Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Larry King (S01E06)
Uploaded: 2013-04-30T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Larry King (S01E06)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Larry King (S01E06)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-30. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Larry King (S01E06)

Welcome to Norm McDonnell Live. Larry King with us for the full hour. Larry
King used to always say that.
Yeah.
For the full hour. But he won't be with us for the full hour.
Can't wait.
Other than these opening remarks that I make with you.
Yeah.
My trusty sidekick, Adam Egan.
Absolutely.
You know who you are.
Of course.
So, how was your week?
It was great. How was yours?
I was not good.
Why?
Because last week, last week's podcast, something came up that has disturbed me
greatly.
That has haunted my sleep and dreams like Morpheus.
Something that Billy Bob said?
Oh, no. Billy Bob Thornton I thought was fascinating.
Oh, he was amazing.
It was the opening remarks from last week.
Just as we're doing the opening remarks this week and every week, last week's
opening remarks took an odd turn.
My trip to Coachella?
No, not that.
That's how it started.
We started talking about your trip to Coachella.
I don't know what you're talking about.
But then, you don't remember what we talked about that guy later?
No.
Well, try to remember.
Think back.
Think back to when you were the opening remarks last week.
Last week.
Opening remarks last week.
It'd be good to meet Larry King.
Good night.
No.
No, that was five minutes ago.
It was?
Yeah.
God damn, man.
Sometimes I think you got the attention span of a fucking hummingbird.
Try to think back.
Opening remarks last week.
Opening remarks last week.
Last week.
Last week.
No, you agreed to disagree about taking the Lord's name in vain.
Yeah, that too.
God, you have the memory of a fucking hummingbird.
Fuck.
You're a fucking stupid retard.
Okay, listen.
I'll remember for you, okay?
Yeah.
Opening remarks.
Opening remarks.
420 was the birthday of Austrian-born German politician
and the leader of the National Socialist German Workers' Party.
A fellow went by the name of Adolf Hitler.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember now.
You didn't know who Hitler was.
Yeah, like many of us, I didn't.
But I do now.
And let me tell you something.
That guy's no good.
Now, I grew up like you, thinking the Nazis were a bunch of funny fellas.
Because I watched Hogan's Heroes every week.
But it wasn't like that.
Oh, I know nothing.
I see nothing.
A lot less funny when you figure that was the cornerstone of the Nuremberg Trials
defense.
Now, I think it's too late for Hitler.
What are you going to do, build a time machine and go kill Hitler?
No.
Huh?
I would if I could.
Sure.
Why wouldn't you do that?
Of course, I would.
I would.
No, I would build a time machine and then use it to get ladies.
You could do both.
Yeah, you could do both.
Yeah, sure.
But the thing is this.
I figure the reason that Hitler became popular was because people thought he
was a clown, just a, oh, a guy.
He's not going to do anything.
Then he almost took over the world, you know?
Giving me nightmares.
And I'm thinking there's guys nowadays, there's problems nowadays.
You know I don't watch the news.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, because the road is on at the same time.
Right.
But I've started to study, study up through the computer, on the YouTube.
Study what?
Like what?
Terrible people.
Right.
That should be killed.
Like Hitler.
Maybe not killed, but like Hitler.
Yeah.
And I found out.
Have you ever heard of the Falkland Islands?
Rings a bell, but I don't know much about it.
Oh, well, you're an idiot.
I mean, can I just?
It's all right.
No, it's fine.
I didn't know about it either.
The thing about it is this.
The Falkland Islands, a little archipelago near the South American coast.
And the Argentinians, see, they were really the people that should have been in
the Falklands.
The British imperialists, they attacked the Falklands, you see, because there
was still technically a colony.
And under the autocratic hand of the Iron Maiden, is that her name?
Margaret Thatcher.
They stripped the Falkland Island people of all their, you know, terrible,
bloody war back in the 80s.
Did this happen?
All of this didn't happen recently then.
No.
A lot of people died then?
I think it was, on the news, when I saw it, it was none.
Oh.
What are you, what are you getting at?
What are you going to do?
I'm getting at, you got to start somewhere.
Right, okay.
And I believe that the people of Falklands Islands should have self, what do
you call it, control.
That's not what you call it, but self, like, you know, they should be able to
control themselves.
Good God.
But you know who should really be able to control themselves?
The fucking British imperialists.
Sure.
Who can't stop with their goddamn manifest destiny.
Jesus Christ.
This Margaret Thatcher, you know, she has a, just a voracious appetite for land.
What, what do you intend to do about it though?
I intend, I tell you what I intend to do.
I am one man, but I have decided that I'm going to put my money where my mouth
is.
I mean, not my actual money, because my, my money manager says that it's not a
good time.
He says that I should not diversify.
I should stick with mutual funds.
But anyways, the point of the thing I'm trying to say is this.
I'm going to make a stand right here on the video podcast network.
What did you do?
I'm, I started a hunger strike.
That's right.
I picked you up this morning.
You remember that?
Yes.
We went to Denny's.
You had, uh, you had two eggs over my hammy and half my pancakes.
Then on the way over here, we stopped at 7-Eleven.
You remember that?
Yeah.
You had a few hot dogs and a big bag of pork rinds.
And five minutes ago, you had four donuts and a chip wish.
Yeah.
Well, you snooze, I eat half your fucking pancakes, fucker.
But listen, that was to bulk up, to carve up for my big, uh, for my big, uh,
hunger strike.
Okay.
So this is my promise.
Okay.
To the people of the video podcast network world, I will not eat a single morsel
of food until Margaret Thatcher is dead and buried.
She died three weeks ago.
We'll be, we'll be right back with Larry King.
