Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Carl Reiner (S02E04)
Uploaded: 2014-06-02T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Carl Reiner (S02E04)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-02. Transcript available. Carl Reiner joins Norm on 'Norm Macdonald Live.'

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Carl Reiner (S02E04)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-02. Transcript available. Carl Reiner joins Norm on 'Norm Macdonald Live.'

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Carl Reiner (S02E04)

this episode is brought to you by future advisor is your retirement safe or do
you plan on slinging
burgers when you're 70 do you even know what's in your 401k do you even know
what it is i don't
future advisor will look at all your investments tell you where you need help
and then show you
how to fix it most investors get ripped off with fees but future advisor can
show their users how
to save over 500 a year in investment fees and can help you retire sooner
rather than later and the
advice is completely free so go to futureadvisor.com slash norm now for a free
portfolio action plan the
whole thing takes only two minutes so go to futureadvisor.com slash norm
hey adam are you around yeah hey can you come in everybody yeah hey what's up
listen adam i have
something to talk to you of a sort of a delicate nature uh right you know dylan
don't yeah uh your
son yes have you noticed anything about his work ethic around here lately no
not really you're telling
me you haven't noticed anything about my son dylan's work ethic around here
lately yeah i mean just didn't
really think it was my place to say you're telling me you haven't noticed he's
a lazy uninspired bum
well i mean yeah he's he's pretty bad really bad i think he's the worst he's
never gotten a single joke
on this show he's terrible yes he is adam i've decided something so i'm gonna
fire him give him the boot
really uh huh can't say i'll be missed
but listen here now he's a very sensitive kid you know and he's just young you
know
last time he got fired he really took it hard he was a cashier he got fired
from a cashier's job
yeah seems pretty hard to do he was embezzling a lot of money oh no that'll do
it yeah i still
remember it he he cried for seven days straight sounds kind of like a baby
wait a minute the point is i want to fire him but i i don't want to break his
spirit you understand
no you should try what's that compliment sandwich never heard of it what is it
no norma compliment
sandwich it's a criticism it's sandwiched between two compliments hence the
phrase compliment sandwich
i think maybe i understand so i would it'd be like if i said to you you're a
tall man you're not a funny
man but i like your tie well now i feel like you're just trying to compliment
sandwich me and this isn't
isn't about me it's about your son norma just take a compliment sandwich would
you jeez
it's like a guy's never had a compliment sandwich before okay scram hey if you
see dylan were you
telling him to come in here gotta fire him
dylan your father wants you
oh hey pops uh adam told me to come out oh yeah dylan well listen i uh i gotta
talk to you all right
all right uh try to make it quick though because i'm taking off pretty soon
you're taking off yeah the podcast is beginning in 10 minutes yeah i've been
working hard all day
probably gonna head on out all day you've been here 30 minutes well you know
what they say
last to come first to leave nobody says that oh i say it all the time almost
every day
okay now listen all right uh this is hard for me to do but uh i gotta do it
okay now uh well first of
all i i really like your hat the way you have it backwards this old thing yep
oh my goodness i just
grabbed this you'll never believe it walking out of the house today just
grabbed it wasn't even gonna
wear it and look at that changed my whole day your work sucks dylan sorry i was
i was thinking
about the hat it was just such a nice thing to say i really appreciate it and
you know what
it is a great hat hey i'm just i'm happy now i like your sweater oh the sweater
too wow same story
walking out felt a little breeze went in grabbed it okay let me try this again
all right all right
you're a good dresser yeah your work is absolutely abysmal do you think i could
be a model do i what
i mean i'm a good dresser the hat i mean it really says it all and it means so
much coming from you
i like your shirt that's underneath the sweater oh yeah no it's good it really
brings the outfit
together okay listen are those your jokes that you wrote today yep yep yep okay
been cracking them
out okay i am going to prove something right now read the jokes to me all right
i think you'll like
these been working pretty hard remember kids a stranger is just a friend you
haven't met yet
unless he has candy in which case he's probably a pedophile
so maybe not that one
i'm on a seafood diet i see food and if it's a fish i eat it
meta yeah so i hate meta
well someone once told me uh that today is not opposite day but that's exactly
what they told
me last opposite day
math
uh i cracked myself up i think that's what's important in life
a journey of a thousand miles begins with your first step but ends with you
collapsing a thousand
miles away
probably probably in some desert somewhere
it's not that bad well okay let me see these
here you go you're gonna use them on the show
i'm gonna use them on the show well let me start by saying that uh you're uh
you're a wonderful
dresser
oh my gosh that's it you know what i have a reputation to uphold now you've
really inspired
me the hat compliment the shirt compliment the undershirt compliment
people are gonna start expecting me to look this good every day and you know
what i'm gonna go shopping
what yep i'm taking off but i will need uh your credit card you'll need mine
yeah
so
i'm gonna buy you know probably a lot more clothes
all right cool thanks and uh i'll be back later this week and uh i'll bring you
some more of those gems
i'm gonna go ahead of me get yeah could you come in please what's up how'd it
go i just wanted to uh i just wanted to compliment you
yes you have a very nice tie and i like your shirt
i just bought it i like my shirt i go to zara more often it's chilly in here
