Name: Waiting For War & Negotiations Under Fire | The Tim Dillon Show #449
Uploaded: 2025-06-21T16:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Waiting For War & Negotiations Under Fire | The Tim Dillon Show #449' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Waiting For War & Negotiations Under Fire | The Tim Dillon Show #449' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-21. Transcript available.

Waiting For War & Negotiations Under Fire | The Tim Dillon Show #449

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show um we had a big episode
planned because we
were we thought i thought we were going to be in the war and i if you remember
when i did that
episode about the la fires i did it at a studio in las vegas sirius xm studio
at the win and they
have a big background a big screen that you can put an image up on and i was
there and i we had an
image of missiles and it was going to look really cool and then trump's like oh
we're going to take
two weeks to get into the war and it's like i'm as anti-war as the next guy but
like i had a graphic
designer work on something like we were ready to do this whole welcome to the
war episode of the
tim dylan show like we're in it now and we were just committing to it you know
we were in and
i get it holding off i understand diplomacy i actually recommended it however i
think it's
just we're sending mixed signals specifically to content creators we're sending
mixed signals to
the people i mean forget our troops you know they're i mean they're important
in a way but really
the mixed signals are are being put out to the to the content creator community
podcasters comedians
uh you know stand-up sketch improv whatever um influencers uh large and small
of all sorts all
kinds all over the world right now are trying to figure out where we're going
what are we doing
and i thought we were in and i had a studio booked and i had an entire thing
planned and now we're out
but i guess we're only out for two weeks and i don't think we're really out
because people i'm talking to have said like uh that they're in the military
and they expect that
they're being deployed they're moving big aircraft carriers over there that
wouldn't be moved if they
did not think that there was going to be a major war and i don't just mean the
nimitz i mean actual ones
moving out of the south china sea going to the middle east because war with iran
seems to be
inevitable it seems to be an inevitability now i don't know if that's true i
don't the only thing
i know is i got into podcasting to be israel's biggest defender in podcasting
that's why i started
a podcast that's all i know and me and ted cruz are the same in that but other
than that i don't know
much else i know that israel recently came out and said we got to get rid of
the ayatollah how many
come any the ayatollah must go so it's a very odd picture right because you
have like trump going like
diplomacy we're gonna make a deal and then you have israel going we're gonna
kill uh of everyone
and so trump literally said he said a few weeks ago he's like the people that i
was
negotiating with her dad they didn't die of covid they're gone so it's got to
be difficult imagine
you're on a car lot and you see a sweet little kia for you and the lady and it's
safe enough and well
within your price range and you're talking to this guy on the lot and his head
explodes
because he gets hit with a mortar and then you're like well okay and then you're
ducking and covering
behind another kia and this guy's bleeding out dead and then you run into the kia
dealership
to try to get uh some uh clarification on the price or the terms and also to
say hey that guy's dead
and then half the dealership's on fire because of a missile strike i imagine
negotiation in that
environment is probably tough get up that my favorite news article iran refuses
to accept ceasefire
while under israeli attack it was from reuters this is the most uh amazing
article yeah iran rejects
ceasefire negotiations while under israeli attack what's wrong with them so we're
beyond parity i just
want everyone to realize that at this point we're actually beyond parity it's
no longer satirical
i don't know how to do a comedy show if this is a headline in reuters i don't
know how to be funny
about that headline what could i say that would be better than that
iran rejects ceasefire negotiations while under israeli attack and people i
know influencers are
putting it out and going see see how unreasonable they're being it's like well
you're in a war
i mean you're you're you're attacking them israel has supremacy over their airspace
they're doing well i believe but i believe israel's weapons will run out
eventually and that they will
need to be restocked by yours truly the united states um and again this is all
about the iranian
nuclear capability which i i and many others
again there's not smoking gun evidence that iran is a day away from having a nuke
or a month away from
having a nuke iran is in enriching uranium as per vice president vance um
and of course enriched uranium is used you know when you enrich it
past a certain point it's used for you know weaponized
purposes that being said this isn't exactly a new thing that iran's like trying
to get a nuke right
we've been told this for a very long time and i'm not saying they're not i'm
not an omniscient
god-like presence we were told saddam hussein had weapons of mass destruction
we're told that there's iranian sleeper cells all over the usa maybe there are
we're told that iran
has tried to assassinate the president of the united states on multiple
occasions now all of this is
basically that you you have to take people's word for it very little of it is
like well here is the
smoking gun evidence that we have a lot of it is like hey and by the way i have
no problem thinking
iran would want the the president dead if they could wave a wand and make it
happen or if iran would like
to establish a caliphate iran pops a lot of shit death to america death to israel
the great satan the
little satan the whole thing we know that but actively i don't feel that iran
is close
to attacking uh manhattan that's not just going off pure vibes as i must
occasionally going off pure
