Name: Tim Dillon & His A.I. Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #442
Uploaded: 2025-05-03T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Dillon & His A.I. Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #442' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Dillon & His A.I. Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #442' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-03. Transcript available.

Tim Dillon & His A.I. Friends | The Tim Dillon Show #442

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Thank you for being with us again.
Thank you to everyone who watched the Candace Owens episode.
I know that that did very well.
We appreciate Candace coming on, and she's hella pregnant, as she said.
She's about to pop, and then it was nice to have her on.
Some of my Jewish friends texted me, and they were not thrilled about it.
You know, they were not happy about it, and hey, not everyone's going to be
happy all the time.
Not everyone's going to be happy all the time, and that's okay.
We had a lovely conversation about Harvey Weinstein, a Jewish person who has
been wrongly accused of things,
and Candace is working very hard to get him out of jail, okay?
So let's all realize that as well.
I just got back from Boston, the kids at the Harvard Lampoon.
I have a friend of mine, a guy who worked on my ill-fated talk show with
Netflix.
How are the other talk shows doing there?
Not great, but the ill-fated talk show I did at Netflix,
One of the kids in the Harvard Lampoon worked on it, so he had me go to the Lampoon
last night,
and they did, like, I got inducted.
I don't know what that means, but it was very sweet of them, and they were very
nice kids, you know?
The Harvard Lampoon's like a famous literary magazine where a lot of comedy
writers came from.
Conan, legendary, obviously, and Colin Joes came from there.
A lot of comedy writers, people who wrote The Simpsons and everything.
I don't know what it has to do with comedy now.
I think it's more like a frat now.
I don't, you know, like, one of the guys, I'm like, what do you major in?
He's like, economics, and I swear to God, he goes, with a focus on systems of
control.
I swear to God, he said that.
He goes, with a focus on systems of control, and I was like, hilarious.
Hilarious, and then you talk to the kids, and they're like, yeah, they're like,
I'm going to New York.
I'm going to work at, you know, private equity, and then hopefully get into
comedy.
I'm like, the famous private equity to comedy pipeline, of course.
But I get it.
If my kid went to Harvard and said I'm going to be a comedian, I would drown
them.
I would fully submerge them in water until they couldn't breathe.
But it was like a relic of another era, and it was really cool to see.
But, yeah, I mean, it's like, I get it.
Go into the world of private equity, and then from there, get into comedy.
Go into hedge funds, and then slip, slide into comedy.
Seems, you know, the thing about the kids at Harvard, they're a little smug,
which I get,
because they're at Harvard, and they should be.
They're also kind of as smart as they all are.
They're a little out of it as well.
Like, one of them was like, why don't you spend more time in L.A.?
And I go, well, it's really depressing.
And he goes, why?
And I go, well, the entertainment industry is collapsing.
And he goes, what do you mean?
It's like, what do you mean, what do I mean?
They just don't know.
They don't know.
They go, Hacks is a good show.
People write for Hacks.
I go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's like 10 people.
The rest of the people are in their bathroom with a noose.
Like, I mean, you know, but they don't quite understand that,
which is why it's good to get the first few years of comedy in a BlackRock.
It's very important.
First few years of comedy, you get in a BlackRock, and, you know, you'll be the...
But they were sweet.
They were very nice, most of them.
Most of them were very nice, you know.
There's something about, and it was an interesting time to be at Harvard
because Trump is now in a war with Harvard and other Ivy League schools
because he feels like they didn't do enough to protect Jewish students
during the encampments, if you remember the encampments,
which the one at Harvard was very small.
These guys were walking me around Harvard, and it was like 10 tents.
Again, anecdotally, everyone I met at Harvard was Jewish,
and they all seemed fine.
Anecdotally, anecdotally, I'm not saying that it wasn't a hostile environment.
I think if you commit a crime, you got to go.
If you punch a Jewish person, you have to go.
If you, you know what I mean?
I get it.
If you're doing that, you got to go.
But if you're just participating in a protest,
or if you are writing an op-ed, you know, I mean, this is crazy, right?
To deport you?
Crazy.
Again, it seemed like they were, the Jewish students I met at Harvard seemed
anecdotally fine.
They made it through it.
They were able to get through it.
Anecdotally, again, they might have had trauma deep, deep down on the surface.
Seemed fine.
Seemed fine.
But again, that's the, but one of them, we were having dinner and one of them
said,
my girlfriend's Brazilian and she might get deported because Harvard's refusing
to comply.
Because the Trump administration is creepily being like, give us all the
student records.
We want all the disciplinary records.
We want everything.
We want to know who said what, who did what.
They're scrubbing social media.
They're doing all this shit that is fundamentally un-American and you shouldn't
do.
If you went to a protest and you conducted yourself, you know, and you were
protesting, you weren't like damaging property or, you know,
listen, if you take over a building for a week and you're assaulting people,
you're probably going to get thrown out.
