Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - NEW MONEY
Uploaded: 2020-06-01T04:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - NEW MONEY' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - NEW MONEY' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-01. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Andrew Schulz - NEW MONEY

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Please take a second to subscribe to the YouTube channel.
That way you get the episodes as they come out. Thanks a lot.
Hey, gang, it's your old pals Uncle Hank and Kippy, Kevin, James, Ryan.
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Oh, baby, it is up and running, clean living.
Go to patreon.com slash R.U. Garbage, where you can get exclusive content.
We're going to have bonus episodes every week.
We're going to have stuff, me and Foley, from the Hard Feelings Archive.
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The whole nine yards.
Get in while you can.
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So check it out, everybody.
Go to patreon.com slash R.U. Garbage.
We need this!
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there.
Welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage,
the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians
and find out if they grew up classy or if they grew up absolute trash.
I am self-proclaimed garbage from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
I am your host, H. Foley, coming at you from what my co-host described as my
mom's man cave
here in suburban Philadelphia.
Feeling pretty good.
My co-host is in an undisclosed location somewhere in the southern tip of the
New Jersey coastline.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What's up, guys?
No longer a secret.
North Wildwood, New Jersey.
King of the fucking boardwalk.
Come see me if you want a shot at the title.
I'll be at the fucking Condor waiting for you.
Guys, happy to be here.
Thanks so much for listening.
We appreciate it.
If you're new to the show, please make sure you go rate, review on iTunes.
Full video is up on YouTube.
You can subscribe and comment there.
We appreciate it.
Also, the Patreon is launched.
Go check that out as well.
Very nice.
And, folks, I can't tell you.
I can speak on behalf of Kevin and I to let you folks know how excited we are
to have
this incredibly special guest here on the podcast today.
You love him.
You wanted him.
And let's take our time and go over this rap sheet right here, okay?
Let's start out with you've seen him on Guy Code.
You've seen him on Bender, Sneaky Pete, HBO's Crashing, Fake News at Night, Feast
of the
Seven Fishes movie, this week at the Comedy Cellar, Funny Pains documentary
about comedy.
All right.
He put out a special a few years ago.
We recorded the special.
For some reason, nobody wanted to buy it.
So what did he do?
He started posting the clips on YouTube.
And let me fast forward to about 15 minutes ago.
This young man has 1 million subscribers on YouTube.
His special, the CrowdWorks special, has 2.4 million views.
He puts out daily video and daily content that garners millions of views,
hundreds of thousands
of views in a fucking clip.
He has his own multimedia studio.
He performs sold-out shows to sold-out crowds all over the fucking world.
He's got some of the best fans in comedy.
All right.
He is the definition of hard work, determination, and talent all fucking rolled
into one.
He's one of the goats.
He's one of the kings.
He's the starting fucking quarterback.
He's the prom queen and the prom king.
And from what I heard right before the fucking pandemic, he was out there at Teterboro
Airport, price-checking
golf stream fives.
But the big question of everybody in mind today, is he garbage?
Ladies and fucking gentlemen, as I've said many a times in person, and I can't
wait to do
it again, give it up for the one, the only, Andrew Schultz, everybody.
Guys, thank you.
What an intro.
What an intro.
So accurate.
Big guy.
So on point.
So deserved.
That's what I've got to say about that intro, man.
Tell me it's true about the G5.
If you start flying private, oh, man, I'm going to have a poster of you on my
wall.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the next step, baby.
You can't be flying commercial anymore.
Yeah, I think that's how you get the rape case.
I think everybody who went G5 has a rape case.
Like, Louis, I think, started going private.
Aziz went private.
Every guy that went private got a rape case.
Or, like, a tranny case or something like that.
Eddie probably went private tech and then went with the tranny.
I doubt Cosby was flying commercial.
Cosby was not in coach.
I know that much.
He was flying fucking private in the 70s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
100%.
That's why you got to go clean.
You got to go, like, burst.
Are flying helicopters everywhere?
That's right.
That's a good one.
The helicopter, yeah.
That could be a move for you.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
I'm a little freaked out about the helicopters post-Coby.
That's true.
I asked her about that.
He was just kind of like, he's like, no, like, you got to just, you know, look
at the weather.
You got to be real strong with your convictions when it comes to the weather.
I'm amazed with that.
Would either one of you ever get into a helicopter with me if I had, like,
three years experience of flying a helicopter?
Dude, I don't even trust you saying the word helicopter.
Get the fuck out of here.
No fucking way, dude.
Yeah, man.
It'd be risk-a, dude.
I mean, I'd probably take a helicopter still.
Fuck it.
If it was a nice day.
Yeah.
Yeah, why not?
I mean, come on.
If it was one of the ones from Vietnam, like a Huey, I would love to fly in one
of those.
Yeah, that's kind of bad.
Fucking fire up the M60, start fucking laying down.
That'd be pretty fun.
Little Rolling Stones playing behind me.
Go ahead, Kippy.
I'm sorry, buddy.
No, I was talking to Berzy about flying with Burr, and he's just like, yeah,
man, like, if there's one person I do trust flying a fucking helicopter that's
my boy, it's him.
And I was like, I don't know if I have one of those boys.
I'd fly with you, Schultzy.
Uncle Hank, I'm right there with you.
I've never put you in danger, I promise you.
Thanks, buddy.
