Name: ICE, Iran, & The American Summer | The Tim Dillon Show #448
Uploaded: 2025-06-14T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ICE, Iran, & The American Summer | The Tim Dillon Show #448' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ICE, Iran, & The American Summer | The Tim Dillon Show #448' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-14. Transcript available.

ICE, Iran, & The American Summer | The Tim Dillon Show #448

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show um seems like a very chill
relaxed summer so far
um you know just kind of long days by the lake or you know by the ocean
whatever you choose
couple of s'mores couple of brewskis with the fellas couple of rubber bullets
to the face
little destabilization of the middle east happening uh you know just it's kind
of summer
it's kind of an american summer it's like a race riot national guard boots on
the ground
rubber bullet to the face summer it's kind of what we do and um you know this
is uh this is the vibe
this is what uh we're all settling into the new normal of summer in america
doesn't really mean
like going to the beach anymore because a lot of the beaches are just like they've
been destroyed by
fire whatever you know there's like islands of tesla batteries just floating in
the pacific ocean
a lot of people now summer means just like go out and just fight fight fight
you know go out and
you know get uh get tased that's the summer really that's what it is just go
out and light it up
um i said before the trump administration uh took office i said when they won
that
if they focus their immigration efforts on deporting criminals ms-13 whatever
smugglers human smugglers
human traffickers drug traffickers the massive uh majority of the public would
support them
um or even people that have just got here people that are incredibly new uh to
the country that um
had to be deported because they literally showed up um but when you go around
and you're deporting people
that have lived here for 17 years uh when you're deporting people randomly in a
church parking lot when
you're putting children in zip tie handcuffs when you are uh showing up at high
school graduations
deporting people it's barbaric uh it's inhumane and i don't think the public
first of all you
can't really live in a society like that you can't it's an incredibly chaotic
and insane thing
to just have ice rates happening all the time at any minute and now trump's
going well maybe we'll
make an exception for the hotels and the agriculture businesses because his
friends called him and said
hey what are you doing like we own uh hotels we need people to work so it's
just going to it's a lot of
chaos and it's inhumane and it's barbarism and it makes the country look
terrible to have a six-year-old
girl being handcuffed and put in a car that's you know that's not the look that
you want the country
to have i think most people realize that that doesn't mean that you know
lighting cop cars on fire
and waving mexican flags is the greatest look either here's trump our great
farmers and people in the
hotel and leisure businesses have been stating that our very aggressive policy
on immigration is
taking very good long-time workers away from them with those jobs being almost
impossible to replace
in many cases the criminals allowed into our country by the very stupid biden
open borders policy
are applying for those jobs that this is not good we must protect our farmers
but get the criminals
out of the usa changes are coming that might be the first realization that this
is a
insane policy that's you know counterproductive if you want
to control the border as you should and this you know this whole idea that
borders aren't real and
they're all imaginary is also untrue people fight and die for borders go ask
the ukraine and russia what
they think about borders or people in israel or gaza what they think about
borders you may not like that
nations exist or the borders exist and you may find them to be uh arbitrary but
i assure you wars have
been fought many of them currently over borders and you need to have a border
and you need to have a
country and you need to have a way to you know figure out who's coming into the
country and whether
they're criminals or whether they're terrorists or whatever those are all real
things that i don't
think i think most sensible people not the ones on social media not my comedian
friends who are mentally
ill but i mean human beings that have mortgages and homes and jobs or even
those who rent or those who
have any care at all about the society that they exist in or that their
families and children exist in
realize that borders are not fake and it's not is that a joke to have a border
or have security or
have a country but those people don't want to see six-year-old girls getting
zip tied and thrown into
cars those people don't want to see people dragged out of their kids high
school graduation and those
so if the goal is to build a coalition of people that want and value border
security whatever you're doing
right now i think flies in the face of that i think it is counterproductive and
you know i mean you're going
into these places randomly and people can't exist in this climate of fear
um and chaos and it'll be incredibly disruptive to the economy as well it's
going to disrupt you
cut you're not going to be able to fill these jobs overnight and i'm a guy that
believes that the
i'm i'm with these people when they say the the lie about jobs americans won't
do is a lie
you know immigration in this country has benefited millionaires and billionaires
primarily it certainly
also benefited benefited the people that have come over to a certain degree but
many of them live in
the shadows they can't unionize they can't demand proper wages they're abused
and the reason that
they are brought in is so that millionaires and billionaires can pay them less
money that's an economic
fact and this lie that jobs americans won't do and then you're like what do you
mean and they're like
well you know like you know the farm jobs you go okay maybe i'll give you that
and then they go you
know construction retail you know landscaping these are all jobs that americans
