Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Caitlyn Jenner (S03E10)
Uploaded: 2017-09-05T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Caitlyn Jenner (S03E10)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Caitlyn Jenner (S03E10)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Caitlyn Jenner (S03E10)

Today's show is brought to you by Pro Flowers.
Fuck yeah.
Well, another day, another, I call it a talk show.
That's really what this is.
Oh, this, yeah.
We have everything that a talk show has, we have.
We have guests.
We have opening remarks.
Yes.
We have cameras.
Yeah, we definitely have all this.
We have this desk.
It's great.
We have that lady that shows us five minutes to go, one minute to go.
Yeah.
Everything that a real regular network television talk show has, we also have.
Yeah, I would agree.
I just think it's a little more bare bones than that.
It's not your...
What do they have that we don't?
For instance, cooking segments.
We've never had a chef come on and show us how to...
I'm just saying.
You want a cooking segment?
Of course I want a cooking segment.
Who doesn't like a good cooking segment?
I'll get us a cooking segment.
Did I tell you, I saw old Conan the other day.
What happened?
He gets this chef out there with a big hat, you know?
Yeah.
And the guy starts making some kind of...
And they have a bottle of wine, you know how they put it in to find that.
Oh, God, what happened?
Conan gets so upset, he starts chugging the wine himself.
Could you imagine?
He's kidding, but...
Okay.
I'm going to get us, right now, to the power of prayer.
Why don't we just have Kelson book a chef?
Well, let's try it.
Let's try it this way.
Okay.
And Kelson will be the backup to the Lord.
I like that.
Okay.
Oh, Lord of the universe, master of all things, mover upon the deep, master of
those things
seen and unseen.
What are you doing?
I want to have a cooking demo.
I'm afraid.
And I have nothing to work with, including backup talent.
You know what I'm talking about.
When the children of Israel wandered hungry in the wilderness, what did you
give them?
You gave them manna from heaven.
Why should we be any less in your sight than those wandering Israelites?
Show us now how to make the delicious dish manna.
Oh, it's manna.
Mmm, that's good.
You know what it tastes like?
It's almost a combination of milk and honey.
Hold on a minute.
What just happened?
Did you just have manna from the Bible?
Right.
Rain down on the podcast studio?
Yes.
I guess I did.
This is crazy.
You're not even Jewish.
I can do that, too.
Well, go ahead.
Do your best.
There's something very hot in the chips.
Golly, man.
What is that?
You said milk and honey?
I know.
You didn't eat any of them, right?
They're burning hot.
Oh, that is hot.
That is spicy.
I'm an Israelite.
I can do better than that.
Really?
Yeah.
You think you could make manna rain from heaven?
I'm a chosen one.
Do your best, man.
Oh, great Yahweh.
Adonai, you have always been there for my forefathers in their time of need.
I ask for you to bless me with your delicacies of the heavens, for I am hungry
as I skip breakfast
this morning.
Oh, please, Yahweh.
Show me your strength and your deliciousness.
Oh.
Oh, these are stones.
Rock.
I wouldn't need that.
I think this is a turd.
Oh, God.
Oh, yeah.
That's definitely poop.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, well.
After a while, though, it's time to get me short.
Some guys got it and some guys don't.
What did he eat?
But listen, the Lord moves in mysterious ways, and today he has blessed us with
all this manna.
And you know who else he's blessed us with?
Who?
Caitlyn Jenner.
Ooh.
In a moment.
Tonight, our guests of the full hour, Caitlyn Jenner.
In 1976, dubbed the greatest athlete in the world after prevailing in Montreal.
And now she's here with us, looking startlingly young.
Thank you, Nur.
And that's a great way to start it off.
Okay?
Flattery will get you a long way.
Yes.
Actually, you mentioned that did happen a long time ago.
I have the ultimate double that I don't want anybody to hopefully ever have to
go through.
Yeah.
I won the Olympic decathlon in 1976.
Got the title of world's greatest athlete.
Back that up.
Forty years later, glamorous woman of the year.
That's incredible.
That's a double.
That is a double.
Yeah, that's about as good a double as you can get.
Yeah.
Finally able to live my life.
I'm still working on a single.
Yeah.
I understand.
If we go to the...
Because you know what stunned me in the book.
The book's incredible.
The secrets of my life.
I told them all.
That's a tough...
I told stuff I never thought I would ever say.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I mean, it was a cleansing process.
Doing a book is very therapeutic.
I've done other ones and, you know, you kind of...
But you really have to sit down.
It was two years in the making with almost 8,000 pages of memoirs and talking
in two years.
And I worked with Buzz Bissinger.
8,000 pages.
Yeah.
And Buzz Bissinger.
Buzz Bissinger, who's a cartoon character.
He should be.
Yes.
He should be a cartoon character.
Somewhere he is a cartoon character.
I guarantee you.
Probably in his own mind.
But he's kind of crazy and off the wall.
And we just got along so well together.
We had the same kind of sick sense of humor.
And, you know, I told him the book's got to be...
You know, I got to tell the whole story.
Because this is my one opportunity to put it down in writing my whole story.
But also, it's got to be funny.
I love humor.
There's a great sense of humor in this book.
And I want to read right from the beginning.
The author's note.
Transgender guidelines suggest that I no longer be referred to as Bruce.
Under any circumstances.
But here are my guidelines.
I will refer to the name Bruce when I think it appropriate.
And the name Caitlin when I think it appropriate.
So, I hope that you give us the same...
No, no.
That's very true.
Because I don't...
So much in our community.
I mean, they're all up on pronouns and getting this and this and that.
You know, I was Bruce for a long time.
