Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special
Uploaded: 2020-12-17T05:35:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-17. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special

Hey, what's up guys? Thanks for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
Please make sure you go subscribe to the YouTube channel, that way you get the
videos as they come out.
Yeah, do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
A ho, ho, ho, everybody.
And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they
grew up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Tootie's
basement.
She's got the joint set up nice for the Christmas.
Now all we need is a couple of bucks for presents.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table, so you know what that means.
It's the fucking Are You Garbage Christmas special.
Extravaganza.
Extravaganza.
Spectacular.
Just for family.
Yeah.
Family episode.
Fan question episode.
We got a couple of fucking heaters coming in, too.
We reach out to the Facebook group and the fucking Patreon members, and
everybody's coming through with some fucking hot questions.
We want to wish you guys a happy Merry Christmas to everybody.
We love it.
My co-host put this all together.
All right.
Put the cookies out for Santa.
I'm going to be returning in the receipts at the end of the month, too, by the
way.
This is going right back.
Kippy's been footing the bill on a lot of fucking fly-by-night expenses.
This is going to be going right back to CVS after this episode.
Turns out I'm Jewish.
I did get it at CVS.
Kippy, Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody.
Hey, gang.
What's up, everybody?
As always, thanks for tuning in.
We appreciate all the support.
It's fucking fantastic.
It means so much.
This has been a fucking whirlwind of a year for us.
I got to say, we started off this year a couple of fucking slugs.
A couple of losers.
And now we got a hot pot on our hands, daddy-o.
Got our own office.
Got our office space.
We got all-
New York City.
And it all, it's, I can't stress it enough.
It's all the fucking fans.
It's all the fucking listeners.
You guys are the fucking shit.
The Patreon members, everybody that allows us to fucking do this, I thank you
so much
from the bottom of my fucking hat.
That being said, a little bit of business to fucking get into, daddy-o.
Come on, can the kitties need their presence?
Let's go into the first quarter hot, gang.
Guys, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Yeah.
We're almost at 1,000 fucking iTunes reviews hanging out there with the big dog.
So get on it.
Leave a fucking review.
And that's something you can do for free.
That's a freebie.
I don't care if you want to join the Patreon, great.
If you want to buy a t-shirt, that's great.
And if you're breaking COVID laws this year and you got a whole bunch of family
members
on a holiday, go through some purses, grab some phones, go to their iTunes
account.
Why not?
Ain't nothing wrong with it.
You're home for the holidays.
Grab my fucking cell phones.
You don't know what's going on.
Yeah.
Subscribe.
Play a bunch of apps.
Zoot it up on Coca-Cola.
Maybe Venmo me a couple of bucks.
Whatever you need.
Guys, actual, also, full video available on YouTube.
Please subscribe there.
We're almost at 10,000 subscribers.
We're flirting with it.
Coming up on 9,000.
HD video.
HD video.
High quality.
Shot by the fucking man T-Bone himself.
It's all very good.
We appreciate that.
And also, Patreon.com helps us pay the bills.
Helps us keep the fucking lights on.
Let's us do this podcast as we want to do it.
No big corporate sponsors here, daddy-o.
That's right.
Couple of kids running and gunning with a Patreon account.
That's right.
It's Patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
You can get bonus episodes.
Bonus episodes of RU Garbage.
Bonus episodes of Hard Feelings, where it's me and Foley behind the curtains a
little bit.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Doing some mudslinging.
T-Bone gets in the mix.
Also, too, at the end of every month, we're doing a-
I feel like you're reminding me of this.
I am.
Yeah.
I can see your notes, sir.
We got a Patreon?
Also, I hate doing all this, but we got to do it.
You got to do it.
We do live streams.
We do live stream with the top-tier people, which we did last week, which is
fucking phenomenal.
We're having a good fucking time on Patreon.
Get involved in that.
That's what you need to know.
Tubby time with Kippy went live today.
Episode number one.
Ooh.
You get a shot at the old sausage, you know what I mean?
That's it, everybody.
Thanks for tuning in.
We appreciate it.
And check out podcastmerch.com.
Pick up a little something for somebody you love for the holidays.
It might not get there before Christmas, but who cares?
Yeah.
And on that note, how about a nice big round of applause for our producer
extraordinaire,
the fucking magic man, kid from Chicago, small-town kid, went out there,
fucking Wrigley Field,
made it good.
Toby McMullin, everybody.
Yeah, T-Bow.
Hey, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, pal.
I'm excited for my Christmas bonus.
I got the in-ground pool going in.
Put it over there, greaseball.
Hey, McSchmullin, have a good holiday.
Just watch Christmas Vacation.
Still holds the fuck up.
What is it, Jelly of the Month Club?
Jelly of the Month Club.
I'll tell you what, if the COVIDs has done anything, it's, you know, for me, it's
made me take a minute,
appreciate things, smell the flowers a little bit.
And, you know, even though we couldn't, you know, go out, see the tree, do all
this fucking bullshit,
they're in a lot of money, you know, for Christmas presents this year.
Sure.
You know, I got the old macaroni and fucking Elmer's glue out.
Fish and line and that fucking rigatoni.
When you make something, it's from the heart.
Yeah.
But we, you know, we decorated the apartment.
Make a snowball with, or a snowman with cotton balls.
It's all fucked up looking.
I used to hate those days.
Those days in school were so high pressure.
Dude, the sound is.
It's like, all right, you got 25 minutes to make something for your mom to make
her fucking proud
or you're going to look like a loser.
I'm doing the hand turkey, freaking out.
