Name: AYG Comedy Podcast - Ryan Shaner: Small Town Garbage
Uploaded: 2020-06-29T01:11:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast - Ryan Shaner: Small Town Garbage' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast - Ryan Shaner: Small Town Garbage' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-29. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast - Ryan Shaner: Small Town Garbage

Hey there, gang. It's your old pals Uncle Hank and Kippy. We got some big news,
folks.
RU Garbage is coming to the Gas Digital Network. That is correct. Me and old Kippy
are joining the Gas Digital family, baby, and we could not be more excited.
Yeah, guys, this is fucking awesome. But don't worry, not much is changing. If
you listen to the podcast, it's still available free wherever you listen.
The most recent 15 episodes are available free on iTunes, on YouTube, wherever
you listen to podcasts.
But the catalog of RU Garbage will be available on GasDigitalNetwork.com.
But don't you worry your little garbage hearts, ladies and gentlemen, because
if you go to GasDigitalNetwork.com and use promo code AYG, you know what that
gets you, big man?
Talk to me.
I'll get you a 14-day free trial, and you'll save $1.50 a month as long as you're
signed up.
It's gonna be a hoot.
You'd be crazy not to sign up for that. That's savings right there. And in this
economy, we can all use to save a couple of bucks. So spend it wisely, folks.
Not only do you get the catalog of AYG, you also get the past catalog of Legion
of Skanks, a real-ass podcast, a Believe You Me with Michael Bisping.
Irish Goodbye.
Irish Goodbye. You get all the shows on the network, it's gonna be fucking
worth it.
Guys, sign up. Use promo code AYG. Don't be a piece of trash.
And gang, don't forget to check out the live stream every Tuesdays and Fridays
at GasDigitalNetwork.com.
If you want to watch it in HD, high quality, sign up for the network. You will
not regret it.
Those live streams will be out three days before everybody else gets to see
them, so you're the first one to smell the garbage, baby.
Sign up today!
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage? The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians
and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful Sunday evening here in
Bluebell, Pennsylvania.
Got some baby back ribs on the smoker.
My co-host, who's rude, is recently back in New York City.
He's back holding down the heights, letting them know.
Let me tell you something, gang.
Next time you're reaching for a best pal, make it a kippy.
All right?
He's a good kid.
We all love him.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, gang.
Happy to be here.
Thanks for listening back in New York City.
We got in about six minutes ago.
I tried hanging my air conditioner and it fell out my four-story window.
Things are going good.
Oh, that's awesome.
Is that true?
No, I almost did lose it a couple of times, though.
It's a little wobbly.
Does duct tape hold in an air conditioner?
Who knows?
Guys, if you haven't already, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on
iTunes.
Full of video available on YouTube.
Check it the fuck out.
Yes, sir.
And, gang, I can't tell you how excited we are to have our very special guest
here today.
If there was ever a very special episode of Are You Garbage, I would have to
say this would be it.
Because this might get a little sad.
This might pull on the heartstrings a little bit.
Okay?
Gang, you know him from the You Fucked It podcast.
He's a Philadelphia original.
I'm talking Raven Lounge, 16th and Samson, going back to when Moses wore short
pants.
We had a couple of beers in our day, me and this kid.
Ladies and gentlemen, give us a nice big round of applause and give it the fuck
up for Mr. Ryan Shainer, everybody.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll be the lady.
Is that painting and blood behind you?
Yeah, you know, dude.
That's dog's blood.
The blood of the father, dude.
When did you move into the hotel from The Shining?
Yo, by the way.
After I corrected my family.
That's what I did.
Exactly.
For the listener, okay, if you're not watching the video of this, Shainer has a
lamp behind him that has two sockets, but there's only one bulb in one socket.
And that right there is garbage.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, there's two bulbs.
One's a blue bulb.
It's a black light for when I get down on my fucking couch, dude.
Oh, you have a black light?
Yeah.
Who are you, Quagmire?
What are you in your living room or bedroom?
Oh, my God.
This guy's got a fucking tarantula going.
No, dude.
This is in my living room.
He tells his roommate when the blue light's on, wait a couple of minutes.
Don't calm down, dude.
Get the blue light special, dude.
Dude, it looks like you live in an aquarium with that thing on.
You should start eating crickets.
That's actually how I keep warm in the wintertime.
I don't even pay for a eat.
I just lay underneath it.
Ah, shit.
Shainer got out again.
God damn it.
I lay eggs in the basket.
A laundry basket.
Now, when you said don't come down, tell me you live in the basement.
No, no, no, no.
I've been here for like almost a decade.
Really?
Yeah.
So, basically, my roommate, I mean, I've had four roommates, I think, in the
last decade.
That's not too bad.
You're on the lease?
It's your apartment?
Yeah, it's my place.
Yeah, definitely.
It's a house.
It's a three-bedroom house in South Philly.
This guy, on the up and up, making a name for himself.
That's what I'm trying to do.
I try to keep that light on so all the bitches know when they come in.
Sure.
That it's already a crime scene.
You don't got to worry about the stains because you see them.
In here, we fuck, okay?
That's how it goes.
That's crazy.
We're so happy to have you on the pod.
We're so happy to see you.
Tell us the story, the origin story of Ryan Shaner.
You grew up on like a power plant or something, didn't you?
I grew up.
You did.
I know you did.
Me, for the listener, me and Shaner were fucking tight back in the day.
There was a lot of beers and a lot of weirdness rolling around down those
streets.
