Name: AYG: Comedy Podcast - MIKE CANNON: Shot in the Gut
Uploaded: 2020-02-24T11:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG: Comedy Podcast - MIKE CANNON: Shot in the Gut' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG: Comedy Podcast - MIKE CANNON: Shot in the Gut' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-24. Transcript available.

AYG: Comedy Podcast - MIKE CANNON: Shot in the Gut

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
It's Are You Garbage?
Yeah.
I'm your host H. Foley sitting directly across from me, self-appointed piece of
trash from
Northeast Philadelphia, Kevin Ryan everybody.
Hey guys, happy to be here.
Real quick to the listeners, please leave a rate and review real quick.
Jump on that.
That's important to get this puppy off the ground.
You know what I mean, Cannon?
Five stars.
Algorithm, kid.
Rate and review.
Even if you don't like it, rate and review it.
You know what I mean?
Just get them numbers up.
Let me tell you pieces of shit something.
Fucking subscribe to this goddamn thing.
Rate and review it and share it because we're banking over here.
I'm sick of this.
Five years.
Tell a friend that put the fucking money in the basket.
Oh, are you considering all the podcasts to be one joint podcast?
Five years?
I'm considering seven years of trial and error.
He doesn't really understand what a podcast is, to be honest with you.
This is new, right?
Yeah, this is new.
It's brand new.
It's brand new.
You're like Creed Bratton of podcasts.
I don't know what it is, but I can get you one.
Somebody opened up a Word doc and said, go ahead.
Oh my God.
Get your thoughts out.
This is going to nobody.
You rented studio time for nothing.
It ends up on a thumb drive somewhere.
There's just a team of doctors on the other side of the window just studying
everything
that I say.
You guys are actually both psychiatrists.
Ladies and gentlemen, that voice you hear is our very special guest this week
on Are You
Garbage?
He's our good friend.
He has a brand new special out on YouTube right now.
It's called Life Begins.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Mike Cannon.
Oh my goodness.
Self-appointed piece of trash as well.
Yeah.
That's why we got you early.
Mix it up.
You know who's garbage?
Mike Cannon.
You know who stinks?
We did three pretty one, pretty, poop.
We did three pretty close to home guests for the first three episodes.
Okay.
Well, we knew it wasn't too much of a mystery.
Gotcha.
Did he in finance?
Yeah.
He is pure, uncut.
He's like the cocaine they made in the beginning of Glow.
Test 100% blue or whatever.
Absolute trash.
He's such garbage that you could get him yourself, cut him up, and...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You could add baking soda.
Yeah, you could step on him and sell more garbage.
Yeah, his generation...
Generations after him for probably the next four or five hundred years will be
garbage.
He's blue magic garbage.
Trash.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's trash.
And then we had a little Canadian garbage.
Oh, and who's that?
See if you can guess.
Is it Nathan?
Yeah.
Nathan.
Nathan, yeah.
My first guess would have been Alex Pavone.
You think so?
He's trash.
Yeah.
Good friend of ours.
But Alex has this weird thing where he is trash, right?
Clearly.
Very clearly he's trash.
But outside of that, he's also Italian, but like Italy Italian?
Sure, yeah.
So it's a little different.
There's also a thing between like trash and like, oh, my parents are immigrants.
You know what I mean?
Exactly.
It's like the same thing.
It's the same thing because it's just like different customs.
And now it's a delicate subject.
Yeah, exactly.
So you have to like, you know, pay homage to whatever horse shit he believes.
For sure, for sure, for sure.
Do you think you're garbage?
Do you think you're garbage?
This is my thing.
You grew up garbage.
My dad's from Levittown, Long Island.
And my mother is from-
That's it.
Can we rap right here, pal?
Yeah, what's up?
My mother's from Jersey, so I am-
Oh, you're in-
Yeah, that's in there.
I grew up outside of like, do you know where Highland Falls or West Point?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's beautiful up there.
So West Point is beautiful.
Highland Falls-
I live in the slums.
Yeah.
Well, the town, it's so funny because you drive to West Point and West Point is
this like-
Magnificent.
Unreal, natural like-
Like on like cliffs and shit.
It's fucking crazy.
Unbelievable, everybody is like, you know, as disciplined and beautiful as
possible.
Then the town to drive through it is Highland Falls, which is like almost eight
miles, dude.
It's like hardcore-
Then there's the cannons on the front porch.
Like dude, the best-
Selling fireworks.
Yeah, with like one fucking- one strap over in our overalls.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it wasn't fashionable.
We had like no shoes.
Yeah, it was like, you know, there was the fucking hardcore, urban, people slinging
crack,
that type of shit near the school.
And then outside of that was, you know, straight up trailer park, toothless.
Really?
I didn't realize you were from that far up.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I was born in Manhattan.
Okay.
And then my parents lived in the West Village.
And then that was the first place that I lived.
Gotcha.
But my dad was still commuting into the city every day.
So he was like driving an hour, hour and a half.
Jesus Christ.
Into the city.
Yeah, it's like no wonder he was pissed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not at one point in that commute, was he like, can I move closer to this?
Yeah.
Well, he couldn't afford it at the time.
So he was a bartender still, I think, trying to be an actor.
But he had no like work ethic or anything like that.
So he just kind of sat on his ass while doing bartending.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then he became a stockbroker because he could just keep doing cocaine, but
in a suit.
Sure.
Nice.
Was that in like the 80s or 90s?
It was in the 90s.
So it was pump and dump.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like junk bonds and stuff.
It was like, hey, if you have a tie and a white-collared shirt, you can be a
stockbroker.
I can see the suits now.
The suits were nice.
Oh, and they three-button?
