Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Ian Fidance - Funny Fan Questions!
Uploaded: 2021-01-04T03:33:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Ian Fidance - Funny Fan Questions!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Ian Fidance - Funny Fan Questions!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-04. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Ian Fidance - Funny Fan Questions!

Hey, what's up guys? Thanks for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
Please make sure you go subscribe to the YouTube channel.
That way you get the videos as they come out.
Yeah, do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
The show we sit down with your favorite comedians.
You find out they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day here.
First episode back 2021.
Aunt Tootie is not here.
She's out at Walmart returning presents.
Some of them not hers.
We talked about it, but she's doing it anyway.
So I'm expecting a call from local law enforcement any minute if I have to jump
up and leave.
My co-host...
Oh, man.
You picked these storylines that no one else co-signs, by the way.
Yeah, you're not jumping up, pal.
You're slowly rising.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, which tells you that we have
a little company in the studio today.
This gentleman right here, he cooks the books.
He put the whole thing together.
He got the brand new mics ready to go for us.
Shout out to Roads.
Street Roads.
That's right.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Come on now.
Kippy's here.
Hey, gang.
What's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, Happy New Year, first of all.
Yes, sir.
Guys, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
You can subscribe there.
Those numbers are true to fucking roof, dude.
Let's go.
Let's get to more true to roof.
Also, Patreon, baby, patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
We just passed our second goal of 400 patrons.
We're cooking on there, baby.
We just put up a-
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Hold on.
Do you smell that?
Smells like Patreon cooking.
Am I right?
Holy shit.
Kippy, look out.
The big guy got a little rusty on the beach.
I got to tell you.
Hey, look at my finger.
Ready?
Look at this.
Guys, go to patreon.com.
We just posted.
We did a Cribs edition of Foley's Childhood Home, which is fucking fantastic.
That's on patreon.com.
Go check it out.
Yep.
And with that said, shout out to the old magic man, the Chicago kid, fucking Mr.
Deep Dish
himself, fucking T-Bone, Toby McMullen, everybody, our producer extraordinaire.
Woo, T-Bone.
Hey.
T-Bone.
He's got a hot mic, too.
Look at him with the handle and everything.
Dude, I got a handle on my mic.
You guys got mics designed for voices.
This shit is getting wild out here.
Yeah, we're really cooking over here.
We got a trash can in the studio, too.
Oh, it's 12 bucks.
I'm sitting right here, you fucking prick.
Talk about me like that.
You both made the same joke.
They both made the same joke.
I don't know if I should be quiet, and I had one earlier that I fucking did the
gun.
If this guy puts on a couple hundred pounds, I can fucking be out the door in
two minutes,
folks.
We got a little company today.
If you haven't seen this episode, make sure you go back and check it out.
We had him on a couple weeks ago.
You love him.
You wanted him back.
He's part of the fucking RU Garbage family.
You know him.
You love him.
Give it up for Ian Finance, everybody.
Look at him.
Hey, happy new year, fellas.
Happy birthday to me.
I appreciate your guys' messages.
Thank you.
Wait, it's your birthday?
It was the 31st.
Why we're on the subject?
Ew, you're a New Year's kid?
Yeah, baby.
Dirtball.
Ian, we have a little present for you.
Shut up.
We do?
Yeah, you fucking cocksucker.
Shut up.
I didn't know anything about it.
Well, it's from all of us and fully contributed, clearly.
Shut up.
Yes.
Are you serious?
What'd you get him?
I didn't know how to write him.
It's a transvestite from Port Authority.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
I'm already salivated.
What?
Shut up.
It's in a brown paper bag.
Yeah, happy birthday, buddy.
Oh, my God.
This is so slow.
Oh, look at me.
Couple of babies.
Yes.
There you go.
I ask for a carton every year for Christmas.
Yes.
And every year, your mom tries to steal you one and gets caught.
That kid at A&P is quick.
