?
I don't know.
Baggy pants, big belt, a lot of zippers.
That's the right kind.
That's the right kind.
That's what I thought.
That was the right kind.
That is true.
That's what I thought.
Because I thought you were going to do the machete one with the brown shorts
that are all cut
up.
No.
No shoes.
Those, they don't know nothing.
Yeah.
Those ones, I'm-
You know what I mean?
If you want to, if you want to make a trail in Vietnam, I'm not saying that
that's the kind.
No.
No, for sure.
No, these were fashionable ones in Vegas with like, like big coats on.
This is Balenciaga.
Oh, those are good ones.
You ever see those ones with like a huge coat?
Sure.
Like it's like the Nutcracker where they could open it and there'd be others.
Like it's that type of coat.
This is Balenciaga?
These are Balenciaga, but they're not really-
What's the price point on these things?
I don't-
It's $1,600.
Yeah.
It's too silly.
It's stupid.
How much do you get paid a month for this show?
$70,000.
I'm kidding.
No way, dude.
There's no way.
No, he gets paid a lot.
He does.
He gets paid six figures.
Not a month, but a year.
A year.
Wow.
Yeah.
Good for you, dude.
Do you get Balenciaga sunglasses?
No, but I bought him sneakers.
Yeah.
You got sneakers.
Good ones.
Good, nice ones.
Golden Gloos?
Not Golden Gloos.
We got, we got, they're Nikes.
But nice Nikes.
I don't know.
We don't start with Golden Goose here.
What is he, Nikki Glaser?
We're giving him Golden Goose?
What do you think about the Golden Globes?
She's going to kill it.
I think so.
She's done it 108 times.
I've seen it a bunch, and she's killing it.
Literally 108.
Bro, her work ethic, dude.
It's stupid.
Yeah.
She's got Asian work ethic.
She has Tiger Mom work ethic.
She really does.
I'm going to take these.
And she would do like three or four sets a night.
Five.
Sometimes she'd do five.
Absurd.
You would never.
We would never.
I would never do that.
I would do it three times, and then I would say, I don't want to hate the jokes,
so I'm
going to stop trying.
Well, if you do it too many times, you can't blame the writers.
At some point, you can't blame the writers.
Oh, interesting.
So if you do it little, you can blame the writers.
I like that.
Right.
You do it less, you blame them.
You do it more, it's you.
You did it.
Right.
We saw her do it.
We did Ice House Store.
She went to the improv, the factory.
I've seen her in every room doing it.
It's unbelievable.
I want to apologize about the machete trails thing earlier.
Oh, no.
Of course.
No, it's already out there.
But everyone knew what you meant.
I didn't know.
I didn't mean anything, but I was, I had two hours of sleep.
Yes.
And when I, in retrospect, I go, no, everyone, everyone would know.
All Asians would know about your glasses.
Yeah, no, no, no.
And we, I didn't, when you said machete, I didn't even think you meant a real
machete.
I thought you meant, it was like a, oh, like a figure of speech.
A figure of speech, okay.
Just describing a certain type of personality.
When you go to Vegas, do you gamble too or no?
Yeah, Baccarat.
You are Asian.
I play Baccarat.
That is, that's Asian game.
High end.
Mahjong, you Mahjong?
I don't do that, I do Baccarat.
Oh, Mahjong.
Baccarat is the best ads, the best odds in the casino because it's 50-50.
Right.
And it's a fun game.
You do banker always or player?
Always banker.
Always banker.
I always bet banker.
Me too.
Baccarat.
Baccarat's fun.
I like it, it's fun.
And it's a game you can sit for an hour or two and have fun and you're up a few
and down
a few.
Bobby doesn't gamble, but you know what's, well, you gamble in life, I guess,
less so than
on a table.
No gambling at all?
That's right.
Can't.
I have, I'm just not good at it.
But you're also an addict, you can't get trapped in that.
Yeah, I can't get trapped in that.
So much money.
I'm an addict too, but I'm confident I won't get addicted to Baccarat.
That's the greatest last word.
That's one, that's one thing I go, if I do get addicted to Baccarat, like that's
how
it should end.
Well, you hear those rumors, you hear those rumors of comics and I'm not
speaking ill of
the dead because he's the best, but I heard stories that Norm would make them
give him
a check to the casino to play out.
Wow.
You know, like instead of like pay me, just pay me in chips or whatever.
Pay me in chips.
I don't know if that's a true story, but I love the idea that he was like, just
put it
downstairs.
Remember my Dice story?
No, what?
I was working the back door in the late 90s.
Okay.
The late 90s?
The late 90s, man.
What's so funny, guy?
It's all right.
It's just the late 90s.
I didn't know if that was like a period of time, like a dimension we couldn't
access as
white people.
I was like, oh, the late 90s.
The late 90s.
So I'm working the back door.
I don't know Dice at all.
He comes up to me and he goes, hey, Ching.
That's what he used to call me.
Really?
But not in a racist way.
No, no, not at all.
It was Cha-Ching.
Cha-Ching.
Oh, yeah.
He's like, it's not racist.
Cha-Ching.
Money guy.
Money guy.
Gotcha.
And he goes, Cha-Ching.
I go, Bobby, Ching.
And then he goes, we're going.
I go, going where?
He goes, to Vegas.
He went to the management and he goes, I'm taking the little Chinese guy.
He didn't know I was Korean.
Right.
To Vegas right now.
So I literally, no toothbrush, no clothes.
No problem.
I literally get on a plane with him.
He goes, you're good luck.
Wow.
He lost $850,000 in 12 hours.
