Name: Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Billy Bob Thornton (S01E05)
Uploaded: 2013-04-23T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Billy Bob Thornton (S01E05)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Billy Bob Thornton (S01E05)' from Norm Macdonald Live on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-23. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Live w/ Guest Billy Bob Thornton (S01E05)

Hey everyone, Norm here with a message about Audible.
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And now, the show.
Welcome to Norm McDonnell Live.
Hey, we have a fantastic show for you today.
We have an authentic American original.
Billy Bob Thornton will be joining us.
And before that, I chat, as always, during the opening with my trusty sidekick,
Adam Egas.
On your arm.
And I'm not feeling well.
Why?
What's wrong?
It could be a number of things.
But I ate a weird big sandwich.
Yeah.
Not rare for me to do.
No.
But there may have been something wrong with that.
Well, you ate it very quickly.
Yeah, I ate it very, very fast.
As if it was some sort of race.
And then, other people around the studio here are sick for different reasons.
One blames cookies.
No, a couple blame cookies.
I had some cookies.
I don't feel great either.
You don't feel good either?
Not great.
Or it could be viral.
It's possible.
You know this thing that's going on in the middle west of the country where
there's a bacteria,
a strain of bacteria that started in the hospital in the middle of the country,
and it's going to spread across the United States and maybe be bigger than the
influenza pandemic?
No, I haven't heard about that.
Well, I just made it up.
Ah!
But I did hear that the avian flu is really a serious thing.
Yeah, it's terrifying.
Yeah, because apparently it's in the swine now in China.
Do you understand what I mean?
Yeah, I mean, so it's moved over to swine.
Swine.
And for some reason, swine is more, there's more chance of a human contracting
it from swine in China.
I don't want to say anything about the Chinese people.
No.
But there's more chance that they will get infected by swine than avians, which
are really birds, let's face it.
Why do you think that is?
What?
Why do you think that is?
Well, because swine have filthy swinish sex.
I never thought about that.
Who wants to fuck a bird?
It's a good point.
Yeah.
It's a good point.
So you see these poor Chinese people, peasants, you know, they're not told what's
right or wrong.
Okay.
Anyway, I should explain my face.
Because I'm getting, I feel like Ted Kennedy.
Because you know how huge it's getting?
Yeah.
All my, like, every time I eat something, you know how it goes right to your
hips?
Mine goes right to my head.
So true.
Yeah.
And so I feel people think I'm a drunk or something because now, since you led
me on that long walk for autism or whatever the fuck we went on.
It was for a sandwich.
Yeah, for a sandwich.
So I live in my apartment and never go out.
Right.
And you come over and you go, let's go get a sandwich down the block.
Right.
So we walk a block and then the sandwich joint is too full.
We go, let's walk further down.
Right.
So we go down Abbot Kinney and then every place we go, what happens?
Well, they were either packed, closed, or it was like, you know, vegan food,
which you avoid like the swine flu.
Yeah, I can't eat vegan food.
No.
Billy Bob eats vegan food.
Oh, is he?
Yeah.
Yeah, that one place wasn't great.
They tricked us, I think.
Yeah, they tricked us because we went into the restaurant and it was all like
high tone, like modern colors and everything.
Yes.
And there weren't any smelly hippies around.
No.
So we figured, oh, this is a regular restaurant and then everything on the menu
was, I go, you have Coca-Cola?
They go, we have cola.
It was like organic cola.
Yeah, it was organic cola.
Yeah.
So I feel drinking organic cola the entire time would just make me think about
how it was not Coca-Cola.
Right.
Right?
Yeah, this Coca-Cola is great.
Is it helping?
You know, it's interesting.
I used to go to comedy clubs, right?
Right.
I mean, I still do.
I'm a stand-up comic.
Of course.
I can prove it.
And sometimes an establishment will have only Pepsi.
I don't know why.
But they'll go like, you'll go like, can I have a Coke?
And they'll go, is Pepsi okay?
And you go, no, it's not good.
Because I think they're under the impression that if Coke is your favorite
beverage, then Pepsi should be your second favorite beverage, when it's in fact,
it's your least favorite.
That actually makes sense to me.
And then also, when they have Pepsi, they have other, they're like, what about,
would you like a Mugg's root beer?
I'm not eight.
You know, I don't have a fucking root beer.
And then, I go, what about Sierra Mist?
Well, that's funny.
I was going to ask for that.
I'm glad you brought that up.
I daren't.
Whose favorite beverage is that?
Nobody's.
Hey, man, I have a pork chop.
What do you want with that, sir?
You got any Sierra Mist?
No.
What kind of fucking horse shit is this?
Honey, get your coat.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'll pull the car around.
You get your coat.
These fuckers don't have no Sierra Mist.
Anyways, I don't know what we're talking about.
But we're really excited because Billy Bob's here.
Oh, I'm so excited.
Goddamn.
I got questions for him and shit?
He's such a good actor.
Huh?
He's a great actor.
I thought he was a great director.
He's a great director, too.
But I enjoy his acting in particular.
We just saw Bad Santa a couple nights ago together.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Thursday.
So you feel that your way of insulting him as a director is to say how good an
actor he is?
No, that wasn't my intention at all.
I, I, no.
But you said he's a great director.
And you said, actor?
No, I said, no, he's also a great director.
He's one of those guys that do everything.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
There's some guys that can do like five, six things.
Then there's guys like you.
I'm just saying it evens out.
In the long run, it all evens out.
Yeah.
But he reminds me of one of those old timey dudes that was like a renaissance
man.
Good at a lot of things.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Jack of all trades, absolutely.
