Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Sarah Silverman (Pt 1) (S03E06)
Uploaded: 2017-08-15T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Sarah Silverman (Pt 1) (S03E06)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Sarah Silverman (Pt 1) (S03E06)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-15. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Sarah Silverman (Pt 1) (S03E06)

Today's episode is brought to you by Bowlin' Branch, Nature Box, and Wink with
a C.
Tonight, Sarah Silverman will join us.
I'm here with my trusty sidekick, Adam Egan.
How are you, Adam?
I'm good. How are you, Norm?
I'm good, man.
I missed you.
I have a computer now for the show.
Yeah, I see you have the laptop out. What do you...
Well, that way, if a guest says something I don't know about,
I look it up on...
Oh, that's inventive. That's smart.
What's that called?
It's called the internet.
No, but there's a special thing you can hit.
Oh, yeah.
Ask Jeans.
What are you asking?
Say, who's this fucker that I'm talking to?
No, I'm just kidding.
But I used to work at a customer service for an airplane.
People all want to take their dogs on board.
You know, this is the newest thing?
Yeah.
Where they say it's a service dog?
Yeah, service dog, right.
Well, it's rarely a service dog, you know?
There's a lot of chihuahuas and...
And this woman called me.
She said she wanted to bring them in a big kennel.
And I said, well, the kennel has to be big enough
that the dog can, you know, lie down and roll over
and jump up and all this.
Right.
She said, I haven't trained him to do any of those.
Service dog.
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings?
It's almost never for them.
Oh, man.
We get more jokes than any talk show on the television.
Do you have a dog?
Do I have a dog?
Yeah.
Well, you know what they say.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
I think that was Newton.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
But so is my dog.
Yeah, I have a dog.
After a talking sheep dog...
This seems ridiculous.
Talking sheep dog.
Oh, well.
After talking sheep dog gets all the sheeps in the pen,
he reports back to the farmer.
All 40 accounted for.
But I only have 36 sheep, says the farmer.
I only have 36 sheep.
There's 40.
I know, says the sheep dog.
But I rounded them up.
Oh, God.
That's the worst fucking thing I've ever heard.
What do you call an Amish guy
with his hand in a horse's mouth?
What do you call an Amish guy
with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
They don't drive cars.
Oh, God.
Opening up the hood.
They don't want the Amish.
You be the horse.
No, I don't want to be the horse.
I'm always the horse.
You're always the horse.
I'm always the horse.
Oh, God.
God.
Did we start?
No, we're done.
We'll be back with Sarah Silverman in a moment.
There we go.
Oh, there we go, Mary.
Tonight we have Mary with us and her owner.
I don't like to say owner.
No.
We're each other's companions.
Oh, that's nice.
You're from the great...
Oh, this is a good story I've got for you.
This is Sarah Silverman.
Everybody knows that.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh.
We were talking about Cheers.
Oh, yeah.
Before the show, we were talking about Cheers, the television program.
This is so great.
Oh, maybe I'm setting it up too much, but Bill Wiley, this character actor, who
is Henry
Phillips' dad.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
You know Henry Phillips' comedian?
Oh, my God.
You'd love him.
Norm, you'd love him so much.
He's really close with Mike Judge.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so anyway, his dad is this character actor who was going to be coach on
Cheers.
He was testing for the role between him and the other guy.
Wow.
But he turned it down because Cheers was just a pilot and he got a real
concrete job playing
the bad guy in Porky's 2.
Oh, my God.
And then if you think about that, I mean, it's so crazy.
We wouldn't even know Woody Harrelson because he's still alive, because Bill Wiley's
still
alive.
That's true.
Well, yeah.
Well, we might still know him.
I'd like to think we would.
He probably would have, yeah.
He would have got somewhere.
I mean, I was in a movie with him.
True Detective would be like, and introduce him.
That's right.
I did a movie that he was in, and I didn't know how to act, and he is
incredibly good.
You do now?
No.
