Name: Zohran’s Victory, Air Traffic Chaos, & Government Shutdown | The Tim Dillon Show #469
Uploaded: 2025-11-08T17:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zohran’s Victory, Air Traffic Chaos, & Government Shutdown | The Tim Dillon Show #469' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zohran’s Victory, Air Traffic Chaos, & Government Shutdown | The Tim Dillon Show #469' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-08. Transcript available.

Zohran’s Victory, Air Traffic Chaos, & Government Shutdown | The Tim Dillon Show #469

I have come from 3I Atlas to give you technology.
The human race has been benefiting from our technology for a very long millennia.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great.
They just elected a Muslim socialist, the mayor of New York City.
It's over.
Wait, what?
Free buses, government-run grocery stores. The end.
Who's going to pay for that?
Who's going to pay for it? I hope you have the technology.
There's going to be a mass exodus from the city.
Yeah, they're already calling him the most popular realtor in South Florida.
They're going to live in Miami and go to foam parties at Marco Rubio, which isn't
gay.
It's just people in foam together.
Yeah, I was thinking about buying property in the city. No more.
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Yeah.
And what about Israel?
Well, who is the-
Park that car in the middle of the street there.
Sorry, we're going to move it in two seconds.
You're right dead smack in the middle of the line.
All right, we're moving it in two seconds.
People here think they have money like California, but they don't.
They're actually just white trash.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Thank you for tuning in again.
The new mayor of New York City, Zoran Mamdani, has been elected.
He is the future of New York City, Zoran Mamdani, has been elected.
He is the future.
He is the future.
Get over it.
If you're unhappy about it, get over it.
If you have to wear a burqa, get over it.
If you have to convert to Islam, get over it.
So what?
If you have to start understanding the faith, so what?
It's not a big deal.
What are you doing?
What have you got going on that is better than that?
Can I ask you?
What do you have going on that is better than converting to Islam?
People do it in prison, and a lot of them like it.
So what's the big deal?
What's the big deal?
You don't have time to read the Koran when you're online at just salad,
and you're waiting for them to add a protein to your salad
so you can go to your meaningless office job?
Go read the Koran.
So what?
Who cares?
What's the big deal?
Obviously, he was going to win.
This isn't shocking to anybody, and yet people still treat it as such.
I get calls from people that were like,
I can't believe this is actually happening.
This is like Trump.
When Trump won, people were calling me going,
I can't believe this is actually.
And I go, well, it was one of the options.
It was like one of the only options.
And the thing happened that everyone thought was going to happen.
He was a little cringe in his speech because he's like a theater kid
and a lot of these people are theater kids.
So there's a moment of his speech.
Now, I don't know if you have this,
but if you can get up a moment where he goes,
Donald Trump, I know you're watching,
and I've got four words for you.
Turn the volume up.
And it was just a moment when you could see the theater kid in him.
You could see that kind of cringe.
You know, that theater kid.
Like, just very unappealing side of him.
Hopefully, he keeps that at bay.
Let's watch it so you can understand what I mean.
Because, by the way, this is a departure from what he's usually acted like.
He's not, he's been kind of composed.
This feels a little bit like, it almost felt like he was breaking in a song.
Like, he's like, Donald Trump, hear me now.
I will.
And you're like, all right, bro.
Chill the fuck out.
Let's watch this.
So, Donald Trump, since I know you're watching,
I have four words for you.
Turn the volume up.
Yeah, I mean, it's, you know.
Yeah, okay.
Turn the volume up.
We'll see what happens.
Here's my attitude with this guy.
There's a lot to not like.
But, if it doesn't work, I will just leave.
Because I don't care.
This is the actual only way to approach.
I don't care is now not only necessary and appropriate.
It is vital to your mental health.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Well, what if he, what if he, what if he, I don't care.
I'll leave.
I'll just leave.
You can just leave.
I don't think he's going to do the things people think he's going to do.
I don't think we're going to have rapes on every corner.
I hope not.
But if we do, if we have a rape on every corner, like a violent rape on every
corner, I'll stay for a few months.
Because it'll be interesting, you know, but then eventually I'll be like
another rape.
I'm trying to get in my steps.
You know what I mean?
Like, if it's like, wait, another rape.
What?
I'm trying to go to the Greek place.
So, if it's going to be a rape on every corner, I'll just go.
I'll just skedaddle.
But I don't think it will be.
But why did he win?
Well, obviously, he won because people don't have money.
It's pretty simple.
People have these lives they plan out from when they're little.
I didn't do this.
My mother was a schizophrenic and my father was like in and out of a band.
Phenomenal.
But we never filled out a college application.
It wasn't, that wasn't the thing.
I had a typical Long Island near-do-well childhood.
There were elements that were good.
There were indications that I had certain qualities that might make me
successful at some point.
But my parents were very busy, working, and they didn't really nurture my
success.
They just didn't really, that wasn't their thing.
And again, I'm not blaming them.
I'm not, I'm not like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just saying, because of that upbringing, I expected almost nothing.
Almost nothing from the world.
Like, literally, almost nothing.
You know, but there are people out there who really start very early and
believe, and I'm not saying they're wrong.
I'm just telling you the makeup of this type of person.
They go to, they do well in school.
They do their homework.
They get into a good college.
They get an internship while they're at college.
They work hard at their internship.
