Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon - Florida Garbage
Uploaded: 2020-05-18T04:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon - Florida Garbage' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon - Florida Garbage' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-18. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Kim Congdon - Florida Garbage

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to the R.U. Garbage comedy podcast.
Please take a second to subscribe to the YouTube channel.
That way you get the episodes as they come out. Thanks a lot.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there. Welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians
and find out if they grew up classy or if they're trash, man.
No two ways about it. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day
here
in my mom's basement, riding out the pandemic, moved to higher ground,
feeling good, outside, sunshine, playing with the dog. Fantastic.
My co-host is coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern
New Jersey.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, gang. Happy to be here.
Down here in Casablanca Studios yet again, held up.
Dude, I'm the king of the boardwalk down here, baby, and I'm loving every
fucking minute of it.
I got a residency on the Gravitron, dude.
I'm just fucking looping down here, dude.
Guys, thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes,
and also full videos available on YouTube.
Please subscribe there.
And shout out to everybody who already has subscribed and commenting their own
questions and stuff.
And also, you can submit your own questions via email to rugarbage at gmail.com.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
Very nice.
Thank you, Kippy.
Very special guest on the podcast today.
So excited to sit down and talk to her.
You've seen her on HBO.
She's been a writer for the hit show Teffy and the juggernaut in Practical Jokers.
She's a stand-up comedian from all over the country.
One of my absolute favorites.
But the question in everybody's mind here today, is she garbage?
Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Cogden, everybody.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
Thank you, everyone.
Wow.
You have like a good camera and a setup.
Yeah.
Really?
What kind of MacBook are you working off of?
Well, this is going to be the first answer to whether I'm garbage.
I have a MacBook that I stole.
Ooh, that's it.
Pull the plug.
That's it.
That's a wrap on this one.
Yikes.
Who'd you steal it from?
I mean, I don't know if I technically stole it, but the company I work for isn't
a company
anymore, so I took the loaner.
Oh, that's fucking, that's a garbage, but classy move.
I love that.
What can I say?
They fucked me, I fucked them.
When their feds are rolling in, you grab everything you can.
You start stealing staplers and monitors and run out the back.
I took fucking dehydrated fruit.
It was pathetic.
Oh, yeah.
We all saw a boiler room.
You fucking keep it moving.
If you're not leaving without a full trunk, you're fucking up.
You got to steal from work.
Everybody steals from work.
Yeah, so I have that.
And I got one of those little ring lights because I'm on TikTok now.
Link dance is in my room.
My parents really want me to have a child or be married, but I'm here and doing
TikTok,
learning the savage.
Very nice.
I love it, man.
We're so happy to have in the show.
Happy to talk with you.
Thank you.
I know a little bit about, I know you're from Florida, right?
Yeah.
All right.
Just tell me about your childhood, how you grew up, where you grew up.
Sure.
Yeah.
I grew up in Melbourne, Florida, Palm Bay, Florida.
It's a little bit south of Orlando.
Okay.
And I live with my mom and my stepdad and my birth father is, he lives like 30
minutes away
from us and Sebastian.
Trashy.
Trashy.
I love it.
That's awesome.
I thought you were going to say your birth dad also lives with you.
I was like, wow.
Oh, that's happened before too.
I don't think you guys understand.
Like this, I couldn't be more perfect for this podcast.
My entire life is, I have nothing else but being trashy.
Well, Kippy's parents are divorced too.
And didn't your old man live like down the street from you for a little while?
For a while.
I mean, he's within a couple of minutes, like for sure.
That's fucking garbage.
You're carrying Christmas presents from his house to your room?
Dude, I'm pretty sure he did it out of spite for the longest time, for sure.
Just to be like, we couldn't get out of town without any of you.
He would just hang out out front the whole time.
Just make sure he would see my mom.
Drive by smoking real slow.
Now, Kim, settle this for me.
I have this big thing.
It could just be the fact that I'm garbage from Pennsylvania.
But the way I understand it, now your town in Florida is by the coast, right?
It's near the water.
It is.
Yeah, about 20 minutes away.
Aren't the people who lived in landlocked towns and cities in Florida more
trashy and
more garbage than people on the coast?
Absolutely.
Okay.
We're not on the coast.
I mean, we're a 20-minute drive from the coast.
We're deep enough.
We're like, we're on the edge of trashiness.
That's fair enough.
20 minutes is fine.
But like, and the reason it comes up, because when I was a kid, I used to hear
about
people going on vacation to a place called Kissimmee St. Cloud.
Okay, yeah.
Do you know where that is?
Yes, I know.
Kissimmee.
Isn't that landlocked or is that on the coast?
That's like Orlando.
You're going to Orlando.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because I always thought that is like, if you go to Florida on vacation and it's
not
near the water, if you just go to Florida, you're fucking garbage.
It's horrible.
Who would ever do that?
That's like going to New York and going to fucking Albany.
Like who would ever fucking do that?
Right.
Staying in Queens.
Hi, I'm doing a podcast.
If you remember earlier when I was like, I'm going to do a podcast.
So nobody come in the room or sit on right next to me on my bed and peek over.
Who is it?
It's my mom.
Oh, hi, mom.
I guess you have.
I've had to.
Hey, there she is.
All right, ladies, what's going on here?
You see the dead stare in my eyes?
Oh, there's my sister.
Oh, we got this show wrapped up.
