Name: Taylor Swift’s Engagement & The Digital Prison | The Tim Dillon Show #459
Uploaded: 2025-08-30T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Taylor Swift’s Engagement & The Digital Prison | The Tim Dillon Show #459' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Taylor Swift’s Engagement & The Digital Prison | The Tim Dillon Show #459' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-30. Transcript available.

Taylor Swift’s Engagement & The Digital Prison | The Tim Dillon Show #459

Riyadh, baby, we're in Saudi Arabia, come on, get your tickets now, Riyadh,
Saudi Arabia,
Tim Dillon live in the capital, is it the capital, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia,
October 8th, October
8th, the day after, October 7th, just funny how it all works, not something
that I had
planned, by the way, it's just something that happened, I will be in Riyadh, at
the Riyadh
Comedy Festival, at the Bakr Al Shetty Theater, come see me at the Bakr Al Shetty,
and apologies
if I am not pronouncing that correctly, I don't know, I imagine I'll be doing
more in
the Middle East, I imagine we all will, actually, we'll be doing a lot, and
there are people,
and I'm doing Abu Dhabi the night before, we don't have that information yet,
but come on
out, come on out for a night of laughter in Abu Dhabi, am I doing Abu Dhabi, I
think October
6th, I think we're chilling on the 7th, I don't think we're doing anything on
the 7th, because
my agents are very worried, but I think, you know, this is exciting, I think it's
very exciting
that we're all going to Riyadh, and I know that people are very upset about,
they're angry
that comedians are going to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, they're very angry, they don't
believe in
anything, these people, get over it, get over it, we're going to Riyadh, the
House of Saud
is paying us hundreds of thousands of dollars, some of us millions, not me, but
they're paying
millions of dollars to comedians, get over it, we're taking the money, how
about that, how
about that, sorry, oh you weren't invited, oh you got nothing going on, boo hoo
hoo, boo
hoo hoo for you, I would never do it, you weren't offered, no one invited you,
there's people
that I respect that turned it down, but a lot of people are doing it, like a
lot, like almost
everyone, a lot of people are doing it, they bought comedy, so what, listen,
what's your
problem, well they have slaves, then they kill every, hey hey hey hey hey hey,
get over
it, get over it, get over it, so what, so what they have slaves, so what, my
friend, I, not
a friend, somebody I don't even know, I bumped into them in Tribeca, and he
goes, I would never
do that, because I don't want to interact with slaves, I'm like, well, why not,
they'd be
deferential, right, I mean, I imagine the slaves in those countries are good at
what
they do, well, I wouldn't want to interact, everyone you meet there is a slave,
that's
what they said, everyone that works at all the hotels, they take their passports,
they're
not allowed to leave, they're slaves, hey, is the hotel nice, is it nice or not,
is it nice
or not, I'm not here to be a spoil sport, look up spoil sport, and I'm going to
tell everyone
what it is, because that's not what I'm here to do, I'm not on this earth to do
that, spoil
sport, a person who behaves in a way that spoils others' pleasure, especially
by not joining
in an activity, yes, correct, I'm not here to be a spoil sport, I'm not here to
ruin the
good time that everyone's having, do I have issues with some of the policies
towards women,
towards the gays, towards the freedom of speech, well, of course I do, of
course I do, of course
I do, but I believe in my own financial well-being, and I always have, by the
way, and I think you
better start believing in that, okay, because when Peter Thiel puts all of you
in a cage,
you're going to want some way to get out of that, you're going to want to bribe
some, when Peter
Thiel has you in the prison from that movie, what's that movie where everyone's
in that digital prison,
remember that movie? Well, when you're in that movie, and it's, but you can't
get out, when you're in the
movie of that digital prison movie, and Peter Thiel's got you in, you're going
to want to have
a couple of shackles to go to the guy and say, let me out of here, hit him off
a little Bitcoin,
little Ethereum, let me get out of this prison, when you're Shawshanking, and
that's not the movie
I was talking about, it's another prison movie, I've moved on, when you're Shawshanking
with the
little rock hammer through the wall, and you're crawling through the tunnel of
shit, to try to
get out of Peter Thiel's prison, because he's just going to do the, what is he,
he's doing, you know,
Peter Thiel, he's doing talks on the Antichrist, because he is the Antichrist,
so he knows about
the Antichrist, and he's talking about it, it's never enough to just be the
thing, by the way,
you have to constantly bother people, it's the reason the Long Island serial
killer got caught,
he couldn't shut his mouth, he went out to bars, and in a very boomer-like
fashion, he's like,
well, if I had killed her, O.J. Simpson wrote a book called If I Did It, no one
can just get away
with anything, it's got to be shoved in your face, so Peter Thiel is giving
talks about being the, about,
that he's worried about the Antichrist, he's giving a four-part lecture, this
is true,
I've never heard a person talk about the Antichrist as much as this guy, so he's
doing a four-part lecture
about the Antichrist, so when Peter, when you're in the Peter Thiel Palantir
prison, and every day
is the same, and it's just going to be on closed circuit TV, or maybe he'll be
a hologram at that
point, I don't know, he just is going to talk to you about the Antichrist, and
you're going to be in a
cell in Peter Thiel's prison, and then he's just going to go, it's the Antichrist
part three, and you're
going to have to sit there and go, every day, every goddamn day, Thiel 50, Thiel
57 will offer his
thoughts on how his Christian faith informs his understanding of the world,
including areas of
theology, history, literature, and politics of the Antichrist, as part of a
four-part lecture series at the