Making an ashtray for her.
I did make her an ashtray.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I made my mom, my mom didn't even smoke.
She was getting fucking ashtrays.
What are they doing, wasting people's kids' times in fucking elementary school?
Well, what else are they going to be doing?
Teach them how to fucking balance a checkbook.
Some shit like.
In elementary school.
Whatever.
I could have used some fucking real world experience.
I mean, like you're eating the cotton balls.
With the Hanken School District.
I could have used something.
Not making a fucking ashtray for my fucking ma in a kiln.
Oh, you big kid.
Shut the fuck up.
I don't know.
I appreciate it.
It was nice.
You did?
You let the hair down a little bit, you know?
We could be learning a lot of better things to prepare people for the next
millennium.
H. Foley, 2024, everybody.
Jesus, I didn't realize we were going to get so fucking political in the
Christmas episode.
I didn't like making that shit.
Okay, well, it was fucking 50 years ago.
Let it go, buddy.
You got bigger fish to fry.
That's patreon.com.
Can I get a cup of coffee in here or something?
Yeah, right?
Jesus Christ.
What were we talking about, though?
Supposed to be Christmas.
You were saying you were decorating on your own?
Oh, yeah.
We were really getting into it.
You did a tree.
I didn't get a tree yet.
We're going to get a tree.
We did a little baby tree.
We usually do a big-sized tree, but we're not going to be here for actual
Christmas.
We got a little baby one.
Yeah.
And then we've been watching the movies.
We've been fucking making cocoa.
I made a gingerbread house.
Who would have known?
I'm pretty good at it.
He did that in August, too, though, so it's not that special.
Real tree or fake tree growing up?
Who's this bozo?
Where's this guy?
Just checking in?
What are you talking about?
60 episodes in?
You got to tell you we paid our rent?
Real trees are your trees.
Yeah.
We did have a fake one for a few years.
I think my brother was, like, really allergic.
We got a fake one now.
You guys saw it when you went down to film the thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's different.
Your parents are old and out to lunch.
They can't be fucking dragging in a real fucking pine tree.
It's upside down.
Yeah.
As you get older, obviously.
But growing up, we had a fake one, and I fucking hate it.
That's whack.
One, you had to, like, put it together.
It was, like, the green level, the red level.
I'm like, it took nine hours.
It looks weird on the end.
It looks like a space station on the inside.
It does, dude.
A lot of docking going on in that thing.
I was not a fan.
No.
And then finally we're like, fuck it.
Danny can choke to death.
You have to go get the Douglas fir.
Fucking bring him back Christmas joy to the fucking Ryan household.
As soon as Zyrtec dropped, it was just buying for his scent all over.
I got my first real tree this year with my girl.
Ah.
Delightful experience.
It's great, man.
It's Christmas magic.
It's great.
I was opposed my whole life.
I was like, who gives a shit?
And I went, I'm all in.
They put it through the net machine.
Oh, remember that when you were a kid?
I wanted to get in there.
How has no, like, Christmas holiday villain been vanquished with the net
machine?
Ah, that's good.
You know, like a Home Alone 3, they toss Danny DeVito in the fucking thing?
Get Netflix on the phone.
Yeah.
Or you garbage Christmas.
Me and you save Christmas.
Come on.
I'm in.
Any producers out there?
Or anybody that want to give me 20 bucks.
One or the other.
I got to get a tree.
And they're expensive in New York.
You're that guy?
You haven't gotten a tree yet?
I'm sorry.
We've been busy.
For next year, maybe.
Bozo.
It's over.
If you were my dad.
You're leaving tomorrow.
What are you?
First of all, I don't have children.
That you know of.
You have.
You're leaving tomorrow.
Yeah.
I still have fucking, you know, nine days.
You want my tree?
No, you're a holiday shrub.
No, I'm going to get a big mamma jamma.
I got a big fucking living room in my new apartment.
What'd I tell you?
Don't spend any money.
Dropping a fucking big one.
Whatever my wife can afford, I'll tell you that much.
I got the biggest one I had.
But that's my favorite thing in New York.
And obviously, New York.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Well, you've been doing it all show, but continue.
Why didn't you get a tree earlier?
You're supposed to put your Christmas tree up after Thanksgiving.
I explained it to you.
It's 10 days before Christmas.
We've been there.
Our recording schedule has been fucking bananas.
Hmm.
Because you're leaving.
You're leaving for two weeks.
So I don't have a Christmas tree.
So you can go to fucking Hawaii and run around with that girlfriend of yours.
And I appreciate that.
Yeah.
So you get to get by me while you're saying you got your fucking feet up in a
Mai Tai.
I'm still out here fucking taking enemy fire.
What if Kippy got that tree yet?
Yeah, right?
Fucking breaking my balls.
We're recording 19 episodes a day so you can go on vacation.
I'm sitting around with a bunch of fat guys on the beach.
Think Kippy got the tree yet, guys?
Come on more times with me and my friends.
Where's that Patreon money waiting for a fucking...
You're going to be like Newman in the beginning of Jurassic Park.
Yeah.
This is like...
This is the epitome of our relationship.
I'm like waking up in the morning.
We're doing like 15 hours a day.
I'm working hard too, but I get the tree after Thanksgiving like a gentleman.
Yeah.
Well, I mean...
Dude, the second...
We're done.
We're done recording tonight for the rest of the year.
And it's vacation mode.
We're getting the fucking tree tomorrow.
We're hanging all this shit.
We're doing it fucking right.
I just need to get all this shit behind me.
Doe