But if you just go to a protest, you know, and you, you yell a few slogans from
the river to the sea,
if you're, if you do a little from the river to the sea in the quad, just to
kind of be seen,
should you be deported a little, globalize the intifada from the quad?
You don't even know what it means.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know what it means.
I know it.
People don't like it.
I'm not for it necessarily.
I don't want to globalize the intifada.
But if you did a little globalize the intifada on your way to a party in the
quad, again, are you, should you be deported?
Probably not.
You're in college.
You're not a kid.
You're an adult, but you're a young adult.
You don't have all your ideas fully formed.
That's the point of going to college.
The point of going to college is to get into the Harvard Lampoon and think you're
a comedian for four years
and then go work for BlackRock.
That's the point of college.
It's like, and there's nothing wrong with it.
It's why we need a college.
I major in economics with a focus on systems of control.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
The fun thing about Russia is, like, the people that are designing the prison
don't think they're clowns as well.
Like, they're not trying to write clever artists.
So one thing you got to give it to Russia is the people that are, like,
building the prison in which you will live in all ways do not also,
they don't do it in, like, a cutesy, clever, sardonic way.
But that's the point of, the point of college is to be in college.
It's to be young.
It's to go and do things, to experiment sexually, to experiment with ideas, to
try to be the type of person that you think will be a successful one, right?
Like, that's the whole point.
We shouldn't be isolating a minute or an hour of someone's life and judge them
on the basis of that.
It seems crazy to do.
But I was having dinner with all these Harvard kids, and they were like,
do you think it's a bad PR move for Trump if these kids start getting ripped
off of Harvard's campus and deported?
And I said, let me tell you something.
It's Harvard.
If Trump rolled through Harvard with tanks and killed all of you, and I mean
killed all of you, okay,
he would still win that PR war.
It's Harvard.
You are the least sympathetic people in the world.
It just is what it is.
You're not people that anyone would feel bad.
People would watch.
They would watch it like they watch, you know, Sunday night, Monday night
football.
They would sit there and watch you get taken out of these dorms, lined up, and
shot in the head.
And they would do it with glee.
They would gleefully watch it.
They wouldn't care.
That's why the Trump people, if you notice what they're doing, they're going at,
like, he's not, by the way,
all these mass deportations that a lot of people wanted aren't happening.
They're just not happening.
So if you elected Trump to get rid of the 10 million people that Biden let in,
you're not getting it.
You're just not getting it.
And a lot of people are not happy about that.
You're not getting it.
What you are getting is these very politicized deportations of certain bad
elements, debatably.
But a lot of, you know, deportations of criminals and of people in the country,
people selling fentanyl or whatever, murderers.
To an El Salvadoran jail, which is probably not long-term the best thing.
What if a Democrat wins the next time and wants to send Joe Rogan to a jail in
El Salvador?
What about that?
Did you ever think about that?
Did you ever think of how Theo Vaughn would fare in an El Salvador in prison?
He'd do phenomenally, by the way.
He would do phenomenally, and his show would be very interesting from that
prison.
But that's what you, you have a highly kind of politicized attacks.
And he knows, they know, that Ivy League schools like Harvard and Columbia,
nobody feels bad for students at Harvard or Columbia.
And people are rightfully kind of fed up with Ivy League universities.
They look at them and, you know, these kids behave in very silly, ridiculous
ways.
Even when I went to the encampment at UCLA, which is not an Ivy League, but you
have these, like, non-binary Asians dressed in the full garb.
They look like Hamas, but it's non-binary Asians in the Hamas garb.
And it's very hard to take any of them seriously.
You cannot take any of these people seriously, because they also have lists of,
like, food they want.
They need, because they want to, they can't leave the encampment, but they need
food.
And the food needs to be vegan, and the food needs to be there.
You cannot take any of these people seriously.
Hey, say what you want about Hamas.
You do take them seriously.
You do take Hamas seriously.
You do.
You do.
You certainly do.
But these kids, and I even said it to a few of them at UCLA, I said, you're not
Hamas.
You don't have it.
You don't have it.
You took a photo with me.
Now, maybe a few people at Hamas would do that, too.
But most of them would not.
Most of them, it's eyes on the prize.
That's the thing with Hamas, isn't it?
It's eyes on the prize.
Not saying it's good, but I'm saying there's a level of focus that a lot of the
kids at the encampments didn't have.
So, when you're an adult and you're watching this, you're watching them take
over buildings and do these very theatric, silly things.
And, again, we're not debating the merits of what, of the Israel guys.
I think we're just saying this, you're not going to allow children to take over
colleges in America.
It's not going to happen.
You're not going to allow, it's not going to happen.
But I also think deporting a lot of them that are here on legal visas is silly
and is ridiculous.
Let them work at BlackRock.
Let them do it.
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