Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest David Spade (S02E03)
Uploaded: 2014-05-26T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest David Spade (S02E03)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-26. Transcript available. David Spade joins Norm on 'Norm Macdonald Live.'

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest David Spade (S02E03)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-26. Transcript available. David Spade joins Norm on 'Norm Macdonald Live.'

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest David Spade (S02E03)

Well, today's episode of Norm Macdonald Live is brought to you by our old
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That's right, free for two weeks when you go to HuluPlus.com slash norm.
That's HuluPlus.com slash norm.
Tonight, our guest is the legendary David Spade.
If you have watched TV for the past quarter century, you will be familiar with
David.
I'm here with my trusty sidekick, Adam Egott.
I like the guests we're getting this season.
They're all very entertaining and wonderful.
I can't wait for Spade.
Spade's a great guy.
I love him for a long time.
He's back in the dressing room right now.
Can't wait.
Dressing up.
Sure.
Get his clothes on.
What do you got in your tooth?
Oh, shit.
Huh?
It's red.
Oh, I just ate some dried cranberries.
Yeah, that's what it is.
That's what I thought it was.
You're on television.
It's still there.
No, it's gone.
All right.
So, anyways, what were you going to say?
I feel like it's still there.
What are you going to say?
You're at the comedy store?
Yeah.
And guests come in or something?
At the store?
That guests that could be good at the podcast come into the store and then you
don't bring
them to the podcast?
Oh, God.
It's like, you know, you always, you always abandon bits.
It's just, it's rare that you abandon it before it starts.
That's all.
It's new.
No, what was the idea?
I forgot.
I'm sorry.
Can we start over?
Brian Redman.
Listen, we're just trying to be funny, but you had an idea.
Yeah, the idea was that...
It's based on truth.
Yeah, that a lot of famous people come into the comedy store.
Yeah, so you work at the world-famous comedy store.
The world-famous comedy store.
And so people come in and out.
People come in and...
Comedians come and go on stage, but also people come in the audience.
Yeah, and they come to see shows.
And it's a bit that was based on reality because you have been upset before
where I always
talk about, oh, Tarantino, did you ask him to do the podcast?
No, I didn't ask him.
So the joke is that all these people, and they've become increasingly more outlandish
as the list went on.
Yeah, and at the end, you sent...
The big guy came in, Mick Jagger.
Right.
And you sent him to another podcast, over to Joe Rogan's podcast.
Joe Rogan's podcast was one of the jokes, yeah.
Well, isn't that fine?
Fine and dandy.
Hey, I reminded me, though, of Mick Jagger.
Because, you know, we want to be funny here, too.
Sure.
And so do you want to hear a joke?
Yeah, of course.
Well, a frog.
You know how you talk about outlandish.
How about this?
A frog goes into a bank to get a loan.
Imagine.
So the frog goes up to the lady, and she has a little name tag on, as they do.
It says, Whack.
Her name is Mrs. Whack.
So, can I get a loan?
I don't know.
You're a frog.
Well, I want a loan.
What's your name?
Kermit.
You're not Kermit the Frog.
No, no, no.
I was named after him.
The name's Kermit Jagger.
My father's Mick Jagger, and my mother's a frog.
He fucked a frog.
And I'm his offspring.
You see?
Well, anyways, I want a loan for a lily pad.
Well, you can't.
I don't know if you can have one.
Do you have any collateral?
Well, I have this.
The frog pulls out a little shiny pink elephant.
You know, a little shiny pink elephant.
This is my collateral.
So, Mrs. Whack looks at it.
Her name's Patty.
I don't think this is much collateral, you know.
But I'll talk to the bank manager about it, you know.
There's a frog out there, Kermit Jagger.
He gave me this damn thing.
Do you know, have any idea what this is?
The bank manager says, let me see now.
What is this?
This is a knick-knack, Patty Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a rolling stone.
There's so much involved.
A lot of moving parts.
Yeah, a lot of...
It all came together there.
When we return, David Spade will be with us.
Jesus Christ, there's a fucking dog in here.
It's McGrath!
Oh, shit.
Hi, hi.
Oh, it's a bad idea.
Wow.
My dad hates love.
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Tonight's guest for the full hour.
Now it gets stiff.
I know.
Full hour?
That wasn't a deal.
I thought this was a pop-in.
David Spade is our guest.
You know him from Saturday Night Live.
Eight simple rules.
Just shoot me.
Not everyone knows even that.
Just shoot me, buddy.
Rules of engagement.
Sure.
Don't forget his classic comedies.
Like Tommy Boy Black Sheep and the great Joe Dirt.
Yeah.
His stand-up special, My Fake Problems,
now available for download on iTunes and Amazon Instant Video.
He'll be at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco June 3rd and 4th.
What a winded intro I got.
What else?
Venetian?
The Venetian.
Resort and casino in Las Vegas.
June 13th and 14th.
You know what's funny?
I usually sweat toward the end of an interview.
I am drenched.
Yeah, well, it's hot.
Minute two, yeah.
It's hot.
We tape in Southern California.
You know, it's 96 today,
and I know it's bad when everyone busts out the umbrellas.
You know what I mean?
