Name: Little Moments With Meghan Markle | The Tim Dillon Show #435
Uploaded: 2025-03-13T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Little Moments With Meghan Markle | The Tim Dillon Show #435' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Little Moments With Meghan Markle | The Tim Dillon Show #435' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-13. Transcript available.

Little Moments With Meghan Markle | The Tim Dillon Show #435

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show,
our final show that will be released on Thursday.
I know many of you, your routine has been disrupted.
You are angry, you are confused.
We are back to Saturdays after this week.
We had some scheduling things.
We put the show out for a couple of Thursdays.
Deal with it.
People are dead out there.
You're lucky you're alive.
Gavin Newsom has just stepped into the ring here as a podcaster.
He's decided that Governor has not been as successful as it should be.
He's now podcasting.
This, by the way, he's clearly copying me.
I had Steve Bannon on.
He had Steve Bannon on.
He's literally copying me.
The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom.
Now, by the way, we don't, this is not what politicians should be doing,
his starting podcast.
No one wanted this.
No one who's sitting in an ash heap in Altadena wants him on a podcast.
They want him to run the state.
You just, you have a job.
You have a job.
It's the governor of California.
That's a hard job, right?
He keeps saying it is.
The state's very big.
It's the seventh largest economy in the world, or whatever he's saying.
How in God's name do you have the time to do a podcast?
Can you imagine launching a podcast in the ash heap of your state?
He's now doing a podcast.
Is he going to have ads?
Is he going to read ads?
Is Gavin Newsom going to read ads while people try to find housing in his state?
Now, I will do his podcast because it does no good for me not to do it.
I have things to promote, but I disagree with him starting one, but I've
reached out so that
I can do it because I should be doing it.
And he should come on here to promote it if he's going to go that route, which
I don't think he should.
But he's already here.
He's already here, and he's already copying me with Steve Bannon.
And his theme song is insane.
This is the weirdest thing ever.
You know, we went through the last election cycle.
They're like, podcasters have too much power.
And maybe that's true, but the goal is then not to join the podcast world.
It's to be a better governor.
Gavin Newsom's like, if I can't beat them, I will join them.
I will do a podcast.
You won't be able to talk shit about me now.
I'm doing a podcast.
It's the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life.
Let's play a little bit of this and play this fucking theme song, which is
terrible.
I don't know who's advising him.
This is Gavin Newsom.
And this is Steve Bannon.
Well, Steve, thanks so much for taking the time to be here.
And I want to take this opportunity to sort of, you know, go back a little bit
and talk about your history, a little bit about your motivations and where you
see this country.
We did a better interview with Steve Bannon.
The point is this.
What is that song?
And then this is Gavin Newsom.
So what he's trying to do is it's a relaunch of himself.
This is what people do.
There's nothing wrong with it.
We understand it.
It is required.
When you are in the public eye for many, many years, eventually people are
going to get sick of you or you, your policies contribute to their lives
becoming a hell and they're angry.
So you got to do a relaunch and come out.
So that's the whole point.
This is Gavin Newsom.
Like, like all that other shit you heard about me.
That ain't me.
All the crime and the people with their knife to your neck after you walk out
of the sushi restaurant.
That ain't me.
This is me now.
The guy who's talking to Charlie Kirk.
I'm the guy who's talking to people and I'm sitting in my nice spare room in a
nice house that's gray.
And this is me.
I'm just a chill guy.
Everything else ain't me.
This is Gavin Newsom and this is Steve Bannon.
And somebody told him, they're like, and then you got to say, and this is your
guest.
And he goes, and this is Steve Bannon.
And then they have a talk or whatever.
But this is, this is what Gavin Newsom is now doing instead of running
California.
He's decided to do this podcast.
And he might be better at this than the governor.
I don't know.
I would never tell someone to not follow their dreams.
I, but I don't think it's just like the Olympics.
The Olympics isn't a bad thing, but did anyone want the Olympics?
Is anyone in LA going, you know what?
We're missing the Olympics.
We're missing a shot put.
We want the Olympics.
No, no, no.
People want like, I don't know, to afford milk.
And they, you know, they, they, they like to not get like, you know, I don't
know,
raped on their way out of Pilates.
No one wants the shot put.
Nobody wants the Olympics.
No one cares.
If it was an extra thing, great.
But people talk about the Olympics, like that's, what's going to save the state.
They're like, well, the Olympics is coming.
So they're going to figure it all out.
They're going to get rid of those homeless people by the Olympic.
This is what people say.
When you're in California, they go, well, right before the Olympics, they're
going to, they're
going to get rid of all those homeless people because of the Olympics are
coming.
So people are now putting their hope in the Olympics so that they're going to
clean up California
because of the Olympics.
By the way, there are islands of Tesla batteries floating in the Pacific,
poisoning.
I mean, the things that are happening here, the marine life that's dying, the
surfers are
all going to, it's all going to be like 9-11.
Remember 9-11, they're like, oh, the earth's safe.
And then 20 years later, Jon Stewart had to go and scream at Congress because
they all
lied and everybody died of mesothelioma or whatever.
It's going to be the same thing.
It's going to be a bunch of fucking surfers in 10 years be like, they said the
water was
safe to surf.
And they are all going to be fucking dying because they all lied to these poor
fucks.
And that's all there is to do out here is to surf.
