Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Todd Glass (Pt 2) (S02E07)
Uploaded: 2014-06-23T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Todd Glass (Pt 2) (S02E07)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Todd Glass (Pt 2) (S02E07)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-23. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Todd Glass (Pt 2) (S02E07)

Well, today's episode of Norm Macdonald Live is brought to you by our old
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Smells like a fucking pot dispensary in here.
Norm, no, I don't know who Bill Boggs is.
The name sounds familiar.
Oh, shut up.
What are the odds smoke came billowing out of my mouth after half an hour?
Really?
You think your audience is that dumb?
They're going to sit home and go, oh, my God, Todd Glass, half an hour into his
interview, smoke came billowing out of his mouth.
You know, I think you tricked me.
You tricked me.
This is so embarrassing for you.
I don't know if I should admit it.
He made me smoke pot.
This is the truth.
I don't believe in God, but my truth.
Outside, he goes, come on, you'll smoke, you'll smoke, you'll smoke.
I'm like, if you want me to smoke, I'll smoke.
I didn't plan on it.
You asked me, what were those comics back in Philadelphia?
That's the ones I was just mentioning.
We're going to answer that comedian in Philadelphia, too.
The crowd's going to be very impressed.
They're going to be like, you know, they went all over the place, but they
always came back to their...
But they came back to who you liked when you were young in Philadelphia.
Oh, here's something I do try to do in comedy.
And, you know, I make no apologies about it.
I love to talk about comedy, not because I think I'm great, because I want to
try to be better every year.
I like it, so I love to talk about it, of course, you know.
And so I try to at least do comedy.
I don't want...
I hope most of my evolving comes from being a decent person, but I'll tell you,
make no mistake about it.
A lot of it comes from...
I don't want to be one of these comedians on the wrong side of history.
And I fucking love comedy, but if you go look at old stuff...
Yes.
Whew.
God damn it.
Aren't comedians today going...
That's embarrassing.
Yes.
And by the way, you could say this.
Well, whenever you look at comedy 30 years later, no.
No, no.
Rodney Dangerfield.
I'm punching the wall.
Not only...
I'm not talking about that it's...
Whether it was funny then or not, how much of it is racist or sexist or homophobic.
Fluffy, the audiences are liking it.
So now, I think about it today, because, you know, so quickly you can turn into
doing the same thing.
You're like, you don't...
So you've got to be very aware of it.
You've got to look into the future.
It's like the word retard.
Well, hey, don't get me started.
That's the word right now, because I think people have stopped saying gay
meaning lame.
Yeah.
The more involved.
However, the word retard is still, I think...
Here's the thing.
And yes, I like talking about it.
I've talked about it before.
And I hope in time that I'm right, but I also hope this footage is available in
20 years or 10 years.
Some people are holding on to it.
And it's amazing, because before you argue with it, they should stop saying retarded,
I like to ask two questions.
I go, number one, because you have to find out about their past.
And if they answer these questions differently, I give them the different
speech.
I go, do you think, Jew me down.
Do you think we stopped it because, ugh, we shouldn't have had to, but people
are so PC.
And if they went, no, that's horrible.
Do you think we stopped saying N-rig, which means, you know, or N-rich, or nigger
rich, or nigger rig, which were terms that some people are going, were they
terms?
Because, well, it's a fine, or do you think we just shouldn't use people to be?
Or what did they say when you, hey, stop with that joint there, you're getting
spit out of it.
So, no, hold on a second.
So, most people would say that we stopped those things because it was egregious.
Yes.
I know what I'm saying.
You know, I know.
And so you have to say.
I was trying to give you another example.
So if the answer is no to those things, like we stopped them because they were
bad, then why do you fucking think that retarded is going to stand the test of
time?
I don't get why.
Just look into the past.
Just look into the past.
Using, here's what it is.
It's not about the individual.
It's using someone's being as an adjective.
How does it stand the test of time?
And it never does.
Never does.
You look back and you're like, oh, yeah.
So either is this, but people fight the fight like they're brave.
And I noticed something, and I fucking love stand-up comedy.
I really do, and I love so much of it.
But most comedians, there's always exceptions.
Don't go find George Carr or Richard Pryor saying something brilliant and think
I'm not making sense.
But most comedians that are complaining, you can't say anything anymore, have
nothing to fucking say.
Except use stereotypes and sexist and then try to sell it as, you know what?
If you want to do those jokes because they're easy, fucking do them.
And I defend you to do them.
Do whatever you fucking want.
But don't act like you're brave because you're doing jokes that 90% of the
audience get.
You want to be brave?
Make fun of the people that give transvestites a hard time.
Not make fun of them.
Okay, you're not brave.
And it really does.
When I start talking about it, I get angry because it's fucking gross that you
want to do it.
Not you.
You want to do it.
But don't.
You say it like it's mean.
No, no, no.
You know.
You know.
Yeah, yeah.
But that's funny for you to say that, but you know I don't fucking think that
about you.
I know you don't think that.
But I find it because you do that all the time.
Yeah.
You get very angry.
Yeah.
And then you're like, and then I said to the guy, you're a fucking reason.
And then 20 minutes later, you're yelling at me.
At a restaurant.
Yeah.
But I know I'm right.
And you know why I get angry in that speech?
Because I've said that.
Because you're high.
No, that's not.
No, you're not high.