I can't work.
I don't know what to tell you.
I can't work here anymore.
I have no career.
I can't even pretend that something's happening.
It's so funny.
The way your mom just slowly came into frame.
I thought she was going to start plugging something.
Come down to Rita's nails or so, you know what I mean?
Hey, check out Sherry's Berries, everybody.
The worst thing I ever did during this quarantine is show my mom chat roulette.
What?
Wait, that's still up?
Dude, now I walk into her room and she's like this.
Look, she's like this.
Hey.
What?
I thought it was all peepees on there.
What's your name?
Oh, my God.
That's so funny.
She'll come in my room with a stranger on the phone.
She'll go, this is my daughter.
She was on Comedy Central and she'll put me on the phone with a stranger who
knows like
my work, who's watching me in my childhood bedroom with like the blinds, like
unmatching.
And I'm like, I don't want to talk to someone who knows me through comedy right
now in this
state.
I don't want you to FaceTime me with people who know my comedy.
Fucking great.
Dude, your mom's trying to traffic you or something like that.
I know.
This is like a reverse taken.
You think it's so small, so you might as well cut it off just like Bobby.
She say?
She's bombing on Zoom.
She's trying to be funny.
She does this every time.
I'm going to tell them the Rogan story.
If you don't get out, then get out.
Okay, and get out.
Get out.
I like how you just pulled the fucking A-bomb on your mom.
I'll tell the Rogan story.
She immediately.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Nice to meet you.
Rogan, right?
The mom drop in on Are You Garbage?
A fucking first.
My mind.
My mind is blown right now.
This is fucking awesome.
I had to make, I came down, me and my girl were in, we wrote it out in Astoria
for like,
you know, the first two months.
But then after that, we're like, we got to get the fuck out of here.
So we came down here Sunday.
There is some adjustment when you're back in here and doing stuff.
Because they don't understand what we're doing.
They don't think any of this is work.
Yeah, this is going to be just as equally trashy.
But I don't know what time is anymore.
But I know that I've been in Florida for two menstrual periods.
And that is just entirely too many.
Taking it back before there was a calendar.
You're like, ah, well, six periods.
I arrived six periods ago.
How long were you gone?
Two boxes of tampons.
Okay, fair enough.
All right.
Yeah, I'm leaving my pussy out in the sun and seeing which direction it goes.
We're going to leave here at high noon.
Let me just get my pants back on and we'll be on our way.
Is that the house that you were raised in?
The one you're in now?
No.
Can you hear them fighting?
So what was the story you were going to tell?
I'm sorry, you were ready to tell something.
What?
Was it the Rogan story?
Oh, my mom came to a show when I was opening for Rogan in Orlando.
She would hate that I'm even telling you this anyways.
But she came to a show and afterwards we were all like hanging out and she
asked Rogan if she could tell him a joke.
Oh, dude, I would have quit.
I would have fucking gotten my car.
Oh, no.
I was like this next to her.
I was like watching.
I was like, what are you going to say?
Because he knows, you know, and he went, no, I'm good.
Oh, I would have freaked the fuck out.
My mom's face, my mom's face, I was like, I literally looked at her and I was
like, how'd that feel?
I was like, I told you not to do something stupid.
And she hates that story.
I don't even think she can like listen or look at Rogan anymore.
That's too fucking funny.
But we all have to learn that lesson, you know, and that was hers.
Where's where's your mom from?
My mom is Puerto Rican, but she's been living in Florida since I was born.
Okay.
For about 17 and a half years.
And did you go to school down there?
Did I go to school in Florida?
Yeah.
Yeah, I went to school.
I went to the University of Florida for three and a half years.
I dropped out my last semester after I went up at the comedy store one summer
during an internship.
Fucking jackpot.
That's what I was looking for.
My top three answers are either Florida, Miami or Florida State.
That's what I was looking for.
Yeah, my University of Florida dropout.
Ooh, Miami is the most trashy.
Now that's trashy to me because, again, I'm older from Pennsylvania.
When I think of like trashy football, I think the Miami Hurricanes in the 90s.
The town I'm from is so trashy that Miami is classy.
Jeez.
Like these rich guys over in Miami.
Yeah.
I remember one time like the news said this thing and they were like looking up
the top
U.S. cities that drink the most alcohol and ours was like third.
Oh, that's garbage.
Dude, from doing the road so much, there's so many.
Every time you go to like some shitty town, they always have like their claim
to fame.
That's always embarrassing.
You know what I mean? Like we got more fucking whores per square money for
whatever.
You're like, what is this alcoholism?
All right.
Let's get into some questions here.
We're going to ask you a series of questions to determine whether you're
garbage or not.
Got to be honest.
As your representative doesn't look good.
As your legal counsel.
I would say take a plea deal right now and get this over with.
I can't even believe I can afford a representative.
Well, the state appointed one to you.
All right, Kip, you want to start off?
You mean to start it off?
We can start off.
Let's start off with some of the basics that we kind of normally hit.
I'd be interested.
Yeah.
Did you grow up?
It was like a single family home or an apartment.
What was it as in childhood?
Which house?
Either one.
Next question.
Oh, either one.
You mean, I mean, out of the 14.
How many times did you move?
A lot.
I don't even remember all our houses.
I mean, even from that time I was in high school, we had at least six or seven.
What?
Holy shit.
Who were 