Name: ICE In Minnesota & Venezuela Without Maduro | The Tim Dillon Show #478
Uploaded: 2026-01-10T17:15:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ICE In Minnesota & Venezuela Without Maduro | The Tim Dillon Show #478' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ICE In Minnesota & Venezuela Without Maduro | The Tim Dillon Show #478' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-10. Transcript available.

ICE In Minnesota & Venezuela Without Maduro | The Tim Dillon Show #478

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show um you know we will get into
it here the news
the news this is one of those weeks you know some of the weeks are easier than
others because they
lend themselves to being a silly billy you can be a little goofy but this week
feels heavier
you know because of the whole uh the killing and i am i am i do have this mocha
this kind of ice
blended drink and i feel like this is going to make it seem like i'm not taking
it seriously
because it for the simple fact that it has whipped cream on top of it but that's
what that's how it
comes is from the coffee bean and tea leaf which interestingly enough and i
will get to this uh
the killing coffee bean and tea leaf was mismanaged it could have been maybe it
never could have been
as big as starbucks but it was bought by a private equity company and they
focused on these weird asian
teas and these weird mango drinks and then filipinos got into it and that was
kind of the end
but but this um this mocha blend i think is better than the frappuccino because
they use cocoa powder
and that to me
they focused a lot on the tea and kind of tropical island uh concoctions
you know and it's like how many people want that
and and apparently not a lot not a lot of them like every now and then you'll
see somebody get
real excited about a mango tea or something but for the most part that's not
what it is
so i don't want you seeing this uh coffee bean tea leaf ice blended and they're
not sponsoring the show
either let me get ahead of that i've gotten not a dollar from the people at the
coffee bean and tea leaf
um about this um but as i consume this and there will be a moment where i'll
take the top off because i do like to
kind of eat the whipped cream before it deflates before but i will discuss this
while i'm doing that
and if it if and i'll try not to have this happen but if there is a situation
where there's whipped cream on my nose
nose while i'm doing this it's not you know what i mean this isn't i'm not
doing a thing i'm just i'm doing my best so that that doesn't happen
but there is a chance that
there is a chance that'll happen and then i'm gonna look ridiculous because i
have whipped cream
on my nose from this coffee blended beverage and i'm trying to make points and
i don't want people to
get upset at that or if i spill it on myself if there's any of it if any of it
gets on me
while i'm making these points and there's whipped cream on me if i spill it on
myself
then i don't want people going look how ridiculous he looks now i'm not going
to listen to anything this
guy has to say because he has this uh mocha ice blended you know it's another
problem the coffee
bean tea leaf the name ice blended frappuccino is a better name this happens
all the time
where two companies will have a similar product one of them's name cold stone
better name than marble slab creamery some of those names are too on the nose
we know it's ice
blended that sounds crazy to say look it's marble slab creamery but when you
say cold stone it just
has more of a ring to it i'm not i'm not um i'm not stalling either i'm gonna
talk about the
i'm gonna go into it all right so
minnesota
cold cold place
um
i went i've performed there a bunch
the people that come out to see me are are are i appreciate them all of them
and i love them i don't love them i don't know i don't know why would i say i
love them i don't
love them i don't know them i don't care but it but it's it's a it's an area
that i've gone and
it's been good to me not great other places are better chicago boston whatever
but it's fine
i do one of those uh casinos there with native american you know one of those
where it's a native american thing and i'm and i'm happy to be a part of the
healing
journey that we're all kind of on in this country or we should be on
kind of healing and learning and
so i feel like i'm a part of that when i go to one of those casinos in minnesota
and
and i do a show
i feel like it's a good it's a good it's a good it's a step in the right
direction
because there's a lot of steps in the wrong direction
and we're going to talk about them
the other thing is a coffee bean never got into food starbucks got into food
they started doing
little sandwiches little egg bites those sous vide egg bites were a thing and a
lot of people were
doing high protein diet keto type diets so the sous vide egg bite huge those
sandwiches that you
can heat up those little protein
you know the egg and the cheese the protein pack minnesota
listen there's a lot now i'm going to open this up
and do because the whipped cream is deflating and the whipped cream is kind of
the point of the drink
you know i'm not laughing at what is happening obviously it's
crazy
what about these daycares all right that's another story that's another story
so there's this woman in her car she's a lesbian poet
this is the story i'm not not even doing anything
i'm not even doing anything i'm literally saying the story
and then you have ice and who the hell are they we don't even know
these are people that like answered an ad on craigslist
i mean we you don't even i mean these people
who is joining i i mean these people are so shot
the people who are joining ice are so shot
you know they just they don't have anything going on
these are people who like a mall throughout
because they like they couldn't do
like security at a mall they like you know i don't know what they did but they're
out now they
maybe attacked a child or something
so i don't know who's you know these are they got ice in there
um and ice is going i don't know what's happening in minnesota either but i get
there there because of the somalis and the daycare
that there's that's why there's more ice there now than there was
