Name: Zohran Mamdani, Political Rage, & The Hunt | The Tim Dillon Show #450
Uploaded: 2025-06-28T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zohran Mamdani, Political Rage, & The Hunt | The Tim Dillon Show #450' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zohran Mamdani, Political Rage, & The Hunt | The Tim Dillon Show #450' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-28. Transcript available.

Zohran Mamdani, Political Rage, & The Hunt | The Tim Dillon Show #450

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Fair is fair.
We must, even though we are cautious about what this guy does,
a lot to not like, some things to like,
we want to congratulate the mayor of the, I'm sorry,
the mayoral candidate for the Democratic Party in New York City.
And his name is Osama Bin Laden.
I want to congratulate him.
I thought it was an ambitious thing
to have attacked the financial capital of the world,
to have hit out and to come back
and to have noticed how much salads cost,
sandwiches, just lunch in general,
how angry people were,
and to come in and go,
listen, I know I did wrong with the Twin Towers.
I know it wasn't ideal,
but remember what you were paying for rent
when I attacked the World Trade Center,
how much more equitable it was,
how much, remember in 2001,
when 20 bucks bought you a pack of smokes,
a cocktail,
a dime bag of weed,
and a burrito.
And that's your night.
When I attacked the World Trade Center,
and he would say,
he would say in the speeches,
he'd go,
justifiably,
many would clap,
yes, we agree.
I attacked it justifiably
because of the things I didn't agree with,
troops into Saudi Arabia,
America's support for Israel.
But even as I watched people
jump out of those buildings
to their sudden and inevitable death,
I thought to myself,
maybe I'll come back here one day
and give them free buses.
So when Osama bin Laden
came back to the city
to give people
a more
equitable
plan to live,
I get it.
I get it.
Hey, I'm not dead.
The Navy SEALs didn't get me,
and I'm here to make buses free.
Government-run grocery stores.
Let's get rid of the cops.
Let's get people
walking around with clipboards
asking questions.
Of course, I am kidding.
Osama bin Laden
is not the nominee.
Osama bin Laden
was a CIA asset
that we pretended
lived in Pakistan,
and then we sent a group
of Navy SEALs to kill him
who are,
they also somehow died
in a mission,
which seems odd,
but they're all dead.
Like, I think all the members
of SEAL Team 6 are dead.
Don't look it up.
It doesn't matter.
But I believe that
to be the case, truly.
And it was very weirdly,
like, we kind of knew
Pakistan had them,
and we didn't.
Listen,
let's not get lost in that.
My point is that
Osama bin Laden,
wherever he is,
is not the guy.
I know that Charlie Kirk,
a few people have made
that kind of comparison.
There's a lot about 9-11
we don't know,
so I don't think we can,
and listen, by the way,
I'm no fan of the immigration.
I'd like it to cool down.
I'm a big fan of a cool down
with the immigration,
a cooling period,
a cooling off period,
a settling in.
How about that?
A settling in.
No one talks about
immigration like that.
Let's let all these
immigrants settle in.
If you ever stayed
at someone's house,
and they go,
let me let you get settled.
That's what we want.
But,
so this is not a defense
of radical Islam
or immigration.
Two things I'm
no fan of.
There's a lot more
to 9-11
than just,
hey,
you know,
a couple of guys
in a cave
didn't like us.
Now, I don't know
how much more
there is to it,
but,
if you have
an education level
beyond
fifth grade,
you realize
something else
is afoot.
This seems to be
one of the biggest issues
with the Republican Party
right now
is they are
unable to,
when they try
to dunk on a guy
like
Zoran
who is the
Democratic
primary winner,
Zoran
they don't understand
when they just
say the word
9-11,
it's bad for them
because everything
after 9-11
was terrible.
And
that's why
we all look
at the Iran
engagement
and go,
let's relax.
Let's calm it down.
War gives people
something to do
in the government.
People think
the government
does more
than it does
and it doesn't
do all of that
that much
and there's a lot
of people
that don't do
that much
but when
there's a war
like everyone's
working.
Like we've
talked about it
on this show
when the Pentagon
like when they're
about to go to war
they all start
ordering pizzas
it's like
they have something
called the pizza
index
where people
know
when we may
or may not
go to war
or drop a bomb
because everyone
at the Pentagon
is like staying
late
and ordering pizza
because they have
to work.
It gives them
purpose.
Tonight's the night.
We gotta do it.
It's time
get the
you know what I mean
and they're
and they're
going pepperoni
and we'll hit it
and we'll hold on
one yet
if they come
with it fine
if the wings
come with it fine
I don't want
is it a deal?
No they'll pierce
underground
30 to 50 feet
and we're hoping
the rubble
will go on top
of it
so even if we
don't destroy it
they're not going
to be able
to get the nuclear
hold on one second
I apologize
if it's a deal
yes
if we're paying
extra
then no
I don't know
how many ways
to say it
if it cut
then get the deal
the deal is
two pizzas
well then take
take half
of one home
take half
of one home
hold on
someone's calling
oh it's the vice president
it doesn't
it's not a big deal
don't answer
take the
we kid
J.D. Vance
who I believe
is still working
for the government
do we know that?
