Name: Pete Hegseth, War Crimes, & The Breakfast Rush | The Tim Dillon Show #473
Uploaded: 2025-12-06T17:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pete Hegseth, War Crimes, & The Breakfast Rush | The Tim Dillon Show #473' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pete Hegseth, War Crimes, & The Breakfast Rush | The Tim Dillon Show #473' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-06. Transcript available.

Pete Hegseth, War Crimes, & The Breakfast Rush | The Tim Dillon Show #473

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
A young man killed his parents in Long Island in a Long Island deli.
And I read about this on Long Island.
There is a deli, I believe, in Bethpage.
And a young man who was troubled, he had a drug addiction,
killed both of his parents, I believe, stabbed them to death in a Long Island
deli.
And I don't like hearing that because that's where I grew up.
And I don't like to hear that.
Now, this isn't as rare as you'd think on Long Island.
There's actually a lot of people who do kill their parents.
This is true.
And it's something that just hangs in the air,
is that people kill their parents on Long Island.
This is not something that's completely unheard of.
Unfortunately, this does happen.
And, you know, I get it.
Obviously, I would never kill my parents.
And I would never want anyone to be killed.
And I would never want anyone's parents to be killed.
And I would certainly never want anyone to be killed in a deli,
which would be a place of love and kind of, you know, reflection.
That's what a deli is.
You should be able to kind of eat and kind of reflect on your day,
your week, your month, your year,
the trajectory of your life, whatever.
I mean, sitting in a deli should be peaceful.
You should not be dealing with a guy who came in to stab his parents.
But just knowing a lot of people on Long Island and knowing kind of, you know,
that whole thing, that whole dynamic.
I'm trying to be very careful about how I say this, but I can,
I can understand.
Obviously, I mean, I don't know how many disclaimers I need here,
but I think that fans and the listeners know what I'm trying to say.
I understand this.
I do not agree with it.
But I have met enough people on that island.
You know, I grew up there.
I lived there for many years.
And I get, and here's the other thing people aren't going to like.
I get doing both of them.
Because if you kill one of your parents on Long Island,
the other one will just become such a cunt.
I mean, gender unimportant.
If you kill one of your parents on Long Island,
the other parent will become so insufferable,
and they will use it as a way, by the way,
to constantly,
they, it'll be like you killed them.
Like, the one that survives will complain so much.
Not that they even love their significant other that much, either.
They will just use it forever.
My son killed my husband.
Like, it will, it'll never end.
It will never end.
So I get having to kind of do them both.
To get rid of both of them.
Because you go, I'll, if I kill one of these people,
I will never hear the end of it.
Just because of the types of, you know, the personality types.
And now this guy, police said a man and woman were stabbed to death
just after 9 a.m.
Thursday in the deli they had owned for decades.
A man was taken into custody shortly after.
And while police did not confirm the individual's identity
or his relationship to the victims,
friends of the shop owner said the man was one of the couple's three sons.
His hands was bloody.
His clothes were bloody.
And he was just leaning on his car.
I didn't know anything that happened at the time,
but he just sat on his car,
said witness Brandon James.
Near the crime scene, the daughter, the owner's daughter was inconsolable.
His friends comforted her inside the deli.
Another man saw the man walk out from the back of the shop.
I just seen the son walking out.
I mean, this is really, I mean, these quotes,
the grammar in these quotes,
these Long Island goons that can barely speak.
I just seen the son walking out.
And he says that I stabbed my parents.
And that was it.
He was very cool, like nothing happened.
I mean, what?
These are the actual quotes from the article.
I just seen the son walking out.
And he says that, hey, I stabbed my parents.
And that was it.
Can you believe this guy?
This guy comes out, he goes, hey, I stabbed my parents.
Hey, I stabbed my mama and my papa.
It's so fucked up.
You stab them in a deli, 9 a.m.,
the smell of bacon on the griddle.
The smell of bacon on the griddle.
You've got a bacon, egg, and cheese waiting for you.
And this guy comes in.
Because this was someone's favorite deli.
You know, everyone in Long Island has a deli.
I grew up with great delis.
You know, there are fewer and far between now.
That doesn't mean there's not a lot of delis.
But the ones that I grew up with were truly great.
I don't know anything about this deli.
And I'm sure I'll hear from friends and people that are like,
I know the people, or I've been to that deli, or I, whatever.
Or someone will always have a beef.
They'll be like, well, I actually didn't like them that much.
But a Long Island deli in the morning is one of the greatest places you could
ever be.
A Long Island deli in the morning is one of the greatest places you can ever be.
Because everyone really, people don't go to a Long Island deli to start the day.
They go to finish the day.
They go to the, it's the end of the day.
If you go to a Long Island deli, you hit image of this deli.
Let's see what this deli looks like.
I'm getting hungry.
Was this a, this looks like a little, was this a little bit of an Italian deli?
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of these are Italian delis.
And they got a little pizza happening as well.
I wonder if they, yeah, they did breakfast, of course.
That's the thing about a Long Island deli.
You know, when you're in Manhattan or you're in wherever you are and you're in
a place, people
are getting their egg whites, turkey, hot sauce, because they're starting the
day and they're
going to go make a million dollars and get a wife.
But Long Island delis are where you go to end the day.
You get the caloric intake of the day in one sandwich and then you go sit in an
office and
do nothing except read comments on the internet and go insane.
That's the entire day of Long Island.
It's your life.
It's actually not bad.
You eat so much food you get.
Once you have finished your breakfast on Long Island, you are done.
