Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: LIVE! Shane Gillis & Mike Rainey - Philly Trash
Uploaded: 2020-09-29T04:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: LIVE! Shane Gillis & Mike Rainey - Philly Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: LIVE! Shane Gillis & Mike Rainey - Philly Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-29. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: LIVE! Shane Gillis & Mike Rainey - Philly Trash

Hey, gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy.
Just want to thank you for tuning in to RU Garbage.
Yeah, guys, make sure you subscribe.
That way you get the episode as they come out.
And you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com.
Use promo code AYG to get bonus content
and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming.
Do it.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
I feel like I'm at a fucking deposition right now.
Hey, everybody out there,
and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is RU Garbage, the show where we sit down
with your favorite comedians and find out if they grow up classy
or if they're a huge fucking piece of shit.
I got to tell you, on this show, I'm leaning towards the latter.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day,
our first live show here at the Punchline Philly.
Philly, make some fucking noise tonight.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the brains behind the operation.
He put this whole thing together, also set the ticket prices,
so if you're upset.
But the next time you reach for a best pal, gang,
do yourself a favor and make it a kippy,
give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for coming out.
I already got a text from my friend.
What Klan rally did you invite me to?
So happy to be here.
This is good.
That was ready.
That was ready.
Woo!
Man, I can hear the N-words flying down 95.
Guys, thanks so much for coming out.
This is fucking awesome.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
We have a very special guest here with us today
as a comedian co-counsel on the podcast.
You've seen him on our episode.
Of course, from Matt and Shane's secret podcast.
Give it up for the young bull, Shane Gillis, everybody.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, how are you?
Turning to Hugh Hefner real quick.
Hey, hello.
You might recognize him from SNL for nine minutes,
ladies and gentlemen.
Shane Gillis.
This guy makes getting canceled in art form,
ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to do it again.
I promise you, I will get canceled again.
We don't doubt it, dude.
We do not doubt it.
I heard Mad TV's coming back,
so you got an opportunity coming up there.
But gang, our very special guest
that we have on the podcast today,
we want to thank him for taking a break
from guarding the Frank Rizzo statue.
Ladies and gentlemen,
give it the fuck up for Philadelphia's own
Mike Rainey, everybody.
Buddy, this is your time to shine.
We're going to play a little game called
Are You Garbage?
Before we do, just do me a favor
so Kippy and I can kind of get an idea.
We were talking in the back.
Shane says that we're going to be completely surprised
that you're complete class.
You play the violin.
You like to paint, sculpt, and write poetry.
I'm kidding.
And he said you were a coked up fucking dirtbag.
Because you don't know that
when Kevin, Chris Cotton, Tom Cassie, and I,
we started out in comedy,
Rainey was kind of already on the scene,
but we always stayed real fucking clear of him.
Yeah, he wore a lot of fucking sweatsuits
to open mics back then.
This guy would show up to fucking open mics
dressed like fucking DJ Khaled.
And you always had that look on your face
like you wanted to knock me the fuck out for some reason.
So I always stayed clear.
But what is your backstory?
Where did you grow up?
Tell us the deal.
You know what, guys?
I could probably save you the next...
We already paid.
Drag it out a little bit.
Create the mystery.
The next 59 minutes of this podcast
by letting you know
that I have driven drunk with my kids in the car.
His kids are here tonight in the back, everybody.
Give him a nice round of applause.
We're all wearing helmets,
if anybody recognizes us.
Jesus.
They rode in the back of a pickup truck.
Where did you grow up?
Are you a Philly kid?
I grew up in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania.
Yikes.
Yikes.
The Perk capital of Pennsylvania.
Shout out to Upper Darby.
Yep.
So I grew up there.
We moved out when my sister got shot in 94.
Really?
Yes, it was her fault.
Wait, did you say got her shot?
Like Star Search or something like that?
Yeah.
Or actually got shot?
No, she actually...
Yeah, she got shot.
Did she live?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Tough broad, I'll tell you that.
What did she get shot?
Where did she get shot?
What did she get shot for?
Just two kids robbed her.
She was coming from the 69th Street Terminal.
And two kids robbed her.
She gave them her money.
And they shot her anyway.
Damn.
Hey, the criminals in Philly, they're fucking committed.
They don't play, dude.
Well, they weren't too committed.
Because she's a real pile of shit and she survived.
They weren't committed enough.
And where did you live in Philly when that happened?
I lived in Upper Darby.
And it was like maybe like two blocks from like the West Philly border.
Okay.
That's what real scumbags like.
It's like, nah, it's Upper Darby by 25 feet.
So funny your fucking sister got shot.
That's all.
Who the fuck has a sister that got shot?
It's like a Bone Cutter movie.
Who has that?
Video.
Well, there's another interesting aspect of her getting shot.
So she had been with her boyfriend at the time for about four weeks.
And I didn't realize we were this close.
But apparently we got close as she was on the mend from getting shot.
Where'd they shoot her?
In the abdomen.
Ooh, got shot.
That's the worst.
So she was a...
For the listener, Foley takes cannonballs every Saturday at the stomach.
If anybody's got a 20 bucks, it'll meet at your house.
This is not great to add, but...
Oh, God.
I shot her?
No, no.
I was watching Starship Troopers this afternoon.
And at one point this guy gets his legs ripped off and he looks at the main
character.
He's like, you know what to do to like finish him off.
He just shoots him in the stomach.
The guy's like, ah!
And they leave him.
Yeah, she was probably the first person to just get shot in the stomach since
fucking Oswald got shot.
Nobody ever fucking knows that.
