Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Southern Gentleman
Uploaded: 2020-08-10T01:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Southern Gentleman' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Southern Gentleman' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-10. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Shane Torres Southern Gentleman

Hey, gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy.
Just want to thank you for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
Yeah, guys, make sure you subscribe.
That way you get the episode as they come out.
And you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com.
Use promo code AYG to get bonus content
and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming.
Do it.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
I tell you what, a couple of good-looking fellas right there.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back
to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage, the show where we sit down
with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy
or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day here,
the Ash Digital Studios, the East Village, New York fucking city.
We're coming back, baby.
We're taking the fucking city back.
We're having a fucking fantastic fucking time here.
My co-host, my good pal, sitting a little too close next to me,
wearing his favorite local band shirt.
He's the brains behind the operation.
He put the whole fucking thing together, gang.
You know the drill?
The next time you're reaching for a best pal, you make it a keppy.
Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, gang.
Happy to be here.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
I also like, too, when you go into host mode,
you black out and just say,
Ah, beautiful day here.
I do.
There was literally a tornado about an hour ago.
Beautiful day here in New York City.
There's buildings collapsing.
I don't even know if I said my name.
Yeah.
He goes into host mode.
I do.
It's weird.
Guys, thanks so much for listening.
Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Please.
Also, full video available on YouTube.
You can subscribe there as well.
Also, you can go to Gas Digital, get the full catalog of our show,
including episodes with Andrew Schultz, Mark Norman, Joe List, Paul Verzi,
Bobby Kelly, fucking the who's who.
Get on that.
Shane Gillis, Matt McCustard.
So go check it out.
Use promo code AYG.
You save a couple of bucks.
We wet our beak.
It's a fucking ecosystem of fucking.
It's a pyramid scheme of podcasts.
It's like a murderer's row of trashy dudes.
Oh, yeah.
I was just like, Christ, is there anybody in there that uses a napkin?
Gang, that voice you hear is our incredibly special guest
that we could not be more excited to have him here.
This gentleman is a comedian, a writer, and an actor.
He has appeared on Last Comic Standing, Comedy Bang Bang, Comedy Knockout.
Night Train has his own Comedy Central presents.
This week at the Comedy Cellar.
I've been on all those canceled shows.
Conan, Shane Torres conquers your fears.
And, of course, he has an album out.
Shane Torres established 1981.
But the big question in everybody's mind today, is he garbage?
And I got to tell you, it looks like he can get us anything from bank blueprints
to illegal fireworks.
All right?
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Shane Torres, everybody.
Good to see you, boys.
What's up, buddy?
Thanks for doing the show.
He does look like the guy that has the plans to the bank.
You do look like the guy whenever they need an easy thing in a movie of like,
I know a guy who does this, and it just cuts to Shane out back of a supermarket.
To be fair, this whole room looks like we're all auditioning for a casual XL
male commercial.
Pants that fit.
I'm on the petite side, though, a little bit.
Oh, my God.
Because I'm a petite, casual XL kind of guy.
You're a middleweight at best.
Oh, my God.
Shane, thank you so much for sitting with us, man.
Thanks for having me, boys.
How are you?
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Anything to pass the days right now.
Oh, man, it's brutal.
I was telling our producer, Don, I was like, beginning of the pandemic, I was
as close to buying a fucking PlayStation and just being like, fuck.
God, so close.
I almost did the same exact fucking thing, and then I was like, this is really
going to open a bad hole.
Yeah, that's a bad turn.
That's a hard one to come back from.
Yeah, because then it's just going to be that and then a heart attack.
I was like, I know I just eat and snack and then play, like, FIFA or whatever.
Fucking $40 lunches getting delivered to the door.
Oh, God, it's like ordering from the same Indian place twice in one day.
That's what killed Gandolfini.
I was like, I got the tikka, but I want to try the korma.
Another round for me and my friends.
Extra naan bread.
Send it over, boys.
Tell us the back story.
Tell us, you know, the origin story.
Where did you grow up?
How did you grow up?
Give us the whole story.
From the south, right?
Texas, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Fort Worth.
So, like, south side of Fort Worth.
Let's see.
My mom was an Irish immigrant.
Father was first-generation Mexican-American.
Maybe second.
It's a little...
It's a little hairy.
Keep that on the QT these days.
There's two brothers.
I went...
I'm pretty sure I'm trash.
Not because...
He stopped in the middle of it.
I really, like...
My mother did the best with what she could.
Uh-huh.
Considering, like...
You know when you watch basketball and you're like, man, they weren't that good,
but that
coach really fucking coached them up.
Really polished them up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My mom, like, she really did the best with what she did.
She was doing two-a-days.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It was just like...
She was working night shifts and, like, then, like, coming home and waking us
up.
And then, you know, then I'm like, well, I'll just go do drugs at Kevin's house.
Drugs at Kevin's house.
Uh, so I grew up there, um...
What's it?
I mean, my mom was a nurse.
My dad, like, was a salesman or whatever that.
A vague salesman?
I love it.
Yeah, like, he sold stuff.
Like, he would have shit from different jobs in the garage.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it would just be like, here's industrial cleaning supplies.
Yeah, it's light bulbs.
Yeah, and then, like, here's roofing shingles.
Yeah.
He was always just worked in sales, I guess.
But, um...
Yeah, so, I mean, it's like Texas.
Went to high school in a pretty small town called Crowley.
