Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Michael Bisping - UFC World Class
Uploaded: 2020-09-03T01:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Michael Bisping - UFC World Class' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Michael Bisping - UFC World Class' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-03. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Michael Bisping - UFC World Class

Hey, gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy.
Just want to thank you for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
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And you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com.
Use promo code AYG to get bonus content
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Do it.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Woo, baby, here we go.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back
to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians
and find out if they grew up classy or if they're complete trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a glorious day here,
Gas Digital Studios in the big studio in the fucking heart of the East Village,
New York City, alive and well, baby.
My co-host coming at you from right fucking next to me.
Give it up for everybody's best pal,
Mr. Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
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Use promo code AYG.
We get to wet our beaks a little fucking bit,
if you know what I mean.
A couple of bucks in the big man's pocket.
Keep me in Hawaiian shirts.
So go do that.
We appreciate all the support so far, guys.
Yes, sir.
We love all you guys very much.
And we could not be more excited to have our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly, special guest here with us today
via gas digital, 6G technology, satellite, Elon Musk.
We got him on the line.
Ladies and gentlemen, this gentleman is a very successful sports analyst,
actor, producer, commentator, and, of course, mixed martial artist.
As an actor, he has appeared in Warrior, Magnum P.I.,
Triple Threat, MacGyver, Den of Thieves, Triple X, and Strike Back.
And, of course, as a professional fighter,
he is the former UFC middleweight champ.
He was inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame July 5th, 2019.
He's 6'1", $1.85, fresh out of the shower.
I've met him for about five seconds.
I'm fucking petrified of this guy.
His pro record, he's got 30 wins.
17 of those wins by night-night.
This guy puts people to fucking sleep.
All right?
He's fighting out of Manchester, England.
Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of Believe You Me
right here on the Gas Digital Network.
Give it the fuck up for the champ, Mr. Michael Bisping, everybody.
Well, that is quite the intro.
That is quite the fucking intro, but thank you very much.
It's quite the career, buddy.
I try my best to be in a good mood.
See, the thing was, I've just had a knee replacement,
and I had a guy here doing physical therapy for the last 90 minutes,
and I was like, can we speed this up?
Can we get the show on the fucking road?
I went straight from that, which was fucking painful,
and then straight into this, and then I was trying to, you know,
the technical difficulties, trying to get the camera going.
There's no need to be scared.
No need to be terrified.
Yeah, right.
I want a pair of sunglasses and a fake beard, so you don't know who I am.
A couple of things off the top.
I have not seen 185 pounds in forever if I was to compete now.
I am definitely a heavyweight, and for the wrong reasons,
I've got a heavyweight's belly, that's for sure.
And I can tell you, again, right off the top,
there's no need for this podcast because I'm definitely garbage.
That's what the producers,
we've been getting some fucking sneak peeks at your behavior,
and the producers say, all garbage.
Yeah, well, nothing new there.
I feel like there should be a jet ski parked right next to you.
Sorry, here's a further example.
I'm texting my wife that I need my coffee,
so I am a male chauvinistic garbage.
Old school, I like it.
Well, you look fantastic.
That's a sweet haircut, man.
He's got the fucking baby blues.
You look like a goddamn Avenger.
Yeah, I don't know what you're rocking underneath that car,
but it's judgy by your pen, man.
I haven't got much competition.
Anybody with any kind of fucking hairstyle is an improvement on yours,
so I accept the compliment.
Thank you very much.
But still, I haven't exactly got much competition.
on this show.
Yeah, true.
I'm hanging on for dear life.
The Rogaine ain't working, and the big man wears a hat.
Well, you know, just for the record, I don't know if they told you this,
but I did a little wrestling in high school,
so we're kind of like compatriots right there.
Oh, yeah, we've got so much in common.
I mean, you look at me, you can't tell the difference between us.
We're virtually identical.
I like Bisping.
I was looking at, I was like doing some research.
Obviously, you know who you were, a big fan,
but you're the kind of, you've gotten better.
You've aged very well, especially since you got some money.
You got the nice hair.
You got the good clothes.
He's like really put it together in the fucking,
in the second half of this.
I know you say you're garbage, but I'm looking at that office.
I see a lot of deep mahogany wood.
I see fine leather chairs.
I don't know, man.
Yeah, it took me a while.
I've done the Believe You Me podcast with Lewis for about,
I don't know, four or five years now,
and then I thought I should actually try and fucking put some effort into this
as opposed to streaming from the webcam.
So, you know, it looks good.
I bought a piece of furniture.
No big deal.
Do you know what I mean?
We've all done it on occasion here and there.
Yeah, but you're going Ray Moore and Flanagan.
I'm going fucking Rent-A-Center.
It's a classy operation you got.
Yeah, no, I just stepped away from my podcast one day
and I looked at it and I thought, what the fuck is this?
This rinky-dink bullshit.
Okay, I've got to step my game up a little bit.
I don't know what's happening now
because ever since I've come on to V-Mix,
it's thrown all of my camera angles out of whack.
