Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Jim Carrey (S03E14)
Uploaded: 2017-10-03T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Jim Carrey (S03E14)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Jim Carrey (S03E14)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-03. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Jim Carrey (S03E14)

Today's show is sponsored by Upside Travel and Stitch Fix Men.
This is a good place for me, right?
Absolutely. Let's just start here.
Let's just start here.
You can have a chair.
No, why?
Something to do with cameras.
This is perfect.
What?
No, believe me, I'm completely sensitive to the camera.
He just got out of art school.
I'm completely sensitive to camera angles.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
Excellent.
I know that you're completely clear in the shot.
Four, three, two.
I don't know how to count, though.
Our guest is Jim Carrey, who knows cameras.
Yeah, and I just go against the norm, and yet I love the norm at the same time.
That's sweet.
Everything I do is against the norm.
Have you ever made love to a camera, literally?
To a camera?
Yeah, they say it.
No, but to a box of film I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I blew a load into a box of film one time.
I thought that was Wayne Fleming.
Oh, yes.
He did a little of that, didn't he?
Come and sit with us, Jim.
It's pretty interesting, isn't it?
You never know how you're going to get.
It's starting well.
You never know what you're going to get.
Good to see you.
Good to see you, probably.
Hey, check this out.
Oh, we need empty cups up here, because I brought you something.
Yeah?
What?
I brought you a treat.
No way.
Yeah, a treat.
What?
This is the first treat I've ever had.
Is this the...
Is it a chair?
Is it the load you shot into the bar?
Is it film?
What?
Yeah.
No.
This feels like it might be booze.
He was doing a callback there.
Did you see that?
No, I didn't.
He did a callback.
I've never listened to him once.
I love him.
I love him.
I love him.
He's a great guy.
That's all I listen to.
He's a great guy.
So, I got something called keto coffee here.
Have you heard of keto coffee?
I'm guessing it's not a coffee, but an alcoholic thing.
No, no, no.
It's coffee.
Oh, really?
It's coffee.
I don't do the alcohol thing.
Oh, good.
But you've got to shake it up first.
Shake it up a little bit.
Okay, now what's in this is bulletproof coffee.
Have you heard of bulletproof coffee?
Okay, bulletproof coffee and cacao, which is like this chocolate powder.
Yeah.
It's also like the sound that Batman and Robin make when they hit the Joker and
stuff on the
old TV show.
The henchmen.
That you don't know.
Yeah, they don't know.
Cacao!
Cacao.
And cacao actually has an element called tyrosine in it that is an element of
the human brain.
Being responsible for enthusiasm.
So, you're about to get out of your mind with joy about what you do.
Jesus.
Okay, so...
Where can you obtain this?
It's only good if you pour it from this high.
Look at that.
Cacao!
Cacao!
What does that remind you of?
There's also...
It's beautiful.
There's also MCT.
Hey, wait.
The Trump tape.
The Trump tape!
It's out!
It's out!
Scenes from the Trump tape.
Before I drink my cacao...
Weird MIT shit.
You see that?
The thing that sticks?
It sticks.
I'm going to forget this.
You've got to pull it off the goddamn table.
Jim, I'm going to forget this.
I'm going to say it right now.
Is that cool?
Before...
And then we go right to the cacao thing?
What's that?
Because of something that you said that was really funny.
And it reminded me of that.
But there was a...
A big...
I don't know.
Whatever it is that just killed the energy.
No, no, no.
You've got to kill it to get it back up.
I see.
I get it.
I get the challenge.
You're like that.
You're like that.
He'll take the whole room to hell just so he can climb back up the ladder.
You went to Saturday Night Live and we were telling you a story that you'd
never heard of.
That most comedians have heard of about Danny Thomas and his hobby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you'd never heard of it, which was surprising to all of us.
But then...
So I'm not going to say what it is, but...
For those of you...
Danny Thomas had some predilections when it came to laying down with the ladies.