did forever
these are jobs that people don't that they don't want to pay americans to do
so that is a lie and i think americans are waking up to that lie because what
are so wait a minute what
are these jobs americans could do only finance and tech so americans are only
built to be on only fans
or they're built to be venture capitalists that's it those are the only jobs
americans are supposed to
do so we're going to get rid of the manufacturing sector retail the service
industry all of those jobs
americans don't want to do americans can only masturbate on only fans or be a
venture capitalist
with mark andreessen those are the only jobs available that americans can do
because if you if
that is what people tell you that say we should have an open border and we
should just bring
everybody in because americans don't want to do any of these jobs that's a lie
that doesn't mean you
throw a six-year-old grown zip ties in the car that doesn't mean that you show
up at a church parking
lot and drag people out that doesn't mean that you jesus christ embed dr phil
with ice i mean dr
phil's with ice caitlin jenner is in tel aviv right now at a bomb shelter
drinking a glass of wine get
this up if you can find this i mean the world isn't even real anymore in any
recognizable way what
timeline are we on what dimension i don't know if you can get that tweet up but
she's just like
she's guzzling wine in a in an israeli bomb shelter
maybe it's just a still there you go well we wish her well but that's caitlin jenner
in a in an israeli bomb shelter in tel aviv
so these ice raids i think are going to have the long-term effect
of turning people away from
valuing
border security because if they go live border security is throwing a six-year-old
girl
in handcuffs or chasing people out of a graduation they go i don't want to be a
part of that
and it is a real question immigration is a real thing migration is a real thing
it's not racist to
suggest that america might be full truly and that black and hispanic people
that live here already
should be getting these jobs and white people whoever is living here already
and that bringing
people in endlessly is going to cause a problem especially when we have ai
on its way it's already here and you have a tremendous wealth disparity in this
country already
but the way that the policy is manifesting where it's like just very indiscriminate
and cruel
um is going to set all of that back
i just don't think people you can live in that situation i don't think people
can live in that
there's got to be some kind of process you can't
have masked people show up and then throw these people in guantanamo
or if you criticize israel you're just thrown off an american college campus
i just don't love it i don't love this military parade they're going to have
where it's like
what do we are all the veterans getting health care i don't know how much this
military parade
cost but are are we doing anything with the mental health veterans or are we
giving them any money
it's weird for an anti-war president to have a big military parade that's an
odd thing for a guy that wants
to keep america out wants to keep america out of wars it's odd to have a
military parade
that's that's that's seemingly strange that's like oh if rfk jr went to a pie
eating contest you go
wait a minute aren't you the guy that's not for that aren't you the guy that
say no
like it's just a straight it's like rfk at the state fair eating fried oreos
you'd go
this doesn't make any sense so it's odd to me that we're gonna have this big
crazy military parade unless i'm a pro-military guy i think
we should do a lot more for people in the military
but to spend 50 million dollars so that we can just roll tanks and missiles or
whatever the hell we're
gonna do through dc again this is an administration that said let's not be a
country that's permanently
on war footing let's not have our entire economy be tied up in war let's try to
pursue other things
and that doesn't seem to be happening that doesn't seem to be happening um
now that we've we've kind of seen what's going on
we're we're almost in it now it's friday i'm recording this on friday and the
show comes out
we're almost in this war we're not there yet and these strikes at israel this
is not a uh these are
not surgical strikes to take out nuclear sites these are strikes aimed to decapitate
the iranian
regime and it's a regime change war they want the regime of iran to be
displaced and they want the
united states involved and trump's bellicose language suggests and i could be
wrong that we're about to
get involved first of all i do want to thank israel for doing this because i
didn't realize how how
grateful i needed to be to israel for this i didn't realize how much it was in
my interest
that the government of a middle eastern country i've never been to and has
very little effect on my life get decapitated and replaced with another
government i want to thank
israel for this thank what can i do i feel so grateful and so thankful for this
i i i just
want to say thank you and that's many americans i think we don't know how to
express our gratitude
for doing this
it's a gift and it's a beautiful gift you gave us a a war with iran it's such a
great gift most
people think of a gift uh i don't know an edible arrangement maybe i mean that's
certainly on the
cheaper end but you know certain people uh give people books or artwork but a
war with iran
is an amazing gift given to the world by israel now if you think i'm kidding go
look at any of
the influencers that are talking about how great this is and they are all going
to say things like
that let me read one i'm gonna read one right now for you because it's fun i
think it's fun
i think it's fun and i just again want to say thank you i want to be
completely
grateful about all of this stuff that's going on right now
a nation of 10 million people is standing up for the whole globe be proud of
them
be grateful to them pray for them a lot of new house
okay
our friend noah tishby put up a thing where she's like iran has this amount of
people israel has this
amount it's still david versus goliath that's what noah tishby said
and i mean it's like in that story i 