Not for rain.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go, oh, boy.
This is going to be a scorcher.
This guy, he was like 96.
I prefer 69.
I'm like, all right.
He threw that one in?
Was he warming up for this?
Nah, do you know this character?
Not really.
He has a funny story,
but when you were at the Tempe Improv, he said.
Actually, yeah, about 11 years ago, maybe 10,
I was actually a server there at first,
and you were upstairs in the balcony,
and Dan Murr, you remember Dan.
Sure.
Looks like the critic.
He was a manager.
John Lovitz, yeah.
Yeah, I know.
He was running around making sure everything was perfect
and stressing me out,
and I had a full tray of drinks,
and I spilled probably the entire tray of drinks
all over the girl you were with.
Uh-oh.
How'd I handle it?
You were really,
you were actually really kind.
Yeah, yeah, you were cool.
Did I say now hiring or something like that?
I think she, like,
I don't think you knew what was going on.
She just jumped up.
That's a good line.
She was taking her, like, clothes off,
and you were like,
all right, yeah.
Yeah.
And you were excited.
Slip you a 20.
Now hiring.
Never heard that.
That's not bad when someone drops something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now hiring.
Now hiring.
That's not bad.
David is returning to stand-up in a big way.
Ooh.
Someone told me that
you have never not been on TV
since Saturday Night Live.
Starting with my sonogram.
Yeah.
Tell the people at home what a sonogram is.
Oh.
A sonogram is a picture of a uterus.
Yes.
Is that what it is?
I know it's something like that.
Yeah.
A picture of a pregnant girl's
through her thing, but.
Yeah.
And a baby's like it.
But a sonogram is when you panic.
Yeah.
And it's real.
Then you go, oh boy.
So.
So you've never been off television.
I have since there.
Then it was a gap.
There was a gap after.
The sonogram.
Yeah.
Then when I was after high school,
I started a little talent shows
and tried to do stand-up.
And then I went on TV locally.
And then my big one, I think,
was Evening at the Improv.
Oh, yeah.
Remember that one?
How many of those?
Improv Tonight.
Oh, yeah.
I think that's like three or four of those.
Improv Tonight, Evening at the Improv.
There's another one, too.
And then there was Comedy Tonight, New York,
which I wish I could get on.
I used to watch.
Bill Boggs.
Yeah.
Tell us about Bill Boggs.
I don't even know him.
Oh, you don't?
Well, I don't know.
I asked Ray Romano about Bill Boggs.
He said, never heard of him.
I said, you'd never heard of Bill Boggs,
the impresario of comedy.
He created the television show.
Comedy Tonight?
Comedy Tonight.
That was a stand-up show for the people at home.
Yeah.
Tell the people at home what Comedy Tonight was all about.
Comedy Tonight was a little dinky studio,
possibly dinkier than this.
No.
It was a little bigger than this.
And it was just in the corner,
and they had a mic stand,
and I saw it in Arizona.
I was freaking out because it was such showbiz for me.
And they just filmed stand-ups,
do their act at, like, midnight,
and then, like, three and a half hour.
I think that's what it was.
And I was freaking out.
That was, like, the first time outside of Carson
or something I saw stand-ups on TV.
And I wanted to do stand-up.
I was super crummy at it,
but I thought I would love to get on that show
as some sort of mistake.
I said, I'm at least as good as Bill Boggs.
Hmm.
Huh?
Did he do stand-up,
or is he just a producer?
He's an impresario.
He created the famous Morton Downey Jr. show.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yes.
And then he had a cooking show.
Oh, no, we don't worry.
Or, no, he would take you to a restaurant,
and there'd be Bill Boggs and Joy Behar
eating some pasta.
All right.
People say pasta here in the United States.
Pasta, they say up in Canada.
Yeah, pasta, pasta, pasta skates,
because I'm going out and I'm hitting the ice.
We can trim this.
We have some questions, David,
from the Internet that we take from my Twitter feed.
I'll have your Twitter feed about golf.
This one is from...
This one is, you like golf?
First bird.
Who is your favorite PGA golfer?
Ooh, Spithe.
Oh, wow.
That was pretty good, wasn't it?
That was pretty good.
He's new.
So are you disappointed that he didn't break the records?
He always seems to end up in the final pairing, doesn't he?
The ultimate game.
I only know him.
It's Jordan Spite?
Yeah.
Is it?
He's 20?
Jordan Spite.
And he was in the...
And the final of the Masters?
Yeah.
That was cool.
I liked the young guy doing that.
And he was in the final at the U.S. at the Players.
Is that recently?
Yeah.
So he lost...
He was in the finals with Bob and he lost the Masters,
and then he was in the finals with Martin Keimer.
Well, those guys are seasoned pros.
They are.
It's like if this clown was in the finals of something with you,
you'd probably win, right?
Remember, this guy lost to the Bushman on Star Search, so...
Who?
The Bushman.
How was he?
Well, it was International Star Search, so they're...
You had to go up against a Bushman from, like...
Yeah.
That's right.
One guy's from Africa.
He wore tribal robes, the Bushman.
The other guy's from Canada, me.
Oh.
I had no jokes about me.
I would have dressed up as a mount if I'd known him.
You could do that.
And I said, I don't want to be on Star Search, Howard Lapidus.
And he goes, but the winner gets a million dollars.
The winner got $5,000.
And I didn't even win.
Right.
And I was backstage with the Nicaraguan junior dancers and their parents sad.
They