And they went after actors because they were like, you guys talk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You must have a little bit of charm.
You're free during the day type thing.
You know what I mean?
I'll just do it for a couple of weeks to get on my feet.
Oh, I went there, too, with my dad when I was like 9, 10 years old.
I would go with him to work.
What did he work?
Did he work on the floor?
No, he worked in like the East Village.
So he was like, yeah.
You know that financial powerhouse in the East Village?
Get back to some grocery store.
I mean, it was boiler room.
He was right next to a short-order cook or something.
Cigarette machines, his desk.
Yeah, it was an offshoot of the lobby.
Hey, if you're not buying anything, you've got to get out of here.
Get out of here.
That's funny.
Oh, yeah.
But, you know, it's like cunt this, fuck that, all that stuff.
But I'm just like young and being like, this is unbelievable.
I'm pretty sure I watched.
Like, I have this memory, but you never know if it's made up or not.
I know.
I have so many of those.
But my father's co-worker, I know this happened, and I'm pretty sure I was
there.
I watched a guy get cuffed by the FBI.
Wow.
Well, I feel any time.
That's fucking awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
I did that a lot.
Any time you go to work with your parents, that's like a pretty good indicator
that you're trash.
Oh, yeah.
Because it's like there's one, there's no babysitter, or like they have these
weird hours.
Dude, you know how many times I just sat in an office and just like, would just
like wander around?
Smoked cigarettes with some of the people.
Dude, my dad, he was the owner of like a HVAC company.
And it was like, like pure, like blue collar, and then he got a little bit of
money.
He's like, we're doing it.
And then it ended up being like a whole house of cards that grumbled money.
New money's all right.
Tell me new money ain't clear yet, dude.
Cars getting repoed in the middle of the night.
We were new money, like new money.
And I would just go to work with them.
I'd be going through people's desks and shit, and I was just like.
Oh, yeah.
I was fucking, I didn't know anything, you know?
Your hands were smaller, though.
It could fit into tighter spaces.
Yeah, exactly.
So, dude, I was just eating people's, I was like a fat kid rummaging through
everybody's
desks on Saturdays.
When I was a little kid, my dad, he was stationed at a naval base called Avoca
in Wilkes-Berry.
There was nowhere near.
You know that big naval, that naval compound in Wilkes-Berry.
Any water.
Wilkes-Berry Sticks.
Oh, dude, I was born there.
That's mountain trash.
I mean, I was just there.
My sister used to go to the music camp during the summer.
So, Wilkes-Berry Music Camp.
Okay.
It was at, I think, the college.
And it's actually like a prestigious under-
Well, there's some nice colleges up there, I think.
Yeah.
King's College.
Yeah, there's some nice colleges up there.
There's DeVry.
But again, it's like the people that live by the college are fucking trash.
Right, right.
And I performed in Mohegan Sun, so who knows?
I got a weird sliver of what's out there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's straight up Chernobyl, USA.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The mutants fucking sucking down cigs and with its other hand an oxygen tank.
It's backwood, yeah.
The crazy thing is, back in the day, in the 50s and 60s, the 40s, whatever, it
was a powerhouse.
It was a fucking huge bottling industry, huge train industry, huge trucking
industry.
Coal was huge up there.
It was all nice.
Hip-ragging.
You sound like the narrator of a documentary.
I know.
For Wilkes-Berry.
In a certain element.
It was a bastion of Americana.
Bottles as far as the eye could see.
White faces everywhere.
And then these homos developed in a cycling.
Yeah, and then it all just went downhill.
Fucking PVC.
Goddamn Asians and their better products.
That's what tanked the whole U.S., was PVC pipe.
It's so crazy that we literally bombed the competition, the Germans and the
Japanese,
back into the Stone Age during World War II.
It took them like 20 years.
15 years to come back and be like, ah, thanks for that speed bump they gave us.
They had a tough time rebuilding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll tell you what, though.
The 80s were all right.
It was all worth it.
It was all worth it just for the fucking 80s.
In every capacity.
I mean, it looked cool in the movies.
I didn't get to experience it, but it looked like wide open.
It looked like the wild, wild west.
It was fucking nice.
Sleeping good under the watchful eye of Ronald Reagan.
I'll tell you that.
Little fat kid Uncle Hank in his crib.
Night, night, night.
Night, night, night.
Good night, Vice President Bush.
That's great.
Oh, that's good stuff.
Yeah.
Yes, we'll experience trash, but my dad, he was stationed at the VOCA for a
long time,
and they had, like, things there.
You know what I mean?
Like, they had, like, trucks and stuff like that, and I remember him taking us
to work
and me and my brother literally playing around, like, munitions crates.
Yeah.
Like, I swear to God.
They run a tight ship up there.
Hell yeah.
Like, just, like, twisting the things and turning them and all that stuff,
climbing over things.
It was awesome.
That's fun when you realize the things that you considered normal in your
childhood.
Yeah.
You know, we get a chance to bounce everything that's happened to us off of
people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that helps, I don't know about you, but it helps me kind of, you know,
swear away what's normal and what's fucked up.
Of course, that's, well, that's kind of where this came from.
So, there's, like, a game.
There's, like, a 20-question we'll play at the end.
It's, uh, but, um, that's kind of where this came from.
Like, we realized, we're like, oh, we're all fucking trash.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, you think, I'm like, ah, I'm all right.
And then I look back, I'm like, pfff.
I grew up driving a forklift as a kid.
Right.
It was, like, for fun.
I'm like, ah, I'm fucking garbage.
If you ever spend an extended amount of time on a high reach or a forklift, you're
fucking trash.
Didn't everybody go to AA with 