I didn't know, I don't know.
But I was in a scene with him, and he's a really good actor.
So anyways, the director was Milos Forman, and he goes, forget the script.
And I'm like, thank God, because I'd already forgotten it.
And so he says, just say what you, you know.
And he was Larry Flint.
Right, of course.
But he was doing the voice all the time off stage, just for fun, you know,
because it's
fun to do that voice.
So we go, ah, I'll have a joint or whatever, you know.
So then we're in, in the scene, talking.
Milos goes, you just forget the script, you know.
But anyways, and then Woody Harrelson goes, can I get you a beer?
You want a beer?
I go, I don't drink.
He goes, yeah, well, I have a beer.
He has it in his hand.
I go, I don't want it.
I don't drink.
You go, and then I go, cut!
And that was from the movie.
I was in the movie.
But he was so fucking good, he was looking me right in the eye, and I really
thought he
was asking me something, and I was probably acting good if I'd just gone with
him.
I like how you, I like how you make the choice to say acting good.
You know that it's well.
Acting well.
I know, but it's like, I feel like it's a choice to be like, I'm not, I'm going
to be
a regular guy and say acting good.
Oh, I suppose.
Yeah, you do.
Because you're fancy.
I know you.
Do you say like, when and where?
Well, that's not Shakespeare.
That's just my Canadian accent.
I learned that WH was pronounced, was pronounced, so you get a whole loaf of
bread or a whole
loaf of wheat.
Oh, I always think of that as like hoity-toity.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
Oh, how do you describe the second month of the year?
How do you pronounce that?
February?
That's what I say.
What do you say?
I say February.
It's supposed to be February.
Oh, I used to say February until I learned how to spell it.
No, it's, it's pronounced February.
He's right.
February.
No, he's right.
Yeah, I know, but I, well, I don't know who's right or wrong, but now that I
know how to
spell it, I mean, that's like how I say wed-ness day.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But I don't.
What about it?
Comfortable.
Think about that spell.
Comfortable.
Comfortable.
Yeah, but we transpose the T and the R.
I go on that website, Pinterest, but I think it's Pinterest.
Yes.
Well, that's what I thought it was.
I think so.
I go and say Pinterest, but then it's because it's interest.
Interest.
Interest.
But I say interesting.
I say Pinterest.
Do you say interesting?
I say interesting, too.
I say like you.
Yeah.
Too long.
I think I said both ways.
Interesting is probably better.
Do you say envelope or envelope?
Envelope.
Envelope.
I say envelope.
Envelope would sound hoity-toity to me.
Yeah, same.
You're trying not to sound hoity-toity.
You're trying not to draw attention to your self in any manner.
All right, so what is the painted fingernail?
This is to pronounce my solidarity with the children who have been abused.
Hey, that's amazing.
Young boys.
There's a lot more out there than you know, than you think.
Young boys?
No.
Oh, young boys who are abused?
Yeah.
What about girls?
Shit tons of them, too.
All of them.
100% of them.
Just because, yeah.
Are you kidding?
It's because I like, I'm for one thing.
It doesn't mean I'm against all other things.
What are you against?
Do you're against girls they've been abused?
Just 10 minutes ago, you were talking about how you were against clean needles.
That's why I'm more controversial.
There's his eyes.
Me and Tucker Carlson are the only people that believe in clean needles.
No, we're against clean needles.
No clean needles.
This was your, you know, the great writer, Steve.
O'Donnell?
O'Donnell.
Oh.
He's not a hero.
But this is what he wrote.
He goes in.
She's a comic, an actor, political activist, a fine guitar player, the
sweetheart of the stage,
the television, and the internet.
Sarah K. Silverman, and the K stands for Keen.
Oh.
Or kosher or kind-hearted.
I can choose.
That's nice.
I'd say Keen.
I mean, we're all thinking Kike.
Steve O'Donnell, whenever I see him, he calls me doll shoes.
Hi, doll shoes.