Yeah, Bruce Jenner won the Olympics.
Yeah, and it was around for 65 years.
Now, was that me?
No.
There was a lot more to me that nobody knew.
And you can only go...
You know, what I have learned over the last couple of years is every story is
different.
Honestly, the most fun I have is going out to dinner with like four or five
trans girls or guys or whatever.
And sit around and swap stories and everyone...
Men are the worst.
Yeah.
Everyone is like...
They're like the most interesting people out there.
They sure are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, what they've been through with society, with family, with their own
struggles and everything
that they've been through to finally get to the point where gender doesn't
become an issue.
Yeah.
I remember right after I came out, I got a lot of letters.
And I get this letter from actually a trans girl here in L.A.
Transitioned 15 years ago.
And she said that it was probably five or six years after she transitioned.
She remembers going to bed one night, putting her head in the pillow.
And she went, oh, my God.
She goes, not once all day did I think about gender and my identity.
And she goes, that was like a real eye-opening experience.
You want to get to that point where that does not become an issue in your life.
You have not reached that point yet.
No, I have not reached it, mostly because I work so closely in this community
to try to
bring some understanding, to try to bring this issue forward.
So I'm working within that.
So I kind of deal with it a lot on a daily basis.
But for me personally, no, I'm just, it's so simple.
You know, you would think my life would be so much more complicated.
No, just the opposite.
It's so simple.
I get up in the morning and be myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No secrets, no nothing.
Go out, get dressed.
Double lives are very hard to have a double life.
Yeah, two suitcases.
Hard enough to have one life.
Wardrobe.
Hard enough to have one life.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
Yeah, wardrobe, hiding wardrobe.
Yeah, you talk about it in the book that you have the wings.
You have to pack for a man and a woman.
Yeah.
I had to do everything, yeah.
And you talk about going through metal detectors, wearing a bra, and being beeped.
No, yes.
Now I can actually go up on stage and give a speech and wear a bra and panties
and get
away with it.
And tell everybody in the audience, you know.
Yeah.
Is it?
Because, yeah.
Yeah, because I used to, I did so many things, as you've written the book.
I just, yeah.
I loved the book.
Now it starts, and I was glad it started with the, well, it goes back and forth.
But it started with the Olympics.
Right.
Because I was at those Olympics.
Right.
I remember those Olympics.
You're that old?
Yeah, I'm old.
Wow.
It had Wantarima.
Alberto Wantarima.
Alberto Wantarima.
Yes, yes.
It was in the 400, 800, yeah.
And Komenich, maybe?
Yes, yeah.
Nadia, that was her Olympics.
So it was a big, big year.
It was a big deal.
And then you, the American, doing that final lap on the 1500 to seal what
already was.
But how does someone get into the decathlon?
I've always wondered.
Well, a lot of guys who are specialists say you've tried every event and failed,
so you
pick up the decathlon, but I didn't look at it that way.
No, I've always just played sports, you know.
I played football, then played basketball, and then ran track, and then all
summer long
competitively water skied.
And I was just always competing, always having fun doing it.
When I was in high school, you know, I got, like, MVP in all city and football
and all
the same in basketball.
And I won the state championships in Connecticut in the pole vault and in the
high jump at two
events.
So I just played sports, you know.
And when I went to college, I went to a very small school in Iowa.
The coach there, a guy named Melody Weldon, always liked multi-eventers in
track and field.
I actually went there.
I thought he was a football.
I did.
I did go to play football.
That's where I initially went there.
But the track coach obviously knew what I had done.
And so, and he was, he became like my second dad.
He had probably the, besides my father and my parents, probably the biggest
impact on my
life as a person, and certainly athletically.
He was a great human being.
And I had, you know, they talk about it when you're in high school and you run
five events
in one meet, you know.
Five events?
Oh, in one meet?
Yeah, just for high school stuff.
Because, you know, can you triple jump?
Yeah.
And I go, yeah, I guess so.
Is that a hop, step, and jump?
Yeah.
That's what we used to call it?
Is that the same one?
Yeah, hop, step, and jump.
Is that the same one?
Yes, that's it.
Yeah, it's triple jump, yeah.
Yeah.
It's an odd one.
It's a weird one, yeah.
But you said, you read, you said in the book, pole vault was your natural...
I started off as a pole vaulter.
And that seems terrifying to me.
Looks like the most fun.
You have to hit.
Like, do you ever miss that thing?
That indenture in the...
No, but I've missed my steps getting in there, because your step's got to be in
the right
place.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but I was able to get it in the box pretty much all the time.
Now, if you miss your steps, you just stop.
You just abhorst.
You gotta run through, yeah.
Yeah.
Because you have to land.
Uh-huh.
With your foot.
This is Adam Egan, by the way.
I noticed he was at the end of the table smiling.
Should we bring him into the conversation?
What do you think?
Adam, what do you think?
I just did, yeah.
You know, your dad, first of all, your dad comes across as astonishing in this
book.
He was at D-Day.
My dad was a big impact on my life.
He was from that great generation.
He was a World War II veteran.
Yes.
Fifth Ranger Battalion landed on Omaha Beach.
Yeah, tough guy.
You know, if you saw Saving Private Ryan, that was my dad on the beach in Normandy.
So he goes from the beach of Normandy to a stunning part of the book where he
shows you a picture of the Holocaust.
The Holocaust, he was the, he was, they were the first guys into Buchenwald
concentration camp.
Wow.
Yeah.
And here he was like, you know, 21 years old, 22 walking in and they literally
had carts, railroad trains, open carts, just piled 20 high of dead bodies.
And people walking around in a daze because, you know, they knew the Americans
were coming.
And so, you 