because there's a federal investigation into the daycares
because the kid did the thing with the daycares
okay
which whatever i don't know what am i investigating that i'm sure there's fraud
there's a lot of fraud everywhere but i'm sure there is fraud there i'm sure
there's something there
and
we've talked about that you know
but i'm not i'm not like boots on the ground
in in uh in uh minnesota
going to daycares
finding out where the kids are
you know what i mean
like i'm not
this is not part of my job is whatever i'm doing here
i don't even know what i'm doing
but whatever i'm doing i'm not
in the i'm not in like
hello
i don't even know their name what's a somali name i don't even know what a somali
name is
you know whatever i say will sound racist but i don't know
um
i know mocha deeju is a in somalia
from black hawk down so let's say one of them is named that
hello are you mocha deeju
where are the children
that's my impression of me doing it if i was doing it that's what i would have
said i only said their name is mocha deeju because i don't know any other
somali words now
so they got the daycares going
and they're probably skimming a little
they're probably i mean they're coming here
a lot of groups of people come here and they go
i mean the italians did it you know
you know the italians did the mafia
the irish you know
like got drunk
just hit hit people hit women
but a lot of those irish women that were hitting let's be honest
but
what i'm saying is
this
i'm
it's not
you got some fraud
you got some fraud
you got some fraud
like i i can imagine like
the dhs or whatever being like
you've listed one of the children's names as
jiminy cricket
so this woman uh
mowgli
so this woman is a lesbian poet and she supposedly is like and then you have
ice
this is a bad mix
i couldn't think and i'm not
could you think of a worse mix
than a lesbian poet in ice
that's not a fun
is that a fun
is that a fun holiday party
is that a fun holiday party
we gonna have the lesbian poet and ice are all together in a house
not my house
i don't want that
i don't want that
i don't want that
in my house
because it would be
it's a combustible mix
that lesbian poet is
she's like anti-ice
and we've all
i've been really consistent here
with the fact that i believe we need a border
and a country
and i don't think we can
have an open border
it's not realistic
it's
it's not
i mean
i just don't understand
why anyone thinks that would work
if anyone can explain to me
why they think that would work
whereas we just keep bringing people in
the people here are doing terribly
but we just keep bringing people in
but i also think these like ice raids
which are kind of
performative
and cruel
and
a bit psychotic
are
not
doing
this administration
any favors
they are
i think they're making people
i think they're making people
less
concerned with
immigration enforcement
because they're
equating all immigration enforcement
to these random
brutal raids
where you see people that have been here
30 years
like hogtied
and thrown into a van
but i do think there's a lot of people
the trend to agua
uh
gang
that venezuelan gang
people like that
we have our own gangs
we don't want to bring in other gangs
seems
crazy
so i get it
some people gotta
some people have to go
so you have this lesbian poet
then you have ice
and then you have this video
now this video is the sticking point
do we have the video john
can we get the video
this video is the sticking point
here's what i'm doing with this video
i'm showing it to children
to try to get their
thoughts on it
because every adult i know
has
has
a bias
every adult i know
has a bias
one way or the other
but if you show this thing to a five-year-old
they gotta be less than 10
around 10 they start developing a political identity now
so around 10 or 11
they all start going
well of course
you know
and you're like
what do you mean
you know
around 11
they start going
play stupid games
win stupid prize
you're like
wait
hold on
wait a minute
you know
or they'll just go
fuck pigs
you don't know which way
it's gonna go
you gotta get them
around that
six seven age
six seven
like you gotta get them
when they're
they're just
they're trolling a little
so you gotta get them pre-troll
but you show this
my godson is five years old
i showed it to him
like you gotta show this video
to children
who don't have a political
and by the way
that's it
we're gonna have to decide
most stuff in the country
we're gonna have to
decide
most stuff in the country
by showing it to children
who do not have a
psychotic political allegiance
yet
and they'll have to get
younger and younger
because the kids
will get radicalized
to the point where
my five-year-old
godson will be radicalized soon
then you'll have to go
show it to a three-year-old
you'll
you'll have to start
showing these videos
to infants
and just based
on their eye movement
and what
if they can lift their hand
where they point to
you'll have to make
this it
because everyone
everyone approaches
this now
with so much baggage
and
and
and
and
anger
justifiable
anger
this woman got shot
in the head
and the guy didn't
have to do it
i don't
you watched the video
was it smart
for her to accelerate
or try to get away
and not obey his command
well clearly not
she's dead
but was he
did he feel like
he was gonna die
if he didn't shoot her
three times in the face
i don't believe that
he's shooting her
from the side of the car
in the window
but
i had to have
all of that
explained to me
by a six-year-old
at the cheesecake factory
who was eating
with his parents
and i said
do you mind
if i show
your son
a video
of what happened
in minnesota
and they said
yeah
that's fine
and i go
i want to get a read
on this
they go
yeah he's pretty good
with stuff like this
i go this isn't gonna like
he won't have nightmares
or anything
they go
he doesn't really care
and i explained to him
i said listen
i want to show you a video
i'm not going to tell you
anything about it
what's the deal
and then he said to me
listen
it's just literally
word for word
he said
it is clear from this video
that while she may or may not
have been engaged
in obstructing
isis operations
which would be
maybe laudable
depending on your point of view
but 