Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Greg Fitzsimmons - Irish Trash
Uploaded: 2020-07-23T01:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Greg Fitzsimmons - Irish Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Greg Fitzsimmons - Irish Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-23. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Greg Fitzsimmons - Irish Trash

Hey gang, thanks for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
Yeah guys, please make sure you subscribe, that way you get the episodes as
they come out.
Thanks a lot.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Woo! Oh baby!
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they
grew up classy or if they're complete trash.
I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a scorching day here.
Studio B, Gas Digital Studios in the East Village.
Everything is sticking together, folks.
I need some fucking gold bond stat.
My co-host coming at you from right next to me.
He's the brains behind the operation.
He's got his name on the lease.
Ladies and gentlemen, as I always say, the next time you're reaching for a best
pal, do yourself a fucking favor and make it a kippy.
This guy's on sale two for one.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
We appreciate it.
As always, if you haven't already, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe
on iTunes and also your full video available on YouTube.
You can subscribe there as well.
We appreciate all the support as we get this thing off the fucking ground.
I love you, baby.
Absolutely.
I love you too, Kippy.
I don't know if that was directed at me, but I'm going to take it.
And I love our extremely, extremely special guest that we have on the podcast
today.
Let's go over this fucking rap sheet that I got in front of me right here.
We're going to start off with the acting.
As an actor, some of his credits has appeared on the Andy Dick show, The Man
Show, Louie, Aqua Teen, Hunger Force, Comedy Bang Bang, Santa Clarita Diet, of
course, Crashing.
Okay, as a writer, he's wrote on Politically Incorrect, The Ellen DeGeneres
Show, The Man Show, Lucky Louie, Crashing Again as a fucking producer.
Got 22 episodes of The Man Show, eight episodes of Crashing.
He's also appeared on The Howard Stern Show, Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
He has not one, but two Comedy Central Presents.
You've seen him on Your Mom's House, The Late Show with David Letterman, Jimmy
Kimmel Live, Chelsea Lately, the Joe Rogan Experience.
He has a stand-up special, Life on Stage.
You know him from FitzDog Radio and the 2006 host at the AVN Awards.
I don't know if he's garbage or not, but I know he's got a little bit of
fucking cash on him.
I'll tell you that right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, give us a nice big round of applause for Mr. Greg Fitzsimmons,
everybody.
Let me tell you something.
Let me ask you something.
I need $40.
I know you got it.
When you're Irish, it doesn't matter how much cash you have.
You're still talking.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
That's why I was so excited to have you.
He's got a successful career, but he is Irish trash from the East Coast, which
no amount of money can shake that.
Still saving the grocery bags and putting them in the cabinet.
Oh, reusing tea bags.
You know, picking up the dog's shit with fucking sandwich bags and squeezing
everything out of it.
I know, man.
It's in our blood.
Did you ever get sent to school where your lunch bag is the fucking old bread
bag that was finished?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
When that kid sat next to you, we're like, yo, this guy's definitely got lice.
I'm not fucking getting it.
There it is, kid.
Yeah.
That was a tough look in the lunchroom with that thing.
Oh, my God.
Greg, thank you.
I used to go to school in the morning.
My mom never bought us proper boots.
So she used to take those bread bags.
Yes.
You'd put them over your feet, and then you'd stick them into your sneakers.
Dude, we did that too.
What is this, Angela's Ashes?
Jesus Christ.
Right.
Dude, we did that too.
I did that shit in the 90s.
My mom was like, get the plastic bags, and we'd go out and play in the snow.
And I was wearing air walks or whatever.
Oh, that's fucking trash.
Yeah, dude.
My mom one time wouldn't buy us sleds for the winter.
So, of course, it snowed one day.
We had a snow day.
She was off work.
Had nothing to do with this.
This broad sent us out to the hill in front of the whole neighborhood with two
fucking
cardboard boxes flattened out.
We didn't go anywhere.
And she was bitching like we didn't know how to use it.
Like, what is this, the fucking North Shore?
Figuring out how to surf?
This is bullshit.
Greg, thank you so much for doing the show, man.
We appreciate you being here and coming on with this.
What do you have to monitor over your shoulder?
You guys can't work in front of you?
We're in the small studio, Greg.
We're just starting out.
What do you want?
You look like midgets that are about to get beat up by somebody.
What do you say?
What do you do, huh?
We can't afford that nice green paint you got behind you.
That's Home Depot paint right there.
That's two coats.
That's two coats and a primer.
This guy's got primer money.
Here's trash.
Here's trash.
I didn't have somebody paint it.
I did it myself with my daughter.
Yeah.
And my daughter thought it would be funny to write 666.
And I'm not going to say what else you wrote on it.
And then, so we had to put two more coats over that one coat.
Jesus.
Keep an eye on that kid, for God's sake.
I'll give you bonus points if you still have the blue painter's tape up at the
top and down by the trim.
No, but you can see the roof has some green.
Jesus Christ.
Nice drop ceiling, too.
Real classy.
Yeah, it's real classy.
Wait, are you in the house right now or are you at your office?
No, I have an office.
Ooh.
All right.
Mr. Fitzsimmons.
That's not bad.
Tell us a little bit.
You know, we want to talk about, you know, you mentioned your daughter.
We want to talk about your family, kind of how you run the house today.
But tell us a little bit, you know, where you grew up, how you grew up, the
family situation.
Well, I lived in the Bronx until I was about eight.
And my parents are both from the Bronx.
Okay.