They then get a good job at a good firm.
And they, you know, work their ass off.
And those are the people that are finding it increasingly difficult to afford
New York City.
Those people.
The paint by numbers, pin a ribbon on me.
I did all of the right things.
I have all of the right views.
I post all of the right things on social media.
I say, you know, the things I'm supposed to say.
I don't rock the boat.
I am a very nice, albeit forgettable, but, you know, I'm a professional face in
the crowd.
And I deserve more than, and they're right, by the way.
They're not wrong.
Do I love these people?
No.
They bore me.
I'm bored.
I don't hate them.
I'm not like, kill them.
But they're boring.
They're normies.
They're boring.
They bore me.
They're boring.
I like people that have more to say or maybe that are, they had a different
root in life.
And I, a lot of my friends are normies.
And I, because they're my friends, I'm friends with them.
But if they weren't my friends, I wouldn't be friends with them.
If I didn't know them for a long time, they would bore me to death.
And it's not because of, it's not their fault.
They're just boring.
They're just boring.
And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and vapid.
And, uh, surface.
And, and, and dull.
And pointless.
And their lives don't have any meaning.
And they infect me with how boring and dull they are.
And their concerns are so small and petty.
What a waste of a life they live.
But I don't dislike them.
Do you see?
But they, that is the coalition that Zoran has.
He has a coalition of angry, boring, mediocre people.
That have done the right things and have gotten very little for it.
Okay?
And the things he is talking about, he's right about.
Things are too expensive.
People feel that they're not getting ahead.
And the Republican Party, which is, have,
they've lost their goddamn mind.
They're arguing about who's allowed to talk to who on the internet.
But yet, all the flights are being grounded.
The airspace is being closed.
We've got a government shutdown.
The money is still going out the door to,
so we can invade Venezuela, arm Israel, arm the Ukraine.
Or, or it's a giveaway to Palantir so that Peter Thiel can install
surveillance technology in all the cities that,
that rioting is going to happen in, in three, two, one.
Ah, I mean, like, it's coming.
You can feel it.
And that's where the Republican Party is.
So the Democratic Party, which swept New Jersey, swept New York, swept Virginia,
they're concentrating on, on things that matter.
How to get people more money.
That's what, because by the way, that, that is all they want to do.
By the way, that sign that you see those protests,
I could be at brunch right now.
That's all they want.
Have you tried to have brunch and how much that is?
But that's all they want to do.
All these people want to do is have brunch.
All they want to do is have brunch.
I know them.
That's all they want to do.
And they can't even do that.
All they want to do is have brunch.
All they want to do is have Nutella stuffed French toast
and talk about where they want to go on vacation.
Their lives have no meaning.
So they, they need money.
They need something to do.
Because we create, we, we, we've, we've given them the idea.
We buy all of these people off.
That's how the society works.
We buy them off.
They don't question anything.
They're kind of like perpetual teenagers.
These are the 40 year old women with crushes on like Harry Styles
or they all love Disney.
They're all constantly reliving their childhood.
And men too, by the way.
We buy them off.
We pay them so that they can live in their homes
and be perpetual forever children.
And, and they do their meaningless work.
And they come home and they cuddle up
and they watch Netflix.
They watch the summer I turn pretty.
And they're mad.
And they go, I don't know.
Why did it end the way that?
And it's, it's, that's the lives that we've created in New York City.
It's their meaningless lives.
People used to come to New York City and fail and die.
And that might happen again soon.
I'm excited.
But people used to come to try to be great.
You can yell at wealthy people.
It's the only reason people live in New York City is to get rich,
by the way.
Even the people that are mad at it.
New York City was a city as AA Gill, the great travel writer, RIP said,
was built on a lot more failure than success.
It was never a nice city.
It was culturally important, the most important, you know.
It's the greatest city in the world measured in the impact it's had.
The only competitor is London.
The only one.
LA's never been a competitor.
Miami's not a competitor.
Nashville and Austin, sorry guys, not competitors.
Measured in raw impact, financially, culturally, it's New York.
But New York's become the burbs.
It's become the suburbs.
And with the suburbs come a suburban mentality.
They come in with the Wegmans grocery stores
and they bring the suburban mentality
where everything is about convenience.
Everything becomes about comfort.
And it is very easy to rile these people up
because they feel that they should be getting more,
a bigger slice of the pie.
They're not necessarily wrong.
But this is why.
These are the people.
It's not really like, yes, are there broke people
that are truly fucked?
Yes.
They exist.
And I'm sure a lot of them voted for Zoran.
But a lot of the energy his constituency brings
is an energy from the burbs into New York City.
And these people are trying to buy meaning in their lives
because they don't understand the point.
They look around.
They go, what exactly is the point?
That's what they're trying to figure that out.
They go, I get on this subway every day.
I pack in.
I go to the area by Bryant Park.
I go to Midtown.
I go into an office.
And I do nothing that matters to anyone.
To anyone.
Nothing.
Nothing.
And then I have my lunch.
And I talk to some bitch next to me.
And she does nothing that matters.
Nothing.
And we go then back on the train
and back to our tiny apartment.
And we don't know what we're getting out of this.
We want more money.
Because that's what the whole thing's about.
People would lie.
They could say it's not.
But they go, what am I doing this for?
Why did I move here?
Why am I here?
If I cannot sh