And then when we got back, he didn't talk to me for three years.
Of course.
Yeah, well.
It was a nightmare.
Was that your fault?
I think so.
I think I gave him bad energy there.
Yeah.
And it was the first time where I go, oh, stars can do anything.
Because we were at the gate at LAX.
Yeah.
And he just lit up a cigarette.
Oh, yeah.
At the gate.
Yeah.
And I go, you can do that?
He goes, I can.
And he just started smoking.
But he can.
And then they said, put it out.
And he just threw it and put it out.
Right.
That's fine.
That's amazing.
That day is gone, by the way.
That day is gone.
And you'll see that in the Golden Globes tonight, I'm sure.
You think so?
Those days are dead.
You don't have the power you used to have.
Yeah, but we got to get the power back.
Nah.
Like Public Enemy said.
No, no, no.
Well, that's not what they were talking about.
They didn't mean that.
They weren't talking about that?
They didn't mean that.
I don't really know their lyrics, but what do they mean then?
Teach me.
Well, I think they meant more power to the people.
And I don't think they were talking about like Jennifer Aniston.
Yeah, but.
It was my guess.
You don't think they were fighting for the Hollywood elites to get power back?
It was my guess they weren't referring to Tilda Swinton.
Okay.
So, Tim, let me ask you a question, friend.
Okay.
Sure.
And I want your little advice.
Yeah, please.
My friend.
Please.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm with the date.
Yeah.
We go to fucking Boiling Crab.
Why do you like that place so much?
In Hollywood, Boiling Crab?
No, we went to one in Northridge.
He loves that.
He loves Boiling Crab.
I love crabs boiled.
He loves boiled crab.
Okay.
Okay.
And that's just my thing.
So, anyway.
It's great.
So, the one in Hawaii, Tim.
Yeah.
Okay.
For years, I've been doing selfies there.
You've seen my selfies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like the Boiling Crab in Hawaii.
I know.
They owe you money.
They owe me money.
Then, the corporate, right, would text me back.
Like, DM me back and go, thank you for publicizing.
I take a date to the fucking Northridge.
Everyone in the fucking lobby.
That's look good.
Everyone in the lobby recognizes me, right?
Yeah.
Steph, I still had to wait an hour and a half.
That's not right.
You know, be honest.
No, that's not right.
I'm going to take the power back.
Well, the reality is, you need a contact at the restaurant.
Uh-uh.
He doesn't get in like that.
I don't get in that way.
He walks in and he wants them to go, Bobby, leave.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That is, that is, that is, yeah.
That's not what I'm saying.
No, what I'm saying is, is that maybe 45 minutes.
Yeah.
No.
No, no, no, no.
You shouldn't wait at all.
Bobby, you can't say, I'll wait 45 minutes because then you're just saying, I'll
wait an hour and a half.
It's the same thing.
It's the same thing.
You need a contact at the restaurant where you have a table when you walk in.
Ah, fucked up.
It's a whole thing.
He doesn't, he doesn't create these relationships.
That's, it's kind of what I like, but we will walk into places together on the
road and his energy immediately gets us where we need to go.
It's a pure energy that you don't even know anything about.
And I'm going to tell you something else, my friend.
Learn, Tim.
This is for you to learn.
I'm going to teach you some shit right now, dude.
Thank you.
In Idaho, remember we were in Idaho or whatever?
Yeah.
We had a guy call a fancy restaurant and then not only did they say no, they go,
we don't
even want these guys in the building.
That's right.
Really?
They were not, they were not interested.
They were so fucking rude.
What's that place called?
I don't remember.
I want to rip them apart.
Why, why do you think that, that is?
He's only got a brand of humor.
They're like, they're more Bargatze people, I guess.
They were, they were Nate fans.
They had a banner of him in the front lobby.
Yeah.
But it's odd that they would ban you from the restaurant.
They just didn't want, they didn't care to host us is what they said.
Oh.
They didn't care.
Wow.
Which is, which we, that's fine.
At least we know where we stand with these people.
That's interesting.
Then there's places we go that are very, we call and say, hey, the show gets
out late.
They suck our dicks.
Is there any way we can pay you to keep it open?
Because we'll bring a crew of people.
There are restaurants where I'm treated nice.
Yeah.
And allowed in.
We're in LA.
We're in LA, you're treated nice.
I know, I know his spots.
Nobu Malibu, they're good to me usually.
But occasionally, sometimes they can't be.
Ocean Prime loves you.
Ocean Prime loves me.
He's VIP there.
I love an Ocean Prime.
I've never been to Ocean Prime.
You go with this guy, you treat me like a royalty.
We go, we treat it nicely.
You never take me to Ocean Prime.
Well, because I go there and you know who's sitting next to me at the table
next to me is
LaToya Jackson.
If you want to live that life, you come with me.
You want to eat shrimp cocktail with me and LaToya Jackson?
Yeah.
Because that's what's left.
Everything's all Hollywood stars.
Here's what's left.
LaToya.
LaToya Jackson and myself eating shellfish in the afternoon.
That's what it's here now.
How about bringing the tour buses around?
Let's bring them around and they can see it.
So Ocean Prime, Nobu Malibu.
What else, Fred?
Austria Motza, Nancy Silverton's Joint on Melrose and Highland.
That's a good one.
The Fountain Room at the Beverly Hills Hotel, that little diner.
Polo Lounge.
That's great.
Polo Lounge.
Yeah, that's a good one.
He's exclusive at every place that people-
But there's some places he probably doesn't get treated well, though.
Of course.
Well-
I bet you buffets.
No, it's like, sure.
But what buffet in LA would not have th