You're done.
It's two or three eggs, bacon, American cheese, salt, pepper, ketchup on a roll.
Some people will do a Hungry Man Hero.
That includes a hash brown and ham.
That's a little excessive.
In my opinion, you might get a chocolate milk, a Ronnie Brook Farms, perhaps a
Nestle Quick.
And a lot of these people chase that with a ciggy or they'll chase it with a
nice big tall
cup of coffee with a lot of coffee creamer.
You might see French vanilla.
French vanilla is a big coffee creamer out on the island.
But some people might do a little holiday cookie creamer, a little amaretto, a
little hazelnut,
whatever floats your boat.
And then you just go sit in an office and read things on the internet that make
you insane.
And then you eat lunch.
And then you go home and you, you, you sit in your house and you eat again.
And maybe you go out to dinner or to a bar and drink.
And this is it.
So this is a holy sacrament in the morning, the bacon, egg and cheese in Long
Island.
And this guy went in and he stabbed his two parents in the deli.
Mamma mia.
Let's watch a little bit of this news story here.
Again, this is from, and I had to cover this right up front.
And then we'll get into like, I don't know, what is Pete Hegseth doing?
He's killing a fisherman there in Venezuela.
But, um, we'll get into that.
We'll get into that.
He just wants to kill people, that guy.
Have you seen that guy's face?
And I think he killed only two people.
You got, here's the thing.
We, in America, that's like a thing if you kill a few people.
You got to kill a lot of people for us to turn the other way.
You kill two people, we're all over that.
You need to kill so many people that, frankly, we get, uh, uh, kind of like, uh,
you know,
overwhelmed.
You get overwhelmed if he started, if you, if they started killing so many
people over
there in Venezuela, you could find the justification for it.
You get overwhelmed.
You go, yeah, I guess there's a reason they're killing all those people.
But you kill a few people.
It's confusing.
I'm like, why are you doing that?
What's that one boat?
What's that one little tiny, uh, boat that he's, uh, is he saying, how many
drugs are
on that little boat?
All right, let's watch this here.
Uh, uh, double murder, uh, Long Island place
of my birth in a deli.
No less.
Come on.
It's a long Island where a man is in custody tonight, accused of brutally stabbing
and
killing the owners of a beloved deli.
It happened during the breakfast rush and witnesses.
By the way, by the way, by the way, so they've already, they're letting you
know what a big
deal that breakfast rush is.
He just wants to let you know.
First of all, we've already moved on past the stabbing.
Now we're all going, wow.
It's the breakfast rush.
It's the height of the morning.
This is the big, uh, Long Island.
It's about mornings and nights.
The days are nothing.
The days are kind of nothing.
No matter how much money you have.
If you live out in the Hamptons, the days are nothing.
You kind of like wander around an empty beach and take a pill or something.
And, and, and if you have no money, the days are nothing because you sit in
like a debt
collection office and call people and threaten them, even though you also have
no money now.
So he's saying it's the breakfast rush.
There's hash browns.
People are on the grill and, and this guy's going to kill people in the morning.
It's crazy.
Go on.
In here, say they believe the alleged killer is the couple's own son.
News 4's Paisie Chang is live in Bethpage with a horrific turn of events.
Paisie.
Yeah, David, it happened here at A&A Deli and anybody who has ever been into
this deli
say that the owners were just amazing people.
If you went in here, you didn't have enough change.
You didn't have enough money.
They would always just say, forget about it.
Come back tomorrow.
Come back next week.
It wasn't a big deal.
Very kind, very generous.
And they are all trying to make sense of this senseless tragedy.
Crime scene detectives.
Hold on.
Hold on a minute.
Go back to just, go back to see her.
This is, to just educate people that don't know where I'm from in my life.
This is where I come from, okay?
Just go back again, please, and just try to freeze it on that Asian woman.
Yeah.
See if we can, can we get some light on that so I can see it?
Yeah, just freeze.
Oh.
You can't freeze it without.
Damn it.
You have a Carvel ice cream right next to this Italian deli.
Where I come from, I should be 900 pounds.
You are so, I mean, it's, you're so destroyed every day of your life.
This is a deli that also has pizza.
Do you understand what I mean?
It's like a deli that goes, just also eat pizza while you're here.
Just eat pizza while you're shopping.
And then next to it, there's ice cream.
It's unreal.
But, and this story, I don't know why this story got me so much.
You know, again, this show has become so big, and we talk about so many of
these things.
Blah, bitty, blah, bitty, blah.
I'm in D.C. this weekend at the D.C. Improv, and I get invited to all these,
you know, Christmas
things that are going on around Washington.
I really don't think I'm going to go to any of them, because I really just, I
really just
trash these people on the show.
And then it's weird to kind of see them.
If you see them, you're eating a little meatball at some big party or event.
But I also may go.
But, because the food will be free.
But, um, I don't want to be attacked by Kash Patel's girlfriend in D.C.
What's her name?
Alexis Wilkins.
I don't want to be attacked by Alexis Wilkins in D.C.
I don't want to be, uh, attacked by this woman.
Or worse, what if she's singing Christmas songs?
That's even worse.
I don't want to be, uh, uh, you know, I'm like, uh,
I'm like, um, I'm eating a tiny crab cake in the corner.
And then I'm, uh, I'm, uh, I just, I just, it's Alexis Wilkins.
I see her from the corner of the room and she makes a beeline to me.
I'll just FaceTime Candace Owens and, and, and hold my phone out like a cross.
You are repelled.
All right, le