That's just an interesting point.
Okay, so we were just talking about the origins of various racial slurs.
It's his name as Chink.
Okay, so that makes sense.
It's like a sound of a last name.
The sound of the language by an ignorant person.
Oh, that makes sense.
Like, Chink, Chink.
It sounds like Chink.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
It's grossing that Jew sounds like a bad thing, even though it's saying what
the person is.
Yeah, it can be used to describe what you are.
It can also be used as an insult.
It's the only one I can think of where...
As a Jew, you know, just by the context.
You're a fucking Jew.
I feel like a Jew.
Yeah.
What are you, a Jew?
Where I grew up in New Hampshire, that was like, they'd go, don't Jew me down,
Jew.
That was like a regular thing.
Yeah, chips slip through the cracks.
They said that when I grew up, too.
It was a pest.
It all depends on how you say something.
It's geographical.
Yeah.
I feel the least offensive epithet, to me anyways, Chinaman.
Because it's a man from China, for God's sake.
But it's not used always as a man from China.
That's the problem.
What do you mean?
Well, because people use it.
No, they wouldn't call you a Chinaman, but they could call someone from Vietnam.
If I had a Chinaman's chance, they'd call me one.
You can't stick to that.
You can stick to your guns there.
Well, what about you say Asian?
Now, people from China hate Japanese, the Japanese, you know, ever since the
rape of Nan King.
Well, it's a little bit of a generalization.
They're a camera woman who could probably ask.
Yeah, they're enemies.
She is Asian, but not Chinese or Japanese.
But the Chinese and the, you know, they have a history of, so I would think if
I was Chinese,
I would not want to be lumped in with all of Asia.
Chinaman, is that Jewish?
All of Asia?
What is that, Russia?
Yeah, Russia is Asian.
The Ukraine?
I mean, come on.
Eurasian.
Not your Asian, I mean, Eurasia.
Yeah.
You had problems with it, with a guy that was a running spokesman.
We're like real Foster Brooks over here.
Remember that spokesman that got mad at you?
Me?
Yeah.
Oh, the guy Ioki.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you were on Clearly Incorrect.
Oh, it was an absolute disaster.
That was funny.
He brought 80 people in the audience, and I brought zero people, and I just
went there.
Yeah, and then they made me repeat the joke, which is, I didn't know to go, no,
I'm not
going to do that.
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't, or to even, that was a really good lesson, because I learned to just
never defend
a joke.
It's not for me to defend.
It's for him to be offended by if he's offended by it, for other people to
defend to him or
not defend, or it's not mine anymore.
It's out there, and it's, it's, you know.
Yeah.
I mean, if I, I always apologize when I'm sorry, but it's also important to not
apologize
if you're not sorry, because it's disingenuous.
Absolutely.
Anytime anyone apologizes for a joke, I get real special.
Unless they're sorry, unless they're sorry, you know.
Right.
I grow and change, and there's shit.
Ah, you're so clean.
Are you sorry?
Are you sorry?
I don't know what I'm saying.
Have you ever, have you felt pressure at all to, have you felt pressure at all
over the
years to change your act in any way?
Well, that time I'm Bill Meyer with the Eddie Chinaman.
No, again, we don't say.
You hear what you just said?
No, but she didn't say that she's changed her act, like, have you?
I, I, I change.
I like to let myself be changed with new information, but I don't, I wouldn't
say, I always measure
is it funnier than it is offensive to me.
Exactly.
But then sometimes my eyes get open to things that I'm not aware of, because I,
you know,
I'm, I, I'm understanding this liberal bubble concept, because if I look at my
first special
15 years ago, there's stuff that fucking makes me cringe.
And I don't want to wipe it out of existence because it's important.
It's a part of, uh, you know, it's like Amos and Andy, you know, you could wipe
that out
of existence, but it's important.
It's an important part of comedy, uh, that reminds us of, uh, reminds us of a
very racist
time, you know, it tells history i