All right, well, we have limited time with you.
Again, we thank you so much for being here.
This is RU Garbage.
Before we start asking you some questions to find out what the situation is, I
want you to take me through growing up in the city.
Now, a lot of times on the show, when we get to the city kids, it's a little
bit not difficult for us, but it's hard to get that image of how city kids grew
up.
Because we're both trash from the suburbs, you know, fucking riding dirt bikes
and construction sites.
And jumping creeks and all that kind of stuff.
So, I just want to get, before we get into the questions, is, you know, take me
through how you grew up in the city.
I know your family, you guys are kind of in the Union Square area, mostly,
right?
So, yeah, I grew up in the East Village, but we moved down there when I was,
like, in fourth grade.
So, before that, I was, like, on Upper East Side and then Upper West Side.
And, yeah, I don't know.
It's like, I don't have anything to compare it to.
But people think, like, growing up in the city is so weird when I describe it
to them.
But I just don't understand what else there is.
Yeah.
So, it's, I don't know.
It's hard for me to describe it as odd.
You know, I guess I'd go over to my apartment.
If there was a park, your parents take you to the park to hang out.
When you get old enough to go out by yourself, you just hang out on a stoop and
you drink some 40s on a stoop or something like that.
So, maybe we didn't have, I don't know, the fucking local McDonald's, wherever
you guys would hang out on the beach.
But, like, that was what we did.
We just kind of felt, found some place outside.
And that's good.
And I want to get into that more specifically.
But before we get into that, tell me, like, what did your mom and dad do
growing up?
Your mom, it was a dancer, correct?
Or is it a dancer?
My folks had a ballroom dance studio.
Kids all fucking class.
These are learned fucking people he comes from.
Learned people.
Were we doing good on the cash at this point?
Like, were your parents doing well?
Or did they start at the bottom?
No, well, I think, well, my mom is, like, dirt poor from Scotland, came here,
and then she becomes, like, the best dancer of her generation.
She's, like, three-time U.S. ballroom dance champion.
And she was just like, what?
I didn't know that.
She's a beast, man.
She's a beast.
So, it's, like, she came here.
And then my dad grew up in Manhattan.
And then, like, when he was a teenager, they moved to Jersey.
To Montclair, New Jersey.
And then he was in the Army.
And then he got out of the Army.
He was in Baltimore.
And then he got into the news business.
And he was, like, at the same news station as Oprah.
And then he came off to, yeah, it's crazy, crazy.
And then, matter of fact, a friend of his used to get head from Oprah.
Jesus.
Shut up.
Dude.
Yeah.
I said this the other day.
I said it on Twitter.
Yeah.
When you came through with the fucking, the whole call her daddy business, when
you fucking didn't go out on a date with that chick.
You're, like, you're, like, fucking Forrest Gump of modern entertainment right
now.
He's just in the middle of everything.
Ah, my dad, my dad fucked Oprah, you know.
It's crazy.
No, my dad never fucked Oprah, but a guy that he worked with said he used to
get head from Oprah.
And he was, like, he literally said to my dad once, he goes, let me tell you
something.
This chick is going to be a star.
We got the clip.
Cut it.
Print it, fatso.
Let that run.
That's too fucking funny.
That's crazy.
She's good.
I'll tell you that.
She's good.
She's all right.
She's all right.
My father said that, well, my father's, like, memory's gone.
He's, like, losing all his memory.
And the beauty of that is, like, he probably doesn't even remember telling me
this.
So, like, did you say that?
Like, if you tried to sue him for slander, he'd be like, I don't even know what
happened.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
That's also getting a blowjob from an early Oprah is, like, something you don't
know.
Tell for a couple of years because you don't want anybody to know.
And then you're like, oh, never mind.
I got ahead from Oprah.
You got to wait to the peak of Oprah.
Yeah, that's when you drop that shit.
Yeah, exactly.
So, it's like, like, the more successful you get, the better girls feel about
your one-night stand.
Mm-hmm.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, the more that, like, if you're just some bum, they're going to be like,
man, he really tricked me out of some pussy.
But, like, if you start really making it, all of a sudden, it was like, ooh, I'm
sorry.
It's a story, yeah.
Crazy weekend in Vegas, right?
You're not some douchebag that said you were a doctor.
Yeah, you're not some fucking landscaper or something that, you know, you got a
head behind a Wendy's.
Right, exactly.
So, but, yeah, so then he came up to New York and he produced the news in New
York.
And he did, like, these really cool stories.
Like, he did the first ever story on, like, hip-hop music, like, with, like,
Russell Simmons.
And, like, he went up to the Bronx and, like, Grandmaster Flash and all these
guys.
Like, he did this really cool shit.
And he was always, and he did a story on my mom.
And then they just started dating.
And then, you know, I became me.
And then he started working with my mom and, like, basically running the dance
studio from, like, the managerial side.
And they just taught partner dance.
It was really cool.
And they just did some great stuff.
And they're, like, the perfect example of, like, you just do something good and
then good things end up happening for you.
Like, they literally just, like, preserved certain dance forms that weren't
popular.
But, like, my dad just thought that they were beautiful.
My mom thought they were beautiful.
They didn't want them to die.
So, like, Swing was one of them.
Like, he was, like, my dad will get written out of the history books with Swing.
But, like, the Swing resurgence is 