My grandmother used to steal turkeys or macbues.
She had a brain tumor.
I forgot.
What, she put it under her hat?
What do you mean?
Say she has a brain tumor.
She put it under the cart.
They go, miss.
She goes, I have a brain tumor.
She didn't have a tumor.
I asked for a soft pack, and the guy looked at me like I stabbed his kids, and
I was like,
those will be fine.
Oh, my God.
Happy birthday, buddy.
Can I smoke in the studio?
What?
Absolutely not.
What did he say?
Can you smoke in the studio?
Also, who gets a pack of cigs for a gift in open?
Dude, he took the cellophane off and the tinfoil and packed them.
Ian will be selling those for two bucks.
Oh, my God.
Right in front of Times Square by the old tickets booth.
Oh, my God.
Who needs two?
I got two.
People used to bum them off me for money.
I was like, well, I'm just selling my pack.
I don't smoke.
What's wrong with you?
We've mentioned this on the podcast, I think, last time we heard.
You are a real dirtball when it comes to cigs.
You do one of the most garbage things with cigarettes.
What?
You'll have cigarettes.
You'll walk up to somebody.
You'll ask for a cigarette.
Take that cigarette.
And then put it in your pack.
Yeah.
Well, you know.
Like a Russian soldier.
That was a long time ago.
You never know when you're in a bad situation.
You might need one more Bernie to say goodbye.
I need one more to the fucking soldier.
I got you guys again.
Yeah, let's gift it up.
There you go.
Well, Foley's on a very strict diet, which I mean, you know.
Oh, I can tell.
How'd you do in Hawaii?
What's that?
I love you in that movie, 12 Sandwiches.
12 years of sandwich.
Also, what's with this vest?
You look like the world's fattest financial advisor.
Bernie Porkoff.
Bernie Porkloin?
You're going to want to put all your money in ribeyes.
Foley's written to XL's fucking jet skis on the beach.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you came back with a whole new personality, dude.
I don't even know who you are.
Yeah.
You got a good head of hair.
You shaved the head.
You got a vest, and you're wearing neon green.
You got gray in your beard, probably from walking to the beach.
Also, by the way, he went, for the listener, Foley went to Hawaii,
and he would FaceTime me or, like, send me videos or whatever,
and every time he was in a parking lot.
And I'm like, who goes to Hawaii and ends up in a strip mall?
I like to keep my ear on the street over there.
I got FaceTimed at 3 a.m. in a parking lot from Hawaii.
Dude, he stays in parking lots.
And it's so funny because Andrew Schultz, Schultz, he was out there, too,
like, swimming with dolphins and on the top of volcanoes.
I saw dolphins, the Miami dolphins.
The Miami dolphins, and they didn't cover.
Foley's like, anybody see Dog the Bounty Hunter?
You got to get off the ice, bro.
Well, he called me, FaceTimed me the other day, and I heard Sirens in the back.
I did the dog tour, whatever.
Find out where he gets his coffee in the morning.
This is where he tackles rednecks.
I got my dog around.
Dude, talk about garbage.
I got his stun gun in my car.
I didn't even know they had parking lots in Hawaii.
Meanwhile, Foley just lived in them.
Oh, my God.
He finds the only Applebee's.
I want to see if it's different.
They put pineapple on their mozzarella sticks.
It's fantastic.
Listen, I did a lot of nature stuff, man.
I was out in the fucking jungle.
I was in the woods.
I fucking saw Whales Breach.
What, did you look in the mirror?
There we go.
It was a hotel pool, but still.
Couple of fours from Cleveland swimming around in there.
Afternoon, ladies.
Can I interest you in a sugar-free Mai Tai?
Oh, man.
Mind if I work on my cannonball?
Oh, man.
Foley looking for an adult swim at the hotel.
I'm trying to get my laps, and he's a goddamn kid.
You were making fun of me because I had goggles on.
