Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Luis J Gomez - Fighting Cab Drivers
Uploaded: 2020-04-06T05:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Luis J Gomez - Fighting Cab Drivers' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Luis J Gomez - Fighting Cab Drivers' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-06. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Luis J Gomez - Fighting Cab Drivers

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
I am your host H. Foley coming at you from the home studio here in beautiful
Astoria, Queens.
My co-host about a thousand miles away from me coming at you from an undisclosed
location
somewhere in southern New Jersey. My good pal Kevin James Ryan everybody. Hey
what's up down
here in the bunker baby you know living to fight another day gathering my fuck
I'm planting a
garden out back making my own turnips you know who knows how this thing's gonna
go. Storing squirrel
meat in the freezer. I know man um yeah what's up everybody happy to be here
thanks for tuning in
you know quick little business make sure you rate review subscribe uh you know
you can subscribe on
YouTube all the videos full videos of the episodes are on YouTube so you can
subscribe and watch them
there uh yeah happy to be here buddy. Yeah do us a fucking favor we were tanking
over here help us
out our incredibly awesome guest that we have today we're so happy to have him
here uh ladies
ladies and gentlemen let's go over this real quick all right uh legion of skanks
podcast one of the
biggest podcasts out there real ass podcast the host of uh owner gas digital
network podcast fucking
network killing it the creator of skank fest and the soon-to-be skank fest
south ladies and gentlemen
if there's a fucking self-made man out there we got him on the fucking line
right now most of you bozos
out there should take a page out of this kid's book ladies and gentlemen the puerto
rican rattlesnake
thank you thank you guys i really appreciate uh the the very undeserved intro i
feel like a fucking
loser i'm sitting here in my shitty fucking bedroom with stains all over my bed
i know i know i just
saw i just saw your unmade bed i was as you were crawling to organize the
pillows and i was like we
we are seeing way too much of each other yeah i will i will say this i was
expecting a little more
out of the fucking boudreaux that the uh that that ikea setup you got behind
you
yeah dude i i don't as a business owner i haven't i haven't gone into my
bedroom yet and made it nice
i mean it's fine it's not bad but it's like it's i have a hard time dude like
the only reason i have
anything nice at all is because i have a seven year old and i remember like up
until the i probably
started having memories like we started having like our first memories when we're
like four right
yeah you think back to your earliest fucking memory you're probably four years
old so right up until
like his fourth birthday i was lifting like a fucking heroin addict fast and
loose baby he ain't gonna
fucking know who gives a shit he had no memories of anything before that date i
mean i would fucking
put cigarettes down on his arm hit his mother fucking no refrigerator smoke
crack in the house nobody gave
a fuck but then right before he turned four i started getting my shit together
a little bit so
uh yeah yeah yeah who the fuck makes their bed as well what is wrong with you
don't judge me for not
having a made bed what type of what type of sociopath gets up and makes his bed
every morning i've never
made my bed ever i'm just saying i didn't think i'd ever see your bed that's
all i'm saying just
watching you i was just expecting a little more out of the headboard i mean you
got like the basic
ikea i thought you'd have like it's a fucking nice headboard actually i'm
actually really impressed
with my headboard i didn't own a headboard i fucked a fat chick in my bed maybe
a month and a half
ago and i broke my bed frame it was like you know it really it wasn't good it
was it was
if you look at it look like two mexican wrestlers going at it fucking power
bomber yeah dude and
it was like yeah and then uh i had i had to get so i finally bought a headboard
and i took a lot of
time and the first thing you attack about my room was my headboard and now i'm
very self-conscious
well i was i was just i was just i was just picturing something more i thought
your room was
going to look like gene simmons room or something like that that there would be
like snake pillars
going up and like a canopy over the bed i want to do um i want to invest more
into the to my
apartment i have a two-bedroom one and a half bathroom in harlem i have a
really good deal right
that's nice not leaving this place until i purchase something there you go um
but i'm also uh spick
so now that i got now that i got you know certain things going on and you know
i can afford certain
things like i really want to turn my half bathroom into a steam room and oh my
god every person in
my life that isn't a spick is like dude you're not doing a five thousand dollar
renovation on a
bathroom that you have to go and turn back once you like leave your lease and i'm
like nah dude that's
all i want is a fucking steam room in that half bathroom now i say go for it
100 a nice steam in
the middle of winter get a little schvitz going that's that's my problem right
now my only literally
and i will and i'm being very accurate and very true about this my only problem
with coronavirus is
that i can't steam right now i can't name another problem with it because you
can't go to equinox
is that where you go equinox yeah i'm uh a little bit of cash this guy and let
me tell you something
kippy points in his favor the half bath really moves you up a notch when you
got that extra half
a bath a powder room if you will that's fucking class and i don't even tell
women that it's a
half bath i just say it's a full bathroom like that's all which bathroom do you
want which one
i just say which one there you go fucking power move right there you you want
to fucking impress a
chick which bathroom which one there you go um class but didn't i think todd
lynn did that like