He liked glass tables, apparently.
Ah.
So apparently.
So Jim had not known this, so we told him the story and he said instantly...
I thought it was such fast pace.
Thank you, sir.
He said, that's the kind of guilt that will make you build hospitals.
Now you have your...
There can be no glass tables in this hospital.
I do not want to be reminded.
You know who was good in the hospital.
This is good stuff.
You remember Jimmy...
You're too young to remember Jimmy Seville.
He was also...
Cheers.
Cheers, man.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Also, MCT oil.
MCT oil in this, which carries blood past the...
Sorry, blood and oxygen past the blood-brain barrier, so you won't get
Alzheimer's.
I just...
Joe Rogan didn't give you this, by any chance.
No, he didn't.
He seems like a Rob Schneider.
We just fight when we see each other.
Oh, that's good.
Holy...
Okay, tell me that's not good.
Oh, my God, yeah.
Where can you get it?
Like, you just buy this in stores?
Does anybody care if they share this with you?
Wow.
Do you want to try it?
Yeah, try some of this.
It's pretty awesome.
You want to try it?
Yeah.
Pretty amazing.
Here's the...
This is the other side of the cup, just in case you've heard rumors.
It's pretty crazy good.
Wow.
All right.
God damn it.
Wasn't that...
Yes, cacao.
Is that fucked up?
Yes.
That was that place that was right near your place.
Holy cacao.
That's a place that was right near your apartment, Lojo.
They had that bulletproof coffee.
Yeah, I know, but it's just a bulletproof plus.
Yeah, that's plus.
Plus it has ghee, which is purified butter, and Himalayan salt.
And stevia.
So it is the greatest drink that you can put in your body.
What's ghee?
It throws some booze in it.
You can fuck it up, why don't you?
It seemed you threw stevia in the end.
It didn't sound good at all.
No, no, but it's good, right?
It's also aspirin.
Proof is in the budget.
Red dye number three, and it's got from the plant of a...
Soylent green?
So I just want to say that I think this is the greatest show on television.
Oh, listen to Jim.
He's amazing.
Honest to God.
Because we don't need frills any longer, right?
No, I don't think we do.
Fuck the frills.
Right?
Let's just get to the point.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just people making sound.
That is a lot.
That's all it is.
It's a nightlight, you know?
It's something like they entertain you, and at the same time, like, I can sit...
First of all, you are the man.
You are my comedy choice.
Whenever I'm looking for something on YouTube or whatever it is, Norm's always
my first comedy choice.
God damn, that's nice.
Yeah, and I sit there, and I sit there, but you can suck up a little bit of it.
I sit there naked, just going like, why is this such a big deal?
What's the big deal about this?
And I tune into Norm, because you're it, man.
Oh, man.
It's you and me, alone.
Yeah.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm young again.
Here's two things we have in common.
One, that we're Canadian.
Two, I'd never met anybody who's...
My father's the same name as your father.
It's a weird name.
Percy is your dad?
Yeah.
I don't even remember that.
I'd never heard anyone else's name Percy.
Any person.
Remember when you came and visited the set of Man on the Moon?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
I was also in the film.
That's how I like to put it.
Oh, but I wasn't there, so I wouldn't know.
That's how I refer to it.
Michael Richards, right?
You played Michael Richards.
I played Michael Richards, and he was in it.
That's right.
He was in the scene.
You were in the scene.
You were at the table.
I wasn't in the film.
But when you came and had lunch with Andy, who was dressed up as the psycho mom.
Yes.
Right.
That was fucking great.
I got to hear this.
Okay, was that one?
He walked onto this thing.
You go ahead.
Well, I'll start it.
I like to listen to your voice.
But you can finish it.
We were with the late, great Wayne Fleming that we talked about earlier.
Bob Zemuda, Mr. Carey, and myself up on, what's the name of the-
Universal Studios.
Universal Studios.
And so, first of all, we're up in the psycho.
