Name: Halloween Beast Mode & Billie Eilish Bravery | The Tim Dillon Show #468
Uploaded: 2025-11-01T16:15:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Beast Mode & Billie Eilish Bravery | The Tim Dillon Show #468' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Beast Mode & Billie Eilish Bravery | The Tim Dillon Show #468' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-01. Transcript available.

Halloween Beast Mode & Billie Eilish Bravery | The Tim Dillon Show #468

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Who's going to win this New York mayoral election?
Will it be Zoran Mondani?
He's in the lead, big time.
But if you're a gambling man, go over to Kalshi.com, folks,
and see what's up.
What do the Kalshi betting odds have on Zoran Mondani's 92.7% going to win?
94 right now.
94% going to win.
And, well, hey, seems definitive.
Did you see this Billie Eilish?
You know what I call her?
Silly Eilish.
That's what I call her.
Take that.
Billie Eilish.
You know Billie Eilish.
She does the music where she's like,
And that's literally a song I just played from her latest album.
So, Billie Eilish, Billie Eilish, silly Eilish,
is, it was a rich kid, grew up in L.A.
Whatever, talented for sure.
God bless her.
Give it to her.
God love her.
She's out here lecturing billionaires at the Wall Street Journal.
Now, the reason why she's not lecturing millionaires is because she's a
millionaire.
Everyone hates billionaires.
But, by the way, hating billionaires, while a lot of the time justified,
is the least risky thing you can do or say in public.
Let me say that again.
Saying bad things about billionaires is the least risky thing you can say or do
in public.
They used to have this comment about politicians that were pro-family.
And they go, oh, what a controversial position.
Because, obviously, saying I believe in family is, like, not at all
controversial.
It might be now in certain parts of the country.
The one I'm in, probably.
But is it a dog whistle when you say family?
But it's a pretty easy thing to go out there and say, I hate billionaires.
I don't like billionaires.
And I'm not even saying that she's wrong.
It's the glazing, as the young ones would say, as the kids would say, the glazing
of this, of Billie Eilish.
How brave she was to, at the Wall Street Journal, she's getting an award.
What is she getting an award for?
Oh, that she gave a bunch of money to a food bank.
She gave $11 million to a charity.
In America, go and look up most charities, on average, what percentage of the
donations go to the actual people.
By the way, it's, like, 10% or less.
But Billie Eilish, even though she meant well, what she did is she bought a
bunch of Toyota Camrys for people that are in the charity business.
And I'm not saying that it's wrong to donate to charity.
Yeah.
This is, by the way, a lie.
I love this.
But many reputable charities aim for at least 70% to 90% of funds that go
directly to their charitable programs.
That isn't true.
There are a lot of charities where the overhead is so massive.
And the salaries that are paid, you know, it's absurd.
I'm not saying don't donate to charity.
I'm saying, you know, have a reasonable expectation.
And you got to make sure you really donate to the right charity.
But a lot of charities are, they have a lot of overhead.
So what did she donate?
11 million?
11.5.
11.5 million dollars to what?
The food banks?
It's like food inequity.
Yeah, great.
Climate change.
Yeah, yeah.
Climate change.
Donating to climate change.
I mean, what are we doing?
But whatever.
The food thing I get.
They're cutting off the benefits.
People are going to be in the streets.
Their little kids are going to be detoxing off sugar in the streets.
Many of them heavily harmed.
I don't love that.
So I do appreciate Billie Eilish.
But Billie Eilish gets up and does this little speech.
And everybody's calling her, you know, a warrior for it.
Give it up.
Billie Eilish, everyone.
Love you all, but there's a few people in here that have a lot more money than
me.
How lucky for you, Billie.
And if you're a billionaire, why are you a billionaire?
No hate, but yeah.
Give your money away, shorties.
Love you guys.
Thank you so much.
Billie Eilish.
Going after the elephant in the room.
If you're a billionaire, why are you a billionaire?
Why are you a millionaire?
I mean, that's a fair question.
Why are you a millionaire?
But that's a harder question to ask.
Billie Eilish has a lot more money than me.
But I'm just saying, the glazing people for shit like this is kind of, it's
like pathetic.
Saying that she's like so brave for, you know, here's the thing too.
These people get these awards and then they choose to like pop off.
You know, it's kind of like, I don't know.
How about before the award you say something?
How about you say something before you get an award?
You're up there with the award talking about billionaires give you money away,
shorties.
Billie Eilish telling people they should give their money away like she did to
climate change.
Billie Eilish donated her money to climate change.
An $11.5 million donation of fight world hunger and climate change.
Billie Eilish, friend of the show.
No one takes, no one's taking anything away for her.
Stephen Colbert made an announcement on behalf of Billie Eilish.
Yeah, he announced it at the awards.
Oh, do we have him announcing her $11.5 million donation?
By the way, can I tell a story from yesterday?
Literally, here's what happened.
Because literally, it's the same exact thing.
I go to Air One with my friend.
My friend is allergic to avocado.
Having grown up in California and has eaten it too much.
And now he's allergic to avocado.
By the way, people's personal weaknesses now, they display some type of
strength.
Or like, oh, it's cool, look at me.
I had so much avocado, I can't even have any more.
It's ridiculous.
I try to have the Gary Brecky Keto Smoothie.
It's a phenomenal.
Get the ingredients of the Gary Brecky out.
Now, Gary Brecky is a con artist and a criminal who has sold people on this
longevity crap
that you're going to live forever if you drink his milkshake.
But it's a nice taste, and it's low in sugar, and it's got the macros and the
aminos and the Venezuelans.
The standard smoothie includes coconut water, avocado, cauliflower, rice, raspberries,
strawberries, blueberries.
No, no, no.