I don't know
it seems like
he might be
he's kind of
working for the government
get up the thing
get up J.D. Vance
on Fox News
with the Iran deal
where Mullen
sent this to me
where he was like
um
he's like
that's not the draft
he's like
that's not the draft
I saw
but uh
he goes
what I like about
the president
is he's always working
yeah
I mean
he does uh
he does a thing
where he's talking
about the deal
and uh
that the
this draft
of this deal
thing that happened
and he goes
on Fox
and he's like
well the language
was a little different
from the draft
that I saw
but what I love
about the president
is he's always working
he's always
that guy
does not
stop working
um
you know
and this is
it's just fun
it's like
you know
I imagine
he's involved
tangentially
with some of it
I don't
I don't
you know
who can know
over there
who's in
and who's out
I think they've got
Tulsi Gabbard
doing tough
mutter races
I don't think
she's allowed
in the building
I don't know
the hills
are Tim Dillon
attacks Tulsi Gabbard
I didn't attack her
I like Tulsi Gabbard
I said
if all these
dark forces
are goading us
in a war
can you mention
a few of their names
you know
a few of their names
might be good
and this administration
Brett
it happens quite a bit
actually
but we knew
this was coming
um
the draft
it was interesting
I just read the draft
about two minutes
before we went on the air
it was a little bit
different from what
the president
had showed me
a couple of hours ago
but again
I knew that he was
working the phones
as I was on the way
over here
so I knew exactly
what we were going to do
and look
I love that
about this presidency
and this administration
because he's always working
he doesn't say
you know
the vice president
is going to do an interview
so I'm going to stop
doing anything
he says
you know
we're going to do
the American people's business
the vice president
he's like
it's not like
it's not like
the vice president
is doing an interview
I'm going to stop
doing it
or tell him
what we're doing
I'm just going to
see what happens
out there
and see if he can
you know
run interference
just stall
you know
hold him
as we'd say
the headliner
is not here
you go out there
and hold him
keep him
keep him going
so I think
J.D. Vance
is still working there
I'm unsure
I don't know
but
the thing that
Republicans
don't realize
when they go after
this Zoran
Mamdani
who is a
young
you know
like attractive
energetic
person
who's got some
wacky ideas
about like
free grocery stores
and free bus rides
I mean
if you were homeless
wouldn't you just
go to the
hang out on the bus
if it was free
I would
I don't take buses
I don't care what
happens to them
but I imagine
there are people
that do take them
and they wouldn't
they don't want
just homeless people
on the buses
and people selling
drugs on the buses
and fucking
people on the buses
but that's what
I would do
if it was all free
and I was homeless
I'd go
well why wouldn't
I just get on a bus
but he's going to have
the grocery stores
because of the price
of food
and he's going to
instead of police
when someone lights
someone on fire
on a subway
he's going to send
like a team
of mental health
professionals
to ask that person
to stop
and to de-escalate
the situation
because in his mind
and in the mind
of many people
the de-escalation
is going to be done
like with a
with a compassion
and like having
like an intellectual
game plan
going into it
when there's like
a guy
who's like
screaming
and you know
you're going to be like
all right
how do we
get to him
like how do we
Jedi mind read
where he's at
and it's going to be
interesting and exciting
to see what happens
with that
I do think
you need the threat
of lethal force
in a lot of cases
not all of them
but it does seem like
if there's a guy
and he's about
to light a woman
on fire
it's kind of interesting
being like
wait hey
where's this coming from
like where's this
coming from
why are you doing this
what is this going to
solve really
don't you understand
that by lighting
this innocent woman
on fire
you know
you're just
you're putting yourself
into a position
you don't want to be
and it seems to me
that you're in pain
and you're hurting
and I understand
that a lot of things
about society
don't make any sense
right
I mean all these
apartments
all these rich guys
live in them
but they don't even
live there
like they barely
live there
they use these
apartment buildings
buildings
is vertical money
laundering units
and they launder money
from all over the world
and they don't pay
any taxes
and the working class
bears the brunt
of this
because their jobs
are shipped overseas
and their standard
of living drops
I understand
where your rage
comes from
and then at this point
the guys are
and they go
that guttural yell
is
we understand
where it comes from
it's the lack
of health care
the respect
that women
aren't given
how much harder
it is for trans
people of color
and the guy's like
but then he starts
so I go
then they walk over
and they start
petting him
he puts the gas can down
and they go
we know
and they go
we know
how difficult
it is
to exist
in a society
like that
so let us
take you
to this government
owned grocery store
would you like
to go to the government
owned grocery store
they have a lot
of nice
they have little
hummus cups
and the thing
about hummus
and there'll be
a Jewish girl
with big glasses
and she'll go
and the thing
about hummus
is if you eat
too much
I get gassy
but these little
hummus cups
are like perfectly
portioned
and the guy will go
and then he'll be
like shirtless
he's covered in blood
and then he puts
a gas can down
and then they walk
him out
and then they bring
him to the government
grocery store
and they start
talking to him
about
and then they'll
find out the whole
thing was a gluten
allergy
that he was not
metabolizing gluten
and that's one of
the reasons he was
going to light that
woman on fire
on the subway
and if that works
I hope it works
by the way
count me in
I'd like it to work
I'm no fan of the cops
I was pulled over
going 97 out to
Southampton
fuck you
I'll never do a
fundraiser for you
scum
stay with the fire
department
never see me wearing
an NYPD hat
even though they don't
really bother me
but the Long Island
Trooper
New York State
Troopers
fuck you
not for me
it is what it is
they got me going
97
or 87
whatever
87
it's not right
they see the Bentley
it's class warfare
everyone's speeding
everyone's going
fast
they pull me over
because they're like
fuck this guy
then they pull me
over
they're like
where do you even
live
I go
who knows
they go
where's this car
registered
I go
I think Beverly
Hills
buddy
just write the ticket
you slob
so I'm not
cucking
for the cops
I'm just saying
it might be
interesting
because I
think
you know
if we look at
San Francisco
and a few of
these other cities
Portland
Seattle
Detroit
Chicago
the Democrats
who've run
these cities
haven't produced
great things
but I don't know
maybe it won't
go that way
where it's like
flash mobs
of children
I mean Chicago
is just fully
g