Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt McCusker - Prince of TRASH
Uploaded: 2020-06-15T03:00:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt McCusker - Prince of TRASH' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt McCusker - Prince of TRASH' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-15. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt McCusker - Prince of TRASH

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast.
Please take a second to subscribe to the YouTube channel.
That way you get the episodes as they come out. Thanks a lot.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedian
and find out if they grew up classy or if they're just a complete piece of shit.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful evening here in Blue Belt,
Pennsylvania.
Screen doors in time, the grill's going, the pool is wet.
And dirty.
My co-host, back in the Big Apple.
He's going to give it one more shot, folks.
He's going to look there.
He's going to try to make good.
Putting it all on black, baby.
Let's go.
Ladies and gentlemen, our old pal, the brains behind the operation,
Mr. Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for listening.
Happy to be here.
If you haven't already, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Get those up.
And full video available on YouTube.
You can subscribe there as well.
We really appreciate it.
Yes, sir.
Before we get the episode started, let's get into a few fan submissions.
Guys, if you haven't already, the Patreon is up and running, and we get so many
listeners submitting their own garbage questions that we can't get to all of
them.
Some of the good ones, you know, we'll use, but if you join the Patreon, we'll
automatically read one of your questions.
So, that being said, we're going to, each episode, we're just going to run
through a couple in the beginning of the episode to get them out of the way.
What are you laughing at, Fats?
I like how you said some of the good ones.
You sound like a little league coach.
Kazanski, you suck, all right?
They can't all be MVPs, you know what I mean?
Yeah, so guys, there's three levels to the Patreon.
The first level is trash.
You get a bonus episode of Are You Garbage every week with me, Foley, and a
guest.
The next level is Garbaggio, which is a little bit classier.
You get that same episode, plus you get an episode of Hard Feelings, which is
just me and Foley being me and Foley at our kippy and Foley-est.
And then there's the top level is You Filthy Animal, where each month we'll
play with everybody from that group.
We'll play Are You Garbage in a live stream with all the listeners.
So, sign up, check it out.
And the first goal, which we're almost at, is once we hit our first 100 patrons,
after that we're going to go into Foley's house and do an MTV Cribs Garbage
edition.
And look at that fucking trailer that he grew up in, which I can see the
picture of your dead grandmother in the back already.
Well, I'm about to start yelling at my mom.
You hear that dog barking?
Hey, I'm working over here.
Go get out of here.
Go get it.
Go get it.
That's your dad waiting for the hot dogs.
All right.
Let's fucking get into it here.
Get out of here.
Psst.
All right.
So.
We're not going to bang the trash cans together.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
So, we're just going to run through five right now.
This one is from Sam Squire.
Shout out to Sam.
Have you ever used a stove for something other than intended?
For example, home heating, lighting a cigarette, knife hits, et cetera.
Knife hits?
Yeah.
I think it's where you like.
I don't know what kind of drug you do.
I don't know if it's meth or crack or crank.
I believe it's marijuana.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You would heat the night off and then you put like maybe some hashish or
something like that on the hot knife.
And you kind of free base it.
So, I've heard.
That's what your mom's doing up in the kitchen right now.
Knife hits for everybody.
You think I had for dinner, huh?
I for sure have.
My mom used to heat in the morning.
She would just turn the oven on and open the door to the oven.
Instead of like heating the whole house, she would just heat the kitchen that
way.
Wait.
The heat wasn't on throughout the night?
It was.
But I guess if it was cold, I don't know.
She would just open up to crack the stove.
I know.
You're fucking dredge.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Real dredge.
Also, my dad, I don't think there was a lighter in my house from 1991 to 97.
He just fucking lit his marble reds off the fucking burner.
Oh, man.
If that ain't a fucking garbage bag move, I don't know what is.
Lighten your smoke off the stove.
Yeah.
Because there's two schools of thought on that.
You either get down there with your face and because you have to take a puff
when you light a cigarette.
You got to get some oxygen flow through there for sure.
And when you just put it in there, into the oven, like when you reach your hand
down, it's just burning.
Like you have to bend over and like get your face in there.
Get a hot one.
He sends those brows.
He got to get up on that pilot light.
He used to do it all the time.
And also, you know what's really garbage?
We'd go over his buddy's house at the time and no longer friends.
And we'd go over his house and he had an electric stove.
And my dad would do it on that.
So, you would have to sit there for like 10 minutes until that puppy got warm
enough.
Sitting there puffing on it.
Yeah.
That's like a car lighter, man.
There's nothing like when a car lighter fucks you over either too hot or too
cold.
You're like, ugh.
Dude, you know what used to go with car light?
I don't even think they make them anymore.
But the car lighters, some, they would get like, you know, malfunction.
You would push it in and it would shoot out.
Like once it's hot, it would pop.
Because they used to pop out, remember, to let you know they're done.
Well, some would like shoot out under the seat.
You'd be fucking swerving all over the car.
Catch the toddler in the face.
I put one on my tongue when I was a kid for some reason.
Win a bet?
Yeah.
I put it on hot or I got it hotted up and I just put it on my tongue.
Burn my tongue.
I don't know why I did it.
I don't know what I thought was going to happen.
It hurt so bad.
I can't imagine you fucking idiot.
Yeah, for sure.
That is, it was, the stove was definitely used as not in its intended purpose.
All right.
The next one.