Okay.
Uh, when I started high school, my graduating class was supposed to be around
700 people.
That's a lot.
Yeah, well, but by the time we were done...
Really thin the herd?
It was about, like, 250, 300.
What?
Shut up!
It was, like, it was pregnancies, moves...
500 kids?
Lots of dropping.
I mean, like, bad, dude.
Holy shit.
Like, was it drugs?
No, I mean, some for sure, but, like, just, like...
They don't...
Like, it's just, like, it's a shit school system anyway, so people just drop
out.
I'm gonna go work.
It might not have been that...
I could be inflating the numbers a bit, to be honest, but, like...
It was, like...
Drastic.
Yeah, it was...
I remember it being, like, this is, like, 40% of the kids.
You know, you're like...
Anybody see Larry?
What the fuck?
Yeah, it was very, like, like, oh, you're the first wave.
Kind of, like, go take the beach and we'll see who gets through this.
I was a pretty shitty kid growing up, but I've always been amazed by the people
that dropped
out of school or the ones that got kicked out of school.
Yeah.
Well, both my brothers were expelled twice.
Wow.
Twice?
For what?
Stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Mind your business, buddy.
Hey, hey.
You just go to Arthur Avenue and start asking around about...
That's great.
Hey, where'd you guys get all these TVs from?
I don't come to your gated community and ask your Subaru dealer about...
That was awesome.
Hey, stuff.
Oh, man.
Yeah, stuff.
You know, people get in trouble for stuff.
Dude, I did that one time, not realizing.
I did a show in Long Island City and I thought...
And then I went...
I live in Washington Heights, so I went to Washington Heights and there's this,
like, weird
go-go bar, kind of.
It's very tight.
It's, like, very, you know...
It's a bunch of, like...
I like to drug dealers hang out there and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
This is the bar where, like, they go be social but really find out how to, like,
sell drugs.
Yes.
And my buddy's from the neighborhood, so he's like, oh, meet me there.
So I walk in and I see this guy.
I'm a little tuned up.
So I see this guy who I thought was just at the show.
And I'm like, were you just in Long Island?
Like, I was excited.
And I'm like, were you just in Long Island City?
He's like, what the fuck did you say to me?
I'm like, oh, my God, nothing.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
No.
I've never been to Long Island City.
Hey, did you go to Temple?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
What an idiot.
It's a, but, uh, I'm sorry.
I would say, uh, yeah, there was probably, like, half of the kids to 40% down.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
That's wild.
Yeah.
But, like, you know, we also split high schools, too, at one point.
So that probably...
A number, yeah.
Yeah, but, like, it was, like, it was a, there was a significant amount of
people, you
were like, this guy's not making it back from the war.
Like, kind of, like, yeah.
A lot of kids in, like, I look back at, that I knew, and I look at their
parents, if I ever
met them, I'm like, that poor bastard.
Never had a shot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it sucks, because their parents never had a shot, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
We had a couple of kids like that.
In our neighborhood, it was, like, a middle-class neighborhood, but there's
varying degrees
of how people take care of their homes and stuff like that.
Yeah, oh, yeah, I mean, I would say we were, like, middle-middle-class to lower-middle-class
neighborhood.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
And there was a kid that lived down at the bottom of the hill, and, like, when
you're a
kid, you don't really understand it, but, like, that was the, like, he was the
house that
they were, he was allowed to build a fucking half-pipe in the backyard.
Yeah.
And, like, you'd walk in, and there'd be, like, a couple holes in the wall, no
parents
around.
You could, like, smell the kitty litter.
Yeah, and shit like that.
I wouldn't eat over here.
Yeah, and they always have, like, why is all your juice, like, not juice?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's, like, the Chappelle purple stuff, kind of.
It's a lot of high C and shit like that.
Yeah, yeah, you're, like, yeah, like, this, this guy just got, like, assembly,
like, he
got, all he got was Tetris pieces for lunch, and they were, like, here's a
frozen burrito,
here's a high C.
Make it work.
Yeah, yeah, like, it was that kind of shit.
Yeah, you look back on this kid, you're, like, damn, you didn't have a fucking
shot.
Yeah, they're fucking, they're usually pretty nice kids, too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But have you ever seen that show, Catastrophe?
No.
It was really good, but it's, fuck, what's Rob, the guy who had the infamous
bomb on
Kimmel.
Delaney.
Oh, Rob Delaney.
Yeah, it's his show.
Okay.
But there's a scene.
Oh, I hear it's great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's really good.
I hear it's fantastic.
Is that the one set in London?
Yeah, yeah, where he gets an Irish girl pregnant.
Yes.
And they end up in London.
But there's this, like, great scene where his, because his dad's a piece of
shit, and
he goes, and he, like, there's this scene where he goes, well, he goes, uh,
well, I didn't,
he meets his, you see his dad, and his dad's kind of like, well, I beat the
shit out of
you less than my dad beat the shit out of me, and you don't even hit your kid,
so it's
all going in the right direction.
No shit.
Yeah, and that's, like, that's how fuck they think of it, though.
Yes.
Yeah, you know, like, it's like, yeah, it's going in the right direction, but
this is not
a direction.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're still swimming, and the boat's drifting away, man.
There's some scars.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, but that's the best they can put it, which is also pretty fucking
sad.
What brought, what brought your mom here from Ireland?
Oh, she's a nurse, so, 