Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Bobby Lee (S03E05)
Uploaded: 2017-08-08T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Bobby Lee (S03E05)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Bobby Lee (S03E05)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-08. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Bobby Lee (S03E05)

Today's episode is brought to you by Dollar Shave Club, and Texture.
Tonight for the full hour, comedian Bobby Lee, and we'll be talking
specifically about
stand-up comedy.
We're going to start with the opening remarks, as always, beside me is my trusty
sidekick,
and boy, I had some kind of experience, something I've never had before.
What happened?
I was approached.
Who's my favorite comedian?
Greg Proops.
No.
Bob Hope.
Bob Hope.
Always Bob Hope.
Well, I was approached by the USO to do a show.
That's exciting.
It was amazing.
It was not only me.
There was Brooke Shields appeared, Lonnie Anderson, Gary Sandy.
Lonnie Anderson insisted on Gary Sandy.
Who else was there?
Sam Seder.
John Pinnett.
God rest his soul.
Anyways.
I wasn't in that part of the show.
Right.
That was the main stage.
They had me, and you, over on another stage.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
And it was a little bit of a surprise, you know?
To not be on the main stage?
Well, because of what they did.
I mean, we'll get to the clip, and the people at home will know what I'm
talking about.
Oh, right.
But things are changing.
Mm-hmm.
And you've got to keep up.
Yeah.
And I don't know if I was exactly ready for this, but we did our best.
Sure did.
And so let's let the folks at home take a look right now.
Right here.
You can look, too.
At Amiga.
Right at that camera.
Where's my tree?
Right there.
Ah.
And we're going to look now at the USO tour.
Not the main stage.
How's everybody doing out there?
This is Norm USO McDonald.
Well, isn't this wild?
When I was told I was going to perform for a bunch of drones, I thought I was
being booked
on The View.
But I'll tell you, drones, that I hear the locals are complaining about your
manners.
Apparently, you keep dropping in on them unannounced.
Well, I see a lot of you are carrying cameras.
Feel free to take pictures of me, but don't relay them to forward command to
call in mortar
fire.
Okay, fellas.
I just want to remind you all what you're fighting for.
Come on out of here.
No, no.
Settle down.
It's not Adam Amiga.
It's not Adam Amiga.
No, no, no.
But Adam has brought a little friend, a surprise on his phone.
He has the super sexiest robot that ever existed.
You fellas, I'll know who I'm talking about.
Siri, everybody.
And she's got a song for us.
God bless America.
Land that I love.
Stand beside her and guide her.
Through the night with the light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam.
Well, how about that?
I'll just tell you, drone audiences are the best audiences in the world.
For the full hour, actor, comedian, writer, Bobby Lee, and his credits stretch
down.
But, as they say, all politics are local.
Apparently, you guys have a little history, because you used to be the manager
of the, this
is my trusty sidekick Adam Amiga's.
You used to be the manager of the Tempe Improv, the best club in the country.
Right.
And I did ten minutes once, in front of him, and then I never played there
again.
Wait, when did this turn into Crossfire?
And secondly, I didn't ban, I didn't ban him.
Who banned me?
I think it was Howard.
Yeah, but you're part of the same regime.
No, alright, well technically, yeah.
Howard was an old band.
Yeah, like Kim Jong-un, right, has a soldier, but like-
Sure, yeah, I'm just following orders.
Yeah, but you're a part of the thing.
Alright, I admit that.
Alright.
And what did I do?
You know who else said they were just following orders?
Hitler.
Well, Stalin was just like that.
What'd I do?
Uh, you, yeah, you, I think you took your pants down.
On stage?
Yeah, he got, he got pretty naked on stage.
Well, I wanted to prove a point.
And I said that, you know, skin color is only your skin color, and we're all
pink on the inside, so I showed him my butthole.
I remember now.
Yeah, and that was my opener, and he didn't like that.
It's like Lenny Bruce.
It was a real opener.
But at that time, I was young, and I didn't really have a lot of jokes, but,
you know, I would have appreciated the encouragement.