That's still the only thing.
It's, you know, you take that away from this state, from the coastal California
region.
These people are going to be, so they're back in the water.
They don't care.
They're back in the sludge lithium ion Tesla battery water.
They don't care because what else are they going to do?
Their governor just started a podcast.
This is Gavin Newsom.
And by the way, once he got 9,000 views on the Bannon app, not good.
Not good.
This is the M, these are the MD foodie boys.
This is Gavin Newsom.
Hello, Trev Perm.
I'm the governor of California.
Have you ever had an avocado?
What's, um, I got to, I got to speak about this here.
Um, because I've been, I've been watching the Musk thing.
Like, with detached curiosity.
And the reason I'm doing that is because I fully don't understand what's
happening or why Donald Trump is, like, turning his presidency over to this guy
who's, like, one of the least likable people I've ever met in my life.
I've only met the guy.
I've only met the guy once, and he was lovely to me for the moments that we
were together.
We're not together a very long time.
It was one New Year's party.
I met him.
But when I see Elon Musk, I don't see a likable, charismatic guy.
I see probably a brilliant, but very autistic, strange, weird kind of man-child
running around on ketamine with a chainsaw.
This, this isn't what anyone elected.
I don't understand why Donald Trump, who is charismatic, who is a salesman,
whatever you think of him, is turning his presidency over to this guy who's now
hawking Teslas on the White House lawn.
Play a little bit of this scene here, and this is obviously Elon Musk, because
of all the controversy surrounding his cuts, which I think are going to be a
big problem for Republicans, and I'm going to talk about why in a minute.
But because of that, he's facing, there's protests, there's people that are,
like, I don't know, lighting Teslas on fire in Europe.
So Donald Trump comes out and goes, well, I'm going to support Elon by, I don't
know, doing this kind of strange car commercial that I don't fully grasp here.
And let's, let's see what this, let's see what this is.
This is a different panel than I've had.
Everything's computer.
Hello, President Trump.
Are you looking to buy or lease today?
Well, I'm going to buy, and I'm going to buy because, number one, it's a great
product, as good as it gets.
And number two, because this man has devoted his energy and his life to doing
this, and I think he's been treated very unfairly by a very small group of
people.
Mr. Mr. Goldberg, I mean, look, in terms of imagination, I think I have a great
imagination.
Who else but this guy would design this, and everybody on the road is looking
at it.
It's amazing, actually.
As soon as I saw it, I said, that is the coolest design.
It's, do you agree with that, Brian?
I do.
It's amazing.
Very cool.
You've got to give him credit.
We want the future to look like the future.
And it's kind of, what kind of truck would Blade Runner drive?
That was the design idea.
I mean, this is the problem with these people.
What kind of truck would Blade Runner drive?
I mean, we're just handing the whole entire world over to, like, fucking nerds
and freaks.
We want the future to look like the future.
First of all, the Cybertruck's disgusting.
We can all kind of admit that.
It's a heinous-looking car.
They explode.
They go into trees, and they explode and stuff.
They're not good-looking.
They don't look dignified or classy on the road.
I don't know who that appeals to.
Now, I understand there's man-children out there that want to fly rockets to
Mars because they can't fly their penis into a vagina.
Now, that's not really, you know, I don't know how to describe, you know,
whatever.
Like, I understand thinking this guy does cool shit, and I understand to some
degree, like, whatever, liking that he's, you know, some type of disruptor.
What is happening right now to any intellectually honest person, of which there
are very few in this world, I'm the only, maybe the only one worth listening to
or worth giving your money to, to be honest, I wouldn't lie to you.
But I'm telling you right now, this is the grossest and cringiest shit anyone
has ever seen in a very long time.
This isn't cool.
It doesn't look cool.
This guy running around the government, slashing things, and then, you know,
they're talking about Medicare and Social Security.
If you look at the realignment in American politics, this has been said by a
lot of people, including Steve Bannon.
A lot of the people that depend on Social Security and Medicare voted for
Donald Trump.
They voted for a Republican.
In fact, people with four-year college educations and higher-than-average
incomes, a lot of them aren't really depending on those programs.
A lot of them voted for Kamala.
There are Trump voters that will be hurt badly.
And even if there weren't, it's morally not right to eliminate, I'm not saying
you can't, it would have waste, fraud, and abuse.
I think most people would be on board with that.
But cutting Social Security or Medicare, Medicaid, you have a lot of
Republicans on those programs.
And you have the richest guy in the world doing it.
You're trying to make a case why these cuts are necessary.
You have the richest guy on earth with 15 children running around with a chainsaw
telling people why this is good.
Are Republicans totally not freaking out?
Are they not?
Is there not anybody there going, this is shaping up to be a big problem?
This looks weird.
This isn't what anyone voted for.
Nobody really voted for Elon Musk to be running around the White House with a
chainsaw.
Is that, is that, is that crazy to say that this, now I think Trump, and I've
said it before, sees these guys coming a mile away.
He's a casino guy from Queens.
He has political instincts.
He's, you know, he's a brawler.
He understands the value of building people up.
Sometimes he understands the value of, of, of, uh, hanging them out to dry too.
He understands fall guys.
We've gone over that.
I fully don't know what this is.
I think a lot of people don't know what it is.
I think Trump likes him.
He's really rich.
He's the wealthi