I've been fucking around with it for the last hour,
but this is the best I can get it right now.
It looks great.
No, thank you, sir.
I appreciate it.
So what are we doing here?
You got the fucking belt behind you.
It looks good.
Well, we want to get into a little Are You Garbage?
But first, I'd like to know, what's the origin story?
Like, where did you grow up?
How did you grow up?
Brothers and sisters, the whole nine yards.
I know you were a military kid, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry.
Let me know the one you made.
Beck, I just need the coffee you made.
Sorry.
I've got to speak to you guys.
You've got laser attention.
I'm on you, buddy.
But I moved out before.
We love the behind the scenes.
I went to the kitchen to fuck in.
I said, I'll do it from there.
And I brought my coffee with me.
And now I'm back here with you assholes.
I just need my coffee.
I'm going to get through this.
I need my coffee.
All right.
Origin story.
Born in Cyprus, 1979, which was a British army base.
My dad was a sniper in the army.
I moved to England when I was, I don't know, two years old, something like that.
Prior to me being born, my great, great, great.
Thank you, darling.
Appreciate it, baby.
My great, great, great grandfather, whatever.
He was an elite soldier, shall we say.
And he played a role in a battle.
And because of that role, he was awarded with the title of a count, the count,
and a ton of land.
Anyway, so throughout the Middle Ages, my family were living in mansions and
things like that.
There's a book about it called The History of the Bisping Family.
And then the Second World War occurred, and overnight, the border moved.
So my family went to sleep in Polish territory, and then overnight, the border
moved.
They woke up in German territory, and then it all lined up against the wall and
shot dead.
And my granddad, and one or two of us, were the only ones to make it out alive.
He came to England.
He had me, and I was raised piss-fucking-poor, broke, on what we call a council
estate, which
is what you call the ghetto.
So thank you, fucking Germany.
Yeah, they got a big track record.
These houses in the book, they're fucking, they're like Buckingham Palace.
They're massive.
They're insane.
And as I say, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing, Mom and Dad, but
yeah, it would
have been better had World War II not happened.
That's a, that's an already garbage first to have, like, you were like fucking
royalty.
Your family, you come from like, you come from good stock, real good fucking
stock.
Real good stock, but as I say, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, it didn't help me out at a bad time.
Yeah, yeah, no, no.
Had I been born one generation earlier, well, saying that, if I'd have been
born one generation
earlier, I might have been one of those shot against the wall.
So I'll take this version.
There you go.
Yeah, yeah.
What was the battle that your great-grandfather was in?
Do you remember the name of it?
No, no, I'd have to read the book, but I don't give a fuck that much.
You know what I mean?
Your other question was, brothers and sisters, yeah, this is, I come from a
family of eight,
so the six siblings, I was the middle child, yeah, there you go.
And what did your dad do when you were growing up?
Was he in the military even when you guys moved to England?
Yeah, well, he was, yeah, he was in the military, and then, as I say, he was a
sniper, but then
he was caught in a couple of bomb blasts, so he got medical discharge early,
and then,
you know, he comes to find out there's not much call for ex-snipers.
And then, in the day-to-day world, so the poor guy, you know, he kind of went
through
a shitty time, you know what I mean?
He's struggling to find work.
Right.
No doubt, PTSD and things like that, you know.
So, you know, it happens all the time.
You see and hear about it all the time.
So, it's not a special story, but yeah, my dad kind of got thrown on the shitty
after
giving his life to the Army.
That's a fucking great story right there.
And you would say, without a doubt, that that's, you know, added to your drive
being a fighter
when you were coming up in the UFC, correct?
Having those humble beginnings?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, listen, my mom and dad always did everything they could.
You know what I mean?
We never went hungry or anything like that.
We weren't fucking poor, poor, poor.
But, you know, we just didn't have to design a shit.
You know what I'm saying?
It wasn't, you know, my mom and dad did everything they could.
So, I've got no complaints.
Never went hungry.
But, you know, also, it's nice to have the finer things in life.
So, that was definitely my drive.
You know, just like, because I've done every dead-end job under the sun, you
know,
and I remember working 60, 70 hours a week, but still being fucking piss poor,
still being fucking broke, still not being able to afford decent shit,
driving an absolute piece of crap, borrowing fucking a few books off my mom
just to put gas in the car to get to work.
I'm like, what the fuck is this?
There's got to be more to life than this.
So, yeah, that's kind of why I started fighting.
What was your first job when you were growing up?
I left school at 16.
I remember everyone was going to college and shit like that,
and I'm like, you're crazy.
I can get a job for 120 pounds a week.
I love that mentality.
That's the garbage mentality.
You fucking idiots, I'm going to go start making some cash,
and then in a year, you're like, this ain't good money.
I'm like, 120 pounds a week.
Do you know how fucked up I can get on 120 pounds?
That's all I cared about at that time.
I'd given up martial arts.
All I wanted to go out, do was go out, get drunk, get in a fight,
and talk to some chicks.
And 120 pounds a week fucking allowe