Well, I'll give you, it was funny.
He was the manager.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you were the manager for just a short period of time.
Yeah, and then I moved, yeah, I moved back here, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you probably know stuff about him at the store.
Oh, well, no, he's like, he's in charge now, huh?
Yeah, he's in charge.
He's got a lot of power.
He picks the, whoa, oh my God.
He's entitled, and he's got a lot of power.
He picks guys who go on stage.
Yeah.
But you know what?
How does that affect you?
It affects me a lot.
It, it, it.
You know why?
I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why it affects me.
Can I tell you why?
Yeah.
Because when he wasn't there, the guy before used to put me up way more.
Yeah, in front of empty crowds.
That's true.
What if you finally got your big, you know, you're like, uh, uh, not your big
break because
you've had a lot of breaks, but you're like, I want to, you know, be a regular
on Fallon
and then you go for your audition and it's him.
Oh, I wouldn't do it.
Yeah.
I wouldn't get past, I wouldn't get past.
He's a, he's tough.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You gotta be on SNL.
That's not true.
Yeah.
Well, there's a lot of SNL people that you brought in.
Oh my God.
He, he's so far out fucking Spade guy.
I know.
You ever seen him with David Spade?
I saw him on a red carpet with David holding, you know, holding hands or
something.
No way.
You on a red carpet with him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
For Dirty Dirty Man or whatever that movie is.
Dirty Dirty Man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I call it Dirty Dirty Man.
It was because of the show.
He was busting my balls saying I sounded like Buffalo Bill.
I know.
And then, yeah.
Yeah.
But still, you were on the red carpet and I was watching social media and you
were on it.
I wasn't with him on the red carpet.
I remember there was a picture of you.
Yeah.
And then behind it's like, Dirty Dirty Man.
And you were like posing.
Yeah, he was posing.
It was really, really gross.
Oh.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
So you went with Spade.
You were his date.
I was not on Spade's date.
What's that?
What happened to you?
I fell down some stairs.
You fell down some stairs on a girl.
That's not what the abuser says.
No.
Both hands are like that.
It's not important.
He fell down the stairs.
Like this.
You had quite a misadventure on your way here, Bobby.
Well, I don't know.
It was a thank you for the car.
Yeah.
We sent an Uber.
Yeah.
Well, I didn't know it was an Uber.
I get in the car and then halfway during the trip he goes, "Get out."
I go, "What?"
Like I was playing a game on my iPad.
"Get out."
And I go, "Excuse me?"
"Excuse me?"
"Get out."
He pulled over on like Venice Boulevard.
Jesus.
I go, "This is the place?"
"No."
"It canceled."
"It canceled."
"It canceled."
Right?
So he shows me like his phone where it says, "Canceled."
I go, "But I have money."
"No."
"Get out."
Oh, shit.
Then I dropped his name.
"Norm McDonald."
"I don't know him."
That does not work.
"I don't know Norm."
That rarely works.
Right?
It doesn't work.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Tom Hardy.
I don't know him either.
Tom Hardy.
Yeah.
And so I was about to get out, but then I called.
Who did I call?
Yeah, this guy right here.
I think you saved my life, dude.
I go, "He'll give you 60 bucks when we arrive."
He goes, "Okay."
Oh, sweet.
What do you mean we pulled over?
I had the fear.
I panicked.
Yeah, sure.
Well, a guy, I was just in Portland.
A guy told me, "If your card is rejected by Uber, you're banned for life."
Yeah.
Is that true, though?
I don't know whose card that is, guys.
Whose card was it?
Was it your card?
Oh, fuck.
You banned for life.
They charge you.
It was an Andre Andre.
It was an Andre Andre.
It was an Andre Andre for sure.
So you remember, you don't remember him.
Of course I remember.
You had the little Mohawk or Fohawk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was fucking ridiculous.
From Tempe.
Huh?
From Tempe.
Yeah.
So you went all the way to Tempe to audition?
No.