He is the legendary television and radio broadcast, broadcaster with two Peabody's
and 10 Cable Ace Awards.
He was the host of Larry King Live for 25 years.
Now he hosts Larry King Now on Hulu and Aura TV.
With us, the iron horse of broadcasting.
It's iron.
You don't pronounce it iron.
That's what everybody tells me.
It's the iron horse.
Like Luke Derrick was the iron horse of baseball.
Yes.
The word I-R-O-N is iron.
No, no, iron.
Iron.
Right.
Not iron.
It should be iron.
That's what makes English the world's toughest language.
Yeah.
You know, right?
Sure.
It is the toughest language.
Toughest language to learn.
To me, it's the easiest.
Yeah.
Well, you were born with it.
Yeah.
Except you screwed up with the first one you said.
That's true.
It's not iron.
It's iron.
Do you think Lou Gehrig actually was the luckiest man in the world?
No, I think he's going to die in eight months.
I didn't understand.
I wouldn't have said that.
Yeah, what would you have said?
Son of a bitch.
So the first question is this.
What's your favorite Twilight Zone episode?
Oh, great question.
The one I remember that focuses back on me is when the plane is flying from
London and time went back.
And when they're going to land, there's dinosaurs.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It was the world's fair, right?
They looked down to pilot scenes dinosaurs.
Yeah.
You believe in dinosaurs?
No.
Well, there must have been.
But I knew Rod Serling, interviewed him, and he was a fascinating guy.
You know, he smoked five packs.
I used to smoke.
He smoked five packs a day.
But he had a very creative mind.
And we talked a lot about the difference between old-time radio and television.
You know, radio was fascinating.
I grew up with the suspense and inner sanctum and the shadow.
They were incredible.
The shadow knows.
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men.
The shadow knows.
The best was suspense.
I used to listen to this.
That's how I got into broadcasting.
I'd be six, seven years old.
I'd listen to this and imitate them.
And now a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.
Arch Obley used to call lights out.
Crawl under your couch.
Lower your blinds.
Lock your doors.
And turn your lights out.
Oh my God.
Anyway, Rod Serling said, when I used to write for radio, you could scare
people just because of the imagination.
It was the theater of the mind.
So when he wrote for radio, he'd write like, there's a dark foreboding castle
at the top of the hill.
That could be anything you want to make it.
You know, if you heard the right voice say, dark foreboding, the right music.
If I heard that, I would think of Adam Egott's one-bedroom apartment in West
Hollywood.
But if it's television, the guys come in and say, what kind of castle do you
want?
You know, so it takes away the imagination.
That's what I loved about radio.
So that's my Rod Serling story.
Now, Rod Serling, he began in early television as they had those big writers
that would write those awful things.
And then he turned, he became a science fiction guy.
Oh, he was great.
And his brother, Bob Serling, was the aviation editor of the Associated Press.
And he did a book on test.
He went with airlines when they go to test a plane.
You know, like if Delta orders a Boeing 757, they have pilots that just go to
test that.
They pick it up.
They're paying $28 million.
You ought to test it.
And what these guys do is they fly around the country and look for problems in
weather.
They look for hurricanes.
They look for tornadoes.
And they actively search high winds.
And he went with them once they've puked this guy.
He wrote a whole great article.
What it's like, these guys are, oh, this is a bad one.
Let's go there.
Checking out these planes.
You know, like puking and just starting this podcast.
That was Rod's brother.
I'm so full of information on that.
Jesus.
Why would that cost $28 million?
The plane.
Oh, the plane did.
I'm sorry.
I thought you said they gave the fella $28 million.
No, no, no.
I know you're new to this.
I'm going to teach you a little something.
One of the first things in hosting an interview show is to listen.
What's that now?
The answer given by the guest.
It'll help you.
Yes.
This is my most valuable instrument.
Your ear.
Of course.
My motto, you know, my whole motto, my whole broadcasting career, that's why I
don't like a lot of guys on the air now, is that I never learned anything when
I was talking.
Can I interrupt you there?
Yeah.
Well, I'm not telling you how to do a show.
No.
Because I do like that you do that.
I never use the word I again.
I don't like the British fella.
He's not my style.
Yeah.
It's all about him.
He's nobody's style.
It is what it is.
Unless you want to hear about guns every night.
Yeah, I know.
You should explain to the folks at home what you're talking about.
Well, they must be getting good numbers to keep it up, I guess.
Oh, my God.
CNN.
But I'm happy with the Orr thing and the Hulu.
My partner, I just was with him all day.
Well, are you happy that CNN has fallen from madness since you left?
No, I don't want to, no.
Huh?
I'm not that way.
I don't hold revenge.
I had 25 and a half years there.
And then right after, CNN went in the turlet.
Well, right to the game.
I was with Carlos Slim all day today, the richest man in the world.
He's partnering.
The richest man in the world is Carlos Slim?
Correct, from Mexico.
You never heard of him?
Of course not.
I'm not a connected guy.
Well, that's right.
I just heard you.
You don't watch the news.
Well, I want to tell you something.
First, we won the World War II.
It was in all the papers.
And Korea was a stalemate.
Vietnam, we lost.
Iraq.
Did we lose or win Iraq?
Iraq?
Iraq.
Or you would pronounce it Iraq.
Iraq.
Did they do the surge?
That surge worked.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you ever have a...
Did you ever be interviewing a guy?
Because you've interviewed all these guys.
Like, who's the smartest guy you ever interviewed?
That guy with a funny way of talking that has the wheelchair?
The guy, oh, he was genius.
Stephen Hawking?
Stephen Hawking.
Yeah.
Yeah, because he...
When you're that smart, you know, it's in another world.
In