hey can i get some more water
hi how's your weekend okay we'll get a mint well no just keep it like normal
interaction same distance apart as you normally would take two
hey how's your weekend it's not how you do it normally just like this
we've assembled an amazing team to do the gopro show we got john mugar one of
our producers works on a bunch of stuff
he's gonna nail this job he knows all the skill sets to make this a badass
experience
i underestimated how difficult the concept would be for for both of them to
pick up
your mission snack smarter to get in shape by summer
your enemy the vending machine
it's easy to talk tough about eating right
but when you're starving at 3 p.m. all cranky and lightheaded
the evil vending machine can seem like your only friend
well don't give in
keep your eye on looking and feeling great at pool parties
and head over to naturebox.com
naturebox sends great tasting snacks
right to your door
and they're great for you too
we're talking healthy and great tasting snacks like like pb and j
granola
pistachio
power clusters
baked sweet potato fries
south pacific plantain chips
and over 100 more all with zero trans fats zero high fructose corn syrup and
nothing artificial
you'll even find snacks that are gluten conscious and non-gmo
and with free shipping anywhere in the u.s. naturebox is busting up the vending
machine monopoly on your midday hunger
try naturebox right now
and you will get 50% off your first box
by going to naturebox.com forward slash norm
for those of you not listening
that's naturebox.com slash norm
swimsuit weather is almost here
it's time to snack smarter
so stay full
stay strong
go to naturebox.com slash norm
once again naturebox.com slash norm
slash norm
our guest tonight for the full hour
hollywood legend carl reiner won nine
emmys and won grammy award
my mother would be so upset
because i won 12
and she always used to get upset
somebody wrote nine
and she used to argue with the people in the park
and say you know i won 12
he has won a dozen emmy awards
during his career
as a stand-up actor, director, producer, and writer
worked on Sid Caesar's Your Show of Shows
also the Steve Allen Show
the Dick Van Dyke Show
directed and co-wrote The Jerk
and Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
played Saul Bloom in Oceans 11, 12, and 13
his books
I Remember Me
and I Just Remembered
are on Amazon
it winded me that
that
you did very well
thank you
that's more work than I've ever done
and it's just what you've done
so
by the way
yes
when somebody asked me about you
I said
I always remember you
as the man with the
perfect perpetual smile
you are a smiling person
and it's true
that's not good for comedy is it
no it's wonderful
it is
wonderful yeah
because I'm here to have fun
I'm happy
and you know
people go
comedians are miserable
I know
were you miserable
did that come from a place that's miserable
no no no
I'm a happy comedian
yeah what about you
oh you're not a comedian
no
I'm pretty miserable
he is a filthy bum
oh
no
you know what he is
is he's a comedy manager
at the world famous comedy store
oh really
oh
more people were discovered
at that comedy store
now they have the world famous comedy store
they have comedy clubs everywhere
whew
but
now
a person can go into comedy
as a life choice
a career
a business
right
when you started
such was not the case
I
I measure
well I didn't start in comedy
I started as an actor
actor
huh
no I was 17 years old
and my
my
this is interesting
my brother found a little ad
in the New York Daily News
free acting classes
for
would-be actors
the WPA
works progress
yeah
you know they say
get the government off the people's backs
no that's where the people belong
when they need help
the government wants
Franklin Roosevelt gave us help
artists
learn to paint
and not learn to paint
but made money
painting the murals on
on
post offices
musicians
became musicians
and I went to an acting school where
I
I was 17 years old
and it's
a hundred center street
in New York
I remember because I got married
in the same place
years later
but there was a Mrs. Whitmore
an old English actress
who gave us acting lessons
for free
post the WPA
the government paid for it
the
N.Y.A. radio workshop
also government sponsored
I learned
$22 a month
they gave us
as a salary
to do radio shows
now how did your parents respond to such a wild idea
my parents were all for it
really
we're so proud of
what year was this
1939
1939
war about to break out in Europe
yes
you know it's funny when I mentioned Mrs. Whitmore
she was an old English actress
I never forget
the first day there
she said
we're going to learn
a soliloquy from Hamlet
but we're not going to do
the regular soliloquies
we want everyone in the class
to learn
Queen Gertrude's speech
at the death of Ophelia
and boys and girls will learn that
you can wake me up in the middle of the night
there is a willow grows a slanted brook
that shows his whole leaves
in the glassy stream
there with fantastic garlands
that she come
with crow flowers, nettles, daisies and long purples
that liberal shepherds give a grosser name
but our cold maids do dead men's fingers
call them
there upon the cotton
at clambering to hang
an envious sliver broke
when down her weedy trophies in her cell
fell into the weeping brook
her clothes spread wide and mermaid like
at which time she chanted snatches of old tunes
as one incapable of her own distress
but then the poor wretch was pulled from a melodious lay
to muddy death
now look at that
oh my goodness
no I'm not kidding
and I haven't said that
in days
no
it makes me want to wake you up tonight
now this is what I was wondering
because I was telling you earlier
you know my son and I watched the Dick Van Dyke show
and I don't know where I'll go with this
but hey
no you know what something
you said something that
when I wrote this book
I remember me
I'm all
when
I asked which of the theatrical projects
I'm most proud
I answered creating the Dick Van Dyke show hands down
and I put that in
because I didn't write anything about the show
but that show is the thing that informs who I am
because you know it was about me
as a matter of fact one of the things about that show
that thrills me more than anything
writer
young people come up to me
it happened then