Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Marc Maron (S02E11)
Uploaded: 2014-07-21T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Marc Maron (S02E11)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Marc Maron (S02E11)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-21. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Marc Maron (S02E11)

Tonight, Marc Maron joins us.
I'm here with my trusty sidekick, Adam Egot, and I've got to tell you, I'm a
little upset today.
What's wrong?
Well, as you know, there are only a couple of celebrities or world leaders that
I really care about,
and one of them is the Dalai Lama.
You know I've always loved the Dalai Lama.
Yep.
And one thing that just makes me sore is that all these countries around the
world are refusing to officially meet him.
They don't even recognize the Dalai Lama.
And he's such a peaceful, holy man.
And the reason is, the reason they're afraid to officially welcome the Dalai Lama
to their country is because it would upset the Chinese.
Red China.
Well, what do the Chinese have against the sweet...
Because China's economy is very powerful, you see.
So nobody wants to risk offending them.
And he opposes China's occupation of his home, his native Tibet, to which he is
the rightful leader.
You see what I mean?
Yeah, that doesn't seem right.
Oh, yeah.
And it stretches everywhere.
Like, you know, Apple?
Yeah, yeah.
Supposedly cool Apple?
Well, apparently, they will not officially recognize the Dalai Lama because
they're afraid to lose money from the Chinese.
Oh, that's, yeah, that's horrible.
That's not right.
Well, you know what I say?
Hmm.
Fuck China!
That's right.
Mr. Dalai Lama, Your Holiness, you are welcome on this podcast anytime you want
to be on.
No matter what the Chinese say?
Well, we're not a big podcast by any means, but our heart's in the right place,
so we welcome the Dalai Lama to come by and chat with us.
Well, we have zero power or influence over here.
We have a very minuscule budget.
Minuscule.
Ain't that the truth.
You know what we could use is a revenue stream.
A revenue stream of some sort.
If only we could find some rich investors to invest in the podcast.
You know, as I think about it, who is a more visible investor in American
enterprises these days than the Chinese?
They are like the number one worldwide investors right now.
Mm-hmm.
Maybe.
I was a little hasty with my comments before.
You know there's two sides to every question, Adam.
A lot of things to consider.
A lot of things.
Well, let's get some coffee.
No need to rush to any decisions right now.
Yeah, let's talk it over, over a coffee.
Yeah.
Brent, do you have any coffee?
Brent?
Yeah, but it's just instant.
Instant?
Instant coffee?
That's all we have?
That's all we can afford, guys.
Yeah.
Let's be honest.
Tibet's all well and good, but we have our own problems here.
We sure do.
Charity begins at home.
Fuck the Dalai Lama.
I would like to take this opportunity to address the Chinese.
Hello, Chinese.
It's me, Norm.
How would you like to get in on the ground floor of an exciting new venture?
That's right, the ground floor, heck, it's more like the bargain basement or
the dank root
cellar underneath the bargain basement that has an unseemly smell to it.
How's that sound?
Sounded pretty good.
Excellent.
Yeah.
We'll be back with Marc Maron.
You know Marc Maron loves Chinese food.
I did not know that.
I love Chinese food.
How about you?
I do too.
What about Tibetan food?
Can't say that I do.
Yeah, it tastes like shit, human shit.
Much of it is.
We'll be back with Marc Maron after this.
Chinese.
WTC 7 was controlled.
I know because I was a governor at a home.
I meant www.www.www.www.www.
Can you hear that really now?
www.com.com.com.
Jesse Pichero is going to all day long.
They're going to roll for coffee now.
From there.
Fuck your mama, Jesse Gartner here.
Fuck your mama.
Fuck your mama.
Fuck your mama.
Fuck your mama.
I have to swap me.
It's a crash.
Ain't no difference between them.
Fuck your mama.
Like my name is.
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
Frank Johnson.
He is a stand-up comedian, radio actor, host, radio actor.
Radio actor.
I don't know what that means.