She got the Jack Ruby.
She's like, yeah, you already got my 20 bucks.
What the fuck, dude?
You sure be?
Just some 60-year-old kid from West Philly dressing in an all-white suit and a
white foot to work.
She had been with her boyfriend for about four weeks at the time.
And for some reason, she gave me this information that they consummated their
relationship while she was on the mend.
But they didn't consummate it the typical way.
She let...
Anal?
Yes.
What?
What?
Because she was on her period at the time.
So it was just a fucking...
That was God shooting her for doing anal.
So she was just a fucking bloodbath in every sense of the word.
Wait, so she put his dick in the hole, was in the hospital, and got buttfucked?
When she got home.
When she got home.
When she got home.
Yeah.
Dude, she plays it fucking fast and loses, girl.
Who gets shot and then go does anal?
What the fuck?
That's like at least a bottle of wine or something to get you in the mood.
A chick that does that, after you let him put it in your butt, you're like, put
it in the gunshot.
How did she tell you that?
I don't know.
Well, I would like...
Well, I was worried about my sister, so I would spend a lot of time talking to
her.
And I learned that...
How did this...
Yeah, you worried about it, but then like, so, you fucking these days, or what's
going on?
Well, I grew up in a very strange house.
Yeah, here we are.
Look.
Yeah, what do you...
He knows some information.
I wasn't going to get involved, because I wanted to see you two do your job.
Yeah.
Because you're good at it.
You get this trash out.
This is where things get weird.
When you start talking about cumming, you'll see.
What's the household like we're growing up in?
Minus the gunshots.
Uh, very...
Unfortunately, very sex positive.
What?
You grew up in one of those weird sex cults?
Where everybody's fucking everybody?
I wasn't.
I barely speak to my family now, so I'm like the normal one.
That's not saying much.
Yeah.
So I was like, no, I'm doing pretty good now, you know.
I did a gunshot.
I got my head on straight.
To give you an indication as to how fucked things were, my sister's bedroom was
next to
mine, and this guy that she let buttfuck her was a manager at Risqué Video.
And I would...
I know, I'm familiar.
I would regularly hear my father, as he was going to work at the firehouse at 6.30
in the
morning, knock on her door and say, you got any tapes?
What?
Oh my God.
What kind of cheap bastard goes to his daughter for tapes?
How did he know he wasn't looking for, like, a Home Alone or something like
that?
Well, we didn't have any fucking, uh, any booby traps around the house, so I
don't think
he was a Home Alone guy.
So...
So yeah, that'll brighten this crowd up.
What did your parents do for a living?
For a while, my dad was a fireman, and then he was a cab driver.
Define a while, and why was it a while, and what happened?
What was the dramatic end to that?
There was never an answer.
What black family's house did he refuse to put the fire at on that got fired by
the Philadelphia
Police Department?
Move.
Yeah.
Dude, we actually live, like, eight blocks from where Move was.
He was in the helicopter.
He was actually...
Such a deep cup, I Gillis.
Holy...
And did you say then you moved from somewhere, or you were always in the house
in Upper Darby?
We moved...
We were in Upper Darby from, like, 83 to 94.
We moved after my sister got shot, because the neighborhood...
The neighborhood was turning...
That's gonna be the name of your memoir.
After my sister got shot.
The Mike Rainey story.
Tonight on NBC.
And where'd you move to after that?
Lansdowne.
Lansdowne?
Yeah.
I don't even know where that is.
A little fancier.
Not Lansdale.
Not Dale, but Down.
Oh.
Like Shane has Downs.
It definitely ain't up, I'll tell you that part.
That sounds like a retarded Lansdale to me.
Speaking of which, I love how...
A little bit of Lansdowne, if you know what I mean.
It's like Lansdale, but doesn't speak very well.
Kev, I meant to tell you, you look like Johnny Cash's retarded son, Georgie
Cash.
I hurt myself eating SpaghettiOs.
A Ring of Spire.
It is my own funeral.
Maybe I am wearing black.
All right, so you guys moved that to Lansdowne.
I shot Mike Rainey's sister just to watch her die.
Keep it on Rainey, will we?
So you moved that to Lansdowne, and your mom and dad are together, I understand?
Yeah, they're still together.
Okay.
And what did your mom do for a living?
And what did your mom do for a living?
She was a cleaning lady for a while, and then she became the secretary of my
high school.
So at one point, everyone...
Seems underqualified, but okay, fair enough.
Hold on a sec, white cleaning lady?
Yeah.
She broke the mold, dude.
Got into the rackets real quick.
I like it.
But she became the secretary of my high school, and at one point, my dad, my
mom, and my sister all worked at my high school.
Wow, holy shit.
Was your sister in high school when she worked there?
No, she was just graduating.
She was doing a work release program at high school.
But I'll tell you what, her Texas Tommies were fucking fantastic.
All right, and then...
I'm trying to think of what other information we need before we can start
playing the game.
Dude, the sister shot a 94.
I think we're fucking set.
Let's find out if he drank milk with dinner.
What the fuck are we doing here?
All right, gang, let's play a little fucking RU Garbage with Mike Rainey.
Give him a nice big round of applause.
All right, so a couple of the standard questions we like to ask here on the
podcast.
Number one, we'll start out, what was the name of the street that you grew up
on?
It could be your Lansdowne Street or your Upper Darby Street.
It actually sounds very dignified.
It was Wellington Road.
Beef Wellington, I like that.
Roads are...
I don't know if that sounds too...
That shows how much garbage you are.
You're like, no, it was actuall