Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt Richards - New Money
Uploaded: 2020-11-12T03:02:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt Richards - New Money' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt Richards - New Money' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-12. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Matt Richards - New Money

Hey, what's up guys? Thanks for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
Please make sure you go subscribe to the YouTube channel, that way you get the
videos as they come out.
Yeah, do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they
grew up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Tootie's
basement.
The new studio could not be happier coming at you from the heart of Midtown
Manhattan.
Big shout out to our producer extraordinaire, Mr. Toby McMullen over there
working the ones and twos.
T-Dolk!
Love you, pal.
Of course, my co-host coming at you from real close to me.
A little too close for the framing of you.
You've been rocking that black sweater for a while.
Fucking Bruce Wayne over here.
Gang, do me a favor.
The next time we reach it for a best pal, go ahead and make it a kippy.
He works the ones and twos.
He fucking cooks the books.
He keeps us all nice and secure.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, gang.
What's up, everybody?
Thanks.
I love how you're fucking, you're commenting on my fashion choices.
You've been wearing the same Hawaiian shirts for fucking six years.
But the kids, the kids love them.
Also, you can see your legs in the last episode.
Those things are some big mamma jammas.
He was wearing his little short shorts they were riding up on.
I've been off in space in it for a while.
I got flip-flops on right now.
Your thighs are like the great white north, those things.
Jesus Christ.
Start calling them things Canada.
What's up, everybody?
Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Subscribe there as well.
Those numbers are through the fucking roof.
We appreciate that.
Also, the big thing, this just in, patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
Sign up.
You get bonus content.
You get additional videos, additional episodes.
We just did the first episode on Patreon, and we fucking called our moms.
We started off with a bang.
We called our fucking moms to find out if they were garbage.
News alert.
They're both trash.
A couple of real whoies.
A couple of real dumb broads walking around.
No stranger to the happy hour.
You know what I'm talking about?
My mom got a little political.
It was a thing.
I should get a couple of spritzers in her.
A couple of thems, and you know who's getting thrown around on the line.
So go to patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
You can sign up.
You can sign up today and get all the-
It's instant access, right?
Instant access.
Yeah.
We're like fucking Pornhub.
Instant access.
I'm not waiting a month.
Well, most bozos make you wait until the end of the month.
We get you fucking right in there, mixed up.
Get in on the party line.
Because we need the cash.
We're fucking, I'm hemorrhaging funds over here.
Familiar with the term working capital, ladies and gentlemen.
And also, too, the fucking, the merch store is open.
All right.
T-shirts are up.
Podcastmerch.com.
Go to RU Garbage.
We have all the new t-shirts.
We have the fucking Make It a Kippy.
We have the Milkman, which I absolutely love.
Shout out to GNS Artwork over there in Germany.
Sure.
Who did our fucking designs for us.
You can get the Garbagio.
You can get the Clean Living.
All right, Regis.
And we got some fucking hoodies.
Let's go.
We need the money.
Fucking tighten it up, will you?
Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here
with us today.
We have known this gentleman since Jump Street.
Off the fucking streets of the West Village.
Going back at least seven, eight years.
This young man is very sexual.
It's very successful.
Yes, I am.
Fucking six to midnight, huh?
Very sexual.
I want to suck this dick.
I'll tell you that right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, he's a very successful stand-up comedian, actor, and
writer.
As a comedian, you've seen him on Gotham Comedy Live, Joking Off, and The Funny
Dance Show.
As an actor, you've seen him on New Heights, Two Broke Girls, School of Rock, KC
Undercover, Group Therapy, and The Last Conception.
And as a writer, he's wrote on Singled Out and Group Therapy.
He has a couple jobs coming up that we can't mention right now.
But gang, you know him as the host of HQ Trivia.
Bull.
But the big question in everybody's mind today, is he garbage?
And we're going to find out.
Do me a favor.
Give it the fuck up, as I say many times, many a weekends, for the one, the
only, Matt Richards.
That's me.
Buddy, thanks for doing the show.
Thank you for having me.
You have real Haitian rapper vibes going on right now.
I don't know what y'all talking about.
I don't know what y'all talking about.
I came here.
He's going to try to sell us a mixtape real quick.
I'm going to do your podcast.
I'm here for the podcast.
I didn't notice what the glasses are.
I turned around all of a sudden.
He's in fucking showtime mode.
He walked in in a sweatsuit.
That was the thing.
He's put the outfit on.
Damn, the glasses really bring that together.
You've got gold on every fucking extremity.
This guy, he's got the rings.
He's got the necklace.
I like to wear my assets.
I love it.
I wish I could pull it off.
Is that Versace, the headscarf?
The do-rag?
Yeah.
No, this is Amazon.
I'm not familiar with that designer.
I got it on Prime.
Prime day do-rag sale.
Back in a couple episodes of Night Court.
Buy two, get one half off.
Buddy, thank you so much for coming and sitting with us.
Thank you.
I'm honored to be here.
We wanted to have you on for a long time.
We've been trying him.
Plus, I heard you threw it in Kevin's face on Saturday night when you brought
him up on the stage.
Dude, he was so fucked up.
He's got a lovely podcast that I have not been on.
What did he say?
Wouldn't you have you?
He's trashing me to the credit.
Wouldn't you want to have your friends on your podcast?
I'm like, dude, you're fucking...
These people all hate to think I'm the biggest jerk-off now.
It was fun.
Richard, you were in rare form on Saturday night.
I was celebrating the president-elect.
He rolled in on a Saturday wearing a $4,000 suit.
I was like, oh, this is going to be a long night.