I grew up five miles outside of a nuclear power plant in Spring City,
Pennsylvania.
Spring City, that sounds made up.
That's like the town in Stranger Things.
Don't let it.
They're like, there's a lot of springs here.
Apparently, Spring City, again, I learned this, in the 1800s, it was supposed
to be like a destination spot for Philadelphia socialites to go there.
So there's a lot of big houses in the main street of Spring City.
But like, they just got turned into stupid apartments.
It's like, no one wants to come there.
It was a fucking below the water table.
And then there were natural springs everywhere in the city.
So every place they built got fucked up within like a month of them building it.
So now, the crazy thing is now, because of the nuclear power plant, though,
every building that has an occupancy of above 90 has to be made into a fallout
shelter.
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck's a water table, dude?
This is like Chernobyl, dude.
What's going on here?
Oh, man.
It's going to be.
It's crazy.
I remember that was the craziest part, too.
When 9-11 happened and the plane crashed in Shanksville, everyone was like, oh,
my God.
Everyone got worried because, you know, Shanksville is pretty far away from
Spring City.
But in a jumbo jet going like 500 fucking miles an hour, it's not that far away
from where the power plant is.
So everyone started getting worried that they were actually aiming for the
power plant.
Like, get the fuck over yourself.
Like, Spring City's like, that's the target.
Yeah, they're just going to kill a bunch of Shaners.
They just said that's Osama bin Laden's plan.
I got to get those Shaners scumbags out there in Spring City living high on the
hog.
We'll get them all.
We'll get them all at once.
Every time you saw Osama bin Laden in the cave, like, doing, like, a video
fucking message to America,
my dad's in the background, and I'll post her with a knife in his head.
Yeah.
They finally got him all day.
Yeah, they, um.
What was the name of the nuclear power plant?
I can't believe I'm asking that.
It's the Limerick Exelon Generating Station.
It's in Limerick, Pennsylvania, which is like, I mean, Limerick, Royer's Ford,
and Spring City are all the same fucking thing.
Now, did they pay and sponsor for everything in your town because they knew
they were fucking slowly nuking you?
Dude, when we got there, the first house we moved into actually had those mannequins
in when they blow up the testing thing.
Do they really?
In Nevada.
No.
I don't know.
Dude, literally.
So if you're not from the Pennsylvania area, like, if you do, once you get,
like, an hour outside of Philadelphia, things get squirrely quick.
So when they built that power plant, that was, I think, either a year before or
a year after the Three Mile Island incident happened.
Jesus Christ.
So when that happened, everyone was like, is that going to happen here?
I was like, no, no, no.
There's only two reactors, not three, you dumb shits.
And they're like, oh, good.
It's impossible to happen.
Thank God.
Now, we got Flex Seal still open?
We got Flex Seal around the whole thing.
It's going to be fine.
It's one guy with that reflective, like, metallic tape.
Like, you see how I put it on the side, man?
That's fine, man.
Holy shit.
You don't get it.
And I don't even know.
Do you have brothers and sisters?
Yeah, I have.
So my mom has been married four times.
Her first marriage.
That's going in the file.
Yikes.
Four times?
Four times, baby.
What is she, Liz Claiborne?
What the fuck?
No, she just likes to bang, dude.
So the first marriage is my older half-brother and sister.
My dad is myself and my younger brother.
The third marriage, no.
I think my mom got her tubes tied.
And the fourth one, she's just not doing it.
So, you know, I only got, yeah, three siblings totals.
So who'd you actually grow up with?
Me and my younger, I mean, I grew up with all of them.
I mean, they were all in the same house.
My mom was, like, the one who just took care of everybody.
But, I mean, me and my younger brother were a year apart.
So we spent a lot of time together and just ended up growing this huge,
almost nuclear, hatred for one another growing up.
He was so mad about the amount of times I almost killed that kid.
It is so crazy.
I can imagine.
For the listeners, Shainer's a bit of a fucking wild card.
Like, he plays it fast and loose.
I've calmed down a lot in the later years.
Yeah, you're in your, like, mid-30s.
You should.
It's not like you're 19 running amok.
He's not above a sucker punch.
I can tell you that.
Whoa, whoa.
I try to look everybody in the eye right before.
Yeah, that's true.
He's not above punching you in the face.
I'll look right at you and hit you in the face.
And then maybe I'll shake your hand afterwards.
I'm a very handshake type of guy.
I remember you almost blew my knee out one time with the Raven wrestling with
you.
Yeah, you fucking idiot.
You came up to me.
You're like, I played lacrosse.
Oh, yeah.
For the listener, Foley got out.
Remember that?
Dude, I thought you guys were wrestling.
And then, like, Shainer, clearly, you Foley went on the defensive quick.
He was pushing you back towards the stairs.
And, dude, it was going to be a wrecking ball full of Foley going down those
stairs.
And those stairs are dangerous to walk down after a couple of citywides.
You know what I mean?
Those stairs were death traps, dude.
And it's like this fucking Lomax is coming at me.
Like, I used to wrestle a couple of times.
And just, like, puts on a fucking singlet.
And he's coming at me.
The old school singlet and the headgear.
Dude, Foley came up to me like fucking curly.
He was like, let's go.
Poked you in the eye.
Seriously.
I definitely was.
I feel like that was at the end of the night.
I definitely had a couple of Red Bull and Vodkies in me.
Yeah, I guess you can call it Red Bull.
Ooh, that was like what I had to drink.
I guess you can call that Red Bull.
Foley was the only guy with a Red Bull dealer, if you know what I mean.