Name: Tariffs, China & The Chocolate Factory | The Tim Dillon Show #438
Uploaded: 2025-04-05T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tariffs, China & The Chocolate Factory | The Tim Dillon Show #438' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tariffs, China & The Chocolate Factory | The Tim Dillon Show #438' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-05. Transcript available.

Tariffs, China & The Chocolate Factory | The Tim Dillon Show #438

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, recorded on the day the
market is dipping,
crashing. There's blood in the water. The tariffs have arrived. Donald Trump is
putting tariffs
on many countries to bring back manufacturing to America. It's a gambit. It's a
risky gambit.
We are primarily a podcasting-based economy. We are a hot-take economy. We are
an opinion-driven economy.
We do not make anything anymore except takes. We are a grievance-based economy.
We are a rage-based
economy. And that is, we're shifting now. And it's painful. From an economy
based on people's
thoughts and feelings to an economy now hopefully based on people manufacturing
things and going
back to the factory. Get back in the factory is what Trump's hoping. He's
hoping that people will
walk back into the factories and start making stuff made in the USA. You know,
people, they're proud.
They work with their hands again. They get into it again. They get on that
assembly line again. And I
don't know. I mean, maybe that happens. I'm skeptical. I'm a little skeptical.
But you know what?
Maybe it happens. Maybe we learn to live with less. Maybe we learn to live with
less.
We don't need all these things. Instead of all these things that are cheap, you
get a job in a factory and you work
all day every day all day every day. And you have camaraderie with the other
workers at the factory.
That's the hope here. You know, the softball team and the cookout and the block
party. And we bring
America back. That's the hope. The hope is that you work all day at the factory
and then you have friends
there and you all go together and raise your children and some one of you
coaches the team.
And then it's that America we all read about and hoped for and none of us
really ever lived in. But
it comes back and people are excited. They have pride. I work at the factory
and I make
the stuff and the stuff is good. And we derive a sense of national pride from
that.
And you don't have a million cars. You have one car that the family uses. And
everyone has to decide
who gets the car when. Because you're not going to afford a car anymore. You
get one car for the
family of six or seven people. Grandpa, grandma, mom, dad, the three kids. You
have one vehicle. You have
one TV. It goes back to fighting over what are we watching. We've lost that
with cheap goods. The rage that
you felt when someone had the TV in the living room and you didn't and you
wanted to watch something. It's all
coming back is my point. Those moments we lost fighting with each other. Now
everyone's got a TV.
Everyone's got a phone. Everyone's got a car. There's no sense of togetherness.
But now there will
be a sense of together. When everyone has one thing, an entire family has one
thing that everyone can fight
over and rip each other's faces off so that you all decide as a family, you
argue as a family about the
merits of what shows on Netflix you want to watch. Let's go see some of these
numbers here. They're a
little troubling. They're disconcerting. The Dow's down about 1,400 points. S&P
is down 4%
as of now. Nike fell 12%. So many of its products are made outside of the
United States. You don't need
Nikes. You don't need them. There are other shoes. There's other types of shoe
other than a Nike. United
Airlines lost 10% because their customers are worried about the global economy.
You ain't getting on the
plane. NVIDIA sank 4.6%, which they've already been losing, but now their loss
is down to 22%.
I mean, all of these things, you're going to learn to live without traveling or
shoes.
I don't know what to tell people that need these things all the time to be
happy. You don't need
all of these things to be happy all the time. You just need to make do with
less. This is how you
bring back the America that we lost. I'm telling you, this is what people are
excited about.
Because there's too much shit. People have too many things. You don't need a
phone anymore,
like a smartphone. All it does is pump your head full of craziness. You don't
need. Sell it. If you
have a smartphone right now, sell it to a drug dealer who can use it. If you're
not a drug dealer,
you don't need a phone. It's the way that we treated pagers. Oh, you have a pager?
Are you a drug
dealer? That's what it used to be. You had a cell phone, you were a drug dealer.
Now everyone needs
a cell phone? By midday, the S&P 500 lost 4.37%. The NASDAQ declined by 5.59%.
Most of this doesn't
matter to people because they're just broke and they don't know what any of
this means. And it doesn't
mean anything to them. But there are people that have the 401k, that retirement
plan. And that got
hammered because you're all invested. Okay? We've erased trillions of dollars
from the U.S. stock market.
But, you know, you got to stop thinking that more money is making you happier.
It actually could go
the opposite. Where some of the happiest people I know are impoverished. Have
you seen a third world
country and all the kids are smiling and singing songs? A lot of them are
singing songs. Bring up
African children singing. Get up African children singing, please. African
children singing. Smiling and
singing. I don't want to see any of the starvation. It depresses me. Singing.
Not the... Well, okay. Well,
look at this. Look at this. Bring this up. This is what's going to happen once
everyone... Look at the... What are we
talking about? Let's go. It's a poor country. When's the last time you've seen
Americans sing like this and
be happy? Never. Never. Never. All right. All right. It's too... It's... You
know, but... But this is what I
mean. Get up, other... Get up. Get up. Get up. Homeless crackhead dancing.
Because you need to
understand that your wealth does not define your level of happiness. I'm
telling you, you have to...
You have to divorce yourself from this idea. Oh, I've got a big fat retirement.