The next one that we actually doubled up a little bit from Edward Fleming.
His is, has the police, has your family ever had an incident with the local
police?
I don't think mine have.
We had to call the cops on some meth head that was banging on our screen door
one Sunday.
This wasn't that long ago either.
What happened?
You know how it is, you know, some kid in the neighborhood.
You owed him 15 bucks.
You beat him on a bag and he was coming to collect.
This man's on drugs, officer.
That I sold him.
No, I don't know.
Some kid that probably, that didn't move out of his parents' house down there
smoking meth.
He was like a grown man, you know, sad really.
This, this, this really could be you talking about you, to be honest with you.
Grown man in his parents' basement, smoking meth.
He came back to my parents' front door, but just the screen door too.
That's why it's real scary when the screen's locked up.
They can come right through that screen.
Yeah, he like started banging on the screen doing like, I need help, I need
help, I need help.
My mom was like, oh, okay.
Fucking had 5-0 there in two seconds.
Yeah.
I don't think we ever have.
We always kept, we've always, you know, everything gets, everything in an Irish
Catholic family,
everything gets swept under the rug.
You never call the police, you know.
We had, there was like a rabbit squirrel in our yard.
We had to do, we had to get rid of that too.
We called the cops.
You called the cops on a squirrel?
Who do you call for a rabbit squirrel?
You just fucking locked the door.
What do you mean?
What was he, out front with a baseball bat?
What's he going to do?
He's going to get dizzy and run somewhere else.
He's not waiting for you to come out of your house.
Dude, you called the cops on a squirrel?
That's what my fucking tax, my tax dollars are going to?
You don't live in this township.
I mean, I pay sales tax in some places.
I'm sure you'll wet your beak on that.
You can't just let it go.
What if it gets one of the kids in the neighborhood
when they're going for the ice cream truck or something?
Well, then that's natural selection, Daniel.
If you get bit by a rabbit squirrel, you kind of had that coming.
This thing was mean, man.
This guy that showed up was real green.
He was a rookie.
He didn't know what to do.
He drew his gun on him at one point when he started moving towards us.
Officer Harry Potter.
Yeah.
Hey, kid, take it easy, will you?
Relax.
And then this one's also from Al Pontillo.
Shout out who he hit us up.
Him, his wife, and his kid all listen to the show.
Shout out to you, Big Al.
That is awesome.
And I think we might have touched on it before.
Have you ever had to call the cops on a family member?
Yes.
Wait, what?
Have you ever had to call the cops on a family member?
We did go over that question.
That question was a question on the show, Are You Garbage?
Yeah.
And did you?
I don't know.
I'm saying.
Did you?
No.
Did you?
No.
Yeah.
I don't think I have to do this.
No, I'm not trash.
Call the cops on it.
We're fighting.
That's it.
We're fighting.
You guys had a couple of beers, okay?
Yeah.
We're getting into a fight.
And then this one's from Rusty.
Shout out to Rusty.
Have you ever filled your pet's water or dish bowl with beer?
No, I've never given the dog beer before.
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
For sure.
The 90s, that was the fucking move.
I know.
You couldn't do anything cooler than be a dog drinking beer.
Unless you were, right?
Unless you were surfing for fucking Spuds McKenzie or whatever his name was.
Your dog drinking beer.
Spuds McKenzie.
What?
Air Bud.
Air Bud, the little pussy that played soccer?
Get the fuck out of here.
Air Bud was basketball.
Why would his name be Air Bud and he played soccer?
That doesn't make any sense.
You don't catch air in soccer.
You're talking about the movies about the golden retriever?
Yeah.
I thought he played soccer.
I thought that was bad.
I'll have to take a look now.
I'm not a soccer guy, so I didn't check into it.
I got nothing wrong with the dog.
You know what I mean?
Soccer ain't my sport.
Dogs can't play soccer.
You didn't play basketball.
No, Spuds McKenzie because he was a cool dog and he was a sponsor for a beer
company.
I don't even know who Spuds McKenzie is.
Hey, you're a young kid.
You don't know what's going on.
A lot of things happened before you got here.
Trust me.
Okay?
We got my buddy got a dog.
It was like a bulldog or something.
We got that thing fucked up one time.
I got to be honest.
I don't get a warm vibe.
You don't strike me as like an animal guy.
Even like when you tell stories about Putt-Putt, whatever.
What was his name?
What was your dog's name?
Rusty and he was a cruel bitch.
What do you talk about?
We don't talk about a rabid squirrel.
We had to put him down.
I put him down in the living room.
I can't see the Ryans being like snuggly and nurturing to a pet.
And then, you know, the way the story ended, you know, I get the feeling that I
was right.
No, we were growing up.
We were dog peeps for sure.
I had a fucking bunch of dogs.
Didn't your dad take like a shovel to rust it?
No, they all ended up on the farm, if you know what I mean.
Has your dad ever taken an animal to the farm?
You're trash.
Yeah.
You're like the Jeffrey Epstein.
You fucking use him and lose him.
I don't like this.
I don't like that.
You paint me as this like fucking, you know, hate monger.
No, man.
I just said you're not.
You don't strike me as animal.
And then compare me to Jeffrey Epstein.
Because...
So many different dogs coming in and out.
Yeah.
A lot of people use stuff.
I mean, you don't have to compare me to the world's worst pedophile.
I just saw