What's that?
Jack of all trades, I suppose.
Master of none?
Is that what you're saying?
No.
Well, that's the second part of that expression.
I just, I, I, I purposely omitted the second part of that.
Because I think he's one of our great, I think he is our greatest director.
What?
Why do you find that so ridiculous?
No, I just, I thought you were.
Because Sling Blade, I think, is the best movie.
Sling Blade was unbelievable.
Of my generation.
That never gets old.
And he directed it.
Yeah, and wrote it and starred in it.
Yeah.
I'm getting woozy.
You should, you ate that thing.
I couldn't believe how fast.
And after.
I ate the sandwich way too fast.
Well, last week we saw.
I'm not going to bring up the goddamn clip again.
But you saw on the clip and you told me afterwards.
That I'm eating way too fast.
Yeah.
You could see video evidence of how fast you're eating these things.
Yeah, I know.
What'd you do on Saturday?
Yesterday, you burned me badly.
Yeah.
On the street.
We walked for a sandwich.
But I don't like getting out.
Now, on Saturday, you went to that place.
That place.
Yeah, India.
Yeah, on Friday and Saturday, I went to Coachella.
You went to India.
Yeah, Indio.
Indio.
No, not India.
I went to Indio, California.
Yeah.
To Coachella, to the music festival.
Coachella, where the damn dirty hippies are.
Sure, there's a lot of different sorts of people.
And they mingle and what have you.
And take drugs and stuff.
Yeah.
But I, you know, I mean.
Are you still against Wall Street?
I'm not a hippie.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, I mean.
I remember when that Occupy Wall Street started.
I knew it was going to win.
Of course it's going to win.
They didn't stand a chance.
I figured Wall Street had a much better chance of winning that particular
battle.
Yeah, sure.
Absolutely.
Than a bunch of guys.
And also, I don't know how I feel about hippies taking over Wall Street and
then putting
all the money in fucking hacky sack or whatever.
That's a good point.
I never really thought about that.
But I don't know anything about the stock market.
I obviously don't either.
None of us know anything.
Me, you?
No.
What about when you look at it like the NASDAQ is up?
Yay.
Yay, it's up.
I don't like when it's down.
That's what I said.
It's the worst.
That's my opinion.
You never want it down.
Yeah, that's my opinion.
Either way, I'm broke.
It doesn't really matter.
So you had fun, huh?
I had fun.
As you know, I'm a huge music fan.
And one of my absolute favorite bands reunited this year, the Stone Roses.
Reunited.
Is that your favorite band?
No.
No, no, no.
They reunited.
They broke up many years ago.
No.
The Partridge family?
No, no.
They were called the Stone Roses.
The Archies.
Stone Temple Pilots.
No.
Stone what?
The Stone Roses, they were called.
Oh, the Stone Roses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love all the bands from Manchester, which is odd, particularly from, as you
know, I have
my Smiths tattoo.
Yeah, you love the Smiths.
I do love the Smiths.
Manchester, England.
Manchester, England.
A lot of great music came out of there.
A lot of great coal.
Yeah, I read a lot about that, actually, very recently in a Smiths autobiography.
Helmet Cole?
Don't know much about that.
Yeah, he came out of there.
Did he?
I don't know.
I don't either.
Anyway, the Stone Roses played.
This is a big musical festival they played, and Blur, another great British
band, another
good Manchester band, New Order, was there.
But looking around, I noticed this Saturday, I don't know if you're aware of it,
was 420.
And so it was just, it was a madhouse over there.
What's April 20th?
No, no, 420.
Yeah, it was April 20th, but 420, you know 420.
No, what's that?
How do you not know?
You've never heard of 420?
Well, it's a big deal.
I mean, it's real popular in the culture right now, and everybody's wearing 420
shirts, and
you see 420 bumper stickers, and everyone's talking about it.
Frankly, I was a little embarrassed, too.
Where did they come up?
Why is it 420?
Well, I was wondering the same thing, actually, because years ago, I saw it for
the first time
and I never bothered to look it up.
But I figured since I, you know, I'm on the podcast with you now as your sidekick,
I thought
I'd maybe research it.
You researched something?
Yeah, I researched 420.
The origin of 420 finally answered my question.
Wasn't I supposed to research anything?
Well, I was told differently.
Well, how am I supposed to carry on an intelligent conversation when I didn't
research it?
Yeah, I mean, you've got a computer.
I'll be honest.
I'll just Wikipedia it.
You can just...
Okay, I'll fucking research it.
What's it called?
I think I broke your computer, Daniel.
What is it?
What is it?
Just dump it off the top of it, though.
Just dump it out.
You just go on Wikipedia.
Go on Wikipedia.
Yeah, yeah.
And go to 420.
Okay.
And then type in 420 origins.
Or just type in 420.
That's all I did.
Okay, I got it.
All right, good.
So now we're on the same page, right?
Right.
You're on there?
Yeah.
All right.
So this is what they say.
420 is a code term used primarily in North America that refers to the
consumption of cannabis
and, by extension, a way to identify oneself with cannabis subculture.
That's not what mine says.
What does yours say?
Mine says, 420 was the birthday of Austrian-born German politician and the
leader of the National
Socialist German Workers' Party, a fellow went by the name of Adolf Hitler.
Observances based on the number 420 include smoking cannabis around the time 420
p.m. as
well as on the date April 20th.
No.
What date is that?
What year?
This was around 1970.
No, this is 1945.
What kind of computer do you have?
It's a Mac, Norm.
It's a Mac.
Mine's a Dell.
I like a Dell.
I know.
We covered that.
B