We gonna retire and see the
world. Please give me a white crackhead. I don't want to be accused of racism.
Get a white... Google
white crackhead dancing. I'm trying to prove to people that you can be happy
with less. Is this a real
crackhead or is it some sketch? Get a real crackhead, please. A white crackhead
who is happy. Because we don't
need the things anymore. And I think we're going to... We're going to be... We're
going to be happy.
Van life. People living in vans. They're thrilled. Because they have freedom.
That's what we need. We don't need this overcomplicated
thing where everybody's got all this money and we're all...
Oh, I'm going to retire in Birtle Beach, Florida. We're going to have... I'm
going to play golf and the
little woman's going to drink wine. No, work. Work. Work. Work. Work gives you...
Get up.
Just Google happy factory. I want to see people in a factory that are happy.
Get up. Get up. You know... Fuck. What's that... What's that Broadway show
where they're all singing with
the... With the... Look. Look. Just show an image of this. Show how happy they
are. Get that up. Get
that up. Look at this. They're happy because the job is well done. The job is
well done. Put it up.
The job is well done. Look at this. They're high-fiving. They're all raising
their hands.
They're... Who wants to work more? Me. I want to work more. Who wants to come
in on their day off?
That's the question they just asked. I want to come in on my day off. I'm proud
of what we make here.
Look at that. Elderly people with hard hats. That's what I want to see more of
in this country.
Elderly people with hard hats on. Proud of what they do. You think that guy
wants to be in Myrtle Beach
playing golf? No. It's now a country about work. It's now a country about work.
It was all this financial trickery. Ooh, the money's over here. The money's
over there. Where's the money
going? It's a game of Monopoly. Fake real estate developers and foreign money
and everything.
No, no, no, no. This is a game now about work and workhouses. Get up food,
glorious food from Oliver. People misunderstand Oliver. They go, oh, how
depressing is it? It's
orphans. None of them have parents. Sure. What it really is, is people are
working and it's a sense
of community. It's a sense of community. Let's... This is what we're going back
to. That hat.
Wearing a hat like that and pulling a rope. Play it.
Is it worth the waiting for? There they are. Here are the children. Here are
the American children.
All we get is gruel. That's okay. Gruel's healthy.
Gruel is actually one of the healthiest things you can eat because it's high
protein and it doesn't
have sugar. See? Formations. No one has shoes. They don't care. Uniforms. You
hold your bowl,
you get your goodness. All right. All right. We get it. Listen, what? So where
would you rather them?
Shooting up schools? Selling, doing drugs? Running around the mall with guns?
That's what the kids are
doing. They're running around the mall now with a gun. Work. I think we're
getting rid of child labor
laws. Get them in a job, these kids. Children should be able to work at
factories.
Sorry. Teens sentenced for their roles in smash and grabs because, yeah, let's
watch it because they
have no community. They have no sense of pride in the things they make. Let's
watch this.
Guns after using stolen vehicles to smash their way right into those stores.
Thanks for joining us
here at six. I'm Mike Dardis. And good evening to you. I'm Cherie Palillo.
Today in Claremont County,
the last of those teenagers who pleaded guilty to charges, learned their
sentences. Our WLWT news
vice Brian Hamrick was in the courtroom for the deposition hearing and has more
live tonight.
Hi Brian. This guy looks like a magician.
Hey Cherie. Yeah, we have three juveniles, three different sentences. They were
all caught in these smash
and grab style burglaries where they used a stolen car to do the smashing. This
is where the wheels came
off in the crime right here in Claremont County. They were caught shortly after
a robbery in this
plaza. And today they were sentenced. It was a summer of smashing. It's a
really bad situation.
All right. All right. But this is what's happening with the children of
criminals. The children in this
country are, look at what they're doing. This is what the children in the
country are doing.
The children in the country are criminals. And we need to get back to a time
when they delivered
the paper. Remember when they would deliver the paper? Get up newsies. Get newsies
up and they would
deliver the paper. And you'd have a paper route. And you'd get up early and you
didn't want to do it.
But your parents would tell you, you get on that bike and you deliver the paper.
And it gave you a sense of
pride. And you'd get a shiny coin. And then you would use it at the fair to buy
your lady a,
I don't know, a cotton candy or something. This is what we're going back to.
Look at this.
Look at this. How happy. Look at this. Hot off the presses. Everyone's happy.
Everyone's happy.
This is what it used to be. This is the country that it used to be like. Tariffs
get us back to this.
Look at this. The kids now are too fat. They can't even jump. Look at a horse
pulling a trolley.
This is what we can go back to. Dancing in the street. All right. Here's my
point. We're going back
to when you used to go to a diner with your woman. And you would smoke a
cigarette at a diner
and eat a cheeseburger, okay? You wouldn't vape and then eat a veggie burger in
some
fucking trans-communist safe house. You would go to a diner like a man and
smoke a Marlboro Red.
And then we're going back to the good times. And we're gonna invade Vietnam. We're
going, we're gonna,
we can win it now. We can win it now. So many people I know have online
businesses. And I'm telling you
right now, the thing you want to really think about is like the most important
part of the business,
the origination of clients, the, uh, you know, products you're selling. You don't
want to think
about the back office stuff, right? So at the end of the day, I think you need
t