didn't he do like the i think it's a famous story he died god rest his soul so
he can't refute the
story but he had a you know he got his first development deal for like 150k and
he went and put
like 80 000 in renovations into his apartment like like coming to america like
you put a hot tub in
it and then that's fucking great they came to renew the lease and they were
like no no no we're not
going to the lease you can go they just like kept everything they got the tv
that comes up out of the
dresser yeah yeah so the super sitting having a hot tub in the middle of the
floor all i want is a
fucking steam room in my home this is the only thing that i want in the world
dude i've been getting
into it more and more i go to the i'm assuming you've gone at some point the russian
turkish
baths down of course that's fucking great man there's nothing better than that
place
that's how i justified my equinox membership because i was going to the russian
turkish bath
houses like four times a month five times a month and i was like this is
costing me almost
as much as an equinox membership and you don't have the gym membership yeah
exactly so now i get a
steam room and i get hot gay guys as well you only get fucking old russian
dudes at the russian turkish
baths yeah a little more eye candy dude russia well if that was open right now
oh how nice would that
be i would say we should all go spitz right after this podcast let's just go
get naked have a little
fucking uh what is it like it's a young boy that like massages you in the steam
room the one the one
the one really hot sauna yeah yeah yeah that'd be great if that thing was open
right now there'd be
like 400 000 people with the corona because that place is a germ factory that
really is a disgusting
place they do not keep it clean but that's the place with the aids breakout in
the 80s right that
was like that was like the epicenter no yeah dude that because it's all gay
dudes
fucking each other that place was the epicenter of it i thought it was a chuck
e cheese and uh
hasbrook no it's fucking and also uh comedian sam rubinoff he had a membership
there so he would
go during the week when it's just like it's dudes only and he said when you go
there's the one i don't
know what one it is like the one down on the left i don't know if it's like the
sauna whatever it's one
of them where they they hang a towel they cover the light with the towel and if
you walk in and don't
see the light that means like there's dudes you know blowing each other or
getting that's the
fucking party room right there that's for you imagine being gay just cleaning
up dude
there's not a care in the world but i mean think of foley think about that you're
just fucking
because uh like nobody like i i've been hit on in steam rooms probably a dozen
times like
aggressively like a guy will just open up his towel and have a boner and that's
a gym oh yeah for sure
on the elliptical isn't that hey buddy i'm doing lunches here you want to back
the up
wait i thought equinox would be would be freaking out about that no dude they
well they started freaking
out about it a couple years ago because there was a big class action lawsuit
because a bunch of
fucking straight dudes who like you feel weird like i feel like it's this weird
thing because i'm going
like i'm not hateful against gay guys but i do want to sue them yeah they're
coming at me dude these
homos are attacking you know and so i'm sitting here i'm like all right well i'm
cool with it just
so you know it's not your lifestyle that have a problem it's you trying to rape
me just want to
point that out so you you feel this weird shame and it's also like i'm not a
woman so it's also not the
same thing as like a woman having a guy exposed himself like a chick like she
knows at that moment
like oh if that guy wanted to just fucking drag me into the fucking yeah that's
powerless yeah for me
i'm gonna fucking you know i'll i'll light up most of the guys that have tried
to fuck maybe yeah but
now you know how it feels a little bit you know what i mean you get an idea
what women go through and
hey you got a tight little body on you kid don't be prancing around in your
short shorts and nobody
been making a grab you're asking for it we are naked we are in a oh see there
you go so but here's the
thing it's it's sort of not like a woman because all i get out of it and we
could admit it or we
cannot admit it but all i get is the feeling of feeling somewhat flattered
right yeah there's no
real threat yeah yeah there's no threat there's a little scuzzy and a little
like all right buddy
get your fucking talk away right i'm not your fucking plaything bitch right but
by the way nice piece
yeah solid piece so but women have the feeling of like oh shit you know this
guy if he wants to can
hurt me so there's a feeling of powerlessness that you don't have the only way
all right imagine this
you could probably imagine when you walk through a black neighborhood oh yeah
they can just take you
yeah i live in the heights dude i want it's like i'm i'm i'm checking my six
every two seconds you
know and my head's on a swivel i don't know yeah i'm a mark but exactly that's
what you actually kind
of feel you know much more what it's like to feel like a woman than i know what
it's like to feel like
a woman because i could i will you can walk in both worlds louis j gomez walks
in both worlds any
three guys that have tried to fuck me at equinox i could probably take none of
them they're usually
older feeble gay guys that that are i mean they're they're never like you know
i mean how many
fucking really tough gay guys are there anyway i mean i'm sure there are like
some badass but i know
there's a couple mma fighters that like um are gay are there mma fighters in
the ufc uh not in the ufc
but there's definitely a couple that are out um but i think you uh yeah i feel
like lewis is saying
he never gets hit on by the guys he wants yeah there's no dudes that can just
grab me and you know
really fuck me you know i'm looking forward to say my time once yeah if you're
gonna bang a dude you
want to be banged by a man right so i'm gonna say by the way my son is in earsho