Grandparents.
And, well, my grandparents are all from Ireland, but then they emigrated to the
Bronx.
Damn.
And then my dad was, you know, made some money.
He was in radio in New York.
So he became a really big radio personality in New York for my whole life.
And so we made some money and we moved up to Tarrytown in Westchester.
Nice.
That's real nice.
Very nice.
There's a couple of really good restaurants in Tarrytown right now.
There are.
Yeah.
It's gotten very trendy.
When I grew up there, it wasn't that nice.
It's a real right and wrong side of the tracks kind of a town.
It's like downtown.
There's a General Motors plant.
So there was a lot of tenement apartments and housing projects downtown by the
train station.
And it was actually pretty dangerous.
And there was like, there was race riots and there was a lot of drugs.
And then I grew up, I grew up in the good part of town, but my parents couldn't
shake that growing
up broke mentality.
Sure.
So even though we had money, my mother never spent it.
And we lived like fucking bumps.
Dude, it's the same exact story.
I grew up in the suburbs of Philly.
There was money came and went.
There was times where there was and times where there wasn't because, you know,
they're, you
know, idiots that don't know how to manage money.
So it came and went.
But at the same time, like when it was there, it was and we still lived like we
were, you
know, dirt poor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's like, you know, we we belong to a country club and then we would go
there and
my mother would give us two dollars a day to buy lunch and whatever sodas and
snacks that
we wanted.
That's like a fucking country club.
That's not going to get you a crab cake.
What the fuck?
I won't pay for the lemon on the iced tea, ma.
Let's go.
All the other kids are putting it on the account.
Like, put it to the Charleston's, please.
And you're like, yeah, right.
The Fitzsimmons are there pinching pennies.
One salami sandwich, please.
And you know who I used to order from was Kevin Meany.
No way.
What?
He was a waiter.
I was a kid and he used to come down to the pool with a red blazer and a black
bow tie.
What?
And he's like, do you want it?
And I go, give me a Coke, Kevin.
He was walking like, goddamn Fitzsimmons boy.
That's not right.
You're ordering food from the pool.
You're like a crazy person.
How many brothers and sisters did you have growing up?
Large Irish family or small?
Well, Irish twins.
Me and my brother are 12 months apart.
Nice.
12 months.
They talk about flying too close to the sun.
12 months is tight.
Things getting loose in Tarrytown.
I like it.
Yeah.
And then my sister's three and a half years younger and she still, she lives in
Westchester
and then my brother's in Brooklyn.
Okay.
Okay.
Small for an Irish Catholic family.
Small for an Irish Catholic family.
You're, you're one of what?
45 or what is it?
My mom's one of nine.
We're like fucking ticks in Philadelphia.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My mom was one of seven and then my, my grandparents, one was one of 13 and one
was one of 11.
That's wild.
What the fuck?
And how was it growing up up in Tarrytown?
So you moved up there, you guys kind of settled in and how, what was the, what
was the lifestyle
like growing up there?
It was good.
You know, it was like, um, we kind of like, we had a, we had a lake.
So in the winters we did a lot of, uh, played a lot of hockey and we'd go there
at night
and we'd skate, we, you know, throw a case of beers on the bank of the, of the
lake and
then we'd skate around and, um, and then in the summers we'd swim in the lake
and we'd
go to the Hudson river, we're right on the Hudson river.
So we did a lot of, we did a lot, a lot of drinking and drugs growing up,
starting at
a very young age.
My kind of guy.
Really?
I mean, we were like 12, 13 years old and we were, we were getting fucked up
like four
or five nights a week.
It was insane.
And all my friends' parents were alcoholics.
Of course.
Nobody noticed.
There was just booze everywhere.
My friends all had, you always got to hang out with the kid who's got the older
sibling
that's already fucked up.
Oh yeah.
And they'll get stuff for you.
Yeah.
Come on, Donnie, get us a six pack.
Yeah.
Right.
And you know, you buy, he gets six pack.
He keeps one.
That's all.
That's the big.
Yeah.
For sure.
He's got to wet his beak.
That's trash though.
That's all you're asking for.
Give me one.
Give me one.
If you're not going to, if you're not going to, if you're ripping off 12 year
olds for one
fucking Mike's hard lemonade, that's a trash booth.
Right.
Well, we, do you remember what you were drinking back then?
It wasn't Mike's hard lemonade.
It was something probably really shitty.
No, it was, um, well, Boone's farm, strawberry wine.
And then, uh, for Budweiser drinkers.
Nice.
Nothing wrong with the Bud heavy, man.
Oh, get it ice cold at the bar.
Come on.
I fucking love it.
Now, was that a, was that a similar story with, uh, with you and your, your
friends growing
up, like did most of their parents kind of start out in the city or start out
somewhere
else and then kind of got a little money and then moved out there?
Um, yeah, it was a lot of that.
Tarrytown is definitely a place where, well, you know, Westchester in general
is where if
you're from the Bronx and you make some money, you move to Westchester.
If you're from Queens, you make money, you go to Long Island.
If you're from Staten Island and you make some money, you go to Jersey.
So it was a lot of that, but there was a lot of multi-generation, uh, there.
One of my friends, Tommy Bucci was, his dad was in the Carpenters Union and, uh,
his grandfather
was in the Carpenters Union.
They ran the Carpenters Union and they were like the family in town that had
cousins and
everybody had some kind of a union job.
It was a very union town because of General Motors, because they, they did a
lot of construction
an