Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Dana Carvey (S03E08)
Uploaded: 2017-08-22T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Dana Carvey (S03E08)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Dana Carvey (S03E08)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-22. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Dana Carvey (S03E08)

Today's show is gonna be great. I'm here with my trusty sidekick, Adam Egott.
The show is being sponsored by, take a guess.
Gimbal's?
Nope. It's being sponsored by ProFlowers.
Oh, fuck me!
Yeah!
Guys?
Norm?
Where the hell is everybody?
I said to be here at three o'clock.
What's this?
No, it's a note to me.
Dear Adam, it is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid the inevitable
screaming
match with you about how you are eternally single and how we made that pact all
those
years ago to die alone.
But I've been finding real love with Guinevere.
She's so nice.
But I knew you would never approve of her because of all her piercings and her
tattoos and her
tight motorcycle clothes.
and her opinion that I share that the Holocaust did in fact actually happen.
But it's not only the passion, Adam.
You see, she's pregnant.
Guinevere said that we'll be very happy she owns a trailer in the woods and has
a stack
of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many, many children.
All with odd jobs like a wheel man for bank robbers, an astronaut, maybe the
first black female to ever walk on the moon.
Oh yeah, Guinevere is black.
She's opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
So we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in
the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
Obviously, we couldn't tell you about this, seeing as you're a degenerate drug
addict.
But don't worry, Adam.
I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to work for our many
grandchildren.
Love, your hero, Norm.
P.S.
Adam, none of the above is true.
I only wrote this letter to give the sex traffickers enough time to arrive at
the studio and retrieve you.
I was just writing you this letter to distract you, and my guess with your
simple mind is that it worked.
So once you put this letter down, you'll be kidnapped and shipped to Bulgaria.
Or you will be a common slave for Bulgarian royalty.
And I, I, Norm MacDonald, will be $50 richer.
No, no, what the hell?
No, guys, wait, hold on, please.
Let's talk about this.
No, no, no, shit, son of a, god damn it.
There's a Norm MacDonald.
I don't know what a kidney is.
Why do they say it looks more like a round?
What do they say, the kidney?
How many people are going, I don't think I go to the pool.
It looks like a kidney.
Yeah.
They have a pancreas-shaped one.
Yeah, you know, that's good.
If you're stage four, you want to put your meat in that.
It's filled with urine.
Urine?
You'd think.
Yes.
If it was kidney, it looks like a kidney.
It was kidney-shaped, yeah.
Yeah.
You have a little dialysis machine where the hot tub would be, you know, just
kind of clear
filter that kidney.
Do you know Adam Eager?
I start-
Yes, Adam, don't worry.
Adam Eager.
Is it when I do you to you?
No, you do it.
You do it nice.
It's exaggerated.
It depends.
All my impressions are nice.
Some people, like Frank Galliando, he puts a comment in there, he's like, eh,
eh.
See, I don't see that.
He's like, well, I have a, you don't need a punchline, he's like, "Crack whore."
Yeah.
I'm like, well, that's more of a comment, really.
Well, I used to do that, because I saw you on Conan once, and you did say, you
said, "Crack
whore and midget" several times, so then I did do a thing, full confession.
I did Norm MacDonald as an alarm clock, and it was like, this is what it was, "Wake
up."
"Hey, wake up there.
There's a crack whore and a midget in your back."
So I just thought that was really funny, right?
What about the other impressions you did?
They're the bad ones.
Well, I don't do you a lot.
Did you read the book by Bombastic Bushkin?
I did not.
You didn't?
Is that weird?
I like doing Johnny.
You know the reason I like Johnny is because it was the only time on SNL where
I didn't
push at all, because I knew it was funnier.
It was too funny in the moment to laugh at, but I knew it resonated for a long
time.
To do it.
Because it was so cold.
And I just, when you did Johnny, you just think kind of that, you know, charm
of laid
back.
For those of you who don't know, that kind of thing.
I did not know that.
I did not know that.
I did not know that.
For those of you at home, you're watching a thing called a television.
You know how he included everybody?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you find that people, like signs of impressions, people, somebody will crack
it and then, like
everybody now when they do Carson goes, I did not know that.
But that was you that figured that out.
But I probably was influenced by Rich Little, but the weird, wild stuff.
We interviewed Rich Little.
Oh, and he did not say that?
He said he never said I did not do that.
Yeah, that was mine.
He also said that doing Bob Hope was impossible, but then, you know, Dave
Thomas did it and then
everybody could do it.
Yeah, I never tried Bob Hope.
You did?
But I did not know that.
You didn't know that?
Is that weird?
Is that wild?
You were just able to do them again in Becoming Bond, right?
Yeah, there was a documentary where the guy who quit the bond, what was his
name?
Lazenby?
Yeah, Lazenby.
Lazenby.
Announced it on The Tonight Show.
So they wanted to reenact it.
So I came in as myself now, playing Carson, talking to him, and did it totally
straight.
Do I understand?
What?
Are you serious?
You're not going to do any more Bond?
Is that right?
Magenta.
Magenta.
So when you get into that rhythm of that, it's a fun place to be.
Yeah.
It's a fun place to be with Johnny.
When I do you, it's kind of dark.
What about when he smoked so much, he had to like...
I know.
...smoke in between.
In between.
You just catch him at the end.
Yeah, at the end.
I know.
Nicotine's a nasty one.
Well, it ended up killing him.
But he had good genes.
He made it to 80, didn't he?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
A chain smoker that makes it to 80.
That's true.
That's a cardiovascular surgeon's dream.
And he was a happy man.
He was a happy man.
Sure.
I couldn't...
I was blacklisted from the show.
I'll say it.
It's an exclusive here.
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
Exclusive.
Just because of the...
Carcinio.
Well, he...