A lot of voices at sound machines.
Worked on Fred Allen's show.
Not doing cereal.
His hugely successful broadcast, WTF, rather, with Marc Maron, is available
twice a week on
iTunes and WTFPod.com.
Second season for the show, Maron, airing Thursday night at 10 on IFC.
His album, "Thinky Pain," available on Netflix, iTunes, and Vinyl.
He's got a great new book out.
You didn't bring it, huh?
What was I supposed to bring it?
"Attempting Normal."
Oh, I would have brought one.
I got a lot of them.
The wonderful Marc Maron for the full hour.
You know, it's interesting that you're on your second season on IFC.
Because I know a lot of gamblers.
And I know odds makers.
Yeah.
And this is what an odds maker told me once.
He said--
About my show?
No.
About television in general.
He said, "If you get renewed for a second season, odds are you get a third
season.
If you're renewed for a third season, odds are you get a fourth season.
And if you're renewed for a fourth season, it's 50/50."
Is that true?
He crunched all the numbers?
He worked it all out?
He knows all the odds.
If you get to be--
I know you're kind of obsessed with lifespans.
If you get to be 70, odds are you'll make 80.
If you get to be 80, odds are you'll make 90.
Get to be 90, no.
Well, those odds drop for everyone, right?
What do you mean?
I mean, the--
Not just you, no.
I mean, if you get to 90, you've done all right for yourself.
Yeah.
That's the end of it.
You won.
But the odds are--
You really think so?
Sure.
Well, 90-year-olds don't.
I had Carl Reiner.
You talked to Carl Reiner.
I did talk to Carl Reiner.
He sat in this very chair you're sitting in and pleaded with me to live longer.
I said, I can't fucking do anything about it.
You're going to die soon?
Well, I think he's one of those guys that, like, as long as he stays active, he
doesn't
have to think about it.
He's not going to die.
He's not going to die.
It's not going to happen.
It's melting.
Yeah, it's melting.
And you're going to have to nap after this.
I mean, when I talk to him, you really get that feeling when you talk to a guy
that age
that, like, this is it for the day.
For him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, he's locked in, and as soon as the cameras go down, he's like, oh, God.
Now, you did it with him and with Mel Brooks.
Well, Mel was-- Mel's a live wire.
You don't get any sense that that guy's ever going to die.
He's literally just running from death actively all the time.
And people constantly tell me, or I hear this, funniest man that ever lived.
Mel Brooks.
Do you believe that?
Sure.
I mean, I think he's up in Europe.
You know what I mean?
I think he's still-- I think the amazing thing about him, if you are-- well,
you're not wired
that way.
If you're a Jew and your wiring is Jewish, Mel Brooks is going to tap right
into that.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
I understand.
I saw Jackie Mason, who I think is incredibly funny.
And then I saw a show only a couple of years ago, and it was almost Yiddish.
Yeah.
I couldn't understand what the fuck he was saying.
That sounds engaging?
Yeah, yeah.
It's just like now he no longer knows whether he's speaking English.
Yeah.
It's like, hey, my kids are--
And you're like, what's happening?
But the rhythm is fantastic.
Well, the rhythm is completely-- he used to be a rabbi, that guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, it must have been a hilarious rabbi.
Somebody said, like, you're not cut out for this.
Who's the guy today that has the most rhythm-- what you call rhythm?
Because I remember he would even do impressions.
That was his impression.
Attell used to have a very good clip.
You're right.
A lot of people took from Attell.
A lot of people took from Attell.
But in terms of the continuation of that kind of Jewish rhythm thing, Attell's
like--
That's right.
He's got one.
Then there are people that--
Did you see his special?
I've seen the last one.
The last one.
Oh, the new one.
I didn't see it.
Is it great?
Unbelievable.
That's the most special I've ever seen.
Oh, he's great.
Great.
Because he's-- yeah, his jokes.
So I have a new thing.
I have OCD, but it's on set late in my life.
