Name: AYG Comedy Podcast: Brendan Sagalow - Long Island Trash
Uploaded: 2021-01-28T01:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Brendan Sagalow - Long Island Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Comedy Podcast: Brendan Sagalow - Long Island Trash' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-28. Transcript available.

AYG Comedy Podcast: Brendan Sagalow - Long Island Trash

Hey, what's up, guys? Thanks for tuning in to Are You Garbage?
Please make sure you go subscribe to the YouTube channel.
That way you get the videos as they come out.
Yeah, do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there.
Welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
It's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians.
We find out if they grow up classy or if they're absolute trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Tootie's
basement.
She's got some laundry going, so she might cross the camera just letting
everybody know.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He lives from my Aunt Tootie banter.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
She cooks the books.
He keeps us all in line.
He's got his name on the lease, goddammit.
Cut the fucking kid some slack.
The next time you reach for a best pal, gang, do yourselves a favor, make it a
kippy, and give it up for Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
Hey, buddy.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Also, patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
Help us pay the fucking bills.
You can get a lot of bonus content, bonus episodes of AYG.
You can get episodes of Hard Feelings, which is me and Foley behind the
curtains a little bit, shitting on each other, talking about our lives, talking
about the show.
They ain't good.
The whole nine yards.
And then also for our top-tier patrons at the end of every month, we'll do a
live stream where you ask us questions, we ask you questions.
The best.
And also, when you join, bringing us to where we are at now, when you join, we'll
ask your question.
When you join the Patreon, we'll ask your garbage question on the show with a
guest, with a pal.
And how about a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire, the pride
of the Chicago comedy scene.
We call him the magic man, but everybody knows him as T-Bone.
Toby McMullen, everybody.
What's up?
I got some fucking Italian beef with you nerds.
We're taking shots right before we hit the record button.
T-Bone.
Bissmerching the great state of Chicago.
State?
City?
God damn it.
T-Bone just called like a nine-minute fucking beating on Chicago.
I need a hot roast beef sandwich on a Kaiser roll.
Stat.
I hate when people have pride for where they're from.
You can make fun of Long Island all day.
I'll sit on it with you.
We know you don't trash bag.
Okay, well, relax there, all right?
I'm the pride of the guy today.
It's your best.
He's like, Philly stinks.
I'm like, yeah, dude, I know.
Like, I'm not out here repping it.
Let's transition from the pride of the Chicago comedy scene to the
embarrassment of great neck Long Island.
Cy-Has at Long Island.
Cy-Has at Long Island.
One paw.
One paw.
Out there run-tank them up.
Okay.
That is so funny.
Over there in a Jackie Robinson.
Massapequa.
Get a burger.
They put holes in the burgers out there.
It's weird.
Gang, this is a family episode.
We got a special friend back here with us.
We got a little company in the house.
If you have not seen this episode, make sure you go back and watch it.
It's absolutely amazing.
He is our good pal.
He is a garbagio to the 10th degree from Long Island.
And he has a fucking brand new album out right now that we could not be more
happy or about.
And so excited for him.
It's absolutely fantastic.
I hosted the show.
It was unbelievable.
It's called Not More Than Ever.
Nope.
No?
It's called Not Now More Than Ever.
You fucking idiot.
You're so close, you dumb, dumb idiot.
I thanked you in the credits, you cunt.
Now I have to go back and edit and get that out of there.
Somebody call up iTunes.
Pull the plug.
He has it in his defense.
Wait, what did I say?
He has it written down worse.
He rechecked his numbers?
You wrote it down wrong?
Yeah.
I said it to you.
No, I wrote it down right.
Not more than ever.
Not now.
Not now more than ever.
Not now more than ever.
Hey, well, this is great organic plugging we're doing here.
Yeah.
He said it nine times.
Yeah, I'm leaving.
Not now more than ever is the album.
The comedian is Brendan Sagalow.
Thanks, boys.
The jacket is shitty.
Yeah, I mean, look at you fucking.
What the fuck?
I'm actually offended.
It sucks.
Can't wait to hear that album after that.
Shut the fuck up.
It sounds like it sucks.
The comedic stylings of nobody.
How about that?
Yeah, well, you're.
I actually like the jacket.
That's why I fucking.
I was like, that's a nice jacket.
This would fit you great, too.
It sucks.
No, that would be a blanket on me.
It sucks when you're like actually offended by something someone says.
And then you try to like get back at them.
And you're just filled with your hurt feelings.
You're hurt.
You're not thinking comedy.
You're hurt.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Emotion takes over.
Brendan Sagalow is with us here today.
He's a good pal of the podcast.
The family episode.
As we said, if you haven't seen this episode,
go back and check it out.
It's fucking absolutely amazing.
You have one of the stories of when people like when we do other shows
or whatever to plug AYG.
People go, what was one?
That like blew you away.
You're a touchstone of what we use on other shows.
I'm just made out of garbage.
Because you used to live in what you call,
you used to sleep with as a kid in the den.
Dude, these are the walls, man.
These wooden like things.
Your dad moved into your room and you slept in the living room,
which you called the den.
Yes.
That is bad news.
On a couch, right?
There was no bed.
On a couch, on a white couch with a, what kind of blanket?
It was a very shitty blanket with the holes in it.
It was like a quilt.
Probably had a sports team on it.
Probably like a Giants.
No, no, no, no.
My family didn't watch sports.
Couldn't afford the gear.
Also, something that sticks out a lot, too.
You were a big Panda Express kid growing up, right?
I loved old P.E.
That's so weird, man.
Regular Chinese is one thing, but to be like a Panda Express fan.