I opened for Mencia.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Or Pauly, one of the two.
Pablo, maybe.
Pablo, one of them.
I want to say one of them.
I don't mean Mexican.
I don't mean Mexican.
I don't mean Mexican.
I love Hispanic people, okay?
Hola, que tal?
But anyway, and then you fired my brother.
I don't think I fired your brother.
My brother was working there.
My little brother Steve got a job.
I know Steve.
Steve's great.
On your TV show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my little brother Steve, right, got fired from the Tempe Improv under your
regime.
Well, maybe under my regime.
Yeah, but that's why I'm here.
I'm not here for Norms.
Jesus.
I'm here to confront you.
No, I'm kidding.
And meanwhile, I do the Tempe Improv and he comes up to me and he goes, do you
mind if
Jimmy Kimmel's sister, I go, that's fine.
He doesn't even know her name.
Wait.
And he's like, ladies and gentlemen, Jimmy Kimmel's sister.
She was like, so what about his brother?
Yeah.
I'm not big enough.
Come on, man.
She was a manager at the time.
Yeah.
She was a manager at the club?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
He was a food runner.
Oh, yeah.
He was terrible.
Your brother was a food runner at Tempe Improv.
At the Tempe Improv.
Nice guy.
Nice kid.
Awful.
And he told the waiter, I will fucking stab you in the neck, you son of a bitch.
You did say it.
Second day in.
Yeah.
Second day in.
And he picked up a knife, I think.
You know what I mean?
And so then he got fired.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My brother's never had a job.
Wait, I've read that you started in San Diego.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, that's almost unheard of.
Does anybody else ever start there?
Oh, yeah.
Isn't Kirk Fox?
Yeah, but he moved to L.A. and started.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Kirk Fox, he taught Dr. Phil how to play tennis.
Dr. Phil gave him a show.
I know he did.
Yeah, he did like 150 episodes.
It was unwatchable.
It was tough.
I love Kirk, but I couldn't watch it.
It was about relationships.
And then one time, Kirk told me the president of whatever said, like, "Who's
your girl?"
He goes, "I haven't been in a relationship in years."
Yeah.
He was like a relationship.
Yeah.
But he had glasses.
Yeah.
He was like an expert.
Yeah.
He used to, I used to work in a, I live in a house, and he worked at the tennis
racket store,
the racket store next door.
So I knew kind of who he was.
He was like this tall, young guy.
This is in the '90s.
Well, what's your, he's kind of a cool dude, right?
Who?
Kirk.
Couldn't you see his wrap working with the ladies?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't find him very good looking.
No, no, but his wrap.
No, no, his wrap sucks.
No, he looks like a Tim Burton character, like just somebody drew him.
Yeah, no, I didn't see that.
He's just skinny and tall and gangly.
It's like angular.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right, a lot of triangles.
I hate him.
No, I love the island.
No, I love the island.
No, I love the island.
But in La Jolla, but then you, did you used to do like odds and ends around the
La Jolla
comedy store before?
Yeah.
Odds and ends.
Yeah, I used to do all kinds of stuff.
Was that a show on The Belly Room?
It does sound like a brainer show.
It does sound like a brainer show.
You're producing that too?
Yeah, I'm booking it.
Yeah.
No, I used to work the door, clean the rooftops, and I did the, I was a bar bag,
and then at
one point, we gutted it, and I had to like do, I put the bamboo up, you know
the bamboo
that's in there.
Oh, shit.
Well, that's not an ethnic band.
No, I was just thinking of something else.
Yeah, I mean, you made it seem like it was an ethnic band.
No, I was thinking of that.
I was thinking of that.
I was thinking of that Uber driver.
I was thinking of that.
It was my fault.
Yeah, but, yeah, I mean, that's how I started, and then Paulie saw me at an
open mic.
And what did he say?
In La Jolla.
In La Jolla.
And I had been doing comedy for maybe nine months.
He goes, dude, you're funny, brah.
I go, cool.
He goes, I want you to open for me in Vegas, brah.
A week later, it 