Oh, yeah.
And Jim is, as you'd expect, dressed up as Norman Bates' mother.
Well, I was Andy Kaufman dressed as Norman Bates' mother.
He doesn't understand Wayne.
I understand very little.
Stay on the surface.
Just agree with everything.
Yeah, stay focused.
So, you know, those people come along to see-
On the tram, sure.
Hopefully, they'll see a famous person.
Right.
And maybe they'll even see Jim Carrey.
Or Wayne Fleming.
But they do not have to add.
No, let's add to that.
We're doing fine.
So, Jim, they expect, well, what if we saw Jim Carrey move?
They're probably thinking on this, the biggest star in the world on this.
Yeah.
But they don't see Jim Carrey.
They see Norman Bates' mother chasing them with a giant knife.
That's right.
No, I had an axe that day.
An axe?
You were the first one I attacked.
Yes.
You were the first one.
He came up to the psycho house, actually walked up.
He said, what, is Jim doing some funny stuff or something?
That's one of the scariest moments.
And he walked up the stairs, and I came at him out of the dark in the psycho
house with
an axe.
And you were pretty terrified.
You were real terrified, actually.
You had no defenses.
What's wrong with it?
No, man.
If that had been real, you were a dead man.
I felt like a thug in Martin Balsam with a camera that's going in and out.
I was just fucking freaky.
But then you went after the trickle in the tram.
Yeah, the tram.
I climbed up on the back of the tram and started wheeling the axe over people's
heads.
I think part of the tour to this day, they talk about that.
And I want to say one other thing, since it was brought up at the time, and I
saw a little
tiny bit of it, but Jim and Bob Sabuda both told me the greatest practical joke
of all
time that they hoped to make into a documentary.
And we're having trouble with a certain mansion.
But you know the story I'm talking about.
No.
You know, you were having trouble with the mansion where that old man...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no.
But he was cool, though.
Once I told him the story...
You know who we're talking about?
I have no idea.
Well, you know...
Think of a mansion with an old man and a whole bunch of beautiful young girls.
The Munsters?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hef.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's going for the joke.
He was masturbating to Aurora monster models growing up.
I like the Vampirella, too.
Vampirella had me.
Vampirella was hot.
She had me.
Yeah, so don't blow this story.
Got it, got it, got it.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I was invited during the making of Man on the Moon to the Playboy Mansion.
Hef invited me up there for the Midsummer Night Dream Party, and I wasn't...
I like how all those birds are so innocent.
They're just people fucking each other.
Totally.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's right.
That's right.
How did you like it?
Uh-huh.
So did you.
Cut to Star 80.
You, Pauly Shore, and John Potter.
And I wasn't on the planet at the time.
I was being Andy Kaufman and Tony Clifton, so they said, well, Jim isn't here
right now.
Can Tony come up?
Can he come up as Tony and play?
And so Hef was like, great.
Oh, shit.
You know, they just said, just don't tell anybody.
Don't tell anybody it's Jim Carrey.
Well, about an hour later, we heard, like, you know, reports out there that Jim
Carrey
was going to come to the mansion and stuff.
So Andy got pissed and sent Tony, but the real Tony, like Tony Clifton, who was
the second
Tony Clifton, is Bob's Muda, who's Andy's writer.
And he got into the old stuff again, and he showed up at the mansion, and Hef
came out
and did, like, 15 minutes with him.
So if I can just briefly, just in case we've lost anybody, you understand that
he was invited,
Andy Kaufman, Jim Carrey as Andy Kaufman, was invited to go to the Playboy
Mansion.
Bob Zemoud ends up going to the Playboy Mansion, pretending to be Jim Carrey as
Tony Clifton.
So everyone's just fawning all over him.
And Playboy Girls are posing with him.
And Hef's there, like, hey, they're all twins, and they have no brain.
Remember you told me he'd introduce you and go, James Caan, this is Tony Clifto