He was wearing...
Who goes to Hawaii and wears goggles, dude?
What are you doing?
This ain't the fucking Motel 6 in Harrisburg.
I wanted to see under the water.
Let me tell you something.
Don't put goggles on when you go in the ocean
because it's fucking terrifying.
What?
Even in Hawaii, you thought it was all crystal blue.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's crystal blue.
You can see what's going on down at the bottom.
Oh, what?
He saw his toes for the first time.
What the hell is that?
Oh, one has teeth.
Well, he's swimming around with goggles on.
All the surfers are like,
Sure!
Like, that's a weird-looking blobfish.
I think it's that piece of...
That big floating trash island off...
We gotta get this plastic out of the ocean.
...in the Pacific.
People are taking pictures on them and stuff.
Oh, shit.
I saw whales breach.
I saw waterfalls.
I saw rainbows.
We went to Pearl Harbor.
Fucking...
That was sobering.
Why?
What do you mean, why?
Because they wouldn't let you drink on the base.
Sir, put the schlitz away.
These little sons of bitches.
Foley tries to go fishing.
It's like Peggy's Vacation.
Where can I get some damn bait?
Give me a little bit of the yellow.
Don't skimp on me.
Oh, God.
Oh, we're having a good time.
We go too quick, baby.
We go too quick.
Good times here.
Fucking brand new year.
Holy fuck.
Brand new Mike.
Shout out to Patreon.com.
Yes, sir.
Shout out to Patreon.com.
Shout out to everybody for supporting us and showing love.
Big year.
Plan's going to be fun.
Ian, so happy to have you here in the studio with us.
So happy you asked me to be here.
Of course, Mike.
We are going to answer some Patreon-y questions.
As we said, it's a family ep.
We got treats.
We have presents.
We're seeing each other after the holidays.
Absolutely fantastic time here at Antutti's.
This is really nice.
Thank you.
Yeah.
We're happy.
We're happy you're here.
Thanks for coming.
I'm surprised you're not a carton guy, that you don't make a thing to go get
cartons.
I am a carton guy.
You do.
You have cartons at the house.
Three in my apartment.
Do you put them in the freezer?
Oh, no.
That's a real trash move.
No.
I have buddies that keep them in the freezer.
Keep some under his pillow.
That's what we used to do at the halfway house.
Put them in the freezer.
The halfway house.
He's talking about his moms, by the way.
Shout out to the Emmett house, Newport, Delaware, the diamond of the north.
Wow.
You did halfway house in Delaware?
How do you tell the difference?
That's every house in Delaware.
Man, it's the quickest one to the draw here at fucking Aunt Tootie's.
Dude, it was across the street from a bowling alley.
My mom threw me a surprise 18th birthday ad when I was 25.
I'm like, man, if I could have looked into the future then.
Holy shit.
Oh, by the way, someone just recently commented or tweeted that they know the
clown you were
talking about from the last episode.
Shut up.
Bingo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back and listen to Ian was just here a month ago.
And we told the story about a clown.
And someone knew the clown.
They go, I know that fucking clown.
Didn't you post a picture?
No, I sent it privately to you guys.
It looks like a woman.
It's one.
Dude, it looks like a fucking schnauzer with paint on it.
The pain behind my little four-year-old eyes is just heartbreaking.
I'll say this.
You've really grown in yourself.
If people say Ian looks weird, first of all, you got a tight little body
underneath there.
Shredded.
Those pictures going around on Twitter yesterday.
Thank you.
But you as a little kid, you look, I mean, you're just begging molest me.
I was a cute little kid.
And then I had an awkward phase.
For about two decades.
If you were half frog, half human, you'd be a cute little kid.
You're a weird looking little kid.
What?
Yeah.
No, I was the cutest little boy.
I just shattered Ian.
What?
What do you mean?
That's not what Bingo said.
Let me show you.
Bingo, build up your ego.
Look at this c