Oh, yeah, the chocolate version.
Perfect amino chocolate powder, cacao powder, almond butter, avocado, coconut
milk, MCT oil, reishi, ashwagandha, avocado.
So, whatever.
I go in there and I get the Gary Brecky.
And who, again, God bless him, but he's a complete con artist and criminal.
My doctor told me that.
I get it, and then my friend is like, oh, I'm allergic to avocado.
Stop getting me the Gary Brecky.
By the way, it's like $20.
It's like, okay.
So, then he goes, I want a peanut butter one.
So, I go, okay.
So, I go up to the guy at the register, and I say, give him a peanut butter
smoothie.
And he goes, you want to swap out one of the Breckys?
And I go, yeah.
And I go, does anyone get the Gary Brecky but me?
He goes, all really in shape, people, and you.
It's like, hey, it's Halloween.
What is that?
So, they give us the two Breckys anyway.
They don't realize that we were supposed to swap one of the smoothies with a
peanut butter smoothie.
I then take the two Breckys.
I say to my friend, wait for the peanut butter smoothie.
I'm going to go outside with these two.
So, they don't know that we're technically beating them on one smoothie,
and they don't know what's going on.
I take the two Breckys outside.
He gets his peanut butter smoothie.
Now, we have an extra Gary Brecka perfect amino smoothie called the Ultimate
Human.
We're driving around L.A.
We find a homeless guy at a bus stop.
I said, come here.
Do you want a smoothie?
We have an extra smoothie from Irwan.
And it's the Gary Brecka.
I told him.
I said, this is not the most popular smoothie.
Most people don't like it.
People don't like the amino blend.
They think it's chalky.
Whatever.
I gave him the smoothie.
He was very grateful.
He came over to the car.
We gave him the smoothie.
Okay?
And guess what?
I'm not at the Wall Street Journal lecturing people.
I'm doing it in the streets.
I'm helping people in the actual street.
A homeless guy at a bus stop has a perfect amino smoothie with low sugar
because the maple
syrup is keto and coconut whipped cream.
That's what he's got.
I'm not out there at the Wall Street Journal going, hey, billionaires, you're
all evil.
But me, Billy Eilish, a multi-multi-millionaire, I'm great because I'm giving a
bunch of money to the climate and to the, you know, to food.
I go steal a smoothie from Irwan, Robin Hood style, and then I deliver it to a
man who's homeless, houselessness, unhoused, experiencing housing insecurity at
a bus stop and food insecurity.
He's experiencing all of the insecurity.
I go and give him a smoothie, ask for not a goddamn thing in return.
The only person who saw that was God and was like, nice.
Literally, he said that.
So, do we have Colbert?
Yeah.
Let's see if we can get Colbert here because, by the way, imagine the award
that should have been given to me because my friend can't handle avocado
because he ate it too much growing up in Southern California.
His body turned against it.
If that was the rules, I would not be able to eat ice cream, okay?
But those are not the rules.
Stephen Colbert.
I also have the privilege of breaking a little news to all of you tonight, and
thank you, Billy, for allowing me to do this.
This is extraordinary.
Billy Eilish will be donating proceeds from her Hit Me Hard and Soft Tour to
support organizations, projects, and voices dedicated to food equity, climate
justice, reducing carbon pollution,
and combating the climate crisis.
That donation, ladies and gentlemen, will be $11.5 million.
So what?
So the fuck what?
That's wonderful.
So what?
I gave a smoothie to a bum.
Tim Dillon's here.
Tim, thank you for letting me do this, Tim.
Thank you for letting me do this.
I appreciate it.
Tim Dillon is donating proceeds from his Accepting Bribes Tour to buy a
smoothie at Erwan, the Gary Brecca, the Ultimate Human Smoothie.
The Perfect Amino Choco Revive Smoothie, featuring cauliflower rice and avocado.
And he'll be giving it to a random homeless man who's sitting at a bus stop
because his friend cannot handle avocado.
So he'll be drinking a peanut butter smoothie.
They will give the smoothie to a random homeless man in Los Angeles who is at a
bus stop.
He will not be accepting an award for it.
He will not be lecturing any other people.
He will just be doing the work in the streets.
That's what he'll be doing.
He'll be doing the work in the streets.
A woman who claims to be out of food stamps films social media video of what
she stole in the store and encourages others to do the same.
By the way, I might agree with this woman.
I think people need to get the food stamps.
I believe we should not be giving money to the Ukraine, Israel, and we shouldn't
be spending money fighting Venezuela.
I mean, what the fuck's this?
I'm going to talk about that.
But can I tell a story?
Every day, when I was a tour guide in New York City, I was a tour guide on a
double-decker bus.
There was a place called the Food Emporium.
Every day, I would go in, and I would steal a juice, an orange juice, a fresh-squeezed
orange juice, and drink it while I shopped at the store.
Then a bold neo-Nazi guy who just got out of jail literally ratted me out to
management.
They got tax credits for hiring an ex-con, and he ratted me out to management.
He became a rat.
He was probably a rat in jail.
He gets out of jail, and he rats me out because he catches me stealing the
juice.
This is after I'd done it for like eight months.
When I was in mortgages on Long Island, I used to eat at a deli in Melville
called Suburban Eats.
You would get a piece of pizza.
The place you got the piece of pizza was a long way from where you would pay
for it,
and you'd wait on a line with all these people that were working in the
mortgage industry,
all these people.
I would eat the slice of pizza before we got to the register, and then I would
just buy the sandwich.
I have stolen food for a very long time, a lot of my life.
I am not against it morally or in any other way.
Let's see what this woman got.
What did she get?
Hi, you guys.
I'm out of the store.
Yes.
So, they wanted $7 for this.
Mind you, I don't have food stamps.
What is