vibes i don't believe that iran is going to invade the united states or or or
or fire a missile at the
united states of america and sign its death warrant iran probably wants the
bomb so that people can
not do what they're doing now this is a guess now saudi arabia who's kind of in
league with us in
israel god bless hope everyone's happy but saudi arabia is like they wanna they're
doing some hitler
in the middle east you don't get it like what iran's doing they want to build
this entire
because you know saudi iran butting heads they don't like each other uh iran is
shia saudis are i
believe sunnis maybe some of them are shia i don't know but there's religious
conflict between those
two places iran is israel's biggest um um obstacle in in establishing what israel
wants is kind of
greater israel idea of having little parts of syria lebanon and whatnot so and
i mean listen again it
needs not be stated that i don't have any love lost for iran uh i don't care
about iran at all
i don't it doesn't i don't think about iran well how lucky you are not to think
about iran you lucky yes
i don't think about it it doesn't keep me up at night it doesn't paralyze me
with fear and it does
not uh terrorize me now
i'd like people not to die i'd like the world economy to be okay if there is a
regime change
hopefully this one works hopefully this one's quick hopefully this one's in and
out light touch
because the others haven't been that great can we just be honest about that the
other regime changes
the taliban's back who the knows what's going on in iraq syria is being run by
isis libya's a failed
state you got 90 million people in iran it's not so easy to just wave a magic
wand and go by the way
you're all pro-western and pro israel now i know a lot of people are saying
they're going
well these iranians actually don't like the regime and i bet that's true
because the regime sucks
the iranian regime sucks they they have these virtue police they throw acid on
women or hit
them with a stick or put them in jail in beverly hills they had that photo of
that chick who she
walked out without the hijab and they went nuts and everybody was having like
you know a couple of
months ago they had some like things in beverly hills some like protests and i
was all about
it yeah i mean i don't stop or anything i drive by in my rolls royce they don't
want me there
what am i gonna do but iranian jews and beverly hills were gathering to protest
the treatment of
that woman and i agreed i'd do the fist as i drove by and i agree with them on
that thing about that
woman and whatever happened not good let her out i think she might be out or
stop burning her whatever
they're doing i'm for it against it against i'm for them being against it
listen to what i'm saying
i'm not in any way to put that you know i don't want to throw acid on that
woman i don't even know
that woman so yes when the jews in beverly hills were going nuts and these are
the aladdin jews the
sephardic ones the brown ones the ones i like because they have the bright
colors i was with
them and i'm still with them but i don't know if everyone in iran is going to
be into it that's what
i'm saying i just don't think they're going to be into it if i had to guess now
maybe i was wrong now
i was wrong i'm willing to admit i'm wrong there's a crowd of people here that
seem very excited
about u.s arrival into this war this is a crowd of people that is incredibly
excited about the united
states and israel and this upcoming war they are jazzed about it they're into
it let's look at some of
the fun people that we are now going to own soon if we invade their country
the united states and israel in the mouth he says trump you are threatening my
leader this woman says
don't you know my nation believes death is sweeter than honey
what do you have israel he says you have nothing you are occupiers unreligious
you're killing people
killing women you kill everyone you're terrorists
yes well it seems to be the excitement is palpable for a western style iranian
regime this seems then there's 90 million people so obviously there are varied
opinions
there's the younger more progressive people there's whatever the hell we just
saw
there's a spectrum of people and it will be fun weeding out who feels what way
because there's only 90
million of them so the fun of this whole thing will be who feels which way
and will get to do that over a period of years with explosions and weaponry and
will you know it's
kind of a door-to-door and then some of the people who might have liked that
think of how people in our
country have you ever had a friend that did this one from far to the left far
to the right the far to
the left i've had those friends isn't it interesting extremism is always its
own justification so people
that go really far off the deep end can swing back the other way you know a big
whore becomes
religious and then as a whore again well what does that mean extremism can
breed extremism and then a
pendulum will swing from one way to the next some very progressive people end
up being being very
right-wing think it's in every area of life it's not only politics okay look at
addicts that go from
using drugs every single day to being sober and then who knows you know god
forbid they end up back on
drop we don't know what's going to happen so it's very possible that some of
these younger progressive
we love american israel types decide at some point that actually they were
wrong after they've seen
enough of their friends and family die that actually they become uh deeply
religious and hate us
you know what i mean like we don't know which way it's going to go
you never know when you have a country of 90 million people that's been under
the grips of this ayatollah
who's a nut but he's you know and they have an iron fist on that country and
then we let it up we
don't know what's going to happen now it would be lovely if it all worked out
it would be lovely if it
all worked out it would be really nice if it all worked out if you went to iran
which by the way is
like the surface of mars steve bannon said that and he was right it's a
completely foreign landscape in
the sense of like you know it's a different world it's a different cult