I liked Panda Express because you got a little free sample
before you stood in line.
Man.
Wait.
Let's keep this trash.
Hold on.
They do the free samples at like regular brick and mortar Panda Express?
No, he's talking about the mall.
He's talking about the mall.
Wait, that's where you would go and get the food?
Was it the mall?
Yeah.
Sometimes you go to the mall and just get food at the food court
and then go home.
That's crazy.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
You go to the mall just for the food court?
Not all the time.
I wasn't like, oh, I got to go pick up food.
Let's go to the Broadway mall.
But if we wanted Panda Express, we'd go to the mall
and get some Panda Express.
Wow.
And then take it home.
Sometimes, yeah.
You would take it?
No.
No, we'd probably sit in the food court most of the time.
I don't think the food court has to-go containers.
It's just on a tray.
Yeah.
The sagalos are still in the trays.
Just eating it like pig slop.
Would you just take the-
Wait, hold on.
Be honest here.
Okay.
Would you go to Panda Express to get stuff to go home
and take it home and eat it?
Not all the time, but sometimes-
But you would.
Yeah, if we were in the area.
Did they-
Oh, my God.
It'd be rude if I didn't stop by.
If we were in, if we were by the Broadway Mall in Hicksville, New York,
we would walk in-
Right next to Gooberstown.
Next to Gooberstown.
Yeah.
Hey, you want to go over to Gooberstown is what you want.
Just go over-
You're looking for Panda Express.
Oh, you got to get the Panda Express to go phones.
You're looking for Pinhead Street over there in Gooberville.
Right down there of Loser Avenue.
I don't know what accent we're doing.
In Chicago.
Chicago is what we're doing.
Shout out to Hicksville.
Yeah, so if we were in the area, we'd go,
let's go get some Panda Express.
You walk in, take the escalator up, get some Panda-
It's still there, I think, the Panda Express.
That is a staple of that mall.
But I'm saying like what Kevin's saying is,
I don't ever remember them having to-go boxes in the food court.
Well, no, they give it to you in to-go.
So it comes in those foam things,
and then you just close the foam things and go to your car and go home.
Oh, okay.
Or what we would normally do is we go,
oh, we're by the mall, let's go get some Panda Express
and sit in the food court.
Get a table for two?
Light a candle?
Johnny, there's going to be the two of us tonight, okay?
No, they do, like Goodfellas,
they bring the table closer to the-
You guys coming through the janitor's entrance?
Some other table's complaining,
hey, we've been waiting an hour.
All right, buddy, hang on.
Right this way, Mr. Sagalow.
I'm slipping everybody 20s.
One night, the Panda Express guy sent us orange chicken for free.
It was so romantic.
So we know you're trash.
I'm a piece of garbage.
And a good pal.
Love you, Sag.
Love you.
Great hang.
Fantastic hang.
Fantastic album out.
Couldn't be more excited to have you here.
We're going to do a little, what we call a little family episode.
We're going to ask some questions from the Patreon,
from the Facebook group, from the fam out there.
All right?
I couldn't be more excited.
I love it.
Thank you for bringing Dunkin' Donuts.
Hey, old Dunkin' Donuts.
For yourself.
You are a Dunkin' kid.
Well, I thought, I went,
what are the chances that they actually have anything for the guests?
Pretty good.
We always have water.
There's a bag of Cheetos over there if you want.
We don't have any Panda Express.
Sorry.
Yeah, there's no mall around here.
We're getting up to the Broadway mall.
You guys don't have any boneless ribs hanging around?
That sounds like a one-floor mall, by the way.
It is a one-floor mall.
It is a one-floor mall, but there was a second floor.
One-floor malls are bad news.
I know.
It was a one-floor mall.
Oh, my God.
Jonathan and Shammany mall.
But there was a second floor, which was just the food court
in the movie theater.
Okay.
So, yeah.
You're sneaking in any...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Rockefeller.
I apologize.
Tuesday's $6 movie ticket.
Snuck in.
Didn't matter.
Would you sneak in for another one?
Oh, yeah.
We used to sneak in all the time because what you could do is,
if you knew where the doors led,
because there was, like, the fire escape people...
Dude, if you got blueprints out to the AMC,
you're fucking a crash.
I can see your dad on the hood of a car with a map out over the...
The security guard on the back is on the take.
Look, if we're going to sneak in this...
For the right price, he'll look the other way.
All right, Brendan, you grab the Panda Express
and play defense with the lady up front with the tickets.
Tell her you're a lost kid.
You're 25.
Flirt with the slow girl who rips the tickets.
All right.
All right.
Man.
This is...
Ah, buddy.
I love the family Epps, baby.
Good times.
Easy peasy.
Guys, so as you know, when you join the Patreon,
we will read your questions.
That's where these questions have come from,
and some of them are home fucking runs, baby.
It's always a good time.
Let's see here.
What do we got?
Let's do something good.
This is from Eric.
Is it garbage to order food for carryout
in order to not pay delivery fees and tips?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's garbage.
And I do that every day.
You'll go pick it up?
Yeah.
If I have the choice, I'm going to go pick it up
because I do not want to pay for tip.
I do not want to pay for delivery fees.
It's a huge difference.
If you're getting Burger King, so like...
This guy's ordering...
No.
If you get Burger King, right, my meal is like 11 bucks,
but if I order it delivered...
It comes like 22.
It gets up there quick.
It becomes 22.
It's exactly 22.
It's like doubles, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is your meal?
Oh, the old Sagalow...
The number 17?
I make a number for me.
Three 15s and a two.
Give me an 