I had a whole bottle of Hennessy.
Do you know what's crazy?
That night, I ended with me hugging the toilet.
No way.
Really?
I mean, I would have never guessed.
You fell down the steps before I had it.
It happened.
It's a tricky step.
Joe, the manager at the club, had to pick the lock to the bathroom.
The manager at the door to give me...
I was out like a light.
That's bad.
That's scary because that goes one of two ways.
Next thing you know, the New York Post is there taking pictures.
No.
If they got to...
It's private property, hit the bricks.
If they got to come get you in the bathroom, you know you're in fucking bad
shape.
I was snoring.
I was peacefully asleep.
I took my suit jacket off.
I made a full-up.
Dude, sleeping on a fucking cold bathroom floor ain't too shit.
When you're all fucked up, oh, it's great.
If you got to come get me in the bathroom, I got like 12 needles sticking out
of me.
Oh, Jesus.
No, no.
Getting ready to drag me out.
Anyway, that's neither here nor there.
Buddy, we're so happy to have you here.
Give us the backstory, the origin story of Matt Richards.
Yeah, I think you're a Jersey kid, right?
I was born in a poor black child.
Just north of New Orleans.
I grew up...
I was born and raised in Queens.
Yeah?
Elmhurst Hospital.
Queens kid.
I thought you were a city kid.
Did you say C-section?
Yeah, I have a big-ass head.
My mom, I would get in trouble growing up.
That's the first time we got that one.
Yeah, no shit.
Tell us how it all started.
Well, it was a C-section.
Breach birth.
Well, I was conceived in a Kool-A-Gang concert.
My mom used to, like, if I got in trouble, she would run around the house
chasing me, showing me her scar, like,
Look at what you did to me!
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
So that was...
Moms do hold grudges about that shit.
Yeah, you probably fucked up her tight frame she had going on.
She's still glad.
Shout out to moms.
Yeah.
All right, but then I thought at some point you were in Jersey, no?
So, okay, grew up Queens.
Right.
Whole life.
Right?
Mom and dad.
Mom and dad were married before they had me.
Shocker.
They were very religious.
We went to church a bunch.
Brothers and sisters?
I have a younger sister.
We're, like, two years apart.
All right, there you go.
Okay.
Then 9-11.
Yeah?
What happened?
They split up shortly after.
Oh, okay.
I blamed Al-Qaeda.
Thanks a lot, been lauded.
Yeah.
Now I got two Christmases.
What the fuck?
I'll get you, terrorists!
Wait, why do you say 9-11?
Just as a time frame?
Just because that was, like, two big events in my life.
Okay.
But they had nothing to do with each other.
No.
All right.
9-11 was just the cherry on top.
His mom thought it was an inside job.
What?
His mom's like, explain to you building seven, will you?
That's it, I'm leaving.
It had to be some kind of thermo shit going on in there.
They were inspecting before, the days before.
All right, your parents get divorced?
No, yeah.
They split up and, um...
Who goes where?
Where do you stay?
Where do you go?
My sister and I went with mom.
Sure.
And, uh...
No one, it's rarely...
Your mom's got to be in bad shape for you to go with the dad.
Yeah, yeah.
You always go with the mom.
Yeah, but neither of them were in, like, bad shape.
Sure, yeah, it was just, yeah, same.
Same thing happened to me.
Fell out with each other.
What happened?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
I remember my dad's like, anybody want to come with us?
He told all the kids, like, anybody want to come with me today?
We're all like, get the fuck out of here.
Fucking staying in the house with the toys.
Fucking fried eggs for dinner?
No thanks, bozo.
I'll see you on the weekend.
My dad's actually an exceptional cook.
Oh, really?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, that would have been a tough call for me, too.
My dad knocks it out.
Mom was on a teriyaki, like, just every time.
To this day, I can't touch teriyaki.
Too much of it?
I get nauseous.
What, lean cuisines all day?
Oh, just like she would make teriyaki chicken and teriyaki salmon.
I'm like, get the fuck.
We're not Asian.
Why are you doing this to your black-ass kids?
I get that.
You're in a karate game.
I get it.
She'd make us bow before.
You remember those?
Catch flies with chopsticks.
You remember those friends you had when you were younger that weren't Asian,
but their parents had a lot of Asian shit?
Yeah.
To the point they'd be like, they have, like, an Asian room divider
and, like, Asian music playing.
I'm like, yeah, what the fuck?
Did your mom go to Japan one time?
One time.
What's with the samurai sword in the dining room, buddy?
It was my grandpa.
All the walls are see-through.
Where's he from?
Cleveland.
From the Far East.
All right.
So your parents split up.
You stay with your mom.
And you're at Queens.
Where'd your dad go?
Dad went to Queens.
Okay.
He stayed in Queens.
So he's right around the corner.
Yeah.
And mom, my sister, and I moved to Jersey.
Oh, really?
After, you know, she was, like, figuring things out.
We stayed with some family for a little bit.
Sure.
Then we went out to Jersey City.
Jersey City.
Nice.
Wait.
You guys lived in an apartment?
Yeah.
Well, I grew up in houses, and then after the split, it was apartments.
Right.
So who kept the house?
So the thing is, I think my grandfather owned the house.
Okay.
Your dad's dad?
My dad's dad.
All right.
And we moved to another house that we were renting.
And then after the split, it was apartment life.
So you moved that to Jersey in an apartment.
Your dad's in Queens.
Jersey was a two-family home.
So it was a house.
Nice.
Duplex type thing.
Yeah, a little duplex.
Those are nice.
Nothing wrong wi