Because I think anybody should do whatever they want.
It's not like comedians should be able to do this.
Every fucking comedian should be able to do what they want.
But don't try to wrap it up as braveness when it's laziness.
Please, just spare me.
Show me a little fucking respect that you're not going to try to sell that crap.
You do as braveness and fighting for what's right.
How would satire stand up?
Look, I think the truth tells the truth.
And for any time that somebody could legitimately go, well, Todd, you laugh at
that.
And that's someone more articulate than me could explain the difference.
And by the way, sometimes even satire crosses the line.
But sometimes it's brilliant.
And my question is to the comedians or some that do that.
It's like, I'm not worried about making you people go, no matter what you do,
you're going to offend somebody.
I get it.
I'm not saying to drop your joke because some dumb person in the audience didn't
get it.
Yes.
But don't drop it if the brilliant people in the audience know it's wrong.
Because the brilliant people are out seeing comedy.
And if you're offending them, worry about that.
And if you're not, if there's no brilliant people in your audience, well, maybe
it's your fault.
What the fuck are you doing?
Well, your whole audience is idiots.
Well, for instance, my brother is a schizophrenic.
So growing up, I always hated any joke about a schizophrenic where it was like
a dual personality.
Because that's not what schizophrenia is.
So it offended me, rightly.
Yeah.
Because that's not what a schizophrenic is.
You understand what I'm saying?
A schizophrenic is not a person that has two personalities.
A schizophrenic is...
A schizophrenic, you know what a paranoid schizophrenic is.
Oh yeah, what is what you're talking, when you have two personalities, that's
not called schizophrenic.
That's multiple personalities or something.
But you know, oftentimes I'd hear a joke about, here's something that was, when
I grew up, I
would see jokes on The Tonight Show about, and I'd see comics do it, about milk
cartons with
missing children on them.
Good God.
Well, and here's, I think, the fear of somebody watching, and at least was mine
too.
I think crude is funny.
I think crass is funny.
Crude, crass, it fucking makes me laugh.
Again, just be crude and crass towards the right things.
And because I think what everyone's saying is, God, can't we have a sense of
humor?
Can't we laugh at each other?
Most comedians that use that on stage, that line a lot.
Can't we laugh at each other?
Can't they laugh at each other?
I want to go, of course we can laugh at each other.
What the fuck are you talking about?
That's not your question.
Your question is, can't we laugh at each other?
Stereotypes have been overdone.
Can't we?
You're fighting a fake argument, like a paper argument, to make pretend, like,
can't we laugh
at each other?
Yeah, stop fucking asking that.
Everybody can laugh at each other.
Now, what are you doing?
Yeah.
You're just laughing, yeah.
Like, you're gay, I'm straight, this guy.
Here's something that's interesting.
I remember in the gay marriage debate, right?
And the Republicans, they would have the debate and the guy would go, well,
what's next?
If there's gay marriage, then there's next thing, you know, there's going to be
a guy marrying
six women, you know what I mean?
Like a polygamy.
And then I thought, and then people would go, well, that's not a, that, the gay
people
would go, that's not, but what the fuck's wrong with polygamy?
Maybe, maybe that statement will not look good in history.
Well, I think when it's two consenting adults, I try not to judge.
Or six.
Or six, or 12, or whatever it is.
As long as there's obviously, well, I think, I would guess, and I'm pulling
this out of my
ass, that people that are in the polygamy are tired of people thinking that is
part of
molesting children.
I would imagine there's people that are in the polygamy that know how egregious
that
is, they don't want to be associated with it, and I would imagine that's
upsetting for
them.
Wait, are you saying polygamy is, uh...
I'm guessing, I don't know.
Are you saying polygamy is, uh...
If it's five consenting adults, leave them the fuck alone.
Polygamy is, uh, is stereotyped as, uh, child molesting.
I think it gets lumped in there.
And by the way, I'm not a polygamy.
The same way that gays were, uh, accused of, uh, child molesting for years.
Right.
Right?
Yeah, you know, the thing is, if you tell...
Listen, man, I, I, I, I, I'm going to tell you this right now.
I, maybe I'm old-fashioned, you know?
But, like, you tell me, because you're a gay guy.
But I go into a gym, I go into a workout.
You know what I mean?
I want to work out, and I want to get my pecs and lats and shit like that,
right?
You know what I'm talking about.
Mm-hmm.
But then I go into the, uh, locker room.
Now, the last thing I want to see there is, uh, some guy's fucking hot,
beautiful asshole.
You know what I mean?
Like, I go there, and I do the curls.
I do, uh, this thing here.
You literally do none of those things.
That gets the chest, and I go like this.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I don't want to be in the fucking locker room, hiding behind a fucking thing,
staring at the guy's beautiful balls from behind.
You know what I mean?
I got no time for that shit.
I went to Brokeback Mountain, and I thought it was a Western.
Fucking tell me it's a Western.
No, I'm not.
I hope I'm not homophobic.
You know, that's what everybody says that tries to sneak in and doesn't want to
admit they wanted to see it, I heard.
They go, I thought it was a Western.
That's what I thought.
I swear to God.
They told me it was a Western.
Now, I'm sitting in the back.
I'm watching it, and I'm like, where's the guy?
I want to see a guy with a white hat and a guy with a black hat, and I want to
see them shooting each other up in front