Right.
So I count everything.
So anyways, I counted 120 good jokes in his show.
Wow.
Well, he's all about that, man.
I used to watch him when he was starting out.
Like, he'd have a great joke, and you'd just watch him write it into the ground
by the
end of the week.
He'd keep adding to it, and keep adding to it, and then just destroy it.
And that would be the end of that joke.
Yeah.
But like, there are other people whose rhythms people took.
Like, Todd Berry has a very unique rhythm, but it's not like that.
But it's like something-- there's something elongated about it.
Like, there's certain people in New York that, coming up in New York, you saw
who influenced
who.
There was the Attell people.
Yeah.
There were Todd Berry people.
Yeah.
And then there was-- and then Hedberg seemed to spawn an entire generation of
people.
Oh, yeah.
Jesus Christ.
That kind of mocked his rhythm.
Yeah.
I love Hedberg, but these guys you fucking spawned.
I know.
I don't--
I don't need to hear them.
It's one thing to do, to have an influence.
Another thing that just copped the whole thing.
It's like with anybody.
Especially when a guy's dead.
Yeah.
Well, that's one thing.
God forbid someone says, like, I guess I can take it.
You know what I mean?
To keep the torch going.
I saw this show, "Last Comic Standing," and I started recognizing jokes.
Oh, man.
And there were jokes from old guys that don't work anymore.
Like, I think what people are doing is maybe going on YouTube, finding evening
of the improvs,
and taking them--
How can they get away with that?
I mean, it's one thing to do a stock joke.
I mean, you know--
But these are guys that maybe have one, two good jokes.
Yeah.
They're not working in the business anymore.
Right.
Like, I actually used an old stock line on stage the other night.
I couldn't help myself.
I was on stage, and some guy had gotten up, and he was coming back, and I didn't
see him leave.
But he was literally wearing, like, shiny gym shorts.
Yeah.
Thanks for dressing up.
I couldn't stop myself.
Yeah.
And then it got a big laugh, and then I brought attention to the fact that I'd
use that horrible
stock line.
Yeah.
And then I just ripped him a new one.
I just leveled him.
Like, okay, the stock line was nice.
It was a nice poke, but now it's like, what's wrong with you?
And I just ripped him apart.
He didn't cry, but I felt good.
I find that when I just, I used to do stock lines, and then I was always sad
because it
would do better than the rest of my act.
Always.
People just love it.
But that's why it's a stock line.
Yeah, because the timing's built in.
Oh, there was a dude, I don't know if I want to mention his name.
Yeah, what is it?
Well, it was funny.
I ran into this guy.
There was a guy who used to be at the comedy store.
His name was Larry Scarano.
I know Larry Scarano.
You do?
He's a funny guy.
And he's, like, I ran into him.
I can't remember where I was.
Maybe it was Philly or somewhere.
But he came to the show and we hung out afterwards because I knew him at the
store.
And he's a little bitter, right?
Yeah.
And he's like, everybody stole my stuff.
And I'm like, really?
Like, what?
I swear to God.
I swear to God, dude.
And I don't want to mock him because I'm sure he believes this and he was a
funny guy.
But I go, like, what?
And he goes, you know, when someone's on stage and, you know, you hear a siren?
You know, my ride's here.
It's mine.
And I'm like, really?
Is that, is it?
Can that possibly be?
I think he believes it.
I think he does believe it.
I think he believes it, too.
Because I have seen that.
As a matter of fact, your interview, your famous interview with Rogan and Mencia,
or Mencia.
Yeah, Mencia, yeah.
About Rogan.
But that video where Rogan and Aerie Shafir go up on stage and talk to Mencia.
Yeah.
Do you remember the joke they were arguing about?
Yeah, it was a joke everyone was doing.
It's like, who built the wall?
Who built the wall?
Yeah, exactly.
Were you there that night?
I wasn't there that night, no.
It's a joke that practically wrote itself.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
You guys were both doorman at the..