No, he liked Carcinio.
Oh, he did.
They're making fun of Arsino and Anosh.
I mean, they're making fun of him as much as they are Anosh.
But toward the end, Leno told me, last time I ran into Leno, he goes, "Johnny
was walking
down the hall and just yelling out.
They're making fun of me now.
It's time to go."
Because I did one.
There was one that I didn't really want to do and I didn't write.
It was a little mean that made him kind of senile.
Oh, yes.
And that went on.
I remember that one.
And that was the one.
The one where he didn't know stuff.
He didn't know of Susan Day.
He didn't know the Partridge family was off the air.
I don't know.
Where I'd would go, old reference, "Last Son, Younger, Birth."
Yes.
Yeah.
And then they had Chris Rock play Arsenio.
And it was kind of like, "So your ratings have gone up and ours has gone down?"
I didn't know that.
And then I couldn't get on the show and I felt bad about it.
I remember a monologue you did once after that and he said, "Did you hear they're
working
on a comedy version of Saturday Night Live?"
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?
It wouldn't surprise me.
Yeah, he was mad.
But here's the thing.
Everybody, if you stay...
Is it weird to have Johnny Carson angry at you and not liking you?
Well, yeah.
It felt weird.
It felt bad.
I was on the Tom's...
Because he liked you when he went there.
Yeah, I got all the greatest hit montage.
Things got a little wild with Dan McGarney.
He just went off one night.
You know, the year-end anniversary show.
Yeah.
So yeah, I love Johnny, but you hurt people's feelings.
I don't know.
Yeah.
With impressions?
You can.
Yeah.
I don't really...
It's not really my intent.
But probably I should do more of that.
I'm not in vogue.
I'm too nice.
I'm like, "He's a nice guy."
Yeah.
You know?
Marc Maron goes, "I don't buy it."
He says, "I don't buy the nice guy thing."
Really?
I go, "No, I'm passive aggressive, of course."
Yeah, everybody.
I'm very competitive.
Sure.
You schooled me a couple times.
What?
As Bob...
No, we did Bob Dole...
That's right.
...and George Bush Senior.
...and George Bush Senior.
Yeah.
And you were great as Bob Dole.
Now, I always said with George Bush Senior, because I remember watching Reagan,
you know,
and George Bush was the...
Right.
...vice president.
I said, "My God, what if he becomes president?"
There's absolutely no impression there.
Yes.
You can't do it at all.
Yes.
You kind of made yours up by scratch from scratch.
Totally made it up.
The whole first year, it was just, "I'm George Bush."
You know, I'd make sure I'd say it, the name.
Yeah.
If you can't do an impression, just say the name before you do it.
"I'm George Bush Senior."
You know, then you're good.
But then, eventually, one night sitting with Senator Al Franken, I just, the
hook of,
"Well, that thing out there in that whole area."
Yeah, and then we were off.
And then Downey, I think, was the one who came up with...
Who played George Bush before you.
I guess...
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
And he helped with a lot of the rhythms.
He's brilliant.
I love Jim.
And I got to do it.
And also those guys that give you a little hook, huh?
Well, I had Al's on the left and Jim was on the right.
Yeah.
So, there was a real balance to it.
Do you want to explain to the viewers at home?
Left and right?
No, Jim and Al.
Well, Al Franken, they're both Harvard guys.
Jim Downey is not a United States Senator.
Other than that, they're identical twins.
But Jim Downey was one of the original writers on The David Letterman Show.
He's just kind of been floating along comedy.
I just saw him like a few months ago when Bill Murray did the Chicago Cubs
little schtick on SNL.
So, I got to see Jim backstage.
So, he just had a big imprint in American comedy, Jim Downey.
And obviously Al Franken.
But we know him.
Yeah.
And we wrote a lot of stuff with Jim.
And your biggest writing partner was Smile.
After a few years, yeah.
Because I was the one who came in.
Weird, wild stuff.
And I could do that.
And then he's like, "Oh my God."
And then I was really into Regis because he was on at 9 a.m.
My wife and I would get up, "Anyway, you ready for this?
You're terrific."
Anybody.
If you've never seen stand-up like Norm MacDonald, you're in for the treat.
Believe me.
He goes, "No."
He puts his pedal to the pedal and he just goes.
And the thing I love most about Regis is when he walked back.
Totally.
Oh, totally.
He goes, "Anyway, he's out of control.
I couldn't get a table.
Tom Brokaw gets a seat up front.
I got nowhere to sit."
But anyway, they're terrific people.
They're wonderful.
They do terrific.
I know.
That's the best.
You know.
That's the best.
That's the comedian.
That's where you're happy.
You get to laugh with the explosion.
The little throwaway here when you're happy.
There's a lot of sense, too, that he had to explain it to his crowd.
It was like old, middle-aged.
Yeah.
He wanted to make sure that he wasn't serious about Bernadette Peters eating
his dog.
Right.
Rickles does that, too, right?
Well, Rickles really walks it back.
Yeah.
But they want him to call his book, "I'm Out of Control."
I'm out of control.
I'm out of control.
Then he goes, "You know, I never actually said that.
It was Dan Aghani who said, "I'm out of control."
It's a theme with my name getting butchered."
Norm McHoonold.
Did you ever hear in your early stand-up days?
I guess Norm McDonald's are pretty clear.
I only get in trouble with tax and stuff because it's M-A-C and M-C.
Mm-hmm.
So people just assume one is the right name.
Well, it's M-A-C, right?
Yeah.
My mom's maiden name.
So I'm a quarter McDonald.
Oh, you are.
I'm Scottish.
Hey, brother.
Hey, brother.
What's up, brother?
Yeah, baby.
I love the Scots.
Do you feel you have a white privilege?
I'm not allowed to answer those questions.
Being an old white guy wi