Commonwealth Club in San Francisco, well doesn't that sound swell, but he's
going to be giving these
lectures to people that are in his prison, so you might as well have a couple
of dollars to try to buy your way out
of the Peter Thiel compulsory Antichrist lecture that he's going to be giving
at his prison
Now, people might say to me, hey, you're coming out and saying you're doing the
Saudi thing for money, they're
paying you a lot of money, I'm not going to tell you how much you're paying me,
it doesn't matter, it doesn't
matter how much, they're paying me $375,000 for one show, now a lot of other
people are getting 1.6 million,
that's not me, I'm not in that bracket, but they're giving me $375,000, others
are getting $150,000, why are they
doing it? Here's the point, here's the point, okay, I am doing this because
they're paying me a large
sum of money, they're paying me enough money to look the other way, do you
understand? Look the
other way, that's a four word sentence, that people don't do anymore, look the
other way, if something
bad is happening to your left, look to your right, if for example, I'm at a
breakfast and I see someone
get grabbed and they start hitting them with that, you know that big stick, I
don't know if it's bamboo
or whatever it is, it's kind of a wood, but it kind of snaps back, it's perfect
for a cane, if I see
someone getting it, I will look the other way, okay, if I look the other way
and I see someone
being behanded, meaning they're chopping a hand up, that might be interesting
to just kind of see
actually how they do it, because I think they do it kind of a sanitary way, but
from what I've heard,
you know, if they're chopping in, I might look down, and if I'm looking at the
floor and I see some
eyeless beggar grabbing at me trying to get my money, I will look up to the
heavens, and if in the
heavens, I see a drone flying over, I will look the other way, because I'm
being paid enough money
to look the other way, what don't you understand, what is so complicated, I'm
the only honest person
just going to do it, everyone else is going to have a million, they're going to
go, well, actually,
the Middle East is more progressive now, and he's trying to make some change,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm being paid a
lot of money to not care about what they do in their country,
it's very simple, if you pay me lots of money, I will not comment on what's
going on, in fact,
I will ignore it, and if something that I really disagree with is happening,
the more money you pay me,
the less I'm going to think about it, truly, this is a really important thing
that no one does anymore,
and I'm recommending it, look the other way, if you are in a foreign country,
and you don't agree,
because what's the other option, we're going to have to go into all of these
countries and make them be Americans,
and make them live the way we live, that's not going to happen, that's not
going to happen,
we don't even know how to do that, all we do is try to do that, and it fails
miserably, like every time,
so I believe in looking the other way, I believe in pretending things are not
happening that are,
I believe in cognitive dissonance, I believe in ignoring the scream, I will
sleep so sound,
I will sleep through the screams, sleep through the screams, I'm staying in the
Ritz, Google it,
you know what happened there, and it's fine, folks, mind your own business, my
best friend's mother used to say that, Eileen,
mind your own beeswax, she used to say that, mind your own beeswax, she used to
say that, okay,
what that means, for those of you who don't know, is that there's your beeswax,
and everyone else's beeswax,
there's a lot of beeswax in Saudi Arabia, it's not my problem, they're paying
me to keep my mouth shut,
I'm telling you right now, they have realized something very important, and
that is a very,
this is an important lesson for everybody to learn, okay, if you want people to
like you,
you give them lots of money, I don't know why this is so hard for people to
grasp, I know that this is
something, and again, people are probably listening to this, and they're angry,
or they're disagreeing with me,
and that's okay, you're allowed to do both, you're allowed to do both, I don't
care what you do,
it doesn't matter, I'm going to be such a model citizen there, let me tell you
right now,
my aunt's like, will you be safe there, I'm like, the crime is in our own
country, you dunce,
the crime is in our own country, you dunce, okay, I feel very, I will feel safe
in Riyadh,
I believe in luxury, and a lot of people don't, and I always have, I believe in
the ability of a society to,
I'm going to say something, and people aren't going to like it, if you think
for one second,
that some of the slaves in that country are not proud of what they've built,
you're crazy,
you're literally crazy, you're literally nuts, there are so many beautiful
things that have happened as a result of forced labor,
when you look at something beautiful, even if you've, even if making it has
almost killed you,
or killed people you know, and I'm using the word slave, not even knowing by
the way, and I'm using it only because people have told me that,
I haven't looked into it, I haven't looked into it, and I won't, but I don't
even believe it, but let's move on, okay,
let's say in this hypothetical world, they are slaves who can't leave, and they
have to build these beautiful things,
gorgeous marble crystal things, do you think
a slave father wouldn't look at his slave children and go, your father built
that?
You're nuts, you're nuts, it is beautiful to have beautiful things, and even
though, and if I'm a slave,
and I've just built a beautiful thing, I am telling my wife and my children,
look how beautiful that is,
and how grateful, and how thankful we are, now, yes, there are problems, there's
problems,
okay, sure, sure, Israel gave none of us any money, and expected we were all
going to just defend them,
for what, for no money, for zero dollars, the threat that I won't get a sitcom
on ABC Family,
I'm supposed to go out and defend this genocide, because maybe I won't be on
ABC Family,
I won't get to play a gym teacher on a